Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
When we change our clocks...
Daylight Saving Time begins for most of the United States at 2 a.m.
on the second Sunday of March.
Time reverts to standard time at 2 a.m. on the first Sunday of
November. In the U.S., each time zone switches at a different time.
Twice a year, when Daylight Savings Time begins or ends, make it a
habit to not only change your clocks, but do a few other semi-annual
tasks that will improve safety in your home...
Do these things every 6 months when you reset your clocks:
Check and replace the batteries in your smoke and carbon monoxide
(CO) alarms. Replace any smoke alarms older than ten years. Replace
any CO alarms older than five years.
Prepare a disaster supply kit for your house (water, food,
flashlights, batteries, blankets).
Once you've created your home disaster kit, use the semi-annual time
change to check its contents (including testing/replacing flashlight
batteries).
A COLD winter is coming! Make a "winter car-emergency kit" now and
put your vehicle! (Don't know what to include? Do an Internet search
for "car emergency kit" and you'll find lots of ideas!)
It's a good idea to carry a car-emergency kit in your car
year-round, but be sure to add cold-weather gear to your general
car-emergency kit each fall. (Having a separate duffle/gear bag
clearly marked "Cold Gear" specifically for your cold weather
emergency gear makes it easy to add or take out of the car,
seasonally.) Like a Boy Scout, "Be Prepared!"
In cold weather, even a very minor car problem or flat tire can be
deadly serious, or at the very least, miserable to deal with, unless
you're well prepared.
Check home and outbuilding storage areas for hazardous materials.
Discard (properly, please) any which are outdated, no longer used,
or in poor condition. Move any which are within reach of kids or
pets.
Check and discard expired medications - those dates really DO have
meaning - some very common over-the-counter medications can cause
serious problems due to change through aging.
Remember to check the AGE of your detectors!
On November 2nd, 2007, the U. S. Consumer Product Safety Commission
(CPSC), press release #08-062, suggests not only to check/change
batteries in alarms, but also check the age of the alarms and
replace older alarms. The CPSC suggests that consumers replace smoke
alarms every ten years and replace carbon monoxide (CO) alarms every
five years. Sensors in smoke and carbon monoxide alarms degrade and
lose effectiveness over time through environmental contamination and
age.
buffalo says
Sounds like some good ideas that even those with hard wired smoke
detectors and living in warmer climates should think about.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with
plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs
are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder
in the sun.
During our home addition, the electrician was working in the
backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new
CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was
going to put it in the house.
Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, make sure you put it
where the sun doesn't shine!"
The electrician took a break.
Bill: "I met the foxiest lady today but she was tied up for the
evening."
Doug: "That's too bad."
Bill: "She gave me her phone number though."
Doug: "It sounds to me like you've got it made."
Bill: "I'm not too sure. She has a 900 number!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Doing The Driving
http://www.sydesjok
Domestic Dispute
http://www.sydesjok
Donald
http://www.sydesjok
the new police dog
http://www.thepostm
why the Olympics are in Rio this year
and not Chicago
http://www.thepostm
my server
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cop Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 signs that you are married to a cop....
10. When an argument starts.....he calls for backup.
9. Refers to the bedroom as "The Pokey."
8. Calls passing gas the "silent alarm."
7. Has a secret desire to see you in a Kevlar nightie.
6. Lots of references to the "old night stick."
5. Never hear him say "Oh man.....not donuts again!"
4. Refers to his winkie as the "Breathalyzer"
3. Stops you during lovemaking to ask if you know
how fast you were going.
2. Handcuffs don't turn him on anymore.
and the number one sign you are married to a cop......
1. Yes, that *is* a gun in his pocket!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You have to check out this video:
It's hilarious! Oh, and I hope they had good auto insurance.
Auto insurance can be a bit complicated. Between legal requirements,
optional coverage, deductible choices, and different coverage
levels, it's not always easy to figure out how to choose the best
policy. That's why we're here. Just enter some basic information and
we'll match you with a leading service provider who can save you up
to $500 on your auto insurance.
So, what are you waiting for? Get started Now!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maid Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The very snobbish wife was discussing the subject of Christmas
presents with her maid.
"Now what about the butler?" the rich woman said.
"A set of wine glasses?" the maid suggested.
The woman frowned icily. "He doesn't really need that. A butler
never entertains. He'll get a tie."
