Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Let's see who is having a birthday this month
October
1. Julie Andrews, Mark McGwire, Amy Wilson
2. Sting, Groucho Marx
3. Dave Winfield, Chubby Checker, Stevie Ray Vaughan
4. Tony LaRussa, Alicia Silverstone, Susan Sarandon
5. Grant Hill, Mario Lemieux, Karen Allen, Mamared Rexrode
6. Rebecca Lobo, Britt Ekland, Diana Hughes
7. John Cougar Mellencamp, Bishop Desmond Tutu
8. Jesse Jackson, Chevy Chase, Sigourney Weaver
9. John Lennon, Jackson Browne
10. David Lee Roth, Dave DeBusschere, Tanya Tucker
11. Steve Young, Luke Perry, Eleanor Roosevelt, Joan Yaeger
12. Marion Jones, Luciano Pavarotti, Kirk Cameron
13. Jerry Rice, Paul Simon, Marie Osmond
14. Dwight Eisenhower, Roger Moore, Ralph Lauren
15. Jim Palmer, Lee Iacocca
16. Juan Gonzalez, Angela Lansbury, Orel Hershiser
17. Evel Knievel, Arthur Miller, George Wendt, Pat Rose
18. Martina Navratilova, Mike Ditka, Jean-Claude Van Damme
19. John Lithgow
20. Tom Petty, Mickey Mantle, Virgie Pembleton, Lesley Bilewitz
21. Carrie Fisher, Whitey Ford
22. Jeff Goldblum, Tony Roberts, Christopher Lloyd
23. Michael Crichton, Johnny Carson, Sandra McCall
24. Kevin Kline
25. Pablo Picasso, Pam Suiter
26. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Pat Sajack
27. Dylan Thomas, Theodore Roosevelt, Emily Post, Morgan Dellin
28. Bill Gates, Bruce Jenner, Julia Roberts, Cheryl Anthony
29. Winona Ryder, Richard Dreyfuss, Denis Potvin
30. Grace Slick, John Adams
31. Dan Rather, Jane Pauley
We got a really hard frost last night and I sealed my bedroom up
and turned on the heat. I get way too many aches and pains when
it is cold. I guess I should have stayed in California, but then we
never
would have met.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Investment Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
INVESTMENT VOCABULARY
EBITDA: Earnings Before I Tricked Damned Auditor
EBIT: Earnings Before Irregularities & Tampering
CEO: Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO: Corporate Fraud Officer
NAV: Normal Anderson Valuation
FRS: Fantasy Reporting Standards
P/E: Parole Entitlement
EPS: Eventual Prison Sentence
Bull Market: A random market movement causing
an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market: A 6-18 month period when the kids
get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and
the husband gets no sex.
Momentum Investing: The fine art of buying high
and selling low.
Value Investing: The are of buying low and selling lower.
P/E Ratio: The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.
Broker: What my broker has made me.
"BUY-BUY": A flight attendant making market
recommendations as you step off the airplane.
Standard & Poor: My life in a nutshell.
Stock Analyst: Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
Stock Split: When your ex-wife and her lawyer split
your assets equally between themselves.
Financial Planner: A guy who actually remembers
his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper
and cigarettes.
Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
Cash Flow: The movement your money makes as it
disappears down the toilet.
Yahoo: What you yell after selling it to some poor
sucker for $240. per share.
Windows 7: What you jump out of when you're
the sucker that bought Yahoo at $240./share.
Institutional Investor: Past year investor who's now
locked up in a nut house.
Profit: Religious guy who talks to G-d.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
hey Ruthie
http://www.thepostm
not a bad idea
http://www.thepostm
this little guy
http://www.thepostm
Deer In A Tree
http://www.sydesjok
Deer Season
http://www.sydesjok
Definition Of A Consultant
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A proposed Nebraska law will allow parents to abandon their
teenagers if they can't handle them. To which Britney Spears
asked, "Why would anyone wait that long to abandon their kids?"
- - - - -
The founder of Enzyte was convicted of defrauding customers
Seeking male sexual enhancement products. Ironically, he will
end up becoming the product himself and provide sexual
enhancement performance to all his cellmates.
