Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the archives
I know that cat owners like to think that their animals
are the smartest in the world but sometimes you have to
wonder. We got a new screen door last summer and the
first thing the cats did was to knock the screen out giving
them access whenever the door was open. With the arrival
of spring we let some of the cats out today and left the
entrance door open for light. The screen door has its window
down though in the storm door mode and you can imagine
what happened next. I heard something hit the door and
slide down. Believe me it is really hard to look intelligent
when your face is sliding down a window and your little
claws are trying to get traction but when you do it twice
before it sinks into your head then you look just plain
retarded. Of course it is my cat Dini who sleeps next to
me every night and when I get up to go to the bathroom or
check mail she is always in front of me to make sure there
are no attack mice, bats, or large insects in my path.
Now you are probably wondering why I printed this again and
it is because cats have a very short memory. Makes them easy
to write about cause they do the same dumb things year after year.
( All of the women are probably thinking that it sounds like their
husband too. )
Dini is a good cat, still sits on the back of my chair every day as
I work hoping I will give her a treat. She has even warmed slightly
towards Eva and will let Eva pull her tail and pet her for a few
seconds.
I want to thank everyone who sent birthday wishes yesterday.
The only thing that possibly could have improved my day was
a win by the Tigers but I had to settle for the Wings beating
the Coyotes instead.
Enjoy the chips .... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she
decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her
to go and get undressed and wait for him in the
other room. When the doctor goes into the room he
tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror.
She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the
mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests
his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror.
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady
to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will
talk to her when she is dressed.
The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what
is wrong with her.
He tells her that she needs to quit drinking before
she goes to bed.
The lady asks the doctor why he had her get naked in
front of the mirror and stand on her head.
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the IRS
http://www.thepostm
stumped
http://www.thepostm
designer
http://www.thepostm
Liquid Illusion
http://sydesjokes.
Little Britain - Meeting The Parents
http://sydesjokes.
Little Britain USA - Fat Fighters
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sailor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a sailor decided to visit several bars because he felt like
getting drunk. He started into to one of the bars (he was already
on his way to being drunk) when a mouse crossed his path.
He picked up the mouse and stuffing it in his pocket said,
"you're going to be my drinking partner." He sat down at the bar
and ordered 2 beers, drinking one and pouring the other one into
his pocket. He then asked the bartender for two more beers and did
the same thing under the watchful eye of the bartender.
Once again he ordered 2 more beers but almost fell off the stool
he was on. The bartender seeing this told the sailor that he was
too drunk to have any more and ordered him to leave the bar.
The sailor then grabbed the bartender by the shirtcoller and
shouted,
if you do not give me 2 more beers I am going to knock you all over
this bar, just then the mouse popped his head out of the sailors
pocket and shouted, THAT GOES FOR YOUR DAMN CAT TOO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Says and Means Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Guys Say and What guys Mean
s- It is just orange juice, try it.
M- 3 more shots, and she'll have her
legs around my head.
S- She's kind of cute,
M- I want to bang her till I am blue.
S- I don't know if I like her,
M- She won't blow me.
S- I need you,
M- My hand is tired.
S- I really want to get to know you better.
M- so I can tell my friends about it
S- How do I compare with all your other
boyfriends?
M- Is my penis really that small?
S- You're the only girl I've ever cared
about,
M- You are the only girl who has not
rejected me
S- I want you back ...
M- for tonight anyway
S- We've been through so much together,
M- If it was not for you, I never would
have lost my virginity
S- I miss you so much,
M- I am so horny that my sister is
starting to look good.
S- No I do not want to dance,
M- She'll know that I have a hard-on
right now.
S- The break-up should not start for
another 24 hours,
M- I want to have sex a few more times.
S- I am different from all the other
guys,
M- I am circumcised.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Answer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, we've all been there - both the guys and the gals, and today
it's even more confusing than ever. So here is a little guide to
help you out.
1. If you ask a girl to have sex with her and she says "definitely
not,"
she really means "NO."
2. If she says "NO," then you have to do better, and then maybe,
but make sure you ask again before going to far and then Go back to
number #1 and start again. (kinda like Monopoly "Go back to GO - Do
do collect $200).
3. If she says "MAYBE", she means "YES", but you have to really
encourage her along the way. But don't do anything stupid such as
rushing things or being clumsy. This may convert the MAYBE to a
DEFINITE NO, which neither of you really want.
