THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Time is a great teacher,
but unfortunately it kills all its pupils
Louis Hector Berlioz
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Being poor folks, the war department and
me have learned a couple of valuable lessons
about life.
1. Work together. if everybody pitches in
your chances at survival are much greater.
2. make do. at the end of the day, be happy
with what you got, make use of it, and don't
waste time wishing for stuff you ain't got.
3. Don't complain.
This 3rd one is the all important one, that one
about complaining. See, I've learned the hard
way that it ain't gonna do you no good to complain.
For example, the other night I sat down for
supper and it was not exactly a feast,
When I was about to open my mouth to say
something the war department says.
"Its all we have. shuttup and eat it."
So stupid me asked, "What did you do with
that money I gave you for groceries last week?"
She said, "Look in the mirror and turn sideways."
I ate supper with no more complaints.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
mixed emotions
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x070.html
momma is very strict
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/x071.html
a great trick
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say yes
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are you sure
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it seems strange
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pardon me
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the new police dog
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why the Olympics are in Rio this year
and not Chicago
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my server
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_____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
a new car from Mercury
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runaway bulldozer
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which college?
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funniest prank in history
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saying goodbye
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in the shower
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Mike Marino
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8249.html
A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate.
His orders were clear. No vehicle was to enter unless
it had the proper sticker on the windshield.
Now, a huge Army car came up with a General seated
in the back. The sentry yelled, "Halt, who goes there?"
The chauffeur, says, "General Wheeler."
"I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You've got to have
a sticker on the windshield."
The General said, "Drive on!"
The sentry said, "Hold it! You really can't come through.
I have orders to shoot if you try driving on without your sticker."
The General repeated, "I'm telling you, Corporal, drive on!"
The sentry walked up to the rear window with the gun at the
ready and said, "General, I'm new at this.
Do I shoot you or the driver?"
_______________
After having a very pleasant 69 with his girlfriend,
Brian remembered he had a dentist appointment. He was
afraid the Dentist would notice the smell of pussy on
his breath, so he brushed his teeth, used dental floss,
and also used a whole bottle of Listerine.
As he arrived at the Dentist he also ate a whole packet
of extra strong mints. His turn came up and the Dentist
told him to take a seat in the chair. Feeling confident
and relaxed he opened his mouth wide.
The Dentist got close and asked "So, you had a 69 before
you came here eh?" Brian exasperated asked "How did you
know? Does my breath still smell like pussy?" The Dentist
replied "No... you have a skidmark on your forehead...
___________
was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani
neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment
balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
____________
Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening
stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed
beside his wife who was already asleep.
He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the
end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who
the hell are you?" Demanded Jason, "and what are you
doing in my bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered
"This isn't your bedroom and I'm St. Peter". Jason was
stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so
much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family….
you've got to send me back straight away".
St Peter replied "Yes you can be reincarnated but there
is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen."
Jason was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not
far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.
A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and
clucking around pecking the ground.
"This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange
feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster
strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are
you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad"
replies Jason, "but I have this strange feeling inside
like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained
the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before".
"Never" replies Jason. "Well just relax and let it happen".
And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later,
an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling
of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better
of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time.
When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness
was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated
as a hen was the best thing that had ever happened
to him… ever!!!The joy kept coming and as he was just
about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous SMACK
on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting
"Jason, wake up you drunken bastard, you're shitting the bed!"
______________
Mike was visiting Jim and discussing Jim's problems
with his wife when Jim's doorbell rang. Jim answered
the door and was handed a paper, which the deliverer
said was a subpoena. Jim showed it to Mike and asked
him if he knew what it was.
Mike, in his pompous lack of knowledge, said,
"Of course I know what a subpoena is."
"Well, what exactly is it?" Jim asked.
"Well," said Mike, "that's legal talk. Your wife is
suing you for divorce. We know that 'sub' means 'under'
and 'poena' is Latin for 'penis,' so -- 'subpoena' means
under the penis -- which means she's got you by the balls."
_____________
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's
veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife
answered. An agitated voice inquired,
"Is your husband there?"
"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a
vet," the wife asked?
"Both," the caller replied. "We can't get our dog's
mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
______________
I was on my way to Wal*Mart this morning to do my
part to stimulate the economy and I found myself
behind this little rice burner of a car bearing a bumper
sticker that read... " We did it! - Obama / Biden ".
Well, as luck would have it she pulled along side of me
at a red light about a half mile down the road. I beeped
my horn and gave her a big thumbs up.
She rolled down her window and I said... "I love your
bumper sticker ! " She thanked me and I quickly added, "
It's good that you are taking responsibility for your mistake ! "
She gave me the finger and drove off
__________
BUFFALO BILL
Best Casino Ad Ever
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Best First Dance At A Wedding
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Best Video Of The Year
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___________
SYDESJOKES List
Cool Mint
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Cool Sperm
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Copper Clappers
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THAT'S ALL FOLKS
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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