Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
As you are probably aware if you visit any of our toon or movie
pages, they are loading extremely slow right now. We had this
same problem back in April and it took a few days to straighten
it out working together with a programmer and the hosting
company. We intend to repair this site and then move over to
buffalosjokes and do a complete rebuild over there.
Eva was playing on Nick Jr. today and she found a brain game that I
thought was actually disgusting. It involves 6 women sitting in a
park and a swarm of birds swoops in and poops multiple times on each
of the ladies. At the end it asks you how many times the
lady in the red dress got splattered. Eva can't read so she just
watched it. I hope the kids that think that it is cute to be pooped
on by a flock of pigeons or seagulls grab some reality before it
actually happens to them.
I was looking at an ad today for a 2000 Chevy Silverado pick-up. Not
that I need a new truck but it did seem like a good deal until I saw
the advertiser's address Idrivelikedale. Not that it proves
anything about the vehicle for certain but Idroveitlikeanoldwo
would have been better.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Haircut Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of
customers and said, "About 2 hours."
The guy left. A few days later the same guy
stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3
hours."
The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head
in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop and said,
"About an hour and half."
The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said,
"Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where
he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for
a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing
hysterically.
The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when
he leaves?"
Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
insomnia clinic
http://www.thepostm
hey wait a minute
http://www.thepostm
visitation
http://www.thepostm
Dog Begging
http://www.sydesjok
Dog Breeds
http://www.sydesjok
Dog Cheerleader
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheep Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old Oxford professor is nearing retirement and decides that he
wants to do something fun for once. He's spent his whole life
researching scientific theories in his lab and wants to do something
outside for a change, so he asks his assistant for a suggestion of
something different to go and research. This assistant is a bit of a
git and decides he'll play a prank on the old man, and suggests he
research 'sheep shagging'. The professor thinks this is a great idea
and heads off to Wales to begin his research.He heads out to the
countryside and finds a farmer to quiz about his unnatural habits.
The professor greets him and asks if he's got time to answer a
couple of quick questions. "No problem boyo" says the farmer, "go
right ahead. "Well," said the professor, "what I'd like to know
first is, do you own any sheep here?" "Of course boyo, biggest farm
for miles round here I have. We've got loads of 'em" "Great, now the
next question is a bit personal - do you use your sheep for sex?"
"Ohh, too right boyo. There's three or four out there who are my
particular favourites." "So, how exactly do you .... do it?" "Well,
normally I take them down to the river, I slap their back feet in my
wellies, the sheep pushes back from the water, bloody heaven boyo"
The professor thanks him and heads for the airport. Having heard
about the Kiwis, he heads out to New Zealand with exactly the same
plan. He finds a farm, talks to the farmer and gets the same
responses. "Round up the sheep, head 'em up towards a cliff and off
you go. Back feet in my boots, sheep pushing back from the cliff,
bloody marvelous mate." Again, the professor thanks him and decides
that his research needs only one more addition. So he jets off to
the world centre of sheep shagging, Australia. Once in Australia, he
drives out to the bush, finds the biggest farm he can and knocks on
the farmhouse door. He repeats his questions to the farmer "Too
right mate. Usually I stick their back legs in me wellies, front
legs over me shoulders and away we go!" "So the sheep faces you?
That's strange - I've been talking to people around the world about
this, and they all do it with the sheep facing away from them." The
Aussie is shocked. For a few seconds he can't speak, then he manages
to stutter: "What? No kissing?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Soap Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
All I Need to Know About Life, I Learned at
Melrose Place
1. If your "significant other" leaves town for
more than a week, sleep with whomever
you want. After all, you can't be expected
to wait around forever.
2. Never sleep with your boss or co-worker.
Just kidding. You should do both, often.
3. A good way to unwind after a hard day at
the office is to build a fire, curl up with a good
book, and rapidly drink seven large glasses
of straight vodka.
4. Every once in a while, just go ahead and
slap somebody in the face, really hard.
5. Pretend you're pregnant.
6. Feeling a little insecure? Buy a gun!
7. If marriage isn't working, consider a divorce.
If divorce isn't convenient, fake your own death.