4. If she says "YES", she's probably not worth it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chest Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set
out to the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an
upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
"Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?"
The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store
and proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in
much the same manner. After a third try at another department store
in the mall, she had become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove
to K-Mart.
Marching up to the sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her
blouse, yelling, "Do you have anything for this?"
The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you tried
Clearasil?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Eternal Beauty
http://silverandgol
Until We Write Again!
http://www.shangral
Carolyn w/Puzzles
http://carolynsplac
Dede w/I Turn To You
http://dedeswalkwit
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Gasoline Price Humor
http://www.shangral
Liberty Air Show
http://www.shangral
Earth Day Network
http://www.earthday
Check Medical Symptoms & What They Mean
http://symptoms.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
History of Computers Via Martha
http://sixrevisions
hell/
Keyboard Shortcuts Database
http://www.keyxl.
Dynamic Web Resume Builder Via Wesley
http://www.visualcv
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Kitty Korner
Cat Motivational Posters
http://www.shangral
http://www.feralcat
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Links
Olympic 1
http://www.buffalos
Olympic 2
http://www.buffalos
Only in L.A
http://www.buffalos
Onzin
http://www.buffalos
Original Farmers Daughters
http://www.buffalos
Alien Fishing For Humans
http://www.buffalos
Anakondaukus
http://www.buffalos
Are You Going To Finish Strong
http://www.buffalos
Arkansas Wedding
http://www.buffalos
Baby Girl On Jay Leno Show
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What is the most intelligent animal in the world?
The dog.It will walk up to anything and smell of it.If he can't eat
it or mate with it, he will piss on it!
Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known
to
God and man up their nostrils, and then laugh at you for putting
sugar in your coffee!
Please call me by my new Muslim name.
Seldom Bin Laid
Between 15 and 99 a man is like Iran - ruled by
a prick
Birds of a feather flock together...
and then they all crap on your car.
Q. Why is giving a Blow Job a win/lose situation?
A. He may have you on your knees, but you have him by the balls!
I'm not saying she's easy, but her pantyhose has a pet door.
Q: How did the blonde die while drinking milk?
A: The cow sat down!
Q. How do you know you've walked into a gay church service?
A. Only half the congregation are kneeling.
Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit
in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
Q. How come Santa and Mrs. Claus don't have children?
A. Santa spends all his time with elves and fairies.
Q: How did Mrs. Claus come to marry Santa?
A: She was Magnetically Attracted to his North Pole
The newest vitamin is made from chicken soup.
It makes men cocky and women lay better. <thanx Jim>
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week. ;)~~~~~~~~~~
Amy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Huge Dick
http://www.buffalos
Free To Good Home
http://www.buffalos
Denmark News
http://www.buffalos
Dont Point
http://www.buffalos
Taliban Singles
http://www.buffalos
Gas
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hoveround has been helping people regain their mobility for over 17
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freedom - ACT NOW because life in a Hoveround is BETTER ALL AROUND.
Sincerely,
Thomas E. Kruse
President and Founder
Hoveround Corporation
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a lady from Ryde
Who ate some green apples and died.
The apples fermented
Inside the lamented
And made cider inside her insides.
____________
-
There was a young lady from Thrace,
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in through your face!"
____________
-
A fussy old widow named Pease
Thought her home was infested with fleas;
So she used gasoline,
And her form was last seen
Sailing over the tops of the trees.
-<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at
the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that
she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire
life.'
'Where's President OBama's clock?' asked the man.
Obama's clock is in Jesus' office...
He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1579
The Shooting Star
As Tami spirals upward, Katie grabs her duplicate remote and tries
to
bring her downward: Tsk tsk poor Tami.
The crowd applauds the feat.
Tami lands and takes off her helmet and staggers a bit: What, who?
Katie: It was me Tami. I had a second remote.
Tami: Thanks Katie.
Katie: Listen to the crowd. They love you! Take a bow.
Tami bows to the crowd and the crowd responds.
Sandi and Rudy wave from the Space Shuttle..
Katie: Why don't you get in the 18 wheeler for a while to rest.
Tami: No, I can fly the space suit.
Katie: Groan...
Tami gets in the space suit and takes off....this time up, then
straight
forward.
Rudy: Look out for that...
Sandi: I can't look.
Katie: Oh dear, I hope I have time to use my other remote.
SMASH! CRASH!! THUD!!!
Sandi: I think we have witnessed a space debacle.
The crowd roars!!!!
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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