Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Wed., a 53 year-old woman went into the K-mart store here with
an aluminum baseball bat and tore into the doors, cash registers,
and display cases. The police were called and when the woman
refused to stop, they tasered her. This had little or no effect
except
to refocus her attention and her bat on the police. They disarmed
her and arrested her and she is charged with destruction under
10,000 and assault on the police officers.
At the bottom of the articles in the electronic edition of our
newspaper
is a space for readers comments and although there was a few
comments regarding the fact that the woman was an employee
who had possibly had a breakdown and concern for her condition, but
many found it humorous.
One comment which summed up the event was:
'Attention..
special throughout the store this morning. You will be shocked by
our low prices! When you are finished with your shopping, the police
will be happy to check you out with a taser in lane six, followed by
an escort from the premises. The first customer to the check out
line will receive a free pair of handsome silver bracelets. Thank
you for shopping at K-Mart.'
Enjoy the chips ... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Baseball Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GUIDE TO THE BASES, OLD AND NEW
OLD MEANINGS
FIRST BASE: This was almost always kissing, although some guys
thought
it meant just holding hands. Sometimes it was tongue kissing and
sometimes not.
SECOND BASE: This meant either tongue kissing, breast feeling, or
outside-the-
THIRD BASE: Usually this was a hand-down-the-
HOME RUN: This was always sex, although it was rarely reached in the
times when you had to refer to it in terms of bases.
NEW MEANINGS
ON DECK: Having plans for a date.
STRIKE OUT: Duh!
WALK: Kissing.
BUNT: Masturbation.
SINGLE: Tongue kissing.
DOUBLE: Breasts/chest touched, some clothes off, lots of grabbing
and
feels.
TRIPLE: Most of the clothes off, genital contact, mutual
masturbation.
INSIDE-THE-PARK HOME RUN: Oral sex.
HOME RUN: Sex!
GROUND RULE DOUBLE: Would have sex, but no condom.
ERROR: Condom breaks during sex.
BANNED FOR LIFE FOR GAMBLING: Sex without a condom.
HALL OF FAME: Marriage.
BALK: Premature ejaculation.
PINE TAR: KY Jelly.
RELIEF PITCHER: Vibrator.
RAIN DELAYS: Parents/roommate return home unexpectedly.
BOX SEATS: Water bed.
SEVENTH INNING STRETCH: Unusual positions.
DEAD BALL: Blue balls/passion cramps.
ROOKIE: Virgin.
MINOR LEAGUES: Under 18.
LOADED BASES: MÈnage a trios.
GRAND SLAM: Sex three times in twelve hours.
FOUL TIP: Venereal disease.
THREE UP, THREE DOWN: Impotency.
BATING GLOVE: Sexual aide.
COMPARING THE PLAY-BY-PLAYS:
OLD WAY: "We, um, got to third base, I guess, and then we, um, got
past third base, but not to home plate. I really like her."
NEW WAY "A": "First, there was a triple; then we got an inside-the-
park home run, and started thinking, It's Hall of Fame time."
NEW WAY "B": "So there I was with the bases loaded and nobody out,
when I balked during the seventh inning stretch and had to call in a
relief."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
your life
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deforestation
http://www.thepostm
rim job
http://www.thepostm
Floating Restroom
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Florida Polling
http://www.sydesjok
Florida Postcard
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mule Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One fine Carolina evening a Mrs. George Wood,
now deceased, called a Dr. Marvin Satterfield, a
veterinarian in Edonton, from her home in Chowan
County. It was about her mule, Horace.
She was upset and said: "Doctor, Horace is sick
and I wish you would come out and take a look at him."
The sun was setting, but there was still plenty of daylight
to see by. After asking a few questions and hearing
the answers, Dr. Satterfield said: "Oh, Fannie Lamb,
it's after six o'clock and I'm eating supper.
Give him a dose of mineral oil and if he isn't all right
in the morning, phone me and I'll come and take a look
at your mule." She wanted to know how to give the mule
the mineral oil and the doctor said it should be through
a funnel. Mrs. Wood protested that the mule might bite
her and Dr . Satterfield, a bit exasperated, said:
"You're a farm woman and you know about these
things, Fannie Lamb. Give it to him in the other end."
