Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Ray sent these and they do sound like fairly good tips.
Swine flu precautions
H1N1 Flu
The only portals of entry are the nostrils and mouth/throat. In a
global epidemic of this nature, it's almost impossible to avoid
coming into contact with H1N1 in spite of all precautions. Contact
with H1N1 is not so much of a problem as proliferation is. While you
are still healthy and not showing any symptoms of H1N1 infection, in
order to prevent proliferation, aggravation of symptoms and
development of secondary infections, some very simple steps, not
fully highlighted in most official communications, can be practiced
(instead of focusing on how to stock N95 or Tamiflu):
1. Frequent hand-washing (well highlighted in all official
communications)
2. "Hands-off-the-
any part of face (unless you want to eat, bathe or slap).
3. *Gargle twice a day with warm salt water (use Listerine if you
don't trust salt). *H1N1 takes 2-3 days after initial infection in
the throat/ nasal cavity to proliferate and show characteristic
symptoms. Simple gargling prevents proliferation. In a way, gargling
with salt water has the same effect on a healthy individual that
Tamiflu has on an infected one. Don't underestimate this simple,
inexpensive and powerful preventative method.
4. Similar to 3 above, *clean your nostrils at least once every day
with warm salt water. *Not everybody may be good at Jala Neti or
Sutra Neti (very good Yoga asanas to clean nasal cavities), but
*blowing the nose hard once a day and swabbing both nostrils with
cotton buds dipped in warm salt water is very effective in bringing
down viral population.*
5. *Boost your natural immunity with foods that are rich in Vitamin
C (Amla and other citrus fruits). *If you have to supplement with
Vitamin C tablets, make sure that it also has Zinc to boost
absorption.
6. *Drink as much of warm liquids (tea, coffee, etc) as you can.
*Drinking warm liquids has the same effect as gargling, but in the
reverse direction. They wash off proliferating viruses from the
throat into the stomach where they cannot survive, proliferate or do
any harm.
buffalo says I guess that means if you go for a swim in the Pacific
Ocean twice a day, you will never get the flu. I don't know about
number 6 either, because if flu virus cannot survive the stomach why
do we have stomach flu and intestinal flu. If you drink your coffee
warm enough, like 110-120 degrees it is probably hot enough to kill
germs just as a fever does.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Picture Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning
one hundred years old.
The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer
to get over there and take pictures of the two 100
year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing
and the other could hear quite well. Once the
photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on
the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the
other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the
cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a
little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD
- BOTH OF US?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
how many, sir?
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roses are red
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what for xmas?
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Close Thing
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Clown and Horses Ass
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Coca Cola Party
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bald Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bald Pick-up Lines
"You're beautiful, and that's not just the Rogaine talking."
"I will shower you with gifts with the money I save not buying
shampoo."
"Your eyes are sparkling -- or maybe that's just the glare off my
head."
"Can you see yourself in my head? How about my pants?"
"Would you like to run your fingers on my head?"
"Wanna go back to my place and see my hairpiece?"
"There are two things missing from my life: healthy hair follicle
growth and you."
"Wanna buff me?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Carnival Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do
first, Kim?" asked Joe.
I want to get weighed," she said.
They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She
got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.
Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over,
Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.
I want to get weighed," she said.
Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there
before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar. The
couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next.
"I want to get weighed," she responded.
By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home
early, dropping her off with a handshake.
Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"
Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Widow Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy
Sunday morning. I said to her, "If I were to die suddenly, I want
you to immediately sell all my stuff.."
"Now why would you want me to do something like that?" she asked.
"I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don't want some
asshole using my stuff..."
She looked at me and said: "What makes you think I'd marry
another asshole?"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pepe Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heh! Manuel! 'Ow are you?"
"Verrry wella. 'Ow are you, Pepe?"
"Soooo happy! I am married, my wife is da mosta
beautifool woooman in da world! She cooksa mosta
tasty chillie, she isa da besta 'ousekeeper,
you musta come an' see 'er. There's justa one
thinga, she is a mute, she cannotta speaka at all."
A couple of days later Pepe sees Manuel.
"Hey, Manuel, 'ave you seena my wife?"
"Yeah."
"And whatta you thinka?"
"She is DISGUSTING!"
"Disgusting? My Chiquita? Why?"
"I wentta to see you. I politely said to 'er ,
'My name is Manuel.
I 'ave come to see Pepe. Is he at 'ome? Where
is he?' So, she turns her back to me,
she lifta 'er skirt up, bends forward, and she
isn't wearing anything underneatha! Then, she
showsa me the coffee pot. Disgusting."
"Nah, she is not disgusting, she was telling
you, 'That asshole is ina da cafe'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Brown Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This girl goes to a doctor and says, "Doctor, its very embarrassing
but something brown is dropping off my private parts." The doctor
examines her and is sure tht there is some thing brown coming out.
The doctor is confused and says, "How frequently are you
having sex?. Once a day?"
Girl: Naa
Doc: Once a Week?
Girl: Nope
Doc: Once a month?
Girl: Naaa
Doc: One a year!
Girl: Some thing like that.
Doc: Oh I get it, it's nothing. The brown thing is just rust!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Old Homeplace
http://silverandgol
A CHILD'S PRAYER
http://www.wtv-
John w/ Take My Hand, Precious Lord
http://heavens-
BIBLE: Haunting:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Surfin Surfari
Car Test Via Myron
http://www.cramersw
Our Favorite Woodcarver
http://www.capital.
Eighth wonder of the world? Via Wesley
http://fwd4.