- - - - -
Now we go from the Beijing Olympics to the Democratic
Convention. Oh goody. That's like going from a naked super
model hot tub party to a root canal appointment.
- - - - -
Trojan is giving away free condoms at the Democratic
National Convention. It makes sense because it seems
Democrats have been screwing each other since the
convention started.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Corn Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two guys are stranded in the desert dying of thirst. As they're
walking along they see a little shack. They run up to it and knock
on the door. This big, fat, hairy, smelly, ugly, lady answers. The
first man tells the lady about their situation and begs her for a
drink.
The women says, "Sure, if you fuck me."
The first man replies, "I would rather die in this desert, then
sleep with your fat smelly ass."
The second man wants to live and agrees to do the deed. The second
man and the women enter the shack, leaving the first man outside.
The women says, "fuck me then!" The man agrees to do it only if she
will close her eyes. He looks around the shack and sees a table full
of corn on the cob. He picks one up, fucks her with it and throws it
out the window. The women opens her eyes and asks for it again.
The man agrees and repeats the deed. The women is finally satisfied
and agrees to give the gentleman and his friend some water. The man
calls his friend in and informs him that the women is going to give
them some water.
The friend replies, "Fuck the water, I want some more of that
buttered corn."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Football Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 SIGNS YOU WATCH TOO MUCH FOOTBALL
10. Before sex, you flip a coin to see who will receive.
9. You've been banned from the A&P for spiking melons.
8. To feel closer to some of your favorite players, you tear the
cartilage in your knee.
7. The kids bring home a good report card and you dump Gatorade on
'em.
6. Most humans: 75% water, you: 75% chip dip.
5. During sex, you use a play clock.
4. You pay $22 million to have Deion Sanders shovel off your
driveway.
3. For the last two months, you've been wearing nothing but a cup.
2. You fell in love with your wife because she looks like John
Madden.
1. After sex, you go for the 2-point conversion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Genius Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I met a guy on the golf course who played
to scratch using nothing more than a large
weight on the end of broom handle for
everywhere except the green, and an old
umbrella for putting.
In the nineteenth, I told him how impressed I was.
"I guess it's because I'm a genius" he
replied casually. "I find things so easy
that I have to make everything more difficult."
"Snooker for example," he continued, "I play
with a rubber bung stuck on the end of a metal
pole twisted like a corkscrew. I could still
beat Ronnie O'Sullivan with one hand tied
behind my back. I have to make it difficult,
or I get bored.
"Or rifle shooting," he went on. "I've taken
the sights off the gun, hold it one handed
[left hand even though I'm right handed]
sight with my right eye [even though the gun's
in my left hand] and stand on one leg while
the rest lie prone to hold the weapon stable.
Even then, I could win easily whenever I want.
Nothing's any fun unless I can make it into a
challenge."
I was impressed. "Got any kids?" I inquired.
"Yes," he replied. "And before you ask ......
Standing up in a hammock."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honeymoon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
On his honeymoon, a very thick redneck farmer, Billy Joe, insisted
on
having a room at the luxury hotel with a balcony overlooking the
sea.
On retiring for the night after the wedding, his new bride emerged
from
the bathroom dressed in some very sexy lingerie.
"Hey Billy Joe, come in off the balcony and see what I have waiting
for
you to savor for the first time" she said coyly.
"No thanks, I want to sit out here," he said.
So Daisy sat down brushing her golden hair for 10 minutes after
which
she invited Billy Joe once more to come in off the balcony to take
pleasure of her virginal body. Once more he refused. Eventually
Daisy
grew tired of waiting and she retired to the wedding bed and fell
asleep.
In the morning, she awoke to find him still sitting on the balcony.
"Why did you spend the whole night out there when you could have
been
making love all night?" she asked.
"Well my pa said the first night of my marriage would be the most
beautiful night of my whole life - and I didn't want to miss a
moment of
it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Autumn'
http://silverandgol
Autumn's Gentle Reminders
http://www.loratrue
John w/ Chances Are
http://heavens-
HEAVEN OR HELL
http://www.wtv-
Dancing Friend
http://www.carolspo
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Surfin Surfari
Four-Winged Fossil Bridges Bird-Dinosaur Gap ? Via Wesley
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WordSpy Via Wesley
http://www.wordspy.
