Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I have spent a good part of the weekend watching sports and the
rest watching old movies during the wee hours of the night. I, like
Patricia was glad to see Michigan State beat Michigan yesterday.
( Your Spartans are looking GOOD ! Finally ! Couldn't come at a
better time...we hate Michigan ! Patricia ) It is beginning to look
like the favorite may be Penn State for the Rose Bowl but the only
Bowl appearance Michigan's teams will be invited to is the Toilet
Bowl.
The Tigers have managed to take a 7 game lead last month and
waste it down to the point that they have to take a one game
play-off
game with Minnesota on Tuesday to decide the Central division..
They were flashing a message on the bottom of the screen on Fox
Sports Detroit that if Minnesota lost they were going back to the
locker room for a party. At that time though the score was 11-4 in
the eighth with the Twins leading so there wasn't much chance of
a party.
The Lions lost again today ending their one game winning streak..
They did manage to put a scare into Chicago by scoring the first two
touchdowns. Win or lose the Lions have always put on a good show
so it wasn't a waste of time.
Enjoy the chips and I hope you are staying warm... buffalo
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Daddy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Who's Your Daddy?
The following are all replies that Dallas women have written on
Child
Support Agency forms in the section for listing the father's
details.
These are genuine excerpts from the forms. It is scary to think that
these women are breeding. (My favorite is the last one)
1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was
fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father
of
child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.
2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was
being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I
can
provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party
if this helps.
3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was
conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected
sex
with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good
that
I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send
me
his phone number? Thanks.
4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives
BMW
that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if
he's had it replaced.
5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the
Pope
confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is
Christ
risen again.
6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that
to
do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic
implications
for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by
the
country. Please advise.
7. I do not know who the father of my child was, as all blacks look
the
same to me.
8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with
him,
can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.
10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I
remember
for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the
evening.
If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the
party
at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.
11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after
all,
when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you
fart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
frost on the pumpkin
http://www.thepostm
doctor says
http://www.thepostm
waaaaaaaaaaaa!
http://www.thepostm
Did He Use All His Arrows
http://www.sydesjok
Did Philip Fart
http://www.sydesjok
Died In His Sleep
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Old Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THIS IS WHY WE LOVE OLD PEOPLE
A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed.
They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far,
and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the
hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then
stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a
goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem -
how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head , he was approached by a little old
lady, who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to
get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane '?
The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close
to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry all this
very far.'
The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the
bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm,
and carry the goose in your other hand?'
'Why, thank you very much!' he said, and proceeded to walk the old
girl home.
On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley.
We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over
cautiously then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to
defend me ... How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't
hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way
with me?'
The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady!' I'm carrying a bucket, a
gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I
possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady
replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the
paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
Dennis
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Memo Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A memo from HR
Cussing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the
course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have
been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die..
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment..
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
Thank You,
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Boyfriend Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
9 TYPES OF BOYFRIENDS
1. Joe Sensitive - "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, okay?"
Also
Known
As: Mr. Nice Guy, Family Man, Honey, Darling, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
2. Old Man Grumpus - "People are stupid. The world can go to hell.
Let's
stay home and watch TV." Also Known As: Grumbles, Sour-Puss,
Stick-in-the-
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Pain in the ass
3. Flinchy - "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did."
Also Known As: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
4. Bigfoot - "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'."
Also Known As: Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, The Hulk
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
5. Lazybones - "Zzzzzz"
Also Known As: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Hobo, Bum, Sleepyhead
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfill your dreams
6. The Sneak - "Who, me?"
Also Known As: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, SOB
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
7. Ace of Hearts - "After I wash the dishes let's make love like
crazed
weasels." Also Known As: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
8. The Dreamer - "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't
know
how, but--" Also Known As: Struggling Artist, Philosopher, Story
Teller,
Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus"
9. Mr. Right - "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love
like
crazed weasels in my new yacht." Also Known As: Mr. Perfect, Jim
Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a woman's prayer
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man comes home late one night, drunk. "Where have you been?" asks
his
wife. "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses,
golden beer, and a golden urinal!"
This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden
Bar.
"Do you have golden chairs?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden glasses?"
"Yes."
"Do you have golden beer?"
"Yes."
"Do you have a golden urinal?"
"Hold on."
On the other end, she hears "I think we have a line on the guy who
pissed in your saxophone."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cold Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Johnny was visiting a friend of his in Montana
during the winter. He and his friend went outside to
play in the snow. After about an hour his friends mother
called them back inside and had them remove their
galoshes and gloves.
Johnny's friends mom was a tall voluptuous, woman
who would warm her sons hands by putting them between
her thighs. So as usual, when her son came in from playing
in the snow, she asked if his hands were cold, to which he replied
"yes." She then put them together and stuck them between her warm
thighs.
After a few minutes, she asked "are they warm yet?" and the little
boy
said "yes". Johnny watched his friend and waited his turn. His
friends
mom then asked him if his hands were cold, to which he replied
"yes". So
she took his hands, put them together and stuck them between her
thighs,
after a few minutes she asked if his hands were "warm yet" and he
said
"yes" so she took them out but Johnny continued to stand there with
a
sly grin on his face, when the mom asked, "Well what is it now
Johnny,
what's wrong?"
