Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is noon and Easter is over and Eva is taking a nap
after consuming a lot of candy and then spreading Easter
grass from one end of the house to the other. I went back to
bed for a couple of hours after Eva saw what the rabbit
had left her and got back up so Sandy could get some sleep
after she finished the ham. Somehow in the shopping
we forgot to buy Peeps. Oh well they will be on sale now.
A little Easter from the Archives
Today is Easter and I have been sitting here in the
time machine of my mind reminiscing on Easter as a
child many years ago. My grandmother on my father's
side would have been up hours ago and in the darkness
would have went to our flowing well and collected water
which she kept around for the year. Supposedly the water
from Easter morning before the sun came up was all Holy
Water and didn't require blessing. Perhaps it was true
and perhaps it was faith in her religion that made the
water valuable.
Our maternal grandmother lived about seventy miles west
of us and it always was a treat to visit her and the
younger aunt and uncle and the one cousin that lived
there. We went up there one Easter and had to be back on
Sunday Evening so my dad could go to work the next day.
On the way back after Easter Dinner a blizzard hit. We
made it to several miles from our house and the car got
stuck in a huge snow drift. We walked a quarter-mile in
a wind that would take your breath a way to a friend's
house and after warming up they drove us home as our road
was lined with trees and the further you went the less
snow drifted.
When did you stop believing in the Easter Bunny? I was
a sophomore in High School before I was finally asked
to help dye eggs and found out he had help from my parents. When you
had a large family, secrets that big had to be kept from the older
ones or everyone would know. I really preferred the fantasy of the
Easter Bunny and Santa Claus and could have went into adulthood
never
knowing the difference. Some may think me gullible but
why wish to change something that is so comforting. Once
your childhood is gone there is no turning back and I fear
we ask our children to grow up when they are way too young.
Enjoy your family and the chips today.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Bark Off ultrasonic training aid stops your dog's annoying
barking anytime, anywhere! It naturally and painlessly interrupts
the barking pattern to instantly capture the dog's attention.
Features:
-Inaudible to Human Ears
-Calms Your Dog
-No Wires or Cords
-Works Indoors or Outdoors
Buy 1 Get 1 Free Now for only $10.00 + s/h!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Love Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A friend was complaining that her boyfriend would not say "I love
you," even if explicitly asked to do so. The only exception, she
said, was when they were in fact in the act of making love. Then, if
asked, he would say the sacred words.
I suggested that she should not take too much comfort in the
exception. When making love, I explained, men will say anything.
"He'd tell you he's the Easter Bunny if that's what he thinks you
want to hear," I told her. The conversation rattled on from there.
A couple of weeks later, she related the following. "We were in bed,
making love and I said, 'Tell me you love me'."
He said, "I love you."
I said, "Tell me you're the Easter Bunny."
He stopped for a second, and said, "I'm the Easter Bunny."
"So I slapped him." The poor guy probably still doesn't know what
happened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
easter eggs
http://www.thepostm
redneck easter basket
http://www.thepostm
police line
http://www.thepostm
choclet
http://www.thepostm
egg smiles
http://www.thepostm
slippers
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another three guys are debating which of their languages is the most
pleasing to the ear.
The Italian says, "Seniori, consider the phrase, 'I love you.' In
Italian,
it is: 'Ti amo'. What a lovely sound!"
The French guy says, "True, mes amis, but en French it is: 'Je
t'adore'. An
even more beautiful sound!"
"Ja, zo ... Vat ist wrong mit: 'Ick leiber dik," asks the German?
Q: What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
A: An armadildo.
Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A: No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q: What do you call a smiling Roman with pubic hair between his
teeth?
A: Gladiator! (Glad he ate her)
Q: What do you do in case of fallout?
A: Put it back in and take shorter strokes!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Peppers - Grow 5 Different Colored Peppers on 1 Plant
You can enjoy Rainbow Peppers at any stage and experience all the
incredible sweet tastes of all the individual flavors. Make colorful
and flavorful meals with black, violet, yellow, orange and red
peppers.
Why pay supermarket prices when you can grow delicious peppers on
your own. Each plant can produce up to 30 peppers.
Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Faced with some of the world's strictest anti-drug laws, some
addicts in Malaysia are sniffing fresh cow dung to get high. An
official at the National Narcotics Agency said the problem was small
but growing among addicts who cannot buy drugs.
Trade Minister Rafidah Aziz was quoted in The New Straits Times
newspaper on Wednesday as saying she wanted the government to deal
with addicts who sniff cow dung, glue and even polystyrene smoke.
She did not elaborate.