Fannie Lamb went down to the barn and there stood
Horace, moaning and groaning and banging his head.
He certainly looked sick. She searched for a funnel
but the nearest thing she could find was Uncle Bill's
fox hunting horn, hanging on the wall of the barn.
This was a beautiful gold-plated instrument with
silver tassels.
She took the horn and nervously affixed it properly.
Horace paid no attention, and she was encouraged.
Then she reached up on the shelf where the medicines
for the farm animals were kept. Instead of picking up
the mineral oil, however, she grabbed a bottle of turpentine,
and she poured a liberal dose of it into the horn.
Horace raised his head with a sudden jerk and
stood dead still at attention for maybe three seconds.
Then he let out a squeal that could be heard a mile
down the road. He reared up his hind legs, brought his
front legs down, knocked out one side of the barn,
cleared a five-foot fence, and started down the road at
a mad gallop. Since Horace was in pain, every few jumps
he made, the horn would blow.
All the hound dogs in the neighborhood knew that when
that horn was blowing, it meant Uncle Bill was going
fox hunting. So out on the road they went, following
close behind Horace the Mule.
People who witnessed that chase said it was an
unforgettable sight. First, Horace, running at top speed
and the horn in a most unusual position, the mellow notes
issuing therefrom, the silver tassels waving, and the dogs
barking joyously.
They passed the home of Old Man Harvey Hogan,
who was sitting on his front porch. It was said that
Mr . Hogan had not drawn a sober breath in fifteen years.
He gazed in fascinated amazement at the sight which
unfolded itself before his eyes. He couldn't believe what
he was seeing. Incidentally, Old Man Harvey Hogan
is said now to be head man for Alcoholics Anonymous
in the Albermarle section of the state.
By this time it was good and dark. Horace and the
dogs were coming to the Inland Waterway.
The bridge tender heard the horn blowing frantically
and figured that a fast boat was approaching.
He hurriedly went out and cranked up the bridge.
Horace went kerplunk into the water and, unfortunately,
drowned. The pack of dogs also went into the water,
but they all swam out without much difficulty.
What makes the story doubly interesting is that the
bridge tender was also sheriff of Chowan County and
was running for reelection at the time. But he managed
to get only seven votes, and these were from kinfolks.
Those who took the trouble to analyze the election votes
said the people there figured that any man who didn't
know the difference between a mule with a horn up
his caboose and a boat coming down theInland Waterway
wasn't fit to hold any public office in the county.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Animal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
3 elderly gentlemen were sitting
on a park bench discussing what
the meanest animal in the world
was.
The first said, "The meanest animal
in the world is a Hippopotamus,
cause it's got such big jowls. One
bite and your gone."
The second shook his head and said
"Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain't
nothing meaner than an alligator.
He got a big mouth and all them teeth,
snap, one bite, ha, one swallow, you
gone."
The third gentleman sat for a moment,
and finally he spoke and said, " No sir,
the meanest animal in the world is a
hippagator."
The other two in disbelief inquired as
to what in the world is a hippagator,
believing there was no such animal.
The gentleman slowly began to explain,
" A hippagator got a hippo head on one
end, and an 'gator head on the other".
"WAIT" interrupted the others, "If he
has a head on both ends, How does he
shit?"
The reply was simply," He don't,
that's what makes him so mean"!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Learn More
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sex Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things Overheard While Having Sex
"A hundred bucks?!? What can I get for ten?"
"Mmmmm, yeah baby, take it off! C'mon, nice & slow ... That's
goo--
AAAARRGGGG!! Disconnected again! Friggin' AOL!!!"
"Dammit! They just don't make these colostomy
bags as strong as they used to!"
"Oooh, you're so BIG! Oooh, you're so POWERFUL!
Oooh, your batteries just died!"
" ... 'Rectum? It nearly killed him.' Get it? Wait ... come back!"
"No, really, I always yawn like that when I climax."
"It's called a 'bra.' Women wear them under their clothes."
"Don't laugh -- if *all* penises were this small,
birth control would be a thing of the past!"
"OK, now put on the Deanna Troi mask and say
'Captain, I can sense your throbbing manhood!' ...No, no, try
it again with more accent!"
"Oh, Baby! Here I expected 5, and you whip out 13!!"
"Well, what you lack in size, you make up for in speed."
