Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Yes it has been a busy weekend complete with broken websites
and computers to fix. The warm weekend that they promised
never seemed to get here and today was frigid outside with
the smell of the Arctic in the air. College football was great
on Saturday, MSU beat Northwestern and Ohio State lost to
the Boilermakers. I had great expectations for the game
between Green bay and the Detroit but the Lions lost 26-0.
Oh well Detroit should have some great picks in the Drafts again
but I don't expect to see them at the Super bowl.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Skunk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE OLD COUNTRY BOY'S RULES FOR FIGHTING A SKUNK:
# 1 PICK A YOUNG SKUNK
# 2 MAKE SURE HE IS DOWNWIND
# 3 GET A 12 GAUGE DOUBLE BARRLED SHOTGUN LOADED WITH DOUBLE OUGHT
SHELLS
# 4 BETTER STILL, GET A 30:06 WITH A SCOPE - YOU CAN STAND FURTHER
AWAY
#5 ON SECOND THOUGHT, DON'T PICK A FIGHT WITH A SKUNK - THERE'S A
GOOD CHANCE SOMETHING WILL GO WRONG, YOU'LL LOSE & END UP WITH A
POCKET FULL OF STINK
THE ABOVE RULES APPLY EQUALLY WELL FOR DEALING WITH POLITICIANS
Ray
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Clever Dick
http://sydesjokes.
Clever Little Girl
http://sydesjokes.
Clever Men
http://sydesjokes.
you are my sunshine
http://www.thepostm
comedy routine
http://www.thepostm
the mouse
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Job Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Daddy, The Dancer :
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children
what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up –
fireman, mechanic, businessman,
salesman…. so forth..
However, little Justin was being
uncharacteristicall
when the teacher prodded him
about his father, he replied, "My father's
an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and
takes off all his clothes in front of other
men and they put money in his underwear.
Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some
guy and
stay with him all night for money."
The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement,
hurriedly set the other children to work on some
exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him,
"Is that really true about your father?"
"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic
National Committee and helped to get Obama elected,
but it's just too embarrassing to say that in front of the
other kids.
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Learn A Language in 10 Days
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Best of all, the Pimsleur course does not waste your time by
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Police Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Interpreting A Police Report
What the report SAID (1), What the report MEANT (2)
(1) While on routine patrol...
(2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was
closed.
(1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a
reckless manner.
(2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN-
DON'T FEED THE PIGS"
(1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims
prevented this officer from doing traffic
control.
(2) It was raining.
(1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain
intelligence information from a street
informant.
(2) It was too hot to ride in the car.
(1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious
manner...
(2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked
by.
(1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history...
(2) He puked on my uniform one night...
(1) The informant is of known credibility and has
provided reliable information in the past...
(2) I've got two theft cases hanging over his
head...
(1) While being arrested, this subject resisted
arrest, and was injured in the act...
(2) He ripped my shirt and broke my new mirrored
sunglasses..
(1) The motorist was cited for multiple traffic
violations..
(2) I wrote one citation for each swearword he
used...
(1) Upon announcing my title and purpose, I heard a
voice from inside the house say "Come in" so
this writer entered through the door...
(2) The rock music was so loud they wouldn't have
heard Patton's army so I kicked in the door.
(1) The members of the press at the scene were
offered every courtesy within departmental
policies...
(2) I sent then to a non-existent address which I
called the "Command Post."
(1) I gave the motorist a verbal warning for
speeding...
(2) She was a good-looking blonde who owned a
liquor store and who was free after my shift was
over.
(1) The Chief appeared at the scene and took
command...
(2) I sent him to the same address as the reporters.
(1) Further interview of the witness was impossible,
due to conditions.
(2) It was my bowling night...
(1) The motorist eyes were glassy, he had slurred
speech, was unsteady on his feet, and smelled
strongly of an alcoholic beverage.
(2) He was howling at the moon and trying to drive
the car from the back seat.
(1) Using only enough force to restrain the
subject...
(2) My favorite song is "Drop-kick me Jesus Through
the Goal Post of Life"
(1) The defendant asked this officer's advice on how
to act before the judge at his arraignment.
(2) I told him he didn't have the balls to call the
judge the same name he called me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Original Dreamie
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great colors - natural ivory, rich espresso and ruby red.
