THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being
run by smart people who are putting us on or by
imbeciles who really mean it." - Mark Twain
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The other day, I made a fateful comment to
the war department. I told her I "missed" dirt biking.
Having grown up on a farm, my bro and I spent
a great deal of time chasing cattle using little
trail bikes, having fun, and generally making a
fool of ourselves and riding thru the woods.
When we were younger, we used
horses, but as we got older, we then later gave
those up for grease and oil type fun. I was
reminiscing the other day, because I much prefer
riding a dirt bike thru the woods compared to my
Honda Shadow on the city streets. However, I hit
a mother of all potholes on the way home, almost
dumping the bike. Although not serious, the resulting
skid scared the life out of me in the space of
about ten feet, ruined a fairly decent pair of
jeans, and put a really nice bright red "strawberry"
on my knee. As I do the page this morning, my bones
are reminding me of how hard asphault can be. And
with the continual shrinking of the local tax base,
the city continues to fail to repair
city streets. These days, it seems you don't have
to be "out in the country" for the dirt bike experience.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
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THE COMICS
stop complaining
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w040.html
good news
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w041.html
casting
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w042.html
job interview
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w043.html
toss a coin
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w044.html
an acquired taste
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w045.html
waste of money
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w046.html
coroners office
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w047.html
____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
a funny game show
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9488.html
seatbelts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9489.html
It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chew Your Ass
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9490.html
cuddling with an elephant seal
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9491.html
Out door chronicals
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9486.html
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POWER POINT DISPLAYS
man of your dreams (for the ladies)
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd025.html
love me with all your heart
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd026.html
a ride on Russian roads
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd027.html
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish.
By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat,
the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there
has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is
sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours
and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is,
this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll
have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"
The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his
food. The waiter walks over to the other table and
explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes
later the officer walks over to the man's table and says,
"Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about
to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken
I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll
pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings,
I'll break one of your arms!" The man calmly looks at
the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's
rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops
his pants, bends over and says, "Your turn!!"
____________
A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge
hole in my ass." The doctors says "drop your pants, bend
over and let's have a look". "Fuck me!!" says the doctor.
"What could have made a hole as big as that?"
Patient replies "I've been fucked by an elephant."
The doctor says "An elephant's penis is long and thin.
This hole is enormous".
Patient replies "He fingered me first."
___________
The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to share
a tent with Randy, because he snored so badly. They
decided the fair thing would be to take turns. The first
guy who slept in Randy's tent came to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
When asked, "Man, what happened to you?" He replied,
"Randy's snoring was so loud I just sat up and watched him
all night." The same thing happened to the guy who drew
Randy's tent the next night. He said, "Man, that Randy shakes
the roof with his snoring. I couldn't do anything but watch
him all night." The guy in Randy's tent on the third night
came to breakfast bright-eyed. "Good morning!" he said. The
other guys couldn't believe it. "Man, what happened?"
"Well, we got ready for bed. I tucked Randy into
bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night.
Randy sat up all night watching me."
__________
A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala
event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no
shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious
man. Is something bothering you?'
'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.'
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said,
'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.'
'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.'
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation,
said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.'
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?'
' 1955, ma'am.'
'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really
need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand
and led him to a private room where she proceeded to 'relax'
him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare
chest and said, 'Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955.'
The Sergeant Major said in his serious voice, after glancing
at his watch, 'I hope not; it's only 2130 now.'
__________
On the eve of the marketing campaign for his new invention, Apple
president Steve Jobs was discussing it with his top associate. Steve
was just finishing up a rundown of the iPad's features when he
noticed a look of concern on the associate's face.
"What's wrong?" Steve asked.
"It's the name, iPad," the associate hesitantly said.
"What about the name?" Steve asked.
"It... well," the associate stammered out, "It kind of sounds like a
feminine hygiene product."
"What?" Steve wailed, "You think it sounds like a feminine hygiene
product? That's ridiculous! It does not sound like a feminine hygiene
product! The name starts with an 'i'! It sounds like a computer!
Don't be stupid!"
"I'm sorry," said the associate, shrinking back a little.
"Oh, OK, don't worry about it," Steve said. "Now, listen. Marketing,"
he continued. "I've come to the conclusion that the price tag of my
iPad is out of many people's price range, so I've decided to offer a
smaller version for a cheaper price."
"That's good," said the associate. "So you'll have two versions - a
smaller one and a larger one. What will they be called?"
Steve replied, "The smaller version will be called the Mini iPad and
the larger version will be called the Maxi iPad."
______________
Each morning Jake would drive down Sunset Blvd. on his way to work.
For the past year a pretty hooker standing on the corner of Sunset
gave him the eye as he passed. Of late, she took to showing him parts
of what he would get if he stopped to pick her up. Jake was a good
husband and family man and didn't want to cheat on his wife. However,
lately the hooker was looking so tempting, he could not get her out
of his mind. After spending many sleepless nights, he went
to consult a psychiatrist. He told the psychiatrist she was driving
him crazy, he was married 45 years, and did not want to cheat on his
wife. "What should I do?" asked Jake.
The psychiatrist said: "Take Melrose Avenue."
______________
_______________
BUFFALO BILL
Best Work Boot Ad
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9207.htm
Bier
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9028.htm
Bird Crap Detector
http://www.buffaloschips.com/9209.htm
______________
SydesJokes Video Clips
London Dungeon
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000909.html
Long Tongue
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000910.html
Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000911.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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