THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
Don't worry about the mule getting sick.
Concentrate on filling the wagon
FREE GAME DOWNLOAD
JOIN THE WAR FOR THE SOLSTICE SPHERE
http://tinyurl.com/yks5fhz
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
The powers that be have decided that Social security
recipients will not receive a cost of living increase,
citing a negative increase this year. I have to wonder
where they live: this last year my water bill went up from
40 bux a month to 70, my electric bill went up from 90 bux
a month to 135, my property taxes increased by 400 bux a
year. If this is a negative cost of living increase,
I really would hate
to see what they call a positive one. It has been so bad
here in West Michigan, the other day, I walked in to McDonalds,
to get lunch. Showed them my AARP card so I could get my
senior discount, and they asked, "Can you afford fries with
that?"
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
my wife caught me
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w060.html
gagging
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w061.html
pass the stuffing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w063.html
marriage counselor
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w064.html
the sex of fish
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w065.html
sorry, Frank
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w066.html
my surgeon
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w067.html
just like the picture
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w068.html
hold it hold it...
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/w069.html
________________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
numb nuts
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8181.html
beluga whales
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8182.html
accidents
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8183.html
the tractor band
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8184.html
another Jurrasic adventure
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies8185.html
A fifth grade teacher was questioning her students use of
the word "like." She explained that, contrary to their
common use of it, "like" was not an adjective but a
comparison word. She then challenged them to think
up some similes to exemplify the lesson. This done,
she moved on to ask about other figures of speech.
"Class, what others can you think of?"
No one in the class could come up with anything, so
she prompted them with a couple of her own.
"How about metaphors and personification?" she asked.
"Aren't they examples?" Little Johnny raised his hand,
and when called upon said, "I know what a metaphor
is, but not personification." The teacher replied,
"What's the word to describe what I'm saying when
I point to that old willow tree and say 'He's saluting
us with his branches.' Or what if I asked the sun to
send us some sunshine? Or if I said 'That field of
tall grass is waving at us?' What word best describes
what I'm doing when I speak like that?"
Little Johnny thought a moment, then said,
"Hallucinating?"
_________________
I saw a pen in a store the other day. I
picked it up and took a look at it
cause it was prettier than most.
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You
don't like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."
_______________
Having just completed my training as the hospital's
switchboard operator, I was reasonably confident
that I knew all the codes for emergencies:
Code Blue for cardiac arrest, Code Red for fire, etc.
My first night on the job alone, however, a
nurse phoned and asked me to
page a "Code Brown, Room 214."
I had no idea what that was. I called the page,
then searched frantically through my emergency manual,
but I couldn't find any description of it anywhere.
Stumped, I finally called the nurse back and asked
her about it. "Relax," laughed the nurse. "Code Brown
is what we page when a patient is discharged and
leaves behind an unfinished box of chocolates!"
________________
Little Johnny's teacher decided that the children
should learn about mime, so she had each of them
develop a speech, which was to be relayed by using
motion only. When Little Johnny's turn came, he
stood up in front of the class:
"Ladies (grabbing chest) and gentlemen (grabbing crotch)..."
Little Johnny's teacher wasn't amused, so she sent
him to the Principal's office. Little Johnny
explained what happened, so the sympathetic Principal
told him to revise his speech as follows:
"Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen
(making a muscle with his arm)..."
Little Johnny went back to class and proceeded to
give his speech again:
"Ladies (motioning woman's curves) and gentlemen
(making a muscle with his arm), it gives me great
pleasure (whacking-off motion)..."
______________
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He
orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey
jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some
olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs
some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps
onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard
balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in
his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see
what your monkey just did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy,
"he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for
the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays
for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and
has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and
the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey
finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it,
sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks
it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The
bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut
up his butt, pulled them out, and ate them!"
said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.
"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since
he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."
BUFFALO BILL
Home Paternity Test
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aiou.htm
Homemade Water Slide
http://www.buffaloschips.com/azxdc.htm
Homer Koehn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/avcf.htm
Honey I'm Home
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aswas.htm
_______________
FUN PAGES from Lorrain
The Appliance Flu
http://tinyurl.com/yjp4gfw
Nanny Mania 2
http://tinyurl.com/opcd6w
Haunted Hotel II: Believe the Lies
http://tinyurl.com/c4ppng
______________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Cigarette Commercial
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000347.html
Cinderella
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000348.html
Clean Seat Advert
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000349.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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