Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Buffy's computer came back from Lenovo today with another new
keyboard and some other repairs. Pretty hard to beat 4 day round
trip service on any computer. You have to pay a bit extra in the
beginning
but they do treat you great for three years. That leaves one more
computer to fix.
The EPA reached an agreement to keep the ships on the Great Lakes
that are burning heavy fuel oil. The change may upset those who are
behind improving air quality but Great Lakes shipping is the most
fuel efficient method of shipping bulk cargo like grain and iron
ore.
The fleet of trucks that would replace it will cause much more
pollution
than they would be stopping. Converting those that can be used with
a lighter fuel oil would cost an additional 200 million a year, a
cost
that would be passed onto their customers and eventually onto us.
The last bad reason for the plan was that it would hurt the auto and
steel industries more than any other and close down businesses. I
am just glad to see those ships that bring so many fond memories
saved. My dad retired from the Locks in the eighties and we daily
heard stories of the ships passing through and whose crews were
the most friendly. There were a few Salties my dad liked but for
the
most part the ocean going ships from different countries were more
difficult to handle because of the language differences and the
higher decks made it harder to transfer people to the dock to help
with line handling.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wanna know why I refer to my ex wife as Federal Express? Because
when
she goes to a guy's house, it's absolutely, positively guaranteed
that
she'll be there overnight.
Every Amish woman's private fantasy is two Mennonite.
The biology teacher at the all-girl academy was handing back a test
on
male anatomy on which the girls did poorly. "I don't understand why
you girls can't understand the male sex organ. You've had it pounded
into you all semester.
My ex came into the bedroom one night holding a jalapeno pepper in
his
hand. I asked him why he would bring pepper to our bedroom? He told
me
that we needed to spice up our love life!
Why was Bill Clinton so upset during the primary season?
If he had known 10 years ago how good Hillary would be at
blowing the
presidency, he wouldn't have needed Monica.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One...men will screw anything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
I can't spell
http://www.thepostm
beer belt
http://www.thepostm
I don't mind
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Internet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
What Is The Internet ? - A FAQ For Beginners
Q. What's a FAQ ?
A. This text is.. it means "Frequently Asked Questions"
Q. Oh, so it's not a dirty word then ?
A. No, - it just sounds a bit like one.
Q. So, What, exactly, is the Internet?
A. The Internet is a worldwide network of university, government,
business, and private computer systems.
Q. Who runs it?
A. A 12-year-old named Kevin.
Q. How can I get on the Internet?
A. The easiest way is to sign up with one of the
popular commercial "on-line" services, such as AOL,
CompuServe, Netscape Online, BT Internet, etc, etc,
which will give you their program disks for free. Or,
if you just leave your house unlocked, they'll sneak
in some night and install their programs on your
computer when you're sleeping. They are really
desperate for your business with them.
Q. What are the benefits of these services?
A.The major benefit is that they all have simple, "user-friendly"
interfaces that enable you -- even if you have no previous computer
experience -- to provide the on-line services with the information
they need to automatically put monthly charges on your credit card
bill forever.
Q. What if I die?
A. They don't care.
Q. Can't I cancel my account?
A. Of course! You can cancel your account at anytime.
Q. How?
A. Nobody has ever been able to find out. Some of us
have been trying for years to cancel our on-line
service accounts, but no matter what we do, the
charges keep appearing on our bills. We're thinking of
entering the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Q. What if I have children?
A. You'll want an anaesthetic, because it really hurts.
Q. No, I mean What if my children also use my Internet
account?
A. You should just sign your house and major internal
organs over to the on-line service right now.
Q. Aside from running up charges, what else can I do
once I'm connected to an on-line service?
A. Millions of things! An incredible array of things!
No end to the number of things you can do!
Q. Like what?
A. You can ... ummmm ... OK! I have one! You can chat.
Q. Chat?
A. Chat.
Q. I can already chat. I chat with my friends.
A. Yes, but on the Internet, which connects millions of
people all over the entire globe, you can chat with
total strangers, many of whom are boring and stupid!
Q. Sounds great! How does it work?
A. Well, first you decide which type of area you wish to
chat in. Some areas are just for general chatting, and
some are for specific interest groups, such as Teens,
Poets, Cat Lovers, Religious People, Gays, Gay Teens Who
Read Religious Poetry to Cats, and of course Guys Having Pointless
Arguments About Sports. At any given moment, an area can contain
anywhere from two to dozens of people, who use clever fake names
such as "ByteMe2" so nobody will l know their real identities.
