Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I drove out to see Nancy the other night just before
dark and saw a couple of deer in the neighbor's field
behind his barn. You seem to forget about sharing
the country till this time of year when they seem to
want to share the road with us.
There are over 60,000 deer-car accidents a year in the
State of Michigan and between the farmer groups and the
insurance companies they would rather see them gone.
On the side of increasing herd sizes are the hunters and
animal lovers so it has become quite a battle. For those
driving through the north there are no ways to really avoid
accidents. The little ultrasonic repellers that mount
on your bumpers are gospel to some and worthless ornaments
to others, mainly depending on whether you hit a deer
while you are using them. It is true that a crash with
a deer is safer with a larger vehicle but I have seen
semi drivers killed in collisions where the deer went
through the windshield and ended up in the sleeper. I
have also seen trucks hauled in with missing saddle
tanks and crushed fenders, it really only matters how
fast you were driving and the weight of the deer.
Anyhow keep it in mind if you have to travel northern
rural roads after dark to slow down and give added
caution to what is going on around you and carry a
skinning knife with you... Don't let that road kill go
to waste.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Waterfall Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A German, an American and an Englishman were exploring the jungle
when they came across an breathtakingly beautiful waterfall.
After admiring it for a while, the American says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of the great American Constitution, you
know,
where every atom of water is
like an individual who has the freedom to make it's own way through
the world in unison with nature."
The German says, "When I look at this waterfall, I think of the
great
German economy, strong and powerful and smooth running."
The Englishman, when asked about his thoughts says, "When I look at
this waterfall, I think of oral sex."
The American and the German look at him in amazement.
"What is it about this waterfall makes you think of oral sex?"
"Uh, everything I look at makes me think of oral sex."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dirty Car
http://www.sydesjok
Dirty Mind
http://www.sydesjok
Disabled
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Scene at City Hall in San Francisco or Ottawa or..........
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." "Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones." "Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance.
"Yes, we're brothers." "Brothers? You can't get married." "Why not?
Aren't you giving marriage licenses to
same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings.
That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do
love each other. Besides, we don't have any other
prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and
lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection
under the law. If you are not gay,
you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry
a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight
doesn't mean I want to marry a woman.
I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim, Are you going to discriminate
against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license.
Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert,
Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves
June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that
we
can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship.
we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." "So
you're discriminating against bisexuals!" "No, it's just that, well,
the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for
couples." "Since
when are you standing on tradition?" "Well, I mean, you have to draw
the line somewhere." "Who says? There's no logical reason to limit
marriage to couples. The more the better. Besides, we demand our
rights!
The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under
the
law. Give us a marriage license!" "All right, all right.
Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to
marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of
marriage!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Park Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Signs You're at a Bad National Park
Joe Camel subbing for vacationing Smokey the Bear.
Malnourished bears holding signs that read, "Will caper amusingly
for
food."
According to posted signs, not only may you feed the animals, but
afterward, you have a right to expect them to put out.
Bears not only take your picnic basket at gunpoint, but also make
off
with your Ford Explorer.
Your view of the scenery is blocked by reactor units #2 and #3.
"Here we see the oldest mobile home formations in the entire White
Trash National Park."
Waterfalls seem to lose some of their majestic power whenever
someone
flushes a toilet.
Proudly proclaims, "100 percent Spotted Owl Free!"
When a squirrel runs by, park ranger bolts, screaming, "Run!! Run
for
your lives!!"
Every couple hundred feet along the hiking trails -- another
Starbucks.
On the tour, you see more of the Grand Crack in the ranger's ass
than
you do of the canyon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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School Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
10 Reasons Why Sex Is Better Than School
1. Everybody likes sex and nobody likes school, except for virgins
and only because they haven't had sex yet.
2. Sex sucks, moans, licks, pumps, throbs etc..., school just sucks.
3. After sex you feel like smoking a cigarette. After school you
feel
like smoking something a whole lot stronger.
4. You get disciplined during sex only if you want to.
5. Drinking drives people to sex, whereas school drives people to
drink.
6. Sex relieves stress, school is the cause of stress.
7. Nothing beats the "hands on" experience you get with sex.
8. After sex you feel like you have accomplished something.
9. Sex is cheaper. Even if you have to pay for a hooker, it is still
cheaper than paying thousands of dollars in tuition.
10. At least you have a choice whether or not you want to have sex.
At school your teachers screw you regardless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dead Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman's husband dies, and while at the funeral home watching the
mortician prepare her husband for final internment, she asked if he
would cut off her husbands dick for her. The mortician thought this
to be an odd request, but since it was her husband, he complied with
her wishes and cut it off and gave it to her. She wrapped it up and
took it home. When she got home, she pulled out a frying pan, threw
some chopped onions, garlic, green peppers, and some butter into the
pan, and started cutting up the dick. Her neighbor walked in at this
point and saw what she was doing, and asked, "What are you doing
with
*that*??!!" The woman replied, "Hey, for 35 years I ate it his way,
now I'm gonna eat it my way!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Turtle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once upon a time there was a guy walking along on all fours. He
comes to another man who he knows. This mans says to the man on all
fours, mate, what the fuck are you doing crawling around on your
knees? The guy on his knees looks up at him and says, "I'm a turtle,
I'm a turtle". The guy looks at him and goes , "ahhh yeah righto"
and off he went.