"Top 5? C'mon, it's more like the Top 3 1/2!"
"Wait! Wait! We can't start until I find my beret!!"
"Dammit Mom! Knock first!"
"OK, this time, *you* be Martha Stewart and *I'll*
be Rico the gardener."
"Look, lover boy, $120 means $120 -- I don't give
a shit if that works out to $240 a minute."
"Mind if I wedge my calculator under your breast
there while we're doing this?"
"Shave it? You're lucky I washed it."
"Why yes, as a matter of fact, I *WAS* the
original body model for the Ken doll. How in the world did
you guess?"
"Baa-a-a-a-a"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dating Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is a message for all of you singles. Is life getting you down?
Guys, have you been getting depressed because there is simply not
enough
women to go around? And ladies, are you tired of the guys being to
afraid to ask you out?
-
Well here it is, the answer to everyone's deepest wish! Here it is
"The
Guide to Being Dumped." These are the top 10 dumping lies translated
to their true meanings for all of you.
-
"I'm not ready for that type of commitment"
Translation: I don't want to date you; however, you can take me
out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. Just don't hang
around me so much that you scare away the people I really want
to date.
-
"God doesn't want me to date right now. "
Translation: I don't know why I said 'yes' in the first place. God
doesn't want me to date someone as ugly as you.
-
"I only date older men/women."
Translation: I only date older men/women who have more money than
you do.
-
"You're just not my type."
Translation: When I look at you, and think of kissing you, I get
physically sick.
-
"You're too good for me."
Translation: I'm too good/much/cool for you.
-
"You're too much like a brother/sister"
Translation: I like you, but you just don't turn me on.
-
"You'll always have a special place in my heart." Translation: My
lawyer will contact you soon about the restraining order.
-
"I think we should date other people."
Translation: Look, I'm late for my date, he/she's probably waiting
in the parking lot. I've got to go.
-
"I just don't have the time to date anyone."
Translation: You do realize
that I've been avoiding you for months now.
-
"Maybe we can get together real soon."
Translation: Perhaps if you were the last man/woman on Earth.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Realizing that I'd put on a pound or two, I lamented to my
husband, "I'm fat."
And right on cue he said what all good husbands must:
"You're not fat." To support his position, he added, "Just
look around you at others, and you will see that you are
not fat."
But our daughter, a high schooler, saw through it: "Mom,
he's grading you on the curve!"
When I realized that I couldn't satisfy my wife's insatiable sex
appetite," Bob said to his drinking buddy, "I bought her quite an
assortment of every sex toy made, thinking that would keep her
faithful."
"Did it work ?" asked the friend.
"Well, kinda.......
like a
little, I find myself 2nd or 3rd in line."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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uses. You can even use them as a towel and works great for drying
your pets. ShamWows are machine washable and bleachable. Use them
over and over, they are so durable we guarantee your ShamWows for 10
years.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/For Me
http://www.silveran
Marlene/Where You There/Easter Page
http://summerhoosie
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Holy Alphabet
http://www.shangral
Hope Of The Return
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Easter Egg
http://www.dobhran.
Car Repair Videos for Beginners
http://www.vehiclef
Rate A Drug Via Wesley
http://www.rateadru
Vietnam Veterans Tribute
http://www.youtube.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Animated Easter Images
http://www.shangral
Total Recorder
http://www.highcrit
SQL Database Query Tool Via Wesley
http://www.razorsql
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://faildogs.
Kitty Korner
http://www.cutelitt
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
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Movie Links
When Not To Clean your Glasses http://www.buffalos
Where
http://www.buffalos
Where Croissants Come From
http://www.buffalos
Why Men Have Bikes
http://www.buffalos
Why Sex Before Marriage is Essential
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Watch Football
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
http://www.buffalos
Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore
http://www.buffalos
Women Drivers
http://www.buffalos
Women's Instructional Video
http://www.buffalos
Word Riddle
http://www.buffalos
World's Best Trick
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Balls Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three lady friends always meet for lunch on Thursdays.
One Thursday Anne says, "There's this thing, when I go down on my
John, his balls are always cold."
Funny you should say that", says Mary. "my Franks balls are always
cold too".
"EEAUUWWWWWWGHHHHHH
both do that?"
