Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Doing a little multi-tasking this evening talking on the phone
with Nancy, watching Star Wars with Eva, and working on the
lists. It is a good place for Eva, sitting beside me as her cat,
Yoda, and Eva have been getting into trouble for days. Yoda
has somehow figured that Eva is fun to play with even if she
does sit on her once in a while or more commonly picking her
up by her two front arms and making her walk across the floor.
Yoda weighs about 20 lbs now. She has trimmed down a bit after
being chased by Eva but that is still over half of Eva's weight
so I was surprised when Eva picked Yoda up the other night
and dumped her in my lap. I gave Yoda a little bit of affection
and then set her down in the desk chair next to me and Eva
began spinning the chair. I figured that wouldn't last long but
it went on for 20 minutes and the cat wasn't upset.
Yoda has a few hiding spots that Eva can't get under like the bed
and my bedroom closet. It is stacked with some old suitcases
and I heard a scuffle in there today and then Eva complaining
in a muffled voice and Yoda upset about something. I went in
there and only saw a pair of legs sticking out from a suitcase.
She could have got out but she refused to let go of Yoda who
was only looking for a spot to nap.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Southern Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Things A Southerner Would Never Say:
1. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
2. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
3. Duct tape won't fix that.
4. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
5. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
6. We don't keep firearms in this house.
7. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
8. You can't feed that to the dog.
9. I thought Graceland was tacky.
10. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
11. Wrasslin's fake.
12. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
13. We're vegetarians.
14. Do you think my gut is too big?
15. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
16. Honey, we don't need another dog.
17. Who's Richard Petty?
18. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
19. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
20. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
Gilbert
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Chimp
http://sydesjokes.
Chinese Circus Act
http://sydesjokes.
Chinese Drum Girls
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notepad
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police dog
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nations of the world
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chili Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure
that
course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had
prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "You're
definitely going to $h!t yourself" chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to
the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee
from
me that if you eat the next day both of your a$$ cheeks WILL fall
off.
Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two
cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened.
No "Watson's Movement 2." Despite habanera peppers swimming their
way
through my intestinal tract, I appeared to be unable to create the
usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as
thunder and lightning.
Knowing that a time of reckoning had to come, yet not sure of just
when, I bravely set off for the market; a local Wal-Mart grocery
store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.
Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a
cart
and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't
until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that
the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm
talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that
always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain
was
different.
The habaneras in the chili from the night before were staging a
revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the
small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and
before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which
would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning
shot.
There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly
enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before
been
recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor
might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave
the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out
of it, just as an elderly woman turned into it.
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her
reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to
dissipate, as she walked into it unsuspecting. Have you ever been
torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean,
and
I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.
I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as
she
walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of
odor
so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and
running, was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her
head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made
me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. Mistake.
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped
down", if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive
issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and
echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had
ducked,
fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.
Suddenly things were no longer funny. IT was coming, and I raced off
through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the
whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion
took place.
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john,
began the inevitable "Oh my God", floating above the toilet seat
because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in
while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and
Awe." He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, "Sonofabitch!
then quickly left.
Once finished I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled
cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee
approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a
few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the
store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a
minute
or two which ought to take care of the problem."
That of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape
me.
The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to
cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner
shouted, "IT'S YOU!", then ran off returning moments later with the
manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked
none too kindly not to return.
Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing
to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next
day
I went to shop at Albertson's. I can't say anymore about that
because
we are in court over the whole matter. Bastards claim they're going
to have to repaint the store..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paddle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two men were overheard talking about the infidelities
of an office Romeo. "I don't know how he gets away
with it," said one fellow. "The only thing I've ever
done behind my wife's back is to zip her up."
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and, perhaps, try using lubrication.
A blond guy was overheard to say at the hospital...
"My wife just delivered twins..."
"So? You should be happy! Why are you so angry?"
"I want to know which Son Of Bitch is the father of the second
child!"
A man is out with his rowboat when suddenly a passing speed boat
raises huge waves and the mans oars fall overboard!
He is stranded out in the middle of the lake!
After about 2 hours he sees another row boat going by with a man and
two women in it!
The first man yells "Hey buddy...can I borrow one of your oars??"
The other man yells back "They're not whores...they'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Therapy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body & Mind Therapy with Lovemaking
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when woman
make love they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen, which
make hair shiny and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering
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the
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3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that
romantic dinner.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and
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5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body
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leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually
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pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy!
7. Sex is the safest tranquiliser in the world. It is 10 times more
effective than Valium.
8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages
saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid
that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.
9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release
the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain.