8. Don't walk too fast when feigning blindness.
9. Never base a relationship on lies and deceit.
Just kidding! Dishonesty should be an integral
part of any relationship.
10. When you leave someone to die of carbon
monoxide poisoning, be sure to shut the door
tightly on your way out.
11. Don't date drug dealers...unless they're really good-looking.
or have a lot of money...or unless you can gain something from it in
someway...or.
12. Don't get too close to people in comas.
Sometimes they wake up and try to choke
you.
13. If you get fired, get drunk.
14. Call your ex-wife "Baby."
15. If you've got to fix your Harley, you might as
well take off your shirt and do it by the pool.
16. Randomly insult the people around you.
17. Parents will be parents. Sometimes they'll
nag. Sometimes they'll be judgmental.
Sometimes they'll commit you to a miserable
insane asylum where you'll be bound in a
straightjacket and heavily sedated.
18. If you lose your job, wait a few minutes and
you'll get an even better job
at twice the salary.
19. A good way to aggravate your sister is to
tell her that Mom liked you best. Another good
way is to sleep with her husband a bunch of
times.
20. Just because you're in the midst of ruining
someone's career doesn't mean that you can't
car-pool to work with them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the dirty old tramp say to a bunch of
school girls?
"Hey girls, do you wanna go turkey shootin?"
"OK" came the reply.
"Good, you gobble I'll shoot."
~~~~
Bill asks Doug to go with him for a drink.
Doug replies, "Sorry Bill, I have to go to the drugstore to pick up
a 'patch' subscription for my wife. She's quitting smoking today."
"Oh okay, well, good luck to her!" Bill said.
"Yeah, well it is really lucky me," grinned Doug. "I told her to let
me know any time she has an urge to put something in her mouth to
suck on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Academic Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ACADEMIC BULLSHIT PHRASES COMPLETED , , , , ,
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you
understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special
phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or
academic paper.
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...
I didn't look up the original reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...
These data are practically meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS
TO THE QUESTIONS"..
get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
The other results didn't make any sense.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"...
This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE".
Once.
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"...
Twice.
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"...
Thrice.
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"...
I think.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"...
A couple of others think so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE" ...
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
"ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"...
Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY-
OF THESE FINDINGS"...
A really wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer
glass.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED
BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"...
I don't understand it....and I never will.
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES".
They don't understand it either.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"...
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN
THIS FIELD"... I am pleased to feed you bullshit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Original Dreamie
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stock Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Normally I avoid discussing any advice regarding buying or selling
of stocks, but I felt this is important enough to share and warn you
since this explosive situation might prove to be yet another ENRON.
Please review any holdings you might have in the following stocks:
American Can
Interstate Water
National Gas Company
Northern Tissue Company
Due to uncertain market conditions, I advise you to sit tight on
your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may
be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom
today, and millions were wiped clean. It's a tough market out there.
Be careful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Lonely
http://silverandgol
Marlene/ I just came
http://summerhoosie
carolyn w/ Beyond The Sunset
http://tinyurl.
Melva sharing from Carol/Inside Your Heart
http://silverandgol
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
Fancy Carvings, the envy of every block!
http://www.extremep
The Shadowlands: Ghosts and Hauntings Via Wesley
http://theshadowlan
Daily With Our Troops #3
http://www.shangral
Common Misspelled Words
http://www.business
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Halloween Graphics
Gargoyle, ghost, Halloween+pumpkins, Haunted House
http://www.shangral
Monsters -[Frankenstein - Mummy - Warewolf] Moon
http://www.shangral
Pumpkin, Scooby, Trick Or Treat
http://www.shangral
Vampire, Witch, Wolf, Words:Boo, Words:Hallo
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www-hsc.
Kitty Korner
http://www.porzcat.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
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This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
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Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
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Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
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Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
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5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Mouse in Her Bra
http://www.buffalos
Movie
http://www.buffalos
Movie 1
http://www.buffalos
High Fireman
http://www.buffalos
Milt Show
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 2
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 3
http://www.buffalos
Lucky 4
http://www.buffalos
Magic 1320
http://www.buffalos
Magic Food
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Halloween Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BJ original Halloween do's and don'ts
If you hear a noise, and your companion says it's nothing, it is
something, get the heck out, run!
