Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Sun is shining, snow is melting, and the temperatures are rising
but the snow yesterday was unappreciated. I went to TOPS
last night for our installation of officers and a salad feast. (
Chapter
buys the lettuce and every one brings a topping.) After the meeting
I went out and the Explorer had a flat tire. I caught a ride home
and
brought Buffy back up there with a can of fix-a-flat to recover the
vehicle and it barely raised the tire. I told Buffy to keep it down
under 20 mph and to use the side streets and gave her a route.
Buffy got in the Explorer and spent five minutes getting everything
the way she liked it while I am sitting there swearing under my
breath
that the tire will be flat before she even moved.
She finally got underway and the first thing she does is drive
down a dead end street so I pulled over while she was getting
turned around and then I decided I better lead the way home.
When we got there the tire still had air but it was bubbling out
of a hole in the tread, so that tire is shot. It is typical spring
time
hazard up here that every pothole contains bolts, screws, and
pieces of metal that rusted from cars.
Anyhow because of the weather change my back is acting up
so I will be moving slow for a couple of days. Spring will return
up here on Wed.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Abby Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Abby
DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a
middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid
twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen
a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be
Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language, and Violence
On My VCR?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the
baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the
pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to
discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when
confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would
never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was
raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get
out ?
Dear Abby,
My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour
every week for two and a half years. I think he's crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank
until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through
mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and
he is a doctor. Now what do I do?
Gordon
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
signs
http://www.thepostm
cable
http://www.thepostm
burdens
http://www.thepostm
Kenwood Car Stereo Commercial
http://sydesjokes.
Ketchup Hand Job
http://sydesjokes.
Kevin Bloody Wilson - Not For The Kids
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scouting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mom & Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the
flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and
2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned
because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it
happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't
write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and
rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the
dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without
telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the
fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put
gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of
our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows
back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed.
It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we
left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to
expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get
insurance.
We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if
it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. He let us take
turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and
talked to us. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for
24.
Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver.
In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads
where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging
trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming
out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't
swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's
concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the
canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under
the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't
even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time
working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When
Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a
tourniquet worksa.
Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was
just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick
that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and
became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get
things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is
a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy
some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and
tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster'
Love, Jimmie
Shelly
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sleeve Job
On a farm out in the boonies, lived this young lad who had met an
older woman, from the big city, named Jill. She had recently moved
into a house down the road from the farm.
While the lad was a bit naive, having been born and raised on a
farm, Jill was worldly and was teaching the lad some love making
tricks he'd never even dreamed about.
One day they were on the couch, and things were getting hot and
heavy when she told him, "I want to do something different today. I
want you to give me a Sleeve Job."
"A what?" the lad asked.
"A Sleeve Job," Jill replied. I want you to give me a Sleeve Job."
"What's a 'Sleeve Job'?"
"I can't tell you," Jill said, coyly. "You'll have to find that out
yourself. I'm too much of a lady."
So the lad left, despondedly. Who in this hick town would know what
a Sleeve Job is? He asked himself.
Then he brightened; Mom! Mom would know. She's from the Big City,
too! In fact his whole family was from the City except he, the
youngest, having been the only one born on the Farm.
He rushed home and charged in the kitchen where his mother was busy
cooking dinner. "Mom! I have a question for you."
"Okay, Son. Anything for my darling boy," she replied. "What's your
question?"
"What's a Sleeve Job, Mom?"
She stopped what she was doing, her face took on an insane look and
she grabbed the biggest butcher knife she could find, charging him,
swinging the lethal weapon at him. It was all he could do to keep
out of her way; she was a madwoman!
She chased him throughout the house, never quite reaching him with
the knife, until finally he was able to escape.
Panting and sweating he reached the woodshed where his father was
cutting and stacking wood for the winter.
"Dad," he sobbed, "Mom just tried to kill me with a butcher knife.
And it was just because I asked her a question!"
"What?!?" replied his father, "Your mother loves you, like I do!
What on earth question could possibly make her do such an awful
thing ?"
"Are you sure you want me to ask it? After all, Mom was okay until I
asked her what a Sleeve Job is...oops!"