"The cow dung emits gases like sulfur, and addicts sniff on these
gases to get high," the official at the agency said on condition of
anonymity.
Despite harsh anti-narcotics laws that call for death by hanging for
drug traffickers, Malaysia does not have legislation to cover such
acts as cow dung sniffing, the official said.
"The problem is not very serious yet, but we are worried as this
method means addicts can get high for free," the official said.
Wow man this is some good shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orgreenic Kitchenware
Get healthy with natural ceramic non-stick cookware. It's super
non-stick surface is a patented natural ceramic material that
requires little or no oil, butter or grease to cook your food just
right. No more stuck food or chipping and peeling.
Get a nine inch frying pan for just $19.99.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two Columbia Yuppies, neighbors for years, were constantly trying to
"out-status" each other, The first man mentioned that his daughter
had just been accepted at Vassar.
"That's nice," replied the other, "but the main thing the girls
really learn there is fornication.
The first man became irate and said, "I'll have you know my wife
attended Vassar!"
The neighbor smiled and said, "Take it from me pal, she certainly
could use a refresher course."
I know this woman ...
Husband, upon meeting ex- after two years of separation: "Listen
honey, just for old time's sake, why don't we have a leisurely
dinner, share a few glasses of fine wine, go to my apartment and
really make love?"
Ex-: "Over my dead body!"
Husband: "There you go! - You haven't changed a bit"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buy One Get One Free
This is a limited time offer!!!
$460 value for only $39.95
Years of culinary experience and research went into designing this
special series. We are so sure that our knives will make your time
in the kitchen easier, faster and more enjoyable that it comes with
a 30 Day Money Back Guarantee. Made to the highest standards of
German stainless steel, the Miracle Blade III Perfection Series are
the last knives you will ever need!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Product Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Products That Never Sold...
* "Drill 'Em 'N Fill 'Em" Home Dentistry Kit
* "Boobs in a Bottle" Breast Enlargement Formula
* "Jump-Start" Home Defibrilator: Save someone from a heart
attack without the hassle of rushing them to a hospital!
* "Golden Shower" Beer: The only alcoholic beverage made
from 100% recycled beer.
* "Time Life Books Presents Home Surgery"
* "'Stripper Fun' Barbie"
* The Book of Mormon, Episode II
* "No Thanks" Trapdoor for Solicitors: Installed with iron
spikes, crocodiles cost extra
* "Balz-Off" Testosterone Repressor
* Keychain Belly Rings: Hang your keys on your belly button!
* "'Gynecologist' Ken": Comes with "'Sexy Patient' Barbie"
* "Nice Ass" Jeans
* "'Operating Fun' Barbie": Give Barbie a new heart,
lung, or kidney!
* "Other Side" Near-Death Inducing Kit: See your deceased
loved ones momentarily! (Caution: May cause irreversible
results.)
* "'Star Wars' 'Tearing Attack' Rancor": Comes with limited
edition "'Mutilated' Gamorrean Guard"
* "Lung Drano": Cleans out the lungs of the serious smoker!
* "Friday the 13th Part XXXII: Jason Gets Married"
* "Crab Lice Killer"
* "The Flatulence 500": The only car which runs on pure methane.
* "Ernest Goes to Hell" (Yeah, we only wish)
* "Dam-U" Home Curse Kit: Comes with voodoo doll and
thirteen (13) pins
* "Rainforest" Brand Christmas Trees
* "Nu-Life" Blood Donation Kit
* "Bobbit" Brand Home Circumcision Kit
* "I Couldn't See Him" Brand Sunglasses
* "'Prostitute' Barbie": Comes with "'Pimp' Ken"
* Sewer Rat Feeders
* "Man's Best Friend" Rabid Watchdogs: For those serious
about guarding their house. (Caution: May become irritable.)
* "How to Make the Voices in Your Head Shut Up"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Repair Scratched Wood Instantly Stop covering up embarrassing
scratches...
clean and the scratch is gone. Fix It Wood works on all types of
wood colors, stains and grains. So whether your wood is dark, light
or in between it repairs it instantly. The wood scratch has met its
match. View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding?
A. Not if you are the groom.
Q. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A. Breasts don't have eyes.
Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said, "My
wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck."
His friend began to ask, "You mean..."
"Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy."
Sam was furious when he found out the checking account was empty.
When he Anni, she simply said, "It's my turn."
"What do you mean, your turn?" yelled Sam.
"In bed," Anni explained, "you've been making early withdrawals for
years. Now, it's my turn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ShamWow washes, dries and polishes any surface. It's like a towel,
chamois and sponge all in one. They are made in Germany from a
revolutionary fabric that can absorb over 20X its weight in liquid.