Q. What are their real identities?
A. They represent an incredible range of people, people
of all ages, in all kinds of fascinating fields from
scientists to singers, from writers to wranglers, from
actors to athletes -- you could be talking to almost
anybody on the Internet!
Q. Really?
A. No. You re almost always talking to losers and hormone-crazed
13-year-old boys. But they pretend to be writers, wranglers,
scientists, singers, etc.
Q. What do people talk about in chat areas?
A.Most chat-area discussions revolve around the
fascinating topic of who is entering and leaving the
chat area. A secondary, but equally fascinating topic
is where everybody lives. Also, for a change of pace,
every now and then the discussion is interrupted by a hormone-crazed
13-year-old boy wishing to talk dirty to women -- or to other
13-year-old boys. To give you an idea of how scintillating the
repartee can be, here's a re-creation of a typical chat area
dialogue (Do not read this scintillating repartee while operating
heavy machinery.)
LilBrisket: Hi everybody
Wazootyman: Hi LilBrisket
Toadster: Hi Bris
Lungftook: Hi B
LilBrisket: What's going on?
Toadster: Not much
Lungftook: Pretty quiet
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
LilBrisket: No
Toadster: Nope
Lungftook: Sorry
(LONGISH PAUSE)
UvulaBob: Hi everybody
Toadster: Hi UvulaBob
Lungftook: Hi Uvula
LilBrisket: Hi UB
Wazootyman: Hi U
UvulaBob: What's happening?
LilBrisket: Kinda slow
Toadster: Same old same old
Lungflook: Pretty quiet
Jason56243837: LilBrisket, take off your panties
LilBrisket: OK, but I'm a man
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Wazootyman: UvulaBob, are you from Texas?
UvulaBob: No.
(LONGISH PAUSE)
Lungftook: Well, gotta run.
Toadster: 'bye, Lungflook
LilBrisket: Take 'er easy, Lungster
Wazootyman: See ya around, Lung
UvulaBob: So long, L
(LONGISH PAUSE)
PolypMaster: Hi everybody
LilBrisket: Hey, PolypMaster
Toadster: Yo, Polyp
UvulaBob: Hi, P
PolypMaster: What's going on?
LilBrisket: Not much
Toadster: Pretty quiet
UvulaBob: Kinda slow ...
And so it goes in the chat areas, hour after riveting
hour, where the ideas flow fast and furious, and at
any moment you could learn some fascinating nugget of global-network
information, such as whether or not PolypMaster comes from Texas.
Q. I've heard that people sometimes use Internet chat
areas to have "cybersex." What exactly is that?
A. This is when two people send explicitly steamy
messages to each other, back and forth, back and
forth, faster and faster, hotter and hotter, faster
and faster and hotter and harder and harder until
OHHHH GODDDDDDDD they suddenly find that they have a
bad case of sticky keyboard, if you get my drift.
Q. That's disgusting!
A. Yes.
Q. Could you give an example?
A. Certainly
( Continued below)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
3000 Miles - Gumball 3000 DVD Offer
See what happens when Tony Hawk and the stars of MTVs 'Jackass' race
3000 miles around the world from London to Los Angeles in just 8
days against 120 supercars in the famous Gumball 3000 Rally.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Internet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Born2Bone: I want you NOW
HunniBunni: I want YOU now
Born2Bone: I want to take off your clothes
HunniBunni: Yes! YES!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your clothes
HunniBunni: OH YESSSS
(LONGISH PAUSE)
HunniBunni: Is something wrong?
Born2Bone: I can't unhook your brassiere
HunniBunni: I'll do it
Born2Bone: Thanks. Oh my god! I'm touching your,
umm, your...
HunniBunni:Copious bosoms?
Born2Bone: Yes! Your copious bosoms! I'm touching
them!
HunniBunni: YES!
Born2Bone: Both of them!
HunniBunni: YESSS!!
Born2Bone: I'm taking off your panties!
HunniBunni: You already did.
Born2Bone: Oh, OK. You're naked! I'm touching your
entire nakedness!
HunniBunni: YESSSSSS!!!
Wazootyman: Anybody here from Texas?
Born2Bone: No
HunniBunni: No
Born2Bone: I am becoming turgid in my manfulness!
HunniBunni: YES! YES YOU ARE!! YOU ARE A BULL! YOU
ARE MY GREAT BIG RAGING BULL STALLION!
Wazootyman: Hey, thanks
HunniBunni: Not you
Born2Bone: I AM A STALLION! I AM A RAGING, BULGING
BULL STALLION, AND I AM THRUSTING MY ... MY ... ummm ...
HunniBunni: Your love knockwurst?