Order now and we'll give you a second one at no charge.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shoe Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades
She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the
worst
way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors
were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices"
attitude
of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe
I'll
just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes
for
free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go
and
give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an
alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over
to
the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing
waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it
onto the slimy bank of the swamp.
Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their
backs.
The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back.
Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she
shouts out ..
"SHIT... THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smoke Assist
Smoke Assist is the exciting alternative to cigarettes. You may now
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Get the Smoke Assist E-Cigarette at no charge with the purchase of
20 cartridges and S&H
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hiccup Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Ig Nobel Prizes for this year have just been
awarded ...
The winner of the Ig Nobel prize in medicine was
Francis Fesmire, of University Hospital in Florida,
for a study that showed that intractable hiccups can
be terminated by "digital rectal massage."
"Initially, gagging and tongue pulling maneuvers were
attempted with no change in symptomatology,
Fesmire wrote in a study published in the Annals of
Emergency Medicine.
"Digital rectal massage was then attempted using a
slow circumferential motion. The frequency of
hiccups immediately began to slow, with a termination
of all hiccups within 30 seconds," the valiant
scientist found.
So, now you know ... and if you do get hiccups, don't
ask me for help!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
Sure Clip is the world's most advanced nail clipper. The wide,
rubberized non-slip comfort grip gives you complete control. The
professional quality steel blades give a clean, precise cut every
time. With an extra wide opening, Sure Clip even cuts thick, hard
nails. There's even a built in diamond-edge steel file, to smooth
edges or for quick touch ups. No more flying clips, no more bending
to clean up, no more squinting or struggling to see what you are
cutting. Order now and we'll give you a second one just pay separate
S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's
minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got
caught in
a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked
the
attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge
house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid
the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and
if the
weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.
The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and
settled in
for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared and they got on
their
way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney. It
took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it
was from the attorney of that attractive widow he met on the ski
weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked: "Bob, do you remember
that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
north."
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house
and have sex with her?"
"Yes," he said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have
to
admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your
name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry buddy, I'm afraid I
did.
Why do you ask?"
"No need to apologize, Bob. She just died and left me everything!
(THOUGHT
THE ENDING WOULD BE DIFFERENT, DIDN'T YOU???)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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different sizes and colors, coordinate it with any style. Be able
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for just the cost of shipping and handling
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Told You So
http://silverandgol
THAT'S JESUS BY RANDY TRAVIS
http://summerhoosie
John w/ Take My Hand, Precious Lord
http://heavens-
Crying In The Wind
http://www.carolspo
BIBLE: Haunting:
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Moon Plume Via Dianne
http://spaceweather
The 29 Healthiest Foods on the Planet
http://www.bellybyt
Casa Batllo - House Of Bones
http://www.shangral
Chapel With Bone Art
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Zodiac Blinkies
http://www.lilmsgli
Tips for securing your PC
http://antivirus.
Dog Graphics
http://www.fuzzyfac
*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
whole bunch of links thanks from the help of my daughter for doing
the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.wtv-
Kitty Korner
http://www.brandext
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
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4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Anillocompromiso
http://www.buffalos
Arab
http://www.buffalos
Baby Boomers Battle
http://www.buffalos
Beer
http://www.buffalos
beer launcher
http://www.buffalos
Lazy River Pee Prank
http://www.buffalos
Leno Needs Body Guard
http://www.buffalos
Let the Beast Go
http://www.buffalos
Levis
http://www.buffalos
Lip Balm Commercial
http://www.buffalos
Hoppalas Turnen
http://www.buffalos
In God We Trust
http://www.buffalos
Interessant Eierschlange
http://www.buffalos
You Know That Has To Hurt
http://www.buffalos
Javelin Live Fire VS T72
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny was walking along the railroad tracks when suddenly he
got
his foot caught under one of the railroad ties. He tried to get it
out
but it was really stuck. As he struggled to free his foot, he heard
a
noise and turned around. To his horror he saw a train coming.
Panicked he started to pray, "God, please get my foot out of these
tracks and I'll stop being bad!"
