Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Getting back to my story from the other night, jumping forward about
ten years, I was working at the University of San Diego and had a
set of torches burning the rust off of the bottom of a big
condensate tank. The torch had went out and there was gas leaking
under the tank and when I relit the torch it went off with a loud
bang and raised a big cloud of dust. Everybody came running,
thinking I had blown myself up and we had fun recreating the bang a
couple of times.
A few months later I had the torches over at one of the other boiler
rooms taking some two and a half inch copper pipe for scrapping when
I tried filling up the pipe with gas and lighting it from a small
pipe on one end.
It made a nice pop so I stuffed an old tennis ball in the pipe and
repeated the experiment and this time a smoking tennis ball flew out
across a big parking lot and over the top of a building. I decided
it would be a good idea to knock it off before I had to explain the
boss why I was bombarding the campus.
I had heard about filling balloons with oxy-acetylene and making
them explode and I borrowed the little set of backpack torches for
New Years Eve 1986. We were at one of the apartments in a building
I managed on Nimitz Blvd. which was at the end of NTC San Diego.
It is 4 lanes and generally quite busy but as midnight approached it
was deserted. I had the door open facing the street and on the
sidewalk was a shopping cart from the Vons store on the other side
of Nimitz. There was four basketball sized balloons in the basket
and I had a dart with a cigarette on it about ten feet away. At
exactly midnight I tossed the dart and what a bang. It sounded like
a bundle of dynamite going off and lit up the sky.
In the apartment next door the concussion knocked all of the pots
and pans off the wall. Up and down the street people were cheering
and I put my gear away and went to bed.
Tomorrow... the end of my experiments. buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Aussie Constitution We, the people of the broad brown land of
Oz, wish to be recognised as free nation of blokes, sheilas and the
occasional boong. We come from many lands (although a few too many
of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best
country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about
it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but we're divided
into many States.
First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians.
Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand
final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what
they think.
The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital
Sydney has more Queens than any other city in the world, and is
proud of it. It's mascots are Bondi lifesavers who pull their
Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their
brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the
family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets
an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles
to the sternest faces.
It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation,
where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and
barrels as in Snowton, just out of Adelaide (also named after a
queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of
Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant in this
document.
It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving
because if it did all the men would get erections on the bus on the
way to work.
WA was the last state to stop importing convicts, and many of them
still work there in the government and businesses.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback
plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, jackaroos,
emus, Ulurus and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the
highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet, and its creek
beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too.
Although the Territory is the centre piece of our national culture,
few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way
to Bali.
And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half-arsed agnostics, it is worth
noting that God probably made Queensland. Why he filled it with
dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes, and there's Canberra. The nation's capital. The least said
the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by the Pacific Highway, whose
treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than die by
murder.
We are united in our lust for international recognition, so
desperate for praise we leap in joy when a ragtag gaggle of corrupt
IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united
by a democracy so flawed that a political party, albeit a redneck
gun-toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat
in Federal Parliament while Brian bloody Harradine can get 24,000
votes and run the whole country. Not that we're whingeing, we leave
that to our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our
national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude, and
"Waltzing Matilda"
our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who
commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read
the death toll from a Sailing race and still tell us who's winning
in the same breath.
And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket, netball, rugby union, rugby league, AFL, roo-shooting,
two-up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the
tastiest pies, the blackest aborigines and the worst-dressed
Olympians in the known universe. We don't know much about art but
we know we hate the poofs who make it. We shoot, we vote. We are
girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. And even though we might seem
a racist, closed-minded, sports-obsessed little people, at least
we're better than the Kiwis.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the confessional
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hey buddy
http://www.thepostm
I'm sorry
http://www.thepostm
Last Cookie
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Last Rollo
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Last Space In The Carpark
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
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Poem for Pervs
Dildoes and corsets and Chainmail Bikinis
Black Leather cages you lock on your weenies
Fetish and fashion and pierced nipple rings
These are a few of my favorite things ...
When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel ... so hot!!
Wrist cuffs and collars and straps of black leather
Chrome chains and Padlocks to hold them together
Tease whips and gags sort the girls from the boys
These are a few of my favorite toys ...
Nip Clips and Clit clips and Ball gags and Blindfolds
Dildoes and butt plugs to stop up your assholes
Enema pipes and some new "KY" gel
All delivered in brown paper, so the neighbors can't tell ...
Bottle green panties like the girls wore in school
A brief French maids outfit to make your mouth drool
Black halter tops and a PVC skirt
And a long leather whip ... Oh yes, that will hurt!!
Floggers and paddles and crops of black leather
Rubber and latex are fun in all weather
Canes of rattan that deliver a sting
All these and more are my favorite things!!!
When the lash bites
When the crop stings
When it hits the Spot
I simply remember my favorite things
And it makes me feel ... so hot!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Managing Diabetes FREE Lesson
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking back
to his foreman. "Is it true that you called him a liar?
"Yes, I did."
"Did you call him stupid?"
"Yes."
"And did you call him an opinionated, egomaniac asshole?"
"No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"
Q. Did you hear about the couple that finally became sexually
compatible?
A. They achieved simultaneous headaches.
Mary: I've never met a man with such low self-esteem as his. He told
me that his mother always called him her "little bastard."