His father turned beet red, he grabbed the axe he was cutting wood
with and took a swing at his son; trying to behead him. he took off
and ran into the corn field with his father cursing and ranting
after him. Finally, after much zig-zagging, he loses his old man in
the vast rows of corn.
Really despondent now he wandered aimlessly through the corn field
and happened on his older brother, Bill, who had just fixed a
tractor that had broken down while he was harvesting the corn.
Bill looked at him and said, "Wow! Look at you! You look like
something the dog ate and then threw up. What's wrong, Bro?"
Now he and Bill were close. Closer than most brothers, in fact. But,
in light of current events, the lad was hesitant at disclosing to
his older sibling what the cause of it all was.
All he would reveal was, "Mom and Dad just tried to kill me!"
"What?. "Kill you? What on earth for? They love you, man. I find
that hard to believe!" exclaimed Bill.
"It's true! I swear!" the lad sobbed.
"Okay, okay," Bill consoled him. "I'm sure it was all a
misunderstanding. I'll get it straightened out. I know I can."
"Really?" the lad looked up, hopefully.
"Of course! That's what brothers are for!"
"You and me are tight, so it's no problem. Now, what happened that
would make murderers out of such great parents?"
"I dunno, Bill. I'd thought everything was all right with Mom and
Dad and look what happened. All I did was ask them a simple question
and they went ballistic on me." - "Well, no matter what it is, guy,
you know I wouldn't do that. Remember, we're tighter than most
brothers."
"Well, okay. Here goes: What's a Sleeve Job ?" - Bill's expression
of love instantly changed. His face got red, his eyes glazed and
took on a murderous expression. He jumped on the tractor he'd just
fixed and started it up. Then tried to run his brother down. The lad
jumped out of the way just in time and managed to elude his now not
so close brother on the much slower tractor.
Now more despondant than ever, he went back to Jill's place and
knocked on the door.
She answered it and saw the condition he was in. "What hurricane hit
you?"
"My whole family. I asked my Mom, Dad and brother what a Sleeve Job
is and they each tried to kill me!"
"Oh, you poor, poor baby," she cooed. -
"Just because you've been through so much, I'll have to show you
what a Sleeve Job is, but first I'll have to take a shower. -
Meanwhile, you can undress and wait for me on the couch; I won't be
long."
She went into the bathroom, took off her clothes and started the
shower water.
Then, when she went to step into the shower, she slipped on a bar of
soap on the floor she hadn't seen, hit her head on the toilet
--killing herself instantly.
The poor lad never did find out what a Sleeve Job was.
If you find out let me know, too.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John meets Bill at the bar and he is looking somewhat sheepish and
embarrassed.
Bill says, "Hey John, what's wrong?"
John says, "I received a party invitation last night and it plainly
said 'Black Tie' only. But when I got there, everyone was wearing
suits too!"
The other day, fifteen Boy Scouts from Minnesota had to be rescued
after they became lost in the Cascade Mountains. At first, rescuers
tried to find the boys with bloodhounds, and when that didn't work,
they brought in Michael Jackson.
A sexy blonde walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't
find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one
gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might
trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant."
The gentleman groaned, coming to his feet and offering the lady his
seat.
As the young lady sat down, the man looked her over and said, "You
know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were
pregnant. How far along are you?"
Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse!
Some people can tell time by looking at the sun, but I've never been
able to see the numbers.
Joe and Tom were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," Joe said, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the wife's
panties off!" "What's the rush?" Tom asked.
Joe replied "The damn elastic in the legs is killing me!"
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
If you walk, just walk. If you sit, just sit. But whatever you do,
don't wobble.
Q. what does a man and a sperm have in common ???
A. they both have about a million to one chance of becoming a human
being Q. Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A. Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it is 20% off.
Q: What do you call a Roman with hair between his teeth?
A: Gladiator.
Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A: His wife died.
Q: Why are roach clips called roach clips?
A: Because "pot holder" was already taken.
The Answer: A Cockrobin.
The Question: What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
A news story said the police caught a guy trying to cash a phony
check and took him down to the station. While the officers were
distracted, the crook grabbed the check off the desk and swallowed
it.
No problem: the police waited five or six hours and then charged the
guy with passing a bad check twice...