Fascinating Abandoned Man-Made Creations - (time-sink) Via Wesley
http://www.artifici
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
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As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Corn Maze
http://www.simplysa
Weather Icons
http://www.tonebyto
Bats, bones, boo, devil, Dracula
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Animal World
Brookfield Zoo Dolphin Lawsuit Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Kitty Korner
http://tinyurl.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Links
Lays Potato Chips
http://www.buffalos
Lightening Strike Caught On Tape
http://www.buffalos
Little Belgian Lad Saluting Canadian Troops
http://www.buffalos
Lizard
http://www.buffalos
Loading A Bike
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Diet Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mainichi Daily News a Japanese scientist has developed what he
calls "The Masturbation Diet" -- a diet which is exactly what it
sounds like. "Five minutes of vigorous masturbation can consume
300 calories, which is the equivalent of sprinting 300 meters,"
says Dr. Shukan Tokuho, adding that the experience can be so
refreshing that it can replace a light meal thereby saving even more
calories. For even more benefit Dr. Tokuho recommends sitting in
a chair with your heels raised about 10 centimeters off the floor
in order to put tension on the stomach muscles. He claims that
this style of masturbation done twice a day for a month can trim
about eight centimeters off a man's waist. The good doctor summed
up his revolutionary diet with the phrase "shake for breakfast,
shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twin Draft Guards? minimizes energy loss from doors and
windows saving you money on your energy bills.
Twin Draft Guards? work just as well on the interior doors of your
home
as they do outdoors, blocking drafts and keeping allergens, such as
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pollen and even insects from traveling freely around your home. Twin
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Guards are also helpful in blocking harmful fumes from the garage
and the
damp chill from the basement.
Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
complete asshole
http://www.buffalos
computer joke
http://www.buffalos
computer of yours
http://www.buffalos
condom 2
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condom mouth
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Anniversary
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charlie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some of you at the Friars may remember a guy named Charlie Schlossel
who was a very successful manufacturer who seemed to disappear from
our midst.
Last night I was about to enter my limousine when I saw this
homeless
person going through a garbage can and I realized it was Charlie
Schlossel. It was a sobering moment. I said, "Charlie, what
happened?"
"Well, I went through fifteen million like this," he said, snapping
his fingers. "You know, after I sold my business I always wanted a
jet airplane so I bought one. I'm coming out of Manila Airport, we
had to abort the takeoff, the wing hits the tarmac, bursts into
flame, thank God we were all safe. Five million dollars, no
insurance, out the window."
He said, "I was sitting in the south of France, I saw this yacht and
I hear somebody's saying that the guy's going belly up. I give him
five million for the yacht. We're coming out of the fjords in
Norway,
hit an iceberg, sunk,thank God we got out."
He said, "I saw this little girl in the Greek Islands ... breasts,
ass firm, tight, maybe twenty, twenty-three years old. I married
her.
Two years later he took me for five million in the settlement."
The lesson, I guess, that we can all learn is that if it flies,
floats, or fucks --- rent it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he
should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A. "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A. Locking the car door.
Q. Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A. Because every time the door opened, she
into the back seat.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to
blow up her husband's car?
A. She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Q. Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q. What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A. Divorcee'
Q. Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A. Because every time the instructor says
"Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q. What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
A. Frosted Flakes.
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A. Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
Q. Why don't blondes eat Jell-O?
A. They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those
little packages.
Q. What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM,
SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH?
A. A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q. Why are there lip stick stains on the steering
wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A. Because she blows the horn!
Q. Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A. Because everybody gets a turn.
Q. Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A. Because she's been laid all over the country.
Q. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A. She kept having affairs with men!
Q. What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A. She picks up her purse and goes home.
Q. To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A. Grade 4.
Q. What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A. 144 blondes.
Q. Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A. Because at 69 they blow a rod...
Q. What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator? A. A
refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Q. What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A. A blonde parade.
Q. What did the blonde do when she heard that
90% of accidents occur around the home?
A. She moved.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. Bobbing for chips.
Q. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A. Pregnant
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747?
Q. What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A. Brain tumor.
Q. What's the difference between butter and a blonde?
A. Butter is difficult to spread.
Q. What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
A. Their both empty from the neck up
Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common?
A. Get'em on their back and their both fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a guy?
A. The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Q. How is a blonde like peanut-butter?
A. They spread for the bread.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yossel Zelkovitz worked in a pickle factory. For many years he had a
powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to
stand it any longer, he sought professional help.
After six months, his therapist gave up. He advised Yossel to go
ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind.
The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Sarah,
became alarmed and wanted to know what happened. Yossel tearfully
confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle
slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and
did it and was immediately fired from his job.
Sarah gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down
his pants and boxer shorts only to find a normal, completely intact
penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the
pickle slicer?"
Yossel replied, "I think she got fired, too.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1704
The Vegtable Garden
Diana: I think I saw a carrot move outside.
BJ: You must be imaging things.
Diana: No, there it goes again, look.
BJ: You are right, but it is a huge carrot. It is a costume. It
is Rudy.
Diana: Behind him is an Onion.
BJ: I think that is Sandi. It must be their Halloween costumes.
Diana: Here comes a piece of celery.
BJ: Must be Katie. Let's go outside and see what they picked these
costumes.
BJ and Diana go outside...
BJ: Hey guys, why these costumes?
Sandi: Well, we did not really want to scare anyone.
Rudy: We wanted to make a food statement.
Katie: Yeah, we like candy and cookies, and not this stuff. This
stuff will make people give us good food.
Sandi: Yeah, like burgers, steaks, and pizzas.
Rudy: Roast, and fish, and ribs...
BJ: I get the idea. People will think you are being starved at
home.
Katie: Right, I will show them my ribs...
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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