So her friends tell Nancy that the blow job is the best way to keep
her man from straying.
The following Thursday Anne and Mary are in the restaurant waiting
for their friend to arrive.
In walks Nancy with a huge black eye.
What happened to you"? Ask her two friends.
"Mike hit me". Came the reply.
" Why?" ask the girls.
"I don't know", says Nancy, "I was giving him the blow job like you
told me to, and all I said was, your balls aren't cold like Frank's
and John's.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
christmas spirit
http://www.buffalos
chronic boner
http://www.buffalos
chute
http://www.buffalos
cigar
http://www.buffalos
cigarette
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Girl In The Tool Room
My job is full of heartaches and no wonder I am blue,
It's terrible the awful things that I'm supposed to do.
And if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a virtuous miss,
I wouldn't have the nerve to even finish this.
I had no way of knowing the way the shopmen talk,
But now a dozen times a day my modesty is shocked.
The fellows crowd around me like a lot of crazy fools,
Until they have me dizzy handing out their gosh darn tools.
I don't mind the decent tools, like wrenches, drills and shears,
But what some fellows ask for makes me red behind the ears.
The man repairing bearings comes and asks to see my balls,
And then he laughs and stares at me until the next man calls.
They ask for cocks to fit on pipes, for counter bores and tits,
And when they ask me for a screw, it scares me into fits,
They come and ask for reamers to enlarge their small holes,
They're driving me plumb crazy; darn their rotten souls.
They ask me for a ratchet bit and for bastard files.
They always make dirty cracks as through the screen they smile.
They ask me for a female gauge, and it's a sad, sad, tale,
Because I can't tell the damn things from a male.
One fellow finds his tool too short, another is too long,
The next one says his tool is weak, another one's too strong.
One fellow asked me for waste to wipe a plumber's cock,
And when I nearly fainted, all he did was gawk.
A foreman looking 'round one day for tools to cut a slot,
Said "Open up your drawers, girl, and show me what you got."
Another came up to me as I returned from lunch,
And asked me with a grin, if I had seen his big prick punch.
And speaking of embarrassment, never shall I forget,
The day the payman asked, "Have you a monthly yet?"
Now how the hell was I to know he meant my monthly check;
By the time they saved him, I'd darned near broke his neck.
I hate to be a quitter, folks will say I lack the guts,
But if I stay another, day this place will drive me nuts.
I really want to do my bit, and that's no doggone bull
But you can have this tool room job; I've got my belly full.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary and Sue hadn't seen each other for years. When they finally
sat down to lunch, Mary was stunned at how trim and healthy Sue
looked.
"My God," she said, "What do you do to stay so fit?"
"Well," answered Sue, "I've found that nothing keeps me trimmer than
having affairs."
"Really!" exclaimed Mary, looking her friend up and down. "You
simply must tell me who does your catering!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reasons For Being Fired From Toys 'R' Us ...
Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head
in an
Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all."
You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego
bricks.
Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The
Stockboy"
display.
You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the
Tonka
truck full of fertilizer.
Cross dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the
new
"Jerry Springer" edition.
The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not
selling.
Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically
correct.
Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs
again.
Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the
Giraffe.
Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you
jackknifed a Big Wheel.
Too many reports from people who swear they saw Geoffrey the Giraffe
in a
leather bar.
Regardless of the question, you answer, "Bite me, kid -- I'm on
break."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1561
Memories, Katie
BJ decides to train Katie to fetch..
BJ: Okay Katie I will throw this stick and you fetch it, okay?
Katie: Okay.
BJ throws the stick...Katie runs after the stick, stops at the
stick.
Looks at it, sniffs the stick, walks around the stick.
Katie: Yes sir rebob, this is the stick he threw all right, but why
in
the heck should I bring it back? I will give him a dumb look.
BJ: Oh girl you do not understand..
we
will try again.
Katie to herself: Oh I understand quite well.
This goes on for a while then BJ starts to huff and puff.
BJ: I am tired and think I will go in.
The Care and Feeding of Humans by Katie Kassity
Is your bi-ped out of shape? Well mine is so it behoves me to do
what
I can to try and get him to exercise. So playing fetch is one way.
He
tosses the stick then will fetch it and throws it again and fetchs
the
stick. I like to watch him play this game. It amuses him so and me
to.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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