"I had a hard time at the bank today. I tried to take out a loan
and they pulled a real attitude with me. Apparently, they won't
accept the voices in my head as references."
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a
commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table
and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll
have a scotch and soda."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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baggage fees. Now you will be able to keep your things airtight and
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sacrifice For Me
http://silverandgol
Rick w/ You Too Must Weep
http://www.wtv-
Southbreeze
http://www.reflecti
Starry Night
http://www.poetryby
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Classic Chevy Collection
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Wall Mural Art 2
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Wyoming Cowgirl
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Alternative Software and Online tools to any Windows, Mac,
Linux and web app !
http://alternativet
Free Fax
http://faxzero.
Abiword Text Editor
http://www.abisourc
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.cutewith
Kitty Korner
http://animal.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
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you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
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You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
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other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
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Movie Links
Depression Medication
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
http://www.buffalos
Disappointment
http://www.buffalos
Don't look away when I'm talking to you
http://www.buffalos
Don't Work From home
http://www.buffalos
Egg Trick
http://www.buffalos
Einstein
http://www.buffalos
El Rey Del Martillo
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En weg zijn re rimpels
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Engineers
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top ten things you'll never hear one woman say to another woman:
1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind
keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?
2. Oh, look, that women and I have the same dress on! I think
I'll go introduce myself!
3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am,
and I'm happy for them both.
4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.
5. He makes more money than I do, so I broke up with him.
6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-
fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!
7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to
help him with the color choices!
8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!
9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of
sex and then just go his separate way for once?
10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my
butt is fat!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 Hr Bra
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36 Long
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50 Cal
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69 For Dummies
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69th
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Escape
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Bark Off ultrasonic training aid stops your dog's annoying
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There Was A Young Lady Of Boston,
Who Thought She Was Raped In An Austin,
But The Truth Is, My Dears,
She Sat On The Gears,
And A Traffic Cop Kick The Exhaust In.
____________
There Was A Young Lady Of Mass.
Rather Lacking, We All Thought, In Class.
She Would Stroll Boston Common,
And Whenever She Saw Men,
She'd Whimper, ''Please, Sir, Make A Pass.''
____________
There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch;
She could only be screwed by Houdini.
____________
A member fell off the boardwalk into the sea
Felt a diddle an wondered what it might be
Asked by a passing fisherman "How does it feel
To suddenly be pleasured by an electric eel??"
"Like a man, but it wiggles better." said she!
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Peppers - Grow 5 Different Colored Peppers on 1 Plant
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Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The maths on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. Assuming he got
a bang every night during their 5 year relationship (which would NOT
have happened!), it ended up costing him $26,849 per time.
On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer's call girl, Kristen, an absolute
stunner with a body like no other, charges $4,000 an hour - for
anything that your heart desires!
Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid
a total of $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years
(a saving of $41.7 million).
Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no
coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, ability to put BOTH
legs around you, no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists.
Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you
ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.
Sometimes leasing makes far more sense.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1567 It's Hard Work, But Somebody Has To
Do It Tami arrives home from a hard day's work. She parks her car
in the garage and walks into her house. She is thinking about
fixing supper.
She opens the refrigerator door and it falls off..then the fridge
falls apart.
Tami: Another cardboard item...those dogs!!! I can just cook
something on the stove.
She reaches for the dial and as she touches it, the stove falls
apart...
Tami: Ack!!! A cardboard stove!! This is too much. I guess I will
microwave something.
She opens the microwave...
Tami: Oh, I am so going to get revenge. I will order a pizza.
Tami walks into the front room and sits on her couch only to fall to
the floor.
Tami: Ack!!! A cardboard couch!!! Where is my furniture.
Giggle giggle.
The dogs are huddling behind the curtains and pointing to the
backyard.
Tami: I want my furniture back in the house now!!
Rudy: Sure thing Neighbor-toots, we just wanted a chuckle.
Sandi: We do have a nice pizza on order to show no bad feelings.
Tami: We, okay....no bad feelings.
Ding dong!
Tami: Yes!
Pizza Ma'am, that will be 21.19 Tami: You guys paying?
Katie: No, we just ordered it.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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