Nothing happened, his foot was still stuck. He looked up to see the
train getting closer! He prayed again, "God, please get my foot out
and
I'll stop swearing AND being bad!"
Still nothing his foot was wedged tight. The train was just seconds
away! Little Johnny struggled frantically as the train's horn
blared.
He tried his plea one more time, "God, please, if you get my foot
out of
the tracks, I'll quit being bad, I'll stop swearing, AND I'll stop
trying to look up little Mary's dress."
Just as the train was about to hit Johnny, his foot broke free and
he
fell backwards, the train narrowly missing him. He got up, dusted
himself off, l ooked toward Heaven and said "Thanks anyway God, I
got it
myself..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
Simply glide Turbo Snake down the drain, twirl, then pull out Turbo
SnakeT specially designed head grabs & locks onto hair clogs to
remove and free the drain instantly! What's best, its flexible
design easily maneuvers down the drain to seek out clogs without
having to remove the drain stopper. For bathroom sinks, showers &
tubs. Each set includes the Large Turbo Snake for Showers and Tubs,
Small Turbo Snake for Sinks, and Peel and Stick Storage Hook. Now
only $10.00 plus S&H or double the offer for an extra P&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A XXXmas Story
http://www.buffalos
Anger Management
http://www.buffalos
Angry Residents
http://www.buffalos
Good Lickin
http://www.buffalos
Anna Show
http://www.buffalos
Anna's House
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Air Cutter
Use the home styling system that pays for itself. The Air Cutter
gives you a professional hair cut with no hassle or mess. The
fool-proof system allows you to cut any type of hair without
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style guide to create any type of look.
Use the Air Cutter at no charge for 30 days, just pay shipping and
handling
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Said a lecherous fellow named Shea,
When his prick wouldn't rise for a lay,
"You must sieze it, and squeeze it,
And tease it, and please it,
For Rome wasn't built in a day."
A short-organed fellow named Kevin,
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
Then to eight and to nine,
And thought ten was divine....
There will be film at eleven!
There was a young lady from Cheam
Who tried out a breast-growing cream
She awoke in the night
With a terrible fright
Another had grown in between!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
Jupiter Jack let's you talk without using your hands. It transmits
quality sound through the speakers in your car. Just plug Jupiter
Jack in your phone, preset your radio to 99.3 FM and you're ready to
start talking.
Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's teacher was asking all the kids in
the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said "my Dad is a pilot, and
my Mommy is an architect."
"Great," said the teacher.
Michael got up and said " my Dad is a Doctor, and
my Mom is a housewife."
"Good," said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he
said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute."
Knowing better about his background and always
striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "you
mean she is a Prostitute."
"No," Said Johnny, "my Sister, she is the Prostitute,
but when she does not feel well, my Mommy
substitutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young, attractive woman decides to hang one of her favorite
pictures on her wall and asks her father what she needs to do. He
says to hammer a nail with a large head on it into the wall where
she
wants her picture to be located.
After searching endlessly for a "nail with a large head on it" she
gives up and goes out to buy one.
When she reaches the store she sees an old dirty looking man with
his
eyes popped out of his head once she entered. Not knowing her way
around a hardware store she is forced to ask him for help.
"Do you have a nail with a large head on it?"
He answers, "I have something with a large head that would be happy
to nail you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Keep Warm Air In & Winter Air Out
Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
windows saving you money on your energy bills.
Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
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Draft
Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1703
Kostumes
BJ: Have you guys decided what you costumes are going to be for
Halloween?
Katie: I thought I might be a princess.... just go as I am.
Rudy: Groan...
Sandi: There's a group of us going as Nobel Pizza winners.
Rudy: I kind of thought I might dress up as a ghost.
BJ: You are already white.
Rudy: Oh, yeah, maybe I will be something dark then.
BJ: Sandi, what is a Nobel Pizza Prize winner?
Sandi: Oh, just kidding Daddy, I will probably dress up like a
pizza.
In fact I thought about making a real pizza and cutting out the
middle
and putting my head in the middle.
Rudy: You tried that two years ago remember?
Sandi: Oh, yeah.
BJ: What happened?]
Rudy: She ate the whole pizza before we went trick or treating.
And the pizza was huge it was like a huge plate.
Sandi looking at the ground: Well, a girl's gotta eat.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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