Johnny looked up at her and replied, "My ears are cold!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Sailors Last Wish
http://silverandgol
carolyn w/All Shookup ~ Elvis Presley
http://carolynsprec
Marlene w/Cast Your Cares On Him
http://tinyurl.
FAITH IS A CANDLE
http://www.wtv-
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Never Lose Hope
http://www.moonseek
*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
whole bunch of links thanks from the help of my daughter for doing
the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
The Amesbury Archer Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Free-flying cyborg insects steered from a distance Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Crop Circle Mystery
http://www.shangral
Chinese Olympic Couisine
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Martha's Web
http://www.marthas-
Total Commander via Lisa
http://www.ghisler.
Shell Picture Via Lisa
http://www.baxbex.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.mattlake
Kitty Korner
http://www.youtube.
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Movies
cigar
http://www.buffalos
cigarette
http://www.buffalos
Where
http://www.buffalos
Where Croissants Come From
http://www.buffalos
Why Men Have Bikes
http://www.buffalos
Why Sex Before Marriage is Essential
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Watch Football
http://www.buffalos
Why Women Live Longer Than Men
http://www.buffalos
Willie You Don't Think I'm Funny Anymore
http://www.buffalos
Women Drivers
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Women's Instructional Video
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Word Riddle
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World's Best Trick
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Slang....what can you expect???
Going for a McSh*T:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff
member,
your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a
McSh*t with Lies.
Greyhound:
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
Johnny-No-Stars:
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to
show
their level of training.
Monkey Bath:
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa! Aa!".
Mumbler:
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc., i.e. you can see
the 'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
Mystery Bus:
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with great looking people when
you come back in.
Picasso Arse:
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like
she's
got four buttocks.
Salad Dodger:
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
Swamp-Donkey:
A deeply unattractive woman.
Tart Fuel or B*tch Piss:
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.
Titanic:
A lady who goes down first time out.
Two-Bagger or Double Bagger:
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover
their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
Up on Blocks:
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage.
e.g. "I don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up
on
blocks".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
christmas spirit
http://www.buffalos
chronic boner
http://www.buffalos
chute
http://www.buffalos
cigar
http://www.buffalos
cigarette
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golfer's Guide ...
* A *Paris Hilton* - an expensive hole
* A *Salman Rushdie* - an impossible read
* A *Rock Hudson* - looked straight, but it wasn't.
* A *Cuban* - needed one more revolution
* An *Elton John *- a big bender that lips the rim
* An *Adolf Hitler* - two shots in the bunker
* A Saddam Hussein - from one bunker straight into another
* A *Yasser Arafat* - ugly and in the sand
* A *Kate Winslett* - little bit fat but otherwise perfect
* *Glen Miller* - didn't make it over the water
* A *Rodney King* - over-clubbed
* An *O.J. Simpson* - got away with it
* A *Michael Jackson* - gradually fading
* A *Ladyboy* - looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
* A *condom* - safe but didn't feel real good
* A *circus tent* - a BIG top
* An *Anna Kournikova* - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
* Brazilian* - Shaves both sides of the hole
* A Jeb Bush--too far to the right, out of play
* A Nancy Pelosi-too far left, clueless on how to get home from
there
* A Monica Lewinsky--all lip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FOR GENTLEMEN: HOW TO STUFF UP YOUR DATE
There are MANY ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say
on
a date...
* Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?
* I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use
this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
* No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix
alcohol
and penicillin.
* I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you.
* People say I remind them of Peewee Herman.
* I used to come here all the time with my ex.
* I never said you NEED a nose and boob job. I just said it wouldn't
hurt to consider it.
* Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my
voice
on
the answering machine every hour.
* I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I
wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
* And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching and farting
contest.
* It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date
just
won't be as smart as I am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
No bananas she said, with a sigh,
And a tear trickled down from her eye.
No cukes, no zucchinis,
No Oscar Meyer weenies,
"I'll have to go find me a guy."
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
There was a young man from Maine
Whose prick was as strong as a crane;
It was almost as long,
So he strolled with his dong
Extended in sunshine and rain.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1696
The Woodelf Returns
Everyone is sound asleep....
It is 1:30 am....
BJ is awoken by a whimper, a whine. He looks over and sees this
white
head peering over the edge of the bed with floppy ears and big
pleading
eyes.
Rudy: Whimper, whine.
BJ: Well come on up Rudy. You never want on the bed.
Rudy: Want to now.
Rudy starts to mush pops, licks and kisses and hugs for a few
minutes
and then he lays down at the foot of the bed.
BJ is thinking...: This is unlike Rudy...there is something afoot.
About five minutes later, BJ has this feeling he is being watched.
He opens his eyes and yes, Rudy is eyeing him and almost leaps at
him
and licks him in the face. Yes, Rudy is wanting something. Rudy
nods
his head at BJ and points to the bedroom door...like follow me!
Rudy: Come on pops, follow me. By the way Katie, wake you tush up.
Katie: Eh, what the...?
Rudy: Sandi, everybody up!
Sandi: Mumble mumble...
Rudy rushes to the front door, the others stagger after him. BJ
opens
the door, a blast of cold arctic air hits him.
BJ: You knew a cold front came in didn't you?
Rudy: Yipper. I love the cold air. Come on guys lets play.
Sandi: What time is it Daddy?
BJ: It is one thirty am.
Katie: What?
Rudy: Come on guys, let's play.
Sandi: Gotta pee now.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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