Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Halloween night at the buffalo's house. Time 1840. Temperature
outside
41 degrees with an icy cold in the air. It is not fall outside, it
is pre-winter.
So far I have had three trick or treaters, all babes in arms and
wrapped
so heavily in winter gear you can't tell what they are dressed as.
My
nephew stopped by earlier dressed in a zombie get up which is
supposed
to be popular this year. All that is necessary is worn out clothes
and a little
make-up, which you usually have laying around, especially since no
one
can afford to buy new in this economy.
I really expected more trick or treaters because the downtown party
was
held last night. They are still all headed to the high density areas
where you
get like one piece of candy and I am passing it out in handfuls
along
with most of the people around me to avoid the weight penalty for
leftovers. Now I am looking at either helping to consume a large
bowl
of candy or letting Eva ruin her teeth.
We had a Halloween Party at TOPS the other night. It was a bring a
topping
salad night and these are some of the best you ever tasted because
you
don't normally stock all the toppings that a group can come up with.
Enjoy the chips and beware of goblins.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
12 Signs He'll Be Bad In Bed
1. He still sleeps in a single bed.
2. He has bad breath.
3. He owns "Star Wars" bedding.
4. When he kisses you, the only part of his body that moves is his
tongue. 5. He has fuzzy dice or a mini disco ball hanging from the
rearview mirror in his car. 6. He can't maintain eye contact with
you. 7. He never misses a day of working out. 8. You've been out
with him four times and he hasn't made a move yet. 9. He eats with
his fingers. 10. He constantly brags about his sexual prowess. 11.
He checks out his reflection in store windows. 12. Three words: puka
shell necklace.
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
school for the blind
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congress at work
http://www.thepostm
Johnny
http://www.thepostm
Dot Drilling
http://www.sydesjok
Down Long
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Download Porn
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
News Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following letter from the family's solicitor is addressed to a
member of the British aristocracy who has been spending much of the
summer in his residence in the south of France leaving his wife in
the United Kingdom to look after the ancestral home.
Dear Sir Royston,
I hope you are having a good time on your holiday. I say this with
sincerity because I am afraid that I have some bad news for you,
although there is good news too. First the bad news. I am sorry to
tell you that your favorite dog, Honey, is dead. The vet says that
she died instantly and could have felt no pain. She was kicked in
the head by your horse, Sherbert, though I'm sure that no blame can
be attached to Sherbert, frightened as he was by the fire in the
barn.
I'm afraid that Sherbert was in the barn along with your other
horses when it burnt to the ground. The fire brigade had been called
within a short time of the barn catching fire and would normally
have been able to put the fire out. Had it had not been for the fact
that the tender crashed into your Bentley in the lane. Your wife had
taken it out for a spin with your brother. As it was, both the
tender and your Bently were written off. No blame can be attached to
your wife for the accident I'm sure.
The Bentley was stationary at the time and your wife was in the back
seat of the car. She managed to escape death only due to the fact
that your brother was lying on top of her at the time of the
collision. The doctors say that given time she will regain her sight
but that she will never walk again. She has also lost her memory and
cannot even remember you. Your brother, unfortunately, was killed.
I should explain how the barn came to be on fire in the first place.
You see a spark from the house blew over and set the roof alight.
The fire started in the main hall of the house where, as you know,
your Mattisse and your Picasso once hung. I say 'once' because they
are not there now. Fortunately neither of these paintings were
damaged in the conflagration as they were stolen beforehand by the
burglar who started the fire.
Although all of this may seem to you very serious it is not in fact
the bad news that I wrote of. Your wife and brother had been
visiting your Insurance agent in prison where he is serving a three
year sentence for fraud. I'm afraid that none of your insurance
policies are valid.
As I said, there is some good news. The heat from the fire warmed
your greenhouse and brought your flowers on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rash Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father of 17 kids goes to the doctor with a rash on his belly."All
right" says the Doc, "drop 'em and let's have a look." Having been
confronted with the evidence the Doc exclaims. "Yes. you've got a
bad rash there, but my word what brown balls you've got. They're
truly remarkable!" The patient is a bit embarrassed and says. "Look
Doc. what about the rash?" "Oh that's easy."said the Doc. :Here's
some cream to rub on. By the way those brown balls are amazing,may I
ask,,,,,,," "No said the patient. "You can't. Now, is that all Doc?"