10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural
antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sure Clip
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Respect Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when
one
day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the
funeral. Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at
the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes out there.
About two months later a priest saw the old man out there with his
dog and decided to go talk to the old man.
"Hello there. You know, we see you come out here every day to visit
your wife's grave and we just think that so sweet. We were all
wondering if the dog is something that was special to your wife
since
you always bring it out here with you."
"No, actually I bring the dog out here to pee on the grave. I'd do
it myself, but I'd get arrested for indecent exposure!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tom in deep thoughts is very quiet. Jerry asks, "What is wrong with
you, Tom?" "Please don't ask." "I'm your best friend. You can talk
to
me."
"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."
"That's not possible."
"No, he did." "How?" "He punctured my condoms!"
Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East
Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he
started to slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the
audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my
hands
together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced
the
quiet and said: ''Well, dumbass, stop clapping!'
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Kangaroo Keeper
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva w/GI Joe
http://silverandgol
DREAMS COME TRUE http://www.wtv-
My Brother
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John w/ I Don't Want To Set The World On Fire
http://heavens-
Carolyn w/ Music Music Music ~Teresa Brewer
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
whole bunch of links thanks from the help of my daughter for doing
the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
947 Zippo Car - Events Schedule & Information
http://www.zippo.
Fix that Zippo for Free !
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Halloween Ghost Stories
http://www.hallowee
101 Halloween Ideas
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Pumpkin Patch Mild Side Gifs
http://www.geocitie
Ghost Merge
http://www.wormwork
Windows 7 Review
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Comedy
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Condom Commercial
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Condom Tester
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Cool Mint
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Copon The Move
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Demo Las Vegas
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Dentist
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Dhl
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Dog Cat
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Doggie Has Too Much Fun
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night I was talking to a young, good looking woman. She asked
me
if I liked breasts or legs. I told her what I really liked was a
shaved snatch. I am no longer welcome back at KFC.
A husband and wife are celebrating their 50th anniversary. That
night,
the wife approaches her husband wearing the exact same sexy little
negligee she wore on their wedding night. She looks at her husband
and
says, "Honey, do you remember this?" He looks up at her and says,
"Yes
dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married."
She says, "Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me
that
night?" He nods and says, "Yes dear, I still remember." "Well, what
was it?" she asks. He responds, "Well honey, as I remember, I said,
'Ohhhhhhhhh Baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those big tits
and
screw your brains out.'" She giggles and says, "Yes honey, that's
it.
That's exactly what you said. So, now it's 50 years later, I'm in
the
same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?"
Again he looks her up and down and replies, "Mission Accomplished.
Men are like ... Snowstorms. You never know when he's coming, how
many
inches you'll get, or how long he will last.
A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for
paying a prostitute for sex. "How do you plead?" asks the judge, to
the defendant. "Not Guilty, your honor." Showing him a videotape of
the alleged act, the prosecutor responds, "How can you possibly
convince the court of your innocence, if we have both the sex act,
plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right here on
tape?" "Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that
although I wasn't engaged in an act of prostitution, I was
committing
another 'heinous' crime... Gambling." "Gambling?" responds the
prosecutor. "How so?" "Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went
up to the young lady earlier that night as she was working in a
topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet you $200 that you don't get
to
have sex with me tonight.' That videotape is just footage of me
losing
the bet!"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
6.9
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Starbucks Coffee
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8 Qualities
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Coca-Cola Zero
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Whiskas
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9 Inches
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
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Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"
____________
A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
I am not I, I'm a tree."
But another, more sane,
Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
And covered his pants leg with pee.
____________
She begged and she pleaded for more.
I said, "We've already had four,
And I'm sure that you've heard,
Though its somewhat absurd,
That eros spelt backwards is sore."
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was going to a costume party. The
husband was unsure of what costume to wear.
His wife was telling him to hurry or they would
be late for the party. She was walking down
the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked
except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of
boots.
"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.
"This is it," replied his wife.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked
the husband.
"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains
the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."
The husband went upstairs and was back in
about 2 minutes. He also was completely
naked except he had a rose vase slid over his
penis.
"What the hell kind of costume is that???" asked
the wife.
"I am a fire alarm," he replied.
"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.
"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire, break the
glass, pull twice, and I come."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BANGS ARE HOT!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doctor Dave And His Patient
Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day
long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just
couldn't. The guilt was overwhelming. But every once in awhile he'd
hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:
'Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical
practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be
the last. And you're single. Just let it go Dave.'
But invariably another voice in his
head would bring him back to reality whispering:
Dave........
.........
.........
Dave........
.....
YOU'RE A VETERINARIAN !!!
TCR
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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