Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Back in the sixties I dropped a French course and an Honors English
course so I could take a semester of Welding which was a two-hour
class. The practical jokes of welding class were a lot more fun
than French Civilization and reading The Hobbit and writing book
reports once a week although I used all that I learned somewhere in
life, if only to understand what the Led Zeppelin song Ramble On was
about.
You started welding by learning how to use oxy-acetylene torches to
melt two pieces of metal together and then learned how to do welds
in different positions with filler rod, and finally how to weld
pipe.
Then you moved to arc welding and if you made it through that you
could learn MIG and TIG welding which were new back then.
A favorite prank in the gas welding area was to loosen the bricks in
the booth next to yours making a little space where the gas would
collect and then find a hole in the sheet metal between the two and
let a little oxy-acetylene in there. Then when the guy sat down in
his booth you would spark the gas mixture and it would explode with
a a loud pop like a .22 shell. It was one of those things that the
teachers ignored but like most things that get ignored they
escalate.
I was over in one of the arc welding booths trying to finish some
test welds before the end of the marking period. They were coming
out nice but before I could finish someone was reaching in the booth
and cranking the amperage up so that the arc would blow a hole in
the test piece. This had happened three times and I was ready for
the culprit.
I had one of those pairs of welding Vise-Grips with the C-clamp ends
on them and I threw them through the curtain when the arc jumped.
Unfortunately the teacher had picked that time to check what the two
guys outside my booth were up to and almost got nailed by the clamp.
He wasn't amused and had the three of us after class cleaning the
welding lab for a few days.
Tomorrow the rest of the story... enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Pirate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pirate Pick-up Lines
I must be huntin' treasure, 'cause I'm diggin' yer chest."
"Ya certainly put the shiver in me timber."
"See this hook? Variable speed with five alternate attachments,
Baby."
"Nice poop deck on ya, lassie. Care fer a swabbin'?"
"Avast, me pretty! Strike your panties and prepare to be boarded."
"I've hidden booty all over the Caribbean -- but never have I seen
one like
yours!"
"That's NOT my parrot talking, Sweetie!"
"That's a lovely pair of 8-pounders you have there."
"My peg-leg's ribbed for your pleasure."
"Why not climb my main mast and I'll visit your crow's nest."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bi Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Todd is waiting for his girlfriend Jill to show up at the bar. His
friend Myrddin happens to come in before Jill and Todd confides in
him the following.
"Myrddin, don't let Jill find out about this, but you wouldn't
believe the gorgeous chick I met last night, and she invited me up
to her apartment, and I went... and oh god..it was the best sex I
ever had and..." but then stops short in mid sentence as Jill is now
approaching them at the bar.
Not realizing that Jill is coming up behind him, Myrddin who is
eager and excited to hear all the details then says, "Well go on,
what happened with this gorgeous chick... the best sex you ever
had...tell me...tell me."
Todd tries to get Myrddin to stop asking about it so Jill won't find
out and says, "Ixnay on the Ickchay."
Jill is close enough to have heard Todd say this and angrily asks,
"What chick?"
Myrddin turns around to Jill and says, "Damn Jill, I didn't know you
were bilingual."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Dick Chips
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Men can dream but only for so long...
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My dick is so big, it only does one show a night.
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drinks.
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My dick is so big, it has stairs up the center like the Statue of
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My dick is so big, it's against the law to fuck me without
protective
headgear.
My dick is so big, I could fuck a tuba.
My dick is so big, Stephen Hawking has a theory about it.
My dick is so big, it has its own gravity NASA once launched a space
probe
to search for the tip of my dick.
My dick is so big, it's impossible to see all of it without a
satellite. The
inside of my dick contains billions and billions of
stars.
My dick is so big, it has a spine.
My dick is so big, it has a basement.
My dick is so big, movie theaters now serve popcorn in small,
medium, large,
and My Dick.
My dick is more muscular than I am.
My dick is so big it has cable.
My dick is so big, it violates seventeen zoning laws.
My dick is so big, it has its own page in the Sierra Club calendar.
My dick is so big, it has a fifty-yard line.
My dick is so big, I was once in Ohio and got a blow job in
Tennessee.
My dick is so big, Las Vegas casinos fly it into town for free.
My dick is so big, I can braid it.
