Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I really don't have the time or money for recreational pastimes
like golf or bowling and I'm a little old to try learning new skills
as far as golf and tennis go. I am realistic no matter if I
practiced
every minute till I died I would never be a Tiger Woods or any other
star. I do have some substitutes that are cheap, healthy, and
quite fun. One of my favorites is Shopping Cart Golf and if you
are in a large shopping center there is dozens of racks all with
a different lie and obstacles because parking lots are not
flat and it easy with a flooded storm drain to lose your cart
completely.
I was playing on my favorite course yesterday, a store that has
a building on the side to store two rows of carts. I was about 50
feet
away and using the all plastic cart that I had just finished
shopping
with. In between me and the storage area I had customers
entering the store and a row of cars on the right and there was a
curb cut in the middle for wheelchairs etc. I computed how much
I would have to lead to the left to get past the curb cut and aimed
for
the right row of carts and as soon as the door was clear I shoved
the
cart as hard as I could. It curved as it passed the cut and then
tracked
straight for the row of carts but once inside the building it pulled
a
little more to the right and bounced off the wall and finally ending
up
exactly where it was aimed. I knocked a few points off for not
calling
a bank off of the wall. I would say it hit a terminal velocity of
about
20 mph and those carts are stuck together well enough your grandma
isn't going to be separating them.
The really good thing is if I don't hit any cars or customers the
store
is glad to me play anytime I want and the idiot that just paid
20,000
for a mercruiser to take the kids tubing with, heck I can do that
with
that flooded storm drain and the Suburban.
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Shy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A shy Welsh village man, Elwyn, noticed that a beautiful girl
had moved in next door. But Elwyn was shy so every time he saw
her in the garden or in the street he couldn't think of what to
say, so he would say 'good morning miss' or 'good afternoon
miss' and hurry off about his business.
He talked to his friend in the bar. "Jones," he said, "a
beautiful girl lives next door to me, but I don't know how to
chat girls up, I've never done it before."
Jones said, "All you have to do is say to her 'good morning miss.
It's a beautiful day isn't it? What beautiful flowers in your
garden.' That will get the conversation going."
Elwyn practiced this in front of a mirror for a few days. Then
one night at the local pub he saw her. Elwyn stood near the bar
trying to pluck up the courage to go and talk to her. He was
nearly ready when the girl got up and went to the washroom.
This is it, thought Elwyn, its now or never. So he stood outside
the washroom and waited. She was ever such a long time that poor
Elwyn was starting to lose his nerve. He was just about to walk
away when the girl came out. There she was, right in front of him
looking beautiful.
Elwyn said, "Erm, erm g-good evening, miss."
She said, "Good evening."
He continued, "It's a b-beautiful day isn't it?"
"Yes," she said, "it is a splendid day."
Encouraged he went on. "I'm your neighbor, and I must tell you
you have a lovely garden."
She smiled, "Thank you. I think so, too."
Stuck for something else to talk about, Elwyn stammered, "Erm,
erm, err, ah, you've just had a shit, have you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
an "oh shit" moment
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six pak
http://www.thepostm
ants in my pants
http://www.thepostm
Let Me In
http://sydesjokes.
Lets Rock
http://sydesjokes.
Letterman And Gates
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman went to a doctor claiming she had three vaginas!! The doctor
examined her and sure enough, she DID have three vaginas. He`d never
seen such a thing in all his years of medical practice. He told her
"I`ll stitch up two of them, but leave the middle one alone."
"Will that make me normal again?" she asked. "Of course." he said,
"This way, you won`t be screwed left, right and center!"
Candy looked quite depressed. Heidi said, "Candy, sweetie,
what's the matter?"
Candy, "Well, you know that Viagra stuff is around now. I
guess this means we girls can look forward, one day, to
having sex with really old guys."
"Uh, well, yeah, I guess so. But what's the problem?"
Candy cried, "I can just see it now! They'll start hollering,
'Who's your granddaddy! Who's your granddaddy!"
A very naive British sailor is in a bar in London. He meets
a wild girl, and she takes him upstairs. She takes off her
pants and her panties.
He looks between her legs, and he says, "What's that?"
She says, "It's me lower mouth."
He says, "What do you mean, your 'lower mouth'?"
She says, "Just what I said, it's me lower mouth. It's got
a mustache...it'
He says, "Has it got a tongue in it?"
She says, "Not always."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy walks into a shrink's office complaining of trouble with
women. The shrinks asks him what he looks for in a woman, and the
guy replies, "Big tits."
The shrink says, "No, I meant for a serious relationship.