Born2Bone: YES! I AM THRUSTING MY LOVE KNOCKWURST
INTO YOUR ... YOUR...
HunniBunni: Promise you won't laugh?
Born2Bone: Yes
HunniBunni: My passion persimmon
Born2Bone: Ha ha!
HunniBunni: You promised!
Born2Bone: Sorry. OK, here goes I AM THRUSTING MY
MASSIVE KNOCKWURST OF LOVE INTO YOUR PASSION
PERSIMMON!
HunniBunni: YES! YES! YES!
Born2Bone: OHHH! IT FEELS SO GOOD!! I FEEL POWERFUL!!
HunniBunni: YOU ARE POWERFUL, BORN2BONE!! I FEEL
YOUR POWER INSIDE ME!!!
Born2Bone: IT FEELS LIKE, LIKE ...
HunniBunni: Like what?
Born2Bone: IT FEELS JUST LIKE, OHMIGOD ... OHMIGOD ...
HunniBunni: TELL ME, BORN2BONE!! TELL WHAT IT FEELS
LIKE!!
Born2Bone: OH LORD IT FEELS LIKE... IT FEELS LIKE
WHEN I BREAK A TIE VOTE IN THE SENATE!
HunniBunni: What did you say?
Born2Bone: Whoops
HunniBunni: It feels like when you break a tie vote
in the Senate?
Born2Bone: Umm, listen, what I meant was ...
HunniBunni: This is you, isn't it, Al? ISN'T IT??
YOU JERK!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ATTENDING A STATE
FUNERAL THIS AFTERNOON!!!
Born2Bone: Tipper?
HunniBunni: Whoops
Q. Aside from chatting, what else can I do on the
Internet?
A. You can join one of the thousands of forums wherein
people, by posting messages, discuss political topics
of the day.
Q. Like what?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. There's a forum for Barry Manilow?
A. There's a forum for everything.
Q. What happens on these forums?
A. Well, on the Barry Manilow forum, for example,
fans post messages about how much they love Barry
Manilow, and other fans respond by posting messages
about how much they love Barry Manilow, too. And
then sometimes the forum is invaded by people
posting messages about how much they hate Barry
Manilow, which in turn leads to angry counter
messages and vicious name-calling that can go on
for months.
Q. Just like junior high school!
A. But even more pointless.
Q. Are there forums about sex?
A. Zillions of them.
Q. What do people talk about on those?
A. Barry Manilow.
Q. No, really.
A. OK, they talk about sex, but it is not all
titillating. Often you'll find highly scientific
discussions that expand the frontiers of human
understanding.
Q. It is a beautiful thing, the Internet.
A. Indeed it is.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bull Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside
a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls.
The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned
off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."
The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments,
"See! That was more than 5 times a month!"
The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen,
this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."
Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some
10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"
Her husband is getting really annoyed with this
comparison.
The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary
specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"
The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells,
"That's once a day, every day of the year! How about
YOU?!"
The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back,
"Sure, once a day!....... But ask the auctioneer if
they were all with the same cow!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young woman, (a new teacher) was giving an assignment to her Grade
6 class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing
high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of
the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny
Pat?"
"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."
"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for
three days."
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had
forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of
the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another
male student. She quickly turns and asks,"What's so funny Billy?"
"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."
Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment
is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."
Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns
around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an
all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see
Little Johnny leaving the classroom.
"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.
"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pissing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This guy is sitting at the end of the bar looking gloomy. His friend
arrives and sits down beside him. "Why so glum, chum?" he asks his
sad friend.
"Oh, its my wife, she beats me at everything we compete at. Jogging,
bowling, tennis, cards...just everything."
The friend orders a beer and pauses to think. "I know," he exclaims,
"Challenge her to a pissing contest."
"A pissing contest?"
"Surely you can out distance her on that...do it on the front lawn
so you can see the difference."
"Ok, I'll do it."
So he goes home and says to his wife, "I challenge you to distance
pissing contest. We'll meet on the front lawn after dark."
So they each prepare themselves drinking lots of beverage
prior to the contest. After dark they meet and the husband suggests
the wife go first. So she drops her drawers and lets out with a
modest shower.
Hubby steps up, drops his drawers, and grabs his
'equipment'.
His wife says,..... "Ah, no, dear. No hands allowed."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get YOUR Recipe Ebook
Enjoy this recipe Ebook filled with quick and easy recipes to get
you
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/I'll Meet You In Church
http://silverandgol
Old Barns, Old People, Old Friends
http://www.shangral
Cherished Love
http://www.reflecti
Seasons In Time
http://candlelitedr
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Camp Blood: The Home of Jason Voorhees
http://campblood.