Flower Garden Bulb Via Dianne
http://www.flower-
Old Forty Fives.com Home Page
http://oldfortyfive
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Old Versions of your Favorite Software!
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Junkbusters
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Email Tools
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
The Chronicles Of The Oba Messiah
http://www.buffalos
Then God Made Woman
http://www.buffalos
The Potato Heads
http://www.buffalos
The Wood Spider
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Thirsty Monkey
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Fedex Castaway
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Femme
http://www.buffalos
German Engineering
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God Bless The USA
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Grimper Rocher
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The easiest way to figure out exactly when you got pregnant is to
have
sex once a year.
Back in the 50's when mothers and daughters actually used to discuss
such things as dating, Carol had been dating one fellow for over
three
months and her Mother was becoming concerned. "Exactly what are
Bruce's intentions?" she asked her daughter. "I'm not sure, Mother,"
Carol replied. "He's been keeping me pretty much in the dark."
I think it's important to remember that we just can't be good at
everything. For example, look at Liberace, he was a great pianist,
but
he sucked on the organ.
A chastity belt is a labor-saving device.
On the eve of the couple's tenth wedding anniversary, the still slim
wife was bragging about her figure. "You know, honey," she said, "I
can still get into the same skirts I did before we were married."
"Yeah?" the husband replied as he turned his attention back to the
ballgame on TV. "I wish to Hell I could."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
blowjob dog
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blowjob means
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blue balls
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blue bird
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blue cross
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blurry finger
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Poetry Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mr Cadbury and Ms Rowntree went off for the weekend...
It was After Eight.
She was from Quality Street and he was a Fishermans Friend.
On the way they stopped at a Yorkie Bar.
He had a Rum and Butter and she had a Wine Gum.
He asked her name. She said Polo, I'm the one with the hole. But I'm
the one with the Nuts he thought.
Then he touched her Milky Way.
They checked in and went straight to the bedroom.
Mr Cadbury turned out the light for a bit of Black Magic.
It wasn't long before he slipped his hand into her Snickers and felt
the contrast of her Double Deckers.
Then he showed her his Curly Wurly.
But Ms Rowntree wasn't keen as she already had a few Jelly Babies,
So
she let him take a trip down Bourneville Boulevard. He was pleased
as
he always fancied a bit of Fudge nudging. It was a Magic Moment as
she let out of scream of Turkish Delight. When he came out his Fun
Sized Mars Bar felt a bit Crunchie.
She wanted more but he decided to take a Time Out.
However, he noticed her Pink Wafers looked very appetising.
So he did a Twirl and had a Picnic in her Sherbert.
At the same time he gave her a Gob Stopper.
Unfortunately Mr Cadbury had to go home to his wife Caramel.
Sadly, he was soon to discover he had caught V.D.
It turns out Ms Rowntree had a Box of Assorted Creams.
She really had been with All Sorts.
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A sweet little girl was leading her dog through the park when an old
man stopped her, saying, "That sure is a pretty dress you're
wearing."
The little girl smiled and said, "Thank you, sir. My mama bought it
for
me. This is my dog Porky."
The old man chuckled. "I'll bet a nickel I can guess why you call
him
that."
She shook her head. "I'll bet you can't."
He laughed and said, "You called him Porky because he's so fat."
She shook her head. "No sir, we call him that because he shags
pigs."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea.
The mother wants to show her daughter that she's a hip parent and
tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and
what it's like for her.
"So," says the mom, "now that you have started dating, what's it
like getting intimate with young men?"
"Oh, you know how it is," replies the daughter. "Boys are always
insensitive and never care if intimacy isn't working for me."
"How?" asks mom.
"Oh, stuff." says daughter.
"Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for
mothers and daughters to talk about these matters," continues mom.
"I don't know," answers the daughter.
"Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what
dating boys was like for me," says mom.
"OK," says the reluctant daughter. "For starters, how do you get
their cum out of your hair?"
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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