Well," said the Doctor," You could stop the rash from coming back
with a bit better hygiene. Tell your wife you need clean underpants
every day. And those really are the brownest balls I've ever seen!"
The guy goes home and tells his wife that the Doctor says he needs
clean underpants every day, "What?" she yells. :Clean underpants
every day, and me with 17 kids to chase after! Seventeen kids to
wash, feed, clothe,get to school, tidy after, and you want clean
underpants every day? You must be joking. I haven't even had time to
wipe my ass!" "Ah he said. "And that's another thing I wanted to
talk to you about..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300%
impotent. The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you
mean." She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition,
he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"
Jack had a blind date with Jill for the prom and, as the evening
progressed, he found himself more and more attracted to her. After
some really passionate embracing, he said, "Tell me, do you object
to making love?" "That is something I have never done before," Jill
replied. "Never made love? You mean you are a virgin?" Jack was
amazed. "No, silly!" she giggled. "I've never objected!"
A man whose wife had just given birth to their first child was
visiting the hospital nursery to see his new son. As the proud
father was admiring his handsome baby through the glass partition,
he could not help but notice that the baby in the next bassinet
seemed frail and sickly-looking by comparison. Just then a nurse
went walking by and the man stopped her for a moment. "What's the
matter with that little fellow?" he asked. "He seems awfully puny
and underweight.
babies," explained the nurse, and he's been coming along rather
slowly, I'm afraid." "Well, that sort of confirms a theory of mine,"
said the man. "What's that?" asked the nurse. Replied the man with a
smile., ... "Spare the rod and spoil the child,"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parking Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 things that SEX and PARKING SPACES share in common~
1. You should never have to wait to find one
2. You should be able to slide right into one
3. Spaces in the front are always the best
4. When no front spaces are available, spaces in the rear will
always suffice 5. It sucks when someone else is double-parked 6.
Your space should still be open and waiting when you get back 7.
It's a tragedy when you have a 'full-size' car but there are only
compact' spaces 8. A full-size car is good to find 9. People are
willing to wait in line for the good spaces 10. Spaces with short
time limits are annoying and never satisfying 11. We're all looking
for the free space with the "unlimited" time limit 12. A house isn't
a home without a parking space 13. Some people are uncomfortable
with a space in the rear 14. Why is it best-looking cars are always
the ones who only like parking in the rear? 15. The better your
parking techniques are the more parking spaces you can get into
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Agent Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The agent for a beautiful actress discovered one day she had been
selling her body at a hundred dollars a night. The agent, who had
long lusted for her, hadn't dreamed that she had been so easily
obtainable. He approached her, told her how much she turned him on,
and how much he wanted to make it with her. She agreed to spend the
night with him, but said he would have to pay her the same hundred
dollars that the other customers did. He scratched his head,
considered it, and then asked, "Don't I even get my agent's ten
percent as a deduction?" "No siree," she said. "If you want it,
you're going to have to pay full price for it, just like the other
Johns." The agent didn't like that at all, but he agreed. That
night, she came to his apartment after her performance at a local
night club. The agent did her at midnight, after turning out all the
lights. At 1 A.M., she was awakened again. Again she was vigorously
done. In a little while, she was awakened again, and again she was
made love to again. The actress was impressed with her lover's
vitality. "My goodness," she whispered in the dark, "you are so
virile. I never realized how lucky I was to have you for my agent."
"I'm not your agent, lady," a strange voice answered. "He's at the
darn door selling tickets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/How Beautiful
http://silverandgol
John w/ A 1950s Halloween
http://heavens-
Carol w/ Praying Together
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HALLOWEEN
http://www.loratrue
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Surfin Surfari
The Wolf Man - Lon Chaney Jr.
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THE PIT! ~ Bela Lugosi Wavs
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THE UNIVERSAL DECISION MAKER
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COMPUTER STUPIDITIES
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Fall-Winter Backs by Emma
http://d21c.