Use them to quickly clean up spills and they won't scratch any
surface. ShamWows are perfect for your car, boat and many household
uses. You can even use them as a towel and works great for drying
your pets. ShamWows are machine washable and bleachable. Use them
over and over, they are so durable we guarantee your ShamWows for 10
years.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/New Again
http://silverandgol
Southbreeze w/ I'll Not Forget
http://www.reflecti
Easter Greetings
http://www.reflecti
Easter Joy
http://www.reflecti
Calvary
http://www.reflecti
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
God Bless You Via Melva
http://www.riverson
Eggs Via Dianne
http://www.squidoo.
Easter Lore Via Larry
http://www.snopes.
Hope Of The Return
http://www.shangral
EIGHTEEN THOUSAND MEN!
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
~~ First Poet's Desk Easter Edition ~~
http://www.poetsdes
The History Behind the Easter Festival
http://tinyurl.
The Resurrection:
http://tinyurl.
TRIBUTE TO THE BIBLE
http://www.wtv-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
LLerrah w/Here Comes Peter Cotton Tail
http://llerrah.
Bunnies At Easter
http://www.rabbit.
Bonnie w/He is Risen!
http://www.bonniesp
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Kangaroo
http://www.buffalos
Pancakes
http://www.buffalos
Paris speaks out
http://www.buffalos
Peeping Tom
http://www.buffalos
Peyton
http://www.buffalos
Parking 2
http://www.buffalos
Parking3
http://www.buffalos
Peeling
http://www.buffalos
Pigeon
http://www.buffalos
Ping Pong
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
!. HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had
made plans to meet at a bar and have a drink. I was shopping with
my girl friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact
that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere
quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I
asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my
fault that he was upset.
He said it was nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him I loved him, he smiled and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior, I don't know why he didn't say I love
you too.
When we got home I felt I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do with me anymore He just sat there and watched T.V. he seemed so
distant and absent.
Finally I decided to go to bed, about 10 minutes later he came to
bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love,
but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were
somewhere else. I decided that I couldn't take it anymore so I
decided to confront with the situation, but he had fallen asleep. I
started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what
to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else, My
life is a disaster.
2- HIS DIARY Today the Lakers lost, but at least I got laid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cinderella
http://www.buffalos
Cinderella2
http://www.buffalos
city transit
http://www.buffalos
civil wall paper
http://www.buffalos
clap
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady from China
Who mistook for her mouth her vagina.
Her clitoris huge
She covered with rouge
And lipsticked her labia minor.
A mystical painter named Foxx
Once picked up a girl on the docks.
He made an elliptic
Mysterious triptych,
And painted it right on her box.
A bird loving woman named Hester
Had a parrot who often would pester
Said lass for a cracker
She gave her a stack fer
She always did what Polyester
(Gary Hallock)
____________
There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was incredibly short
He climbed into bed
And his ladyfriend said,
"That's not a dick, it's a wart.
____________
That vampire, at midnight will pounce
Drain blood from your veins, large amounts!
"Was that," You'll inquire
"A bloody vampire?"
That sucks! But this isn't what counts
(Gary Hallock)
<snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A drunk walks up to the host of a party and says, "'Scuse me,
but do you have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you?'"
The host looks disdainfully at the drunk and says, "No, I
don't have green toilet paper that says, 'Fuck you.'"
"Oh, then I'm terribly sorry," says the drunk, " I think I
just wiped my ass with your parrot."
3 bears - Mamma, Pappa, Baby.
Mamma: Who's been eating my porridge?
Pappa: Who's been eating MY porridge?
Baby: Fuck the damn porridge!! Who's taken the DVD Recorder??
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now this is some real advice....
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up
your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live
longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass (green leafy vegetable).
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
'If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the
other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO
HOO, What a Ride!'
AND ....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on
nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all
those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans..
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and
fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn Vol 1562 Memories, Ginger Katie has finished
training Ginger on how to behave.
Later Diana comes home to find a new shoe chewed up and destroyed.
Diana: Ginger!
Ginger is hiding under Dad's bed where Katie told her to hide.
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity To bi-peds money
seems to be their god, however, they just waste it so. So it is our
duty to try and teach them to be more careful with it.
When they buy something new, they must put it away. So every now
and then it is our duty to teach them a necessary lesson. Oh the
pain of it all. Why just last week father finished cooking a
delicious hamburger and left it out on the counter. Why oh why did
he do such a thing? When one cooks a hamburger, one must eat it.
So I taught him a painful, yet yummy lesson.
Mother seems to be doing better with putting things up and I will
admit father seems to be doing better also.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment