Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I had to run over to the Post Office today to mail some bills and
I found out summer is here. The CSO Project stage 5 or 6 has
started. The CSO project is what is called an unfunded mandate
from our state to replace all of the storm/wastewater drains that
run together so that when we have rain no sewage gets into
the water dumped directly into the river. It has caused water
and sewer rates which were the cheapest in the nation to be on par
with California along with costing 30-50 dollars a foot for curb
and gutter work. It is a two year process to do this work normally.
They come in first and grind the old asphalt up and haul it off to
be mixed with the new asphalt when it is repaved. Then they dig
down past all of the pipes to about ten feet deep and replace all
of the sewer and water pipes and finally just before snowfall they
fill the hole with sand and gravel and let it sit all winter to
compact
naturally. As soon as the temperature goes back up the curb
and gutter machine comes in and cast those in one piece and when
the asphalt plant thaws out they repave it.
During this operation you are faced with noise, vibration, and
frequent
utility outages because I have never met a backhoe operator that
could bury his cat in the back yard without breaking a pipe, they
even
knocked a tree into a power line here when they did my street.
Finally
just before school starts they come through and stripe all of the
streets
and sod all of the lawns and it is pretty as a picture. Just before
snowfall
they realize they paved over all of the manhole covers and they have
to
come in and dig holes in the fresh asphalt guaranteeing potholes in
the future. You did get a chance to enjoy what your money paid for
for a couple of months anyhow and by the time they get around to
the sequel in 20 years maybe they will have learned how to plan a
project.
Enjoy the chips, buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course,
Became confused as to where he was on the course.
Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him.
He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she
knew What hole he was playing.
She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so
you must be on the 6th hole."
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her
again with the same request.
She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you
must be on the 1 3th hole."
Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.
He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the
same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if
he knew the lady.
The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course
often.
He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation
for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession.
I'm in sales also. "What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.
She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied." I'm a salesman for
Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
online poker
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speedos
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mental illness
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Lubricating Gel
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Lucky Bike Racer
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Lufthansa A320 Crosswind Landing
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bug Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tony had come over from Italy a short time ago and his English was
not very good.
His wife had a bad case of crabs in her pubic hair, so Tony went to
the drug store and asked the clerk, "My wife, she has'a bugs in the
bush".
The clerk though that Tony's wife had insects in her garden and gave
Tony a bottle of insecticide and told him to use one tablespoon per
gallon and spray the bushes and that would get rid of the bugs.
Tony took the insecticide home and thought the infestation in her
pubic hair was so bad, he would spray it on straight out of the
bottle.
Several weeks later Tony was in the drug store and the clerk ask
him, "How are the bugs in the bush doing?"
Tony said, "The bugs, they are gone, my wife's bush is all gone,
too. By the way did you hear about my neighbor Joe?". "He had a
beautiful mustache and it all fell out and do you know Joe up and
died last week.
My wife she is very sad about Joe dying."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman brought a picture into a frame shop to be framed. "I have
just the thing," the shopkeeper said. He disappeared into the back
room and returned with several frames. "Which one would you like?"
he asked. "The burgundy one," the woman answered. Thinking about how
it would be fastened to a wall, the shopkeeper turned the frame
over, studied the back and said to the woman, "Do you want a screw
for this frame?" The woman gasped and bellowed, "What kind of girl
do you think I am?"
One determined young woman finally got so fed up with her shy
boyfriend's fumbling advances she decided to put him in her place.
One day Little Johnny walked in on his parents doing it and asked
what they were doing. His parents' reply was that they were making
fish sticks. So Little Johnny left it at that. A few nights later
Little Johnny walks in on them again, and this time he asks, "Are
you making fish sticks again?" The parents both reply "yes" Little
Johnny remarks, "Well, mom, you have a little tartar sauce on your
mouth."
If marriages are made in heaven, where are the brides maid?
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex
positions. One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other
cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your wife down on
all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and
cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear,
'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.' Then you try and stay on
for 8 seconds."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rabbit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he
stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do
this?
Come. Run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off
running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again
says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your
health.
Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll
feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then
tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up...
"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health!
Come. Run with us through the sunny forest, you'll feel so good!
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the
shit out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and
ask, "Lion, why did you do this? ... He was merely trying to help
you."
The lion answers, "The little fucker! I always end up running
around the forest like a fucking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Position Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Sexual Positions
The IRS position, where you just bend over and
take it up the ass with no lube.
The Humidor (requires a cigar and an intern).