Tramp Lamps
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Nintendo - Customer Service | Future Products and Games |
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Ernest Borgnines Tip For A Long Life
http://www.buffalos
Finish Jackie
http://www.buffalos
Flirting Garbage men
http://www.buffalos
Football Season
http://www.buffalos
Geenautomeernodig
http://www.buffalos
Mouse Wont Work
http://www.buffalos
Movie TV Bed
http://www.buffalos
M Rip It Up
http://www.buffalos
The Flies In Florida Are Tough
http://www.buffalos
Dunk Shot
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A girl was telling her date about her old boyfriend, and while doing
so was stroking her beer bottle up and down many times. Finally her
date has had enough and says, " You're always thinking about him.
Why don't you think about me once in a while?" "OK!" she says and
starts stroking the top two inches of her bottle.
A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband
had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it
was such a good idea. The doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?" She said
that she did. He asked, "Does it hurt you?" She said that it didn't.
The doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you
shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
take care not to get pregnant." The woman was mystified. She asked
"You can get pregnant from anal sex?" The doctor replied, "Of
course. Where do you think attorneys come from?"
"Do you know the differance between a corn beef sandwich and a blow
job?" "No!" " Good, why don't you come over for lunch tomorrow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
bite my ass
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bite the stick
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bitter
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bj
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bj 2
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bj point
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An insatiable woman named Dee
said, "There are never enough men for me!"
"So instead of just one
I'll finally have fun,
and triple my pleasure with three!"
____________
A girl of uncertain nativity
Had an ass of extreme sensitivity
While she sat on the lap
Of a German or Jap,
She could sense Fifth Column activity
____________
A handsome young woman named Hannah,
Did wild, wet things with a banana.
Her legs spread wide
The banana inside
And her audience shouting "Hosanna!"
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Order now and we'll give you a second one at no charge.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three tampons, a super, a large and a regular, are walking down the
street. Which one says hi first?
None! They are all stuck-up bitches.
************
A lady fixed her husband a special meal for his birthday. After
dinner she fixed him a pitcher of martinis then poured him a drink.
Then she left to pick up his favorite dessert from the local bakery.
When she returned from her errand she found her husband, drink in
hand, prancing about the living room wearing her bra, panties and
high heels. "What the hell is going on!" she exclaimed.
Her husband got a quizzical look on his face and said "What? You
asked what I wanted for my birthday and I told you. I wanted to eat,
drink and........be Mary."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was explaining the facts of life to his teenage son. After
covering the basic biology, he moved on to the finer points of
love-making:
Dad: One thing to keep in mind, son, is that different women say
different things during the sex act, even if you are doing the same
thing.
Son: What do you mean, Dad?
F: Well, for example, their words will vary according to their
occupation. For example, a prostitute will tend to say, "Are you
done yet?" On the other hand, a nymphomaniac will ask, "Are you done
already?"
S: What do other women say?
F: Well, a school teacher will say, "We are going to do this over
and over again until you get it right!" A nurse will say, "This
won't hurt one bit."
S: I thought they said, "Pull down your pants and bend over."
F: That's male nurses. But let's move on, a bank teller will say,
"Substantial penalty for early withdrawal." A stewardess will say,
"Place this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally."
S: And what does mother say?
F: She says, "Beige... beige... I think we should paint the ceiling
beige."
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1712
The End (cont)
Mr Jackson: They landed across the globe just ten days ago. There
were thousands of spaceships and unknown millions of aliens. Our
armies fought valiently but were no match. Soon they were
destroyed. The cities fell fast. We dropped nukes on them and
killed a few, but not many. There is no communication, only chaos,
it is every man for themselves. The last government message was to
hide and pray for divine intervention.
Diana: My God, is this really happening?
Mr Jackson: I am afraid so. I saw a group of them at the base of
this mountain. I am heading to the top... I know I am delaying the
end.
I will die of exposure or starvation or by them.
BJ: Diana, get your 357 magnum, get the dogs, we will head for the
cave we saw at the top of the mountain. I will pack some food and
water and we can carry blankets and such with us.
Diana: The dogs?
BJ: They have packs we can put on their back and help carry as much
as we can. We must hurry.
Soon the group heads for the cave and perhaps the last stand of
mankind.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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