My dick is so big, that when it's Eastern Standard Time at the tip,
it's
Central Mountain Time at my balls.
My dick is so big, I painted the foreskin red, white, and blue and
used it
as a flag.
My dick is so big, I can sit on it.
My dick is so big, it can chew gum.
My dick is so big, it only tips with hundreds.
My dick is so big, the Carnegie Deli named a sandwich after it.
Actually,
two sandwiches.
My dick is so big, the city was going to build a statue of it but
they ran o
ut of cement.
My dick is so big, Michael Jackson wants to build an amusement park
on it.
My dick is so big, when I get hard my eyebrows get pulled down to my
neck.
My dick is so big, you're standing on it.
My dick is so big, it only comes into work when it feels like it.
My dick is so big, it plays golf with the president.
My dick is so big, it has an agent.
My dick's people will call your people. Let's have lunch with my
dick.
My dick is so big, its a tight fit when I'm bangin' your loose
momma!
My dick is so big, there's still snow on it in the summertime
My dick is so big, I went to The Viper Room and my dick got right in
I had
to stand and argue with the doorman
My dick is so big, I have to call it Mr. Dick in front of company
My dick is so big, it won't return Spielberg's calls
My dick is so big, it graduated a year ahead of me from high school
My dick has an elevator and a lobby
My dick has better credit than I do
My dick is so big, clowns climb out of it when I cum
My dick is so big, it was overthrown by a military coup. It's now
known as
the Democratic Republic of My Dick
My dick is so big, it has casters
My dick is so big, I'm already fucking a girl tomorrow
My dick is so big, ships use it to find their way into the harbor
My dick is so big, there was once a movie called Godzilla vs. My
Dick
My dick is so big, it lives next door
My dick is so big, I entered it in a big-dick contest and it came in
first,
second, and third
My dick is so big, it votes
My dick is a better dresser than I am
My dick is so big, it has a three-picture deal
My dick is so big that the head of it has only seen my balls in
pictures
My dick is so big, Henry Aaron used it to hit his 750th home run
My dick is so big no matter where I go, my dick always gets there
first
My dick takes longer lunches than I do
My dick contributed fifty thousand dollars to the Democratic
National
Committee
My dick was once the ambassador to China
My dick is so big, it's gone condo
My dick is so big, it takes four fat women and a team of Clydesdales
to jack
me off
My dick is so big, I use the Eiffel Tower as a French tickler
My dick is so big, a homeless family lives underneath it
My dick is so big, I could wear it as a tie if I wasn't so afraid of
getting
a hard-on and killing myself
My dick is so big, I have to use an elastic zipper
My dick is so big, it has feet
My dick is so big, it has investors
My dick is so big, it seats six
My dick is so big, I use a hula hoop as a cock ring
My dick is so big, we use it at parties as a limbo pole
My dick is so big, King Kong is going to crawl up it in the next
remake
My dick is so big, it has an opening act
My dick is so big I can fuck an elevator shaft
If you cut my dick in two, you can tell how old I am
My dick is so big, Trump owns it
My dick is so big, the city had to carve a hole in the middle of it
so cars
could get through
My dick is so big, I have to cook it breakfast in the mornings
My dick is so big, every time I get hard I cause a solar eclipse
My dick is so big that we're all a part of it, and it's all a part
of us
My dick is so big, I can never sit in the front row
My dick is so big, it has its own Wheaties box
My dick is so big, it's right behind you....
dream on young man...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Race Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scene: The finish line of the famous Venice Canal swim race. A
newspaper reporter is interviewing Pierre, who was favored to win
the
race. Reporter: "Pierre, you were favored to win today's Venice
Canal
race by a 1/4 mile; this wasn't even supposed to challenge you. Why
then did you finish dead last, shocking your fans?"
Pierre: "Well, at the start I was in the lead, and taking it easy,
knowing there was no one in reach of me. As I passed under the first
bridge, Suzzette was standing on top of it, rubbing her hips, and
looking very sexy."
"She was calling to me, saying, 'Pierre, I am yours when you finish
therace.' This started to get me excited, my swim suit was getting
uncomfortable.
"The next bridge I passed under, the beautiful Rose was standing on
the bridge. She had her shirt off, and was fondling her large
breasts,
saying, 'these are for you when you finish the race, Pierre.'"
