THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
We can't become what we need to be
by remaining what we are.
~Oprah Winfrey
_____________
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS
FROM:
THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Not to be left out of the current "burger wars"
that are raging between McDonald's, Burger King and Wendy's,
Taco Bell has introduced a new
One Pound Taco Surpreme . . .. .
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
__________
THE COMICS
but I thought
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w060.html
my wife
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w061.html
boats
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w062.html
felatio
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w063.html
bypass it
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w064.html
shadows
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w065.html
Bart
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w066.html
makes u wonder
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w067.html
fresh flowers
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w069.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Coke light
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9497.html
the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9498.html
a country song
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9499.html
911 call
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9500.html
old flame
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9501.html
Costume Change Magic
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9502.html
Motorcycle Clubs Worlds Largest Toy Runs and
Southern Bike run
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9504.html
This middle-aged guy wakes up one morning and notices that
his eyes are bulging and his ears are protruding. He
becomes very concerned.
So he goes to his doctor and asks him what is wrong with him.
The doctor told him that he has a rare disease that will
require him to take this medication for several months to
clear up the disease, however the medication will make his
hair fall out permanently.Several months later the guy's
eyes are still bulging and his ears are still protruding,
more so now that his hair is gone.
So this time he goes to a different doctor who informs him
that he has a liver problems and that they will have to
remove part of his liver. So the guy has the surgery
only to find out months later, his eyes are still bulging
and his ears are still protruding.
Determined to find out what is wrong with him he goes
to another doctor who tells him that the nerves in his
hands are pinching the nerve endings in his ears and his
eyes and the only way to resolve the problem is to have his
hands amputated.Sadly, the guy lets his hands be amputated.
Months later, the man still has the problem. He goes to
another specialist who informs him that the cause is a rare
blood disease and that the man only has a few months to live.
The guy is hysterical at this point and resolves that if
he only has months to live he is going to live it up. So
he goes out to buy a brand new sports car, new furniture,
and a new wardrobe.However, when he went to order some
custom shirts, the tailor told him he took a 17-inch neck.
"No, I've always taken a 15-inch neck."
"But sir, you have a 17-inch neck."
"Listen - I'm 45 years old, and for the past 30 years
I've taken a 15- inch neck."
"Okay, I'll do it. But you do know what happens when
the neck is too small?"
"What?"
"It makes your eyes bulge and your ears protrude."
_______________
Once upon a time there was a young redneck by the name of
Jack. Jack lived and worked on a farm with the farmer, the
farmer's wife and their daughter Mabel.
One fine day as Jack was attending to his daily chores he
saw Mabel bending over to milk the cow. He felt himself become
aroused for the first time and, shocked, ran to find the
farmer to explain this strange phenomena.
Upon finding the farmer he proceded to drop his trousers
and whip out his stiff trouser snake much to the horror of the farmer.
"Farmer, farmer," Jack cried, "what is happening to my penis?"
"Now settle down and put that thing away." said the farmer.
"Don't worry about it. It happens to all men."
"But I don't like it!" cried Jack.
"Well then," said the farmer, "next time it happens just go
into the milk shed, get some cow shit and rub it on your dick.
It'll go down quick smart, trust me."
The next day Jack was passing by the house when he looked in
and saw the farmers wife having a shower. Feeling his member
getting hard he rushed into the cow shed, dropped his pants
and picked up two handfulls of shit. Just then Mabel walked
into the shed."What are you doing Jack?" asked Mabel.
"Well," Jack replied,"I'm gonna rub this shit on my dick to
make it go down.""That would be a waste." Mabel said as she
laid down on the ground and lifted her skirt.
"Why don't you stick it up here?"
So he did. Both handfulls.
____________
It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki,
the son of a Japanese businessman, entered his first American
fourth grade classroom.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American
history. Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand
up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." He said.
"Very good!" exclaimed the teacher. Who said "Government of the
people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the
earth"? Again, no response except from Suzuki.
"Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed.
Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little bastard
If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to
Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted and as the class gathered around the teacher
on the floor, someone said,
"Oh Fuck, we're in BIG trouble!"
To which Suzuki replied, "The Taliban! 2001!"
______________
On the eve of the marketing campaign for his new invention, Apple
president Steve Jobs was discussing it with his top associate. Steve
was just finishing up a rundown of the iPad's features when he
noticed a look of concern on the associate's face.
"What's wrong?" Steve asked.
"It's the name, iPad," the associate hesitantly said.
"What about the name?" Steve asked.
"It... well," the associate stammered out, "It kind of sounds like a
feminine hygiene product."
"What?" Steve wailed, "You think it sounds like a feminine hygiene
product? That's ridiculous! It does not sound like a feminine hygiene
product! The name starts with an 'i'! It sounds like a computer!
Don't be stupid!"
"I'm sorry," said the associate, shrinking back a little.
"Oh, OK, don't worry about it," Steve said. "Now, listen. Marketing,"
he continued. "I've come to the conclusion that the price tag of my
iPad is out of many people's price range, so I've decided to offer a
smaller version for a cheaper price."
"That's good," said the associate. "So you'll have two versions - a
smaller one and a larger one. What will they be called?"
Steve replied, "The smaller version will be called the Mini iPad and
the larger version will be called the Maxi iPad."
______________
ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes
harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are
oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Mel. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Bonnie. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Bonnie to get
a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and
for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I
noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the
golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest
for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her..
Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on
the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so
eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit
that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now
it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening
that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as
it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just
smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even
three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her
that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know
what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I
try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice,
big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And,
as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me,
too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bonnie. I'm
not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find
it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do
how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you
just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of
this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After
all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
Signed, Mel
EDITOR'S NOTE:
Mel died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report
says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II
golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and
a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Bonnie was arrested and charged
with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty,
accepting her defense that Mel, somehow without looking, accidentally sat
down on his golf club.
BUFFALO BILL
Ouch!!
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91906.htm
Recession
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91907.htm
Red State Update
http://www.buffaloschips.com/91908.htm
__________
SydesJokes Video Clips
Lots Of Attention
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000915.html
Lotto Ticket
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000916.html
Loud Mobile
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000917.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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