Freddy Krueger File
http://www.houseofh
Boris Karlof Links
http://www.karloff.
Chucky in Child's Play
http://www.imdb.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Tandem Colors
http://tandemtables
Gifs - Continental Divide
http://www.angelfir
Upgrade from Windows Vista to Windows 7.
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://whiteshadow.
Kitty Korner
http://www.petplace
http://cats.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Links
Candid Camera Africa
http://www.buffalos
Clean Your Glasses
http://www.buffalos
Dimitri The Stud
http://www.buffalos
DNA Test
http://www.buffalos
Dronkrn
http://www.buffalos
Microsoft No More Keyboards
http://www.buffalos
Monkey's helping Hands
http://www.buffalos
Moose family
http://www.buffalos
More Fishing With Bill Dance
http://www.buffalos
Mortar Fire
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get
rid
of your control top panty hose." While this was on the edge of
intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning the man woke his wife
with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you
firmed
these up, we could get rid of your bra." This was beyond a silent
response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his penis. With a
death grip in place, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we
could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the vibrator and your
brother!"
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a
bath.
"Mum", he asked, "are these my brains?" "Not yet," she replied .
A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her
first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell
you,"
the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend." "I'm not
surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or
later.
I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience." "Well,
yes
and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt
great, but after them my pussy got really sore."
Men like love at first sight. It saves them a lot of time.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Derek Jeter Half Dollar
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
baboons
http://www.buffalos
bed
http://www.buffalos
beer goggles
http://www.buffalos
before sex
http://www.buffalos
bitchin head
http://www.buffalos
bite my ass
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was an old lady named Mabel
Who said, 'I don't think that I'm able;
But I'm willing to try
So where should I lie -
On the bed, on the floor or the table?'
____________
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.
____________
There was an old maid from Luck,
Who took it into her head to fuck.
She was about to resign
'Till she hung out a sign:
"Come in, I've decided to suck."
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man with a fetish for very large women walks into
a brothel. When asked what he wants, he says 'I want
a really large woman - as big as possible.' He is
shown this enormous woman, but he shakes his head -
'nope, not fat enough. Get someone bigger than that.'
He is shown another, even more enormous woman.
'Nope, still not big enough. I tell you what - give
me the biggest woman you have!'. He is shown the
biggest woman who works in the brothel. She is
unbelievably big - 'That's more like it!'
He is taken off to a room by the woman, and presently
is on top of her going about satisfying his sexual
desires. After a few minutes of heaving and groaning,
he suddenly stops and says to the woman -
'Sorry. Do you mind if I turn the light off?' to
which the woman replies
'It's me, isn't it? I'm so big that you find me
unattractive.
'No, not at all! I think you're a very attractive
woman. It's just that the light bulb's burning my ass!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Original Dreamie
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentence can
lead to a nice story?
Here's an example:
Oh John please don't touch me at all...!
Oh John please don't touch me at...!
Oh John please don't touch...!
Oh John please don't...!
Oh John please...!
Oh John..!
Ohhh......!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1711
Halloween Tales
Sandi: Daddy, tell us one of your Scary Halloween tales...
BJ: Okay, here is one... It is called 'The End'.
Katie: Turn off the lights first.
Click!
The End
BJ and Diana were staying in their cabin high in the Rockies
along
with their dogs. The TV had been turned off as was the radio. The
cell phones were powered off. This was a time for creativity and
down
time. Two weeks a year they turned to nature and sought out peace
and quiet so BJ could concentrate on his writings and Diana could
sew and practice singing. The dogs would play in the woods and
hunt.
The two weeks flew by and the chill in the air bespoke of
winter
approaching and it was time to leave.
BJ: Sadly, it is time to turn on the dreadful TV to check the
weather.
Diana: Yes, I do not miss the TV, but we need to know what is going
on with the weather.
Static....
BJ: Odd, perhaps the satellite dish is messed up.
Diana: I will get the radio.
Static...
BJ: Nevermind, I can phone the neighbors back home and find out the
weather.
Dead tone...
Diana: Look our neighbor, Mr Jackson who has the cabin up the ridge
is running towards us. He looks scared to death.
BJ opens the door.
Mr Jackson: They are coming! Run for your lives, it may be too
late
already.
BJ: Here here Mr Jackson, what are you talking about?
Mr Jackson: Haven't you been watching TV before they took it out?
Diana: We have not watched TV for two weeks.
Mr Jackson: My God man, we have been invaded! They control most of
the world and are hunting and killing us.
to be continued
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Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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