Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From the Archives
Once upon a time if you lived in most cities and
you had more than a tablespoon of gas in your
tank you could get up enough speed to coast to
a gas station to fill your tank. Gas stations
like local markets dotted street corners up until
the eighties and then they both started to disappear.
In most cases it was the laws regarding double
wall fuel tanks and the costs of upgrade that killed
the local gas station, but just like Wal-mart
and the smaller department stores the chains took
over too.
Anyhow in our town there are a number of these places
with the tanks gone and the buildings still remaining.
Most are small, only a little storefront area and
a small office and a bathroom, definitely not candidates
for a mini-mart. The pieces of land are small to as
they originally only had two or four pumps. Few are willing
to excavate to build larger buildings because many
closed rather than face remediation which meant the
removal of contaminated soil to special landfills.
So what has your town done with these old pieces of
history? The larger ones that had a service bay and
lift have become small garages with one or two
mechanics, some good and some mediocre to fill the
gap between do it yourself and the dealer. The small
ones have a variety of small businesses in them.
They are the perfect size for the payday loan businesses
that take your check and wait for you to get paid to
collect. U-Haul and Ryder and also some of the car
rental places filled some of the stations with larger
lots, along with used car places that started out as
people parking their cars in abandoned lots with, "For
Sale" signs on them.
We have one just a few blocks away that was a used
car dealer when I first moved back. I can't remember
what type of gas it sold originally but the dealership
specialized in buying repo cars of the auction block
and doing minimal repairs and reselling them. I heard
they ran into licensing problems with the state and
closed down. Then a place called Caffeine Express
moved in there and became so popular after a few
years they moved to a bigger building. Then a sandwich
shop called Gobbler's Nook moved in there with a big
ugly sign that said, "Get A Get A Gobbler" It lasted one
season and the building stayed empty for awhile
and now it houses a pet grooming business that seems to
be fairly busy.
Who knows what stories lurk in our old gas stations
and what dangers? All we can be sure off is the memories
that lurk in our minds of 27.9 cent gas and free
full service. One thing for sure though, if you are
like most Americans you better have more than a tablespoon
of gas in your tank before you try to make it to the
nearest gas station and don't ask for a fan belt,
battery or a set of tires.
Enjoy the weekend and the chips ... buffalo
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My friend Bill is still out there job hunting. He
says he always has a problem when filling out the job
application and gets to the part about 'Sex: F or M'.
He says he never knows which to choose --
He says he really likes to 'F', but he spends most of
the time alone 'M'-ing.
This old man marries a girl barely out of her teens.
Needless to say she is asking for it, so when they get
into bed on the wedding night she asks him "So are we
going to have rampant sex tonight?"
The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching
his fingers.
"What? Five times?" asks the eager girl.
"No", he replied. "Pick a finger".
An elderly lady went to see her physician about a
problem she was having.
After an examination, the doctor told her that she
needed a sigmoidoscope to check her lower intestine.
He began the examination, telling her to let him
know if she felt pain. Well the doctor's efforts
brought forth a tremendous amount of gas on her
stomach that she expelled with a very loud fart.
"Madam!" the doctor exclaimed, "A simple "yes" or "no"
will suffice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
my wife and I
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may seem silly
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your husband lied
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Dennys
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Dental Plan
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Desecrate American Flag
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why don't homosexuals like chess?
Because every so often, they have to sacrifice a queen.
I once had a girlfriend that was so skinny, every time her nipples
got hard she would tip over.
South Dakota passed the most restrictive abortion law in the
country. It includes the requirement that pregnant wives notify
both their husband AND the baby's father.
Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to
call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer and a carpenter. One
afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in
the driveway.
"Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let her be having an
affair."
Stuck in rush-hour traffic, I couldn't help but stare at a burly
biker wearing a black leather jacket and chaps pulled up next to me
on a shocking pink Harley. My first thoughts were, "Is that really
a pink Harley? I wonder if he's..."
Just then the traffic cleared, and he pulled up in front of me. On
the back of his jacket were stenciled the words, "Yes, it is. No,
I'm not."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A businessman and his secretary, overcome by passion, go to his
house
for an early afternoon quickie. "Don't worry," he assures her, "my
wife is out of town on a business trip, so there's no risk." As one
thing leads to another, the woman reaches into her purse and
suddenly
gasps, "We have to stop! I forgot to bring birth control!" "No
problem," he replies, "I'll get my wife's diaphragm." After a few
minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. "That
bitch!" he exclaims. "She took it with her! I always knew she didn't
trust me!"
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex! Policeman: "Then what are you
doing?" Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering a free demo.
The first thing a blonde learns when she takes driving lessons is
that
you can also sit upright in a car.
Meanwhile, back at the oasis, the Arabs were eating their dates.
"I can't believe how much our sex life improved when I started
practicing my vaginal exercises for my ex." "Really? What did he
say?"
"He said, 'For the love of God, please let go of me now!'"