Next day comes and the same thing happens. The guy asks him again,
"Mate, what the HELL are you doing crawling around like that?", "I'm
a turtle, I'm a turtle". The guy goes, "mate, you've lost your
fucken mind, cya later".
Third day comes. Same thing again. "Mate, what are you doing? " ,
"I'm a turtle, I'm a turtle". The guy looks at him and goes, "That's
it, it's official, you're totally off your head, crazy, stupid" and
off he goes.
Fourth day, the guy comes around the corner on all fours again, this
time he's got a girl on his back. The man says to him, "I thought
you'd lost your mind before, but this one really takes the cake.
What the FUCK are you doing now?" The guy says to him, "I'm a
turtle, I'm a turtle". The other guy goes to him "But yeah, what's
that on your backl?" The guy looks up at him and say, "Oh, that's
MICHELLE!".
Susan
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Jesus I Love You
http://silverandgol
John w/ Don't Make My Brown Eyes Blue
http://heavens-
Whispering Trees
http://www.carolspo
Angels
http://www.josdream
*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
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the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Help Grow Your Soup - Campbells Via Wesley
http://www.helpgrow
Volvo Design your own eco car Via Wesley
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Volkswagen Innovations Via Wesley
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Robbie's Handy Household Tips and Tricks: Home Remedies
http://kitchen.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Halloween Sigs
http://misrox.
Accessible Site Design Guide Via Wesley
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INTERNET Periodic Table Database
http://tinyurl.
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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Extreme Poodle Makeover
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Depression Medication
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
http://www.buffalos
Disappointment
http://www.buffalos
Don't look away when I'm talking to you
http://www.buffalos
Don't Work From home
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Egg Trick
http://www.buffalos
Einstein
http://www.buffalos
El Rey Del Martillo
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En weg zijn re rimpels
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Engineers
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Housing Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Complaints Made To Landlords ...
1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage
has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just
can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog's mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every
morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much
for me.
5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you
please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me
every night.
6. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls
against my fence.
7. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and
satisfy my wife.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the
wall.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My w ife
tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen
12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50%
are plain filthy.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it
is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny
color & not fit to drink.
16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off.
17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which
is unsightly and dangerous.
18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a
third so please send someone round to do something about it.
19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when
he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet
roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
24 Hr Bra
http://www.buffalos
36 Long
http://www.buffalos
50 Cal
http://www.buffalos
69 For Dummies
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69th
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Escape
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
We know cunnilingus is grand,
But what I cannot understand,
Who was the first guy,
To give it a try...?
I think we should give him a hand!
There was a young man of L'Hore
Whose dink was one inch and no more
Which was all right for keyholes
And little girls' pee holes
But no good at all with a whore
At the orgy I humped twenty-two
I was bushed before I was through
Though a whole night of sexing
Is boring and vexing -
At an orgy, what else can you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
ROGERSVILLE, Tenn. - The party's over for four inmates accused of
going on a beer run after the jail's doors were accidentally left
unlocked.
The men were charged Monday with escape and bringing alcohol into a
jail. The breakout occurred Thursday night after cellblock doors at
the Hawkins County Jail were left unlocked and a faulty control
panel
failed to alert jailers, Sheriff Warren Rimer said. Two of the
inmates walked out through a fire exit, leaving the door propped
open
with a Bible, and made a hole in the exercise yard fence. They
walked
to a market, bought some beer and returned to the jail to share it
with other prisoners. When the booze ran out, the other two inmates
made another beer run to a different store. Authorities believe the
inmates bought more than two cases of beer in all. "I guess they
thought if they came back they wouldn't be charged with escape,"
Rimer said, "but they were wrong." The store visits did not raise
alarm because the inmates were wearing street clothes borrowed from
other prisoners. The crowded jail does not have enough orange
jumpsuits to go around.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their
shift ended.
They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find
costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues. One
wore the top half and one wore the bottom half. What were they? ...
An upper and lower GI.
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1698
On the Road Again
Diana: Who wants to ride in my new car?
Thud!
Sandi: Pass me the smelling salts!
Katie: It's okay Rudy, Mom will really let you in her new car.
Diana: Hey I am not the wicked witch of the North.
Rudy: Must want to take us to the vet.
BJ: No, it will be a fun trip to a maze.
Rudy: What is a maze?
Diana: You will find out.
Later, at a cornfield...
Rudy: Looks like a cornfield to me.
Diana: It is a maze.
BJ: You go in the opening there and find your way out.
Rudy: No problem.
about ten minutes later.... A-Rooo!!!!
Sandi: Which way did we turn last time, right or left?
Katie: Right, I think.
Rudy: I thought it was left.
BJ: Isn't this fun?
Rudy: No!!! I know a way out, follow me.
Rudy starts to plow his way straight through the cornstalks.
A few minutes later..
Rudy: There, a new way out.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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