The Monday Night Football (actually just doggie
style done facing the TV with the game on with
her in the football jersey of your favorite team).
The Kentucky Derby (AKA Woman astride) be
forewarned if you decide to use the western
variant of this (The Rodeo) her spurs WILL
wreak havoc on the bed linens!
Oral Submarine. The guy must Dive...Dive ...
Dive.
The Bugs Bunny: It's when the guy is on top
with the women's legs pinned behind her head.
The British telecom position: you get SCREWED
by them and they never call you back.
The Grenade Position...I'
the hell out of me.
The Enron Position...no matter what, you're getting
it up the ass.
Totally Screwed - the position you in when your spouse
comes in early from work and catches you in a position
you can't get out of...
The ever-famous "No, you gotta get your leg up
higher...no, not like that, like this...NO it's got to
be HIGHER than that. No, like this...oh, yeah that'd
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THE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY
MOUTH? You know what? Never mind...I don't even
wanna do it anymore. No, I won't give you head. No,
we can't try again...Yeah, that's right. I am gonna use
my vibrator... Well, I wouldn't have to if you could get
your leg up! GAWD!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Her Heart Cries
http://www.silveran
Rick w/ You Too Must Weep
http://www.wtv-
One Of Those Days
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Rose Petals
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Signs Of Bipolar Disorder
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Web Tool For Converting Files Online
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Tool For Comparing Fonts Online
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The easy way to post a HTML file to the Internet
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Bucky And The Beagle
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Kitty Korner http://www.thebigca
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Movie Links
Candid Camera Africa
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Clean Your Glasses
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Dimitri The Stud
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DNA Test
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Dronkrn
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Microsoft No More Keyboards
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Monkey's helping Hands
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Moose family
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More Fishing With Bill Dance
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Mortar Fire
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two fellows were sitting in a bar and the one was complaining about
his current live-in girlfriend. "I'm telling ya Sam, I've about had
it with her. She keeps bringing her work home nite after nite. I'm
seriously considering just moving out and ending the relationship.
"Well," replied his buddy, "I can see how that could indeed be very
annoying. But having a girl who's interested in her career is
hardly a reason to break up."
"It is if your girlfriend's a hooker." the first man maintained.
~~~
Mary: Did you know that Linda has become a vegetarian?
Jill: Really? Wow!
Mary: Yep, and she's become a lesbian, as well. I guess she doesn't
want "meat" of any kind!
~
An inexperienced young Polish man, prior to his wedding, asked his
father what he should do to his wife on their wedding night.
"Well,"
said the Polish father, not knowing really how to say it delicately,
"you take the thing you used to play with more than anything else
when you were a teenager and put it where your wife wee- wees."
"Really, dad?" the young Polack said.
"Believe me, son," his father responded, "you'll love it."
So on his wedding night, the young man took his baseball and threw
it in the toilet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
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bed
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beer goggles
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before sex
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bitchin head
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bite my ass
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl from Decatur
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew,
The result of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
- - - - - - - - - -
A spinster named Lydia Lester,
Claimed strange men had never addressed her,
She said this with pride,
And yet deep down inside,
Her immunity must have depressed her.
- - - - - - - - - -
The fact of the matter is: Jack
Had long wanted Jill on her back;
So he told her some tale,
About filling a pail...
And then bungled his plan of attack.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In a small town in Texas, the local madam operated a telephone
service. The police finally arrested her and seized her big black
book in which her talent was listed. Each officer on the force was
assigned a group of the names in it and told to check them out.
After a week, the Chief called a meeting to get their reports. When
it became the turn of Constable Ralph to tell what he had found, he
said, "I'm sorry, Chief, but I think I should disqualify myself.
One of the ladies on whom I called is an eighty-four-
She is so charming that I have to tell you that I have fallen in
love with her."
"Holy Ewings!" exclaimed the Chief. "I'm sure surprised at you,
Ralph.
You've been a policeman almost all your life -- and here you are,
falling for the oldest trick in the book!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1775
Val, Her Personality
Rudy: Pops what do you think about Val's personality?
BJ: She is a puppy, so you have to take a lot of her behavior
knowing
she is a bit crazy with youth. But she loves to sleep with mom, she
is a lover, she will be a good addition to our family.
Rudy: She likes to chew on bones... my bones.
BJ: She is a puppy and has puppy teeth, just put a put a paw on her
and say no.
Rudy: I like the little thing and just can't say no to her.
Sandi: That is my job. I tell her the rules.
Katie: I like when she runs with me.
Diana: I think we all like her.
BJ: Except her piddles.
To be continued
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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