The guy replies, "Oh, seriously big tits."
"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want
to spend the rest of your life with?"
The doctor looked kind of worried as the guy just sat there on his
couch laughing... "Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No
woman's tits are that big!"
Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to
pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it's leg and started
to do his thing.
The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other
dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind
legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself.
One guy says to the other, "Wow, how did you teach him to pee like
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The second man replies, "I didn't teach him. He's done it ever
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Cat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SAYING GOODBYE TO MOTHER....
You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even
have to like 'em!
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered
our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi
arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house..
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.. We
didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to
eat the bird.
My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat..
The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit.
Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the
house will be empty for the night.
So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
'He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my Mother.' A few
minutes later, I get into the cab.
'Sorry I took so long,' I said, as we drove away.
'That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with
a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I
grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to
keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass
downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'
The cab driver hit a parked car
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sam is over at Anni's house after meeting her parents for the
very first time. While at the supper table he figured it was
a good time to get on the right side of his future mother-in-law.
Sam turned to Anni's mother and remarked, "These are excellent
fishcakes."
Anni pulled Sam close to her and whispered in his ear, "You should
go and wash your hands, those are peanut butter cookies!"
Two teens had been lovers for a few weeks, but the boy was always
after the girl to quit smoking. One afternoon, she lit up after some
lovemaking, and he said, "You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really enjoy a good
cigarette after sex."
He replied, "But they stunt your growth." She asked if he ever
smoked, and he replied that he had never.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said, "So, what's
your
excuse then?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/He Leads Me
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Thoughts For Today!
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Security Measures Tutorial
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Hide Email Address from Spam Bots
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Movie Links
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Arab
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Baby Boomers Battle
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Beer
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Let the Beast Go
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Hoppalas Turnen
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Javelin Live Fire VS T72
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Exchange Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young blonde, having just returned from a great week-long vacation
in South America, walked into the local bank and asked about
exchanging
currency.
The teller said he would try to help her.
After she plopped a huge wad of bills onto the counter, the teller
then counted it, made a phone call, and returned to count out
$27.18.
The wide-eyed woman gasped. "You mean to tell me that's all I get
for that mountain of bills?"
"I'm afraid so Miss," replied the teller, "That's the current rate
of exchange according to our foreign exchange section."
"Good Grief!" she hissed, "and I gave that cheap skunk breakfast,
too!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
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Anger Management
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Angry Residents
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Good Lickin
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Anna Show
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Anna's House
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless we are wrong
You expected this line to be lewd.
There was a young parson from Harridge,
Tried to grind his betrothed in a carriage. She said,
"No, you young goose,
Just try self-abuse,
And the other we'll try after marriage."
There's an over-sexed lady named Whyte
Who insists on a dozen a night.
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her-
His chance of survival is slight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a "true" blond story for you. This really did happen... I
went
to dinner with my husband, a male friend of ours, Jim, and his new
girlfriend, Dorthory.
While eating dinner we got on the subject of vacations. "Bimbette"
(I
really called her this for the rest of the time they were together
and right to her face). Anyway, Bimbette said that she wanted to go
to Gotham City for her next vacation.
I tried to explain to her that it was not a real place. She laughed
and said "it is too, it's where Batman lives".
I then laughed and looked over at Jim who smiled and told me she was
serious. I then tried to explain that, "he does not exist, why do
you
think there have been three of them: Clooney, Kilmer and Keaton?"
She looked me straight in the eye and said "that is because he
doesn't want anyone to know who he really is."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1575
The Float
Diana: I wonder what the float will be?
BJ: With Katie in charge,,,,who knows?
Diana: How are they going to pull it?
BJ: I imagine they have a plan.
The hammering and sawing continues through the night.
The next morning BJ and Diana awaken and go outside and
see a huge Space Shuttle in the backyard.
BJ: Whoa, where did that come from? Not from lumber.
Diana: They must have brought one in from the Cape.
Sandi: Like it?
Rudy: I think it looks pretty real.
BJ: You guys made this?
Katie: We missed a small spot on the underbelly but overall it is
pretty
close.
Diana: Gasp! I can not tell it from the real thing.
Sandi: Great. How about these space suits?
Sandi holds up three space suits.
BJ: They look perfect. How are you going to tow that thing
downtown?
Katie: I will be right back... Zoom!
A minute later HONK HONK!!!
A huge 18 wheeler with NASA painted on the side pulls up in the
yard.
BJ: Where did you get that?
Katie: It is your PT Cruiser, I just slapped this body over it and
made it
sound loud.
To be Continued
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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