The maid grimaced, but said only, "What about a dress for Jenny, the
serving girl?"
The woman frowned again. "She doesn't really need a new dress.
She'll only get in trouble. We'll get her another apron."
The conversation continued in the same vein, and the maid was
chafing At her employer's arrogance when they reached her husband.
"I assume you want to get him something he really needs, madam?" the
maid replied.
"Of course," the woman replied.
"Then what about three more inches?" said the maid.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Use the Power of the Sun to Recharge your Portable Devices!
The JuiceBar Solar multi device solar charger is a must have gadget
if you have a PDA, iPod, smart phone or any other mobile
device.</br>
Don't get caught with no juice in your battery any more! Recharge
ANYTIME and ANYWHERE!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Accident Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to the pub with my grandfather and bought a couple of pints
of beer. My grandfather looked at his beer for a second and then,
"SLURP", he drank it down in one.
"Are you alright grandad?" I asked. "Yep" he said. So, I went to
the bar and bought another two pints.
Again, he looked at it for a second and then, "SLURP", down it all
went again in one go.
"Come on grandad. Tell me why you're drinking like that."
"It's ever since the accident," he said.
"What accident's that?" I asked.
"I was in here last night and some bastard spilled my beer."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
GIVE YOUR KIDS HOURS OF CREATIVE FUN! WITH 3-D STICKER ART!
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30 Pieces of Colored Foil
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
File Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy goes into a hardware store. He flags down an employee
and asks him for a file.
The employee points to a file at the right side of the cabinet, "You
want that bastard?"
"No," says the customer.
The employee points to a file at the left side of the cabinet, "You
want that bastard?"
"No," says the customer.
"Well, what do you want?"
The customer points to a file in the middle. "I want that son-of-a-
bitch right there."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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* Large Calendar Magnet
* Wallet Calendar
These products are perfect for gifts for customers, friends &
family!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What should you do when your girlfriend tells you she fakes orgasms?
Pretend you don't hear her.
As his last action in the White House, lame duck president George W.
Bush will mandate that all gas stations play porn at the pump so you
can see someone else getting screwed the same time you are.
A man brought his date back to his apartment, ripped both their
clothes off and then said, "I'd like you to meet my little friend."
The woman took a look, gathered her clothes and said, "Call me when
he grows up."
If it's true some men have a severe allergic reaction to latex
condoms that causes excessive swelling, what's the problem?
The judge asked the prostitute, "So when did you realize you had
been raped?" Wiping away tears, she replied, "When the check
bounced!"
An old professor got up one morning feeling like a 20 year old
student, but he couldn't find one on campus who was awake that
early.
A belligerent drunk walked into a tavern and yelled, "I can lick any
man in this place!" The bouncer replied, "Is this your first time in
a gay bar?"
What do you call two hookers who testify on behalf of their pimp?
Support hos.
What did the blonde sorority girl say after having multiple orgasms?
"So, do you all play for the same team?"
Why did the lesbian cut short her trip to China?
She missed her native tongue.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get YOUR Recipe Ebook
Enjoy this recipe Ebook filled with quick and easy recipes to get
you
through a hectic work week.
Act Now - Copy and paste the link below into your browser's address
bar:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/An American Family
http://silverandgol
Fall Back Via Juanita
http://www.my-
MARLENE,ITS ALRIGHT,NEW PAGE
http://summerhoosie
In My Life
http://www.reflecti
I Believe...
http://www.josdream
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Man In Bat Costume Via Candy
http://www.liveleak
Happy Halloween
http://mlski.
ML's Fun Stuff
http://mlski.
Pooh Hallowen
http://www.wtv-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away today for the last
time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
HOLIDAY FANCY WINDOWS (LINKABLE)
http://www.wtv-
I LOVE THE BLUES
http://monkeydo00.
Rob Spin My World ( Everyone all invited )
http://groups.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.dogofthe
Kitty Korner
http://www.actionca
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC
or laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Voting Ad
http://www.buffalos
Argument Settled
http://www.buffalos
Been Married To long
http://www.buffalos
Beer Diet
http://www.buffalos
Beer
http://www.buffalos
Bowling Bloopers
http://www.buffalos
Boy & Labrador
http://www.buffalos
Brass Pole
http://www.buffalos
Bud Light Wheel
http://www.buffalos
Brownie
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Class Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fall Classes for Women at
THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
By Thursday October 29, 2009
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS
MAXIMUM.