"I was now dragging in the mud. The other swimmers were now in
sight,
but I swam on."
"The third bridge I passed under, the naked Bridget was standing on
it.
She was rubbing her body, and calling to me, saying, 'I am yours
when
you finish the race Pierre, I want you so bad.'
" This was it, I was now stuck in the mud, all the other swimmers
passed me, and I was sad to let down my fans. I didn't know what to
do."
Reporter: "But Pierre, why didn't you try the backstroke?"
Pierre: "Ah, but what of the bridges?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Break-in Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The police department received a call at 1 a.m. from
a professor at the local university who reported a
break-in. "The man was a huge brute," the professor
reported. "He ripped the covers off the bed and found
me sleeping naked. He looked at me in the most vile
possibly way and then he exposed this incredibly
large penis."
"That's not the worst part. He made me put that
disgusting thing in my mouth, then he turned me
over and shoved it up my ass until I felt like I would
split in two.
We'll send a squad over right away to look for him,
the officer said.
Oh, you don't have to do that, the professor said,
he's in the shower now. Why don't you just come
over and pick him up in the morning."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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Subscribers and Friends
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Mrs Hughes
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Friends
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1802
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brain Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake,
happened to end up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.
"Hello?" she cried, but no answer.
"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no
answer.
Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and
yelled at the top of her voice,
"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"
Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away........
"We're down here ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
arts
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young girl of Batonger,
Used to diddle herself with a conger
When asked how it feels
To be pleasured by eels,
She said, "Just like a man, only longer."
There Was An Old Maid In Peru,
Who'd A Dog And A Cat And A Gnu.
From A Sailor Named Harrot
She Bought An Old Parrot,
And He Threw In A Young Cockatoo.
____________
There Were Three Young Men In Peru
A German, A Bugger, A Jew
The German He Buggered
The Bugger, The Bugger
The Bugger, He Buggered The Jew
She wasn't really exceptionally pretty
But attractive enough not to pity
None in town would have guessed
Names of those for paternity tests
That involved half the men in the city
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BOOM
An 18-year-old suicide bomber blew himself up and appeared before
Allah.
He said, "Oh, Allah, I did your bidding, but I have a request.
Since I'm only 18 and spent all my time in terrorist training
school, I never was with a woman. So, instead of 72 virgins, who
also won't know what to do sexually, can I have 72 whores?"
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72
virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them
before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to
service them. Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually
ravenous;
and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty."
The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How
hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"
And Allah replied, "Who said they were women ?"
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1572
Be Still Ma' Beatin' Heart
Rudy is wandering in the woods when he finds a strange device it has
a
barrel a drain and a pan.
Rudy: The sign on this thing says "Stay Away This is My Moonshine"
Mmm looks like water to me and I am thirsty.
Lap lap lap lap...
Rudy: Burp! It may say moonshine but I am seeing stars. I think I
will
drink a bit more...
Lap lap lap...
Thud!!!
later.... much later...
Katie is in the woods looking for Rudy...
Katie: Rudy, what happened to you...ACK! He is dead! No he is
alive but
not responding to me. I need to phone Sandi for help.
Ring ring ring.
Sandi: Hello.
Katie: Sandi, come to the woods and bring a stretcher and hurry, oh
and
bring some smelling salts, something is wrong with Rudy.
Sandi: I will be right there.
Zoom!
A few minutes later...
Sandi: Let me open his mouth and check on him.
Rudy: Burp!
Sandi: Oh my God!!! That was nasty! He is drunk.
Katie: How?
Sandi: I do not know. Let's roll him onto the stretcher. I will
grab his
hind feet.
Katie: Yeah, and I will grab his front feet.
Back at the house...
Sandi: Rudy can you hear me?
Rudy: A-Rooo! I can see both of you Sandi.
BJ: I think he just needs to sleep this off. I will call the
sheriff and have
that thing dismantled.
Sandi: Will Rudy be alright Daddy?
BJ: Depends on what you mean by alright. He will have a monster
headache when he wakes up. He will hear everyone breathe from a
mile
around and it will sound like a drum banging in his head, but he
will live.
Katie: I simply must practice my banjo today.
Pearl: I must practice my Tuba.
Cleo: I must practice my trumpet.
Mark: I must practice my french horn.
Sandi: This might be interesting.
To be continued.
The Herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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