Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
My apologies to anyone that may have taken offense to my
chicken article yesterday. Although I have no love for chickens
I do know that they can be amusing and if prepared properly,
downright delicious.
Discovery Channel had a spot on the I-500 snowmobile race
on Destroyed in Seconds. I remember the accident they filmed
which happened when the race was held at about 20 below zero.
It is run on a track that is ice 18 inches thick and as the carbide
studs in the track grab for traction they grind off an ice powder
that just seems to hang in the air like a fog. The racers that
collided
couldn't see each other at above 100 mph.
I am still waiting for the Dirty Jobs episode that was filmed up
here last summer to air. The episode took a look at maintenance
on the locks including jobs like greasing the hinges on the
gigantic doors that open and close as the freighters are being
locked through.
I suppose now that companies are looking for cheaper places to
shoot films, it is only a matter of time until I am discovered and
become
a movie star. I always wanted to be the schizophrenic pyromaniac,
Trash Can man in the Movie The Stand. It's about time for a remake
and I have been practicing saying bumpety bump. heh heh .
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Monkey Chips
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A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
while
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grabs
some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced
limes
and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of
the
billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth,
and
somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?"
"No, what?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!"
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats
everything
in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."
The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the
monkey
ate and leaves.
Two weeks later the guy is in the bar again, and has his monkey with
him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar
again.
While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino
cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out,
and
eats it.
Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt,
pulls
it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what
your
monkey did now?"
"No, what?" replied the man.
"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled
them out, and ate them!" said the bartender.
"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he
measures everything first."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Slogan Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Commercial Slogans & the real meaning...
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"Which is *exactly* how long you'll be
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"Being around Fabio, for even a few seconds,
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"When Hesston starts screaming that it's people,
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"We know you'll never get off the couch lard-ass;
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"The half-assed way to slogan."
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"Must-see TV"
"Yeah, what else are you gonna do, Shakespeare? Read?!"
"Calgon, take me away!"
"I've got my Mr. Showerhead poised for action."
"Like a rock"
"God knows we weren't selling many pickups
with that Boy George tune."
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Wiggle Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rabbi Levy is addressing the 'Enlighten Your Daughter' meeting of
the
synagogue women's guild.
"Ladies," he says, "I'm sure some of you know by now that the
unfortunate Jonathan Bloom has been sent to prison for making love
to
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A number of 'Oy Vays' are heard from the ladies present.
"You might also be interested to know," the Rabbi goes on to say,
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actions
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home to your daughters and tell them that when making love with a
good
Jewish husband, they should please make a little wiggle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Muddy Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple are having sex in a muddy corn field one evening.
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She checks again and says, "It's still in me, big fella!!!"
"Ummm,... could you put it back in the mud."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Doubt Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Charles, a Frenchman, was leaving his Parisian home for a few weeks
and
confided in his friend, Pierre, "I always hate leaving my wife for
so long
like this. When I'm away, I just don't know what she is doing.
There's
always the doubt, always the doubt."
Pierre said, "Charles, I'll tell you what. Because we're such close
friends,
I'll keep an eye on her every evening that you're gone."
"You would do that for me, Pierre?" Charles said, relieved. "Oh
thank you so
very much. I know I really should trust my wife, but it's just that
there's
always the doubt, always the doubt."
So Charles went off on his business trip and returned to Paris three
weeks
later. The two men met again.
"Charles, I'm afraid I have bad news for you," Pierre said. "The
very first
night you were gone, I watched this man go to your house. Your wife
opened
the door naked and kissed and hugged him. He fondled her breasts. He
rubbed
her crotch. Then they closed the door to go upstairs. Never daunted,
I
climbed up the tree outside your house and watched them in the
bedroom."
"And so...?" inquired Charles.
"Well, first they took off all his clothes"
"What happened then?" asked Charles.
"Then," Pierre shook his head sorrowfully, "then they closed the
curtains. I
could see nothing. I could learn nothing more."
Charles sighed a deep sigh. "So you see how it is, my friend? Always
the
doubt, always the doubt."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mother to child: "It's OK to mix peas and corn, but don't call it
porn."
The English teacher of the girls school used to fail all her
students
who did not put a full-stop at the end of their sentences. I guess,
she really hated it when her girls missed their periods.
Ninety percent of men who try Camels prefer women. (Richard
Lederer).
Pharmacy Professor: "What is 'Viagra' used for?" Freshman Student:
"Diarrhea." "Why do you think that?" "I heard my mother tell my
father, 'Take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder.'"
A woman who pounces on a dead rooster goes down on a limp cock.
An old man and a teenager were riding down the road, when the old
man
pulled over and told the teenager to drive. The teenager pulled out
into traffic, smoking the tires. After the teen came to a stop, he
looked at the old man and asked, "Do you smell that shit?" The old
man
replied, "I ought to; I'm *sitting* in it!"
The doctor approached the husband who was in the waiting room while
his wife was being examined. The doctor said, "I have good news and
bad news." "What's the bad news?" "Your wife has syphilis." "What
could possibly be 'good news' with a situation like that?" "She
didn't
get it from you."
Stan Kegal
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Great
http://silverandgol
He
http://gabbiash.
OVERHEARD IN SURGERY
http://www.wtv-
carolyn w/ Never Ending ~Elvis Presley
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Tricks For Treats 3
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MELISSA
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Exploding Pyrex Via Sandie
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WorstPills.org Prescription Drug Information
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Halloween Animations:
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PlugIn Manager for Photoshop Via Lisa
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HTML Shrinker Via Lisa
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Girl On Bike
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Giving Change
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Costume Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He
doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he
writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days
later, he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief
will
cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just
right as a pirate. Very truly yours, A cme Costume Co.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his
wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by
and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your
wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the
part.Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.
Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing
his
wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head so again he writes the
company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a
small parcel and a note, which reads:
Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.
Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick
your wooden leg up your butt and go as a caramel apple. Very truly
yours, Acme Costume Co.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was an old man from Wicket.
Who asked a young lady to lick it.
She promptly said no,
And started to go,
But she did tell him where he could stick it.
My trouser-snake stands up and cheers
When confronted with boobs in brassieres;
But, in charming my cobra,
The bosom with no bra
Can almost reduce it to tears.
The model climbed up the ladder,
As Titian, the painter, had bade her
Then her position
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Once a young boy was watching his mother take a bath.
As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks "Momma
what are those?"
She replies "Son those are my breasts," as she turns her back to him
he asks "Momma what is that?" she replies "Son that is my derriere."
As she turns to slip on her robe he spies her nether region and asks
"Momma what is that?" She replies "That son is none of your
business!"
Later the boy is playing by the kitchen door, and the father comes
in from work hungry. The father hollers toward the kitchen to the
mom, "Hey honey, what's for dinner?" She replies "None of your
business."
The son shaking his head says "YUCK!"
Susan
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mike was visiting Jim and discussing Jim's problems with his wife
when Jim's doorbell rang. Jim answered the door and was handed a
paper, which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Jim showed it to
Mike and asked him if he knew what it was.
Mike, in his pompous lack of knowledge, said, "Of course I know what
a subpoena is."
"Well, what exactly is it?" Jim asked.
"Well," said Mike, "that's legal talk. Your wife is suing you for
divorce. We know that 'sub' means 'under' and 'poena' is Latin for
'penis,' so -- 'subpoena' means under the penis -- which means she's
got you by the balls."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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