Class 1
Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..
Class 2
Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching
About It for 3 Hours? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks,
Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group
Debate. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and
Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning At 7:00 PM
Class 6
How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the
Program Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday
and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and
Shampoos? Open Forum. Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance
Claim. Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers
Through the Windshield. Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be
determined
Class 12
How to Shop by Yourself.
Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued
to the survivors.
Send this to all your guy friends for the best chuckle of their day
....
And to all your gal friends who have a sense of humor.
HAVE YOURSELF A GOOD'UN
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Derek Jeter Half Dollar
In 2009, Derek Jeter made baseball history and we're honoring him on
this brilliant, uncirculated, genuine US Half Dollar. Layered in
pure 24K gold, this coin is a great gift for any baseball fan. This
limited edition coin is officially licensed and comes with a
certificate of authenticity.
Own your piece of baseball history today.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just Once
http://www.buffalos
IRS
http://www.buffalos
It Fits
http://www.buffalos
Crane
http://www.buffalos
Marriage Penalty
http://www.buffalos
Coffee Break
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turbo Snake is the fastest and easiest way to unclog any drain in
your bathroom guaranteed.
Simply glide the Turbo Snake down the drain, give it a twirl, and
the specially designed hooks grab onto the hair and gunk to remove
the clog with ease. Works on slow or clogged drains. The Large Turbo
Snake for showers and tubs has a bigger hair grabbing pad and the
Small Turbo Snake has a smaller head for sinks.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
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There once was a slimmer named Steen
Who grew so phenomenally lean
And flat, and compressed,
That his back touched his chest,
So that sideways he couldn't be seen.
____________
There was a young lady named Melanie,
Who was asked by a man, "Do you sell any?"
She replied, "No, siree.
I give it for free.
To sell it, dear sir, is a felony.
____________
I wooed a buxom young nude in Bermuda,
I was lewd, but my God! She was lewder.
She said it was crude
To be wooed in the nude --
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her!
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Out Paste - Instant Stain Remover - As Seen On TV!
Frustrated with stains! Instant Stain Remover You Can Use
Everywhere! Stop living with unsightly stains & throwing clothes
out. Out Paste will SAVE YOU MONEY!
Out! Can be used on tough stains from food, oil, perspiration,
grease, grass, ink, dirt, red wine, pets, even set in stains. Out!
can be used on hundreds of stains on clothing, carpeting,
upholstery, leather, vinyl, metal, hands, and more.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
She looked so fair,
in the midnight air,
With the wind blowing up her nightie...
Her tits hung loose,
like the balls of a moose,
Jesus Christ Almighty...
The nipples on her tits were as big as my thumb,
The wiggle of her ass could make a dead man come,
She sucks like a vacuum,
and she's real fucking dumb,
She's the girl for me.
buffalo says What's her phone number?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Original Dreamie
Now enjoy the comfort of your own bed wherever you go. Dreamie is a
top sheet, bottom sheet and pillow all in one. You'll have silky
soft, comfortable and clean sheets wherever you lounge. Use it for
house guests, sleepovers, traveling and more. Now available in three
great colors - natural ivory, rich espresso and ruby red.
Order now and we'll give you a second one at no charge.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was on my way to Wal*Mart this morning to do my
part to stimulate the economy and I found myself
behind this little rice burner of a car bearing a bumper
sticker that read... " We did it! - Obama / Biden ".
Well, as luck would have it she pulled along side of me
at a red light about a half mile down the road. I beeped
my horn and gave her a big thumbs up.
She rolled down her window and I said... "I love your
bumper sticker ! " She thanked me and I quickly added, "
It's good that you are taking responsibility for your mistake ! "
She gave me the finger and drove off
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
Sure Clip is the world's most advanced nail clipper. The wide,
rubberized non-slip comfort grip gives you complete control. The
professional quality steel blades give a clean, precise cut every
time. With an extra wide opening, Sure Clip even cuts thick, hard
nails. There's even a built in diamond-edge steel file, to smooth
edges or for quick touch ups. No more flying clips, no more bending
to clean up, no more squinting or struggling to see what you are
cutting. Order now and we'll give you a second one just pay separate
S&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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