Jill: That's terrible! Certainly his parents were married!
Mary: Uh, yeah, but not to each other!
An infamous stud with a long list of conquests walked into his
neighborhood bar and ordered a drink. The bartender thought he
looked
worried and asked him if anything was wrong.
"I'm scared out of my mind," the stud replied. "Some ed-off husband
wrote me and said that he'd kill me if
I didn't stop fucking his wife."
"So stop," the barkeep said.
"I can't," the womanizer replied, taking a long swill. "The prick
didn't sign his name!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary and Sue were always trying to get the other's goat and today
they were meeting for lunch.
Mary noticed that Sue was walking bowlegged and asked what the
problem was.
Sue replied, "Oh nothing. It's just that my husband is so big, I
just can't take it."
Mary replied, "I know. I know."
The Pick-up Couple was relaxing after a satisfying session of love
making. The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to
attract and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even
considering trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one
nite stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already
in one. "I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me a
lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'."
One of our geeks was at my computer adjusting some settings, so I
took the opportunity to ask him a question.
"With all this stuff going around, how do I know if I have a virus?"
He kept working, but without missing a beat, he said, "It will burn
when you pee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Girl Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Great news for girl watchers: Ogling over women's breasts is good
for a man's health and can add years to his life, medical experts
have discovered.
According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Just 10 minutes
of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female such as Baywatch
actress Pamela Lee is equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics workout,"
declared gerontologist Dr.Karen Bouncer Dr. Bouncer and fellow
researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany, reached the
startling conclusion after comparing the health of 200 male outp
atients - half of whom were instructed to look at busty females
daily, the other half told to refrain from doing so.
The study revealed that after five years, the chest-watchers had
lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and fewer instances
of coronary artery disease.
"Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood
circulation,
at large breasts makes men healthier. Our study indicates that
engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of
stroke and heart attack in half."
Dr. Bouncer suggested that men over the age of 40 spend at least 10
minutes a day looking at breasts sized "D-cup" or greater. "We
believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend
his life four to five years."
Dr. Bouncer says she would advise U.S. males to watch "jiggle"
shows on TV, rent low-budget women-in-prison movies and peruse men's
magazines such as Playboy as often as possible.
The expert also listed several bosomy celebs whose headlights were
most likely to yield a beneficial health effect. These amply
endowed "angels of mercy" include Dolly Parton, Heather Locklear,
Anna Nicole Smith and Demi Moore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/A Boy and A Dream
http://silverandgol
Eternity Pet Memorial
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LCS 2 USS Independence
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World's Fastest Cars
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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adobe flash video on apple iPad
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Tigerfish
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Movie Links
Home Paternity Test
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Homemade Water Slide
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Homer Koehn
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Honey I'm Home
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Horse Race
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Good Job
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Go White Guy
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Great Escapes
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Greatest Movie Line Ever
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Guide Dog
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Greeter Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My 1st day of employment at Walmart
So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter,
A good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day.......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud,
Unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two
kids, Yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said pleasantly, 'Good morning and
welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's
7...
Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just
stupid?' So I replied, 'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am, I just
couldn't believe you got laid twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart.'
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aliens Come In Piece
http://www.buffalos
A Little Bush
http://www.buffalos
All Juice
http://www.buffalos
All Yours
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Allowance
http://www.buffalos
Alls Well
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once took the Duchess to tea
She was tense as a person could be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal . .
And everyone thought it was me!
____________
There was a young man from Florida
Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her,
When they got into bed
He cried, God strike me dead!
This ain't a puss - its a corridor!"
____________
There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her.
To cry, when you came,
"Oh dear! What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over."
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You should have SEX on days that begin with T:
Thanksgiving,
Tuesday,
Thursday,
Today,
Tomorrow,
Thaturday?
Thunday?
Every Thucking day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1580
Like An Arrow
"Wow Mom did you see that, it shot just like an arrow into the
telephone
pole" shouted a young man.
BJ looked above his head and saw the space suit: Diana look it is
Katie I think.
Diana: We need to get her out of the pole.
BJ: I will climb the pole...hang on.
BJ climbs up the pole and grabs the rocket pack and turns it off.
When he does, the Space Suit, occupant and all, fall to the
ground...
Thud!
Diana: Katie are you all right?
Diana: Opps, you are not Katie. It is Tami. Speak to me Tami.
Tami: Smergood, teapoff, nargall.
BJ has arrived: Tami, can you stand?
Tami: Dieter, Nimble Hambule.
Diana: She is speaking, gibberish, but speaking.
BJ: Lets get her to walk around a bit and see if she responds.
Tami: Omimish, keetle, jutlele.
BJ: I have some smelling salts in the car, let me get some.
Tami: Bumble dibble duff.
Diana: Can you tell me your name?
Tami: Yibble yabble yuff.
BJ: Here let me put this under her nose.
Tami: I think I am speak now....
Diana: Look they are announcing the winners.
First place float is the Space Shuttle.
First place entry is the Space Shuttle exhibit
First place item is the Space Suit flyer
BJ: You took first place Tami!
Tami: I will never wear that suit again.
Katie runs up: You have to put that suit on for photos!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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