If you see a shadow where a shadow is not supposed to happen, run
for your car and get away.
If you friend wants to investigate that 'noise' in the basement, let
him. You get in the car and drive away.
If you car doesn't start in the woods, just kill yourself, you going
to die anyway.
For the girls: When you investigate a noise, put on a robe and turn
the lights on. In the movies, the girls always are half naked and
walk into a room where it is dark....but they never walk out.
You hear heavy breathing behind you....do not look back, sprint ...
run for your life forward.
A hand reaches from the grave and grabs your right foot. Use your
left foot and stomp the crap out of it and run for your life.
A vampire is stalking you....You tell it..."Dude I have AIDS"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
windows saving you money on your energy bills.
Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
dust,
pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
Draft
Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
archie
http://www.buffalos
area
http://www.buffalos
army's slogan
http://www.buffalos
army
http://www.buffalos
Arnold
http://www.buffalos
art
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
Jupiter Jack let's you talk without using your hands. It transmits
quality sound through the speakers in your car. Just plug Jupiter
Jack in your phone, preset your radio to 99.3 FM and you're ready to
start talking.
Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lady stockbroker quite hetera'
Decided her fortune to bettera.
On the floor, quite unclad,
She successively had
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner, et cetera...
************
There was a girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought all babies came from God.
But it wasn't the Almighty,
Who lifted her nighty,
'Twas Roger, the lodger, by God!
************
There once was an OB named Randy,
Whose rapport with young patients was dandy;
To get their feet high
In the stirrups, he'd try
Distraction, by giving them candy.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
PROUD father of an American Soldier
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
Sure Clip is the world's most advanced nail clipper. The wide,
rubberized non-slip comfort grip gives you complete control. The
professional quality steel blades give a clean, precise cut every
time. With an extra wide opening, Sure Clip even cuts thick, hard
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to clean up, no more squinting or struggling to see what you are
cutting. Order now and we'll give you a second one just pay separate
S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation. She's
laid on a rolling bed by the nurse and brought to the corridor.
Before they enter the room, the nurse leaves her behind the surgery
room door and goes in to check whether everything is ready. A young
man, wearing a white coat, approaches, takes the sheet away and
starts examining her naked body. He walks away and talks to another
man in a white coat. The second man comes over and performs the same
examination. When a third man starts examining her body so closely,
she grows impatient and says, "All these examinations are fine and
appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?" The man
in the white coat shrugs his shoulders, "I have no idea. We're just
painting the corridor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug brings his friend Bill home from work with him early one day.
They come upstairs to find his wife, and there she is in bed with
another man.
Doug turns calmly away from the doorway and says to Bill, "Let's go
downstairs and have a cup of coffee."
"Uh, okay," agrees Bill so they sit around the kitchen for the
longest time, until finally Bill can't stand it anymore. "Doug," he
blurts out, "what about the guy upstairs?"
"Fuck him," says Doug. "Let him make his own goddamn coffee."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Air Cutter
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Use the Air Cutter at no charge for 30 days, just pay shipping and
handling
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1705
Star Trek
BJ walks downstairs where the dogs are really into a Star Trek
Episode..
BJ: Okay which captain would win in a duel, Pickard or Kirk?
The dogs all look at each other with the look that says, 'You gotta
be kidding me.'
Rudy: There is not the slightest question...Kirk!
They all high five each other.
BJ: Tell me why. Pickard is the more intelligent one.
Sandi: It is like this...if Kirk's ship was adrift and he needed a
new ship. He would beam aboard Pickard's ship and then enter into
talks with pickard.
BJ: Right.
Katie: During the talks, Kirk would offer Pickard some whiskey and
start to drink him under the table.
Rudy: When Pickard wakes up, he would find himself in one of the
smaller crafts with only his skivees while Kirk would have had his
way with couselor Troy and then taken over his ship.
BJ: Pretty good analysis, but what if Pickard did not want to
drink.
Rudy: Then Kirk would have kicked the bejesus out of him and took
his ship. Then he gets it on with counselor Troy.
The dogs high five each other again.
BJ: Yeah, I see your point, he is a rascal.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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