I remember when 'Palm Pilot' was just a nickname you received upon
entering puberty.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why don't homosexuals like chess?
Because every so often, they have to sacrifice a queen.
I once had a girlfriend that was so skinny, every time her nipples
got hard she would tip over.
South Dakota passed the most restrictive abortion law in the
country. It includes the requirement that pregnant wives notify
both their husband AND the baby's father.
Within two weeks of moving into a new house, the homeowner had to
call an electrician, a roofer, a plasterer and a carpenter. One
afternoon he returned early from work and saw a plumber's truck in
the driveway.
"Lord," he pleaded, looking skyward, "please let her be having an
affair."
Stuck in rush-hour traffic, I couldn't help but stare at a burly
biker wearing a black leather jacket and chaps pulled up next to me
on a shocking pink Harley. My first thoughts were, "Is that really
a pink Harley? I wonder if he's..."
Just then the traffic cleared, and he pulled up in front of me. On
the back of his jacket were stenciled the words, "Yes, it is. No,
I'm not."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny, a fifth grade student has a penis so large, his
parents
warned him not to have anything to do with girls. They cautioned him
he could easily kill someone. Through the grapevine, his teacher
learns about his unusual size, keeps him after school and suggests
they have sex. He refuses expressing concern he might kill her. She
laughs and scoffs at the idea and says she will elect to be on top,
in
complete control, and nothing bad can happen. He reluctantly agrees
but the teacher experiences such wonderful sensations, she faints
from
pure joy. Thinking he's killed her, Johnny runs from the class room
sobbing and crying, "Oh my God!... I killed her! I killed her!" All
at
once he stops dead in his tracks, and look of dawning comprehension
appears on his face as he says, "Wait just a minute! I didn't kill
her. She committed suicide!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tit Bit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little old man is walking down the street one afternoon, when he
sees a woman with perfect breasts.
He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for
$100?"
"Are you nuts?!" she replies, and keeps walking away.
He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before
she does. "Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?"
he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got it?"
So the little old man runs around the next block and faces her
again, "Would you let me bite your breasts - just once - for $10,000
dollars?!"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmmmm, $10,000
dollars...; Ok, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley
over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her blouse to reveal
the most perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them, he
grabs them and starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing
them, licking them, burying his face in them - but not biting them.
The woman finally gets annoyed and asks, 'Well? Are you gonna bite
them or not?'
"Nah," says the little old man ... "Costs too much!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/One of A Kind
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JOE/ LIVING IN A DUMP TRUCK
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carolyn w/ Mr. Songman ~Elvis Presley
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Autumn Of Life
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The Batmobile lives!
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Movies
Speed Bump
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Terrorist Attack
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That Look
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The Original Farmer's Daughter
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The Big ABC
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Domaci Mazlicek
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Drum Girls
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Escape Rescue
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Ever See A Snake Yawn
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Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Military Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again!" "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
____________
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
____________
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
____________
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
____________
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves,
when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their
faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
____________
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Snuffy
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
she thinks they went to Buckingham
but when they were found
they were all gagged and bound
and Little Boy Blue was phucking'em
A cock of a fellow named Randall,
Shot sparks like a big Roman candle,
He was much in demand,
For the colors were grand,
But most girls found him too hot to handle.
There was a young woman from Wild,
Who kept herself quite undefiled,
By thinking of Jesus...
Contagious diseases....
And the bother of having a child.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time decided
to dress up and go out.
The old woman went into her bedroom, stripped naked and tied a lemon
between her legs.
When she came out, the old man cried, 'You can't go out like that!"
She said, "I can go anyway I like and so can you."
Whereupon he retired to the bedroom and came out stark raving naked
with a potato tied to his tallywhacker.
The old woman says, "you're going out like that?"
And he replies, "Yep, if you can go as a sour-puss, I can go as a
dick-tator."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A pair of congressmen, one a democrat and the other a republican,
met for lunch to hash out their political differences.
Ten minutes into the meal, the angrily republican pounded the
table. "You're lying!" he shouted.
"Of course I'm lying," the democrat said, "but hear me out."
Hey Buffalo,
What's the difference between a zoo & the White House?
A zoo has an African lion & the White House has a lyin' African!
Dennis
The Roscommon Troll
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1694
Banjo Delux
Diana: Where are you going Rudy?
Rudy: We are all heading for the Bluegrass festival.
Katie: We play on stage B at 10 am today.
BJ: Who is playing what?
Sandi: Katie, Rudy and I are playing banjos, Cleo is playing the
fiddle, Mark plays the French Horn and Pearle plays the trumpet.
Diana: An odd assortment. What do you call yourselves?
Katie: The Oddities.
BJ: Any new material?
Katie: I have my new song, "It's All About Me." Sandi has her
song, "The Pizza Roll", Rudy has the "Beer Bonanza Belly Buster
Bop."
Diana: Sounds like fun. We will be there.
To be Continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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