Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Halloween Approaches.
One thing that has drastically changed over the years
is decorations. Back when I was a child the paid for
decorations consisted of a skeleton with joints. You
decorated windows with construction paper in orange
and black. The great things about doing leaves and
pumpkins was they could stay there till Thanksgiving
just pull the ghosts and add a cornucopia and you were
all set. Hang a sheet with some wire in it to keep it
filled out and you had a ghost. Later we always held
out on carving the pumpkin till last so that it could be
cooked and used for Thanksgiving pies.
About ten years ago every decoration went high-tech. If it
didn't use 6 AA cells you couldn't find it in the stores. The
batteries powered voices, screams , lights, and ghostly
movements. Sensors in the figures that started animation
when people approached or knocked rivaled the security
of most banks into the 70's. Construction paper is never
used much anymore as it easier to buy the cling decorations
that require no tape or scraping of the windows after
Halloween although I have seen them stick pretty good if
you leave them there for a few months.
I haven't been in the stores to look at decorations this
year but driving around town I have seen so many of the
variations of plastic figures and leaf blowers I guess hat is
what is popular. With each year there has been more cases
of vandalism and a decrease in respect for your neighbor's
possessions. Many children think it is cool
to steal or destroy decorations but with prices that
people pay for them they are looking at serious trouble
if caught.
This year one of the best decorations I have ever seen consists
of a 4 ft. clear pumpkin with a Halloween scene in it filled with
water and air being bubbled through it like a big snow globe
or aquarium.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Southern Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE DIFFERENCE IF YOU MARRY A SOUTHERN GIRL
The first man married a woman from OHIO . He told her that she
was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days,
but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes
washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from MICHIGAN . He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it
was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes
were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from THE SOUTH. He ordered her to
keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed,
and hot meals on the table for every meal He said the first day he
didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by
the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a
little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he
could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has
some difficulty when he pees.
Rose
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
your point of view
http://www.thepostm
doggie christmas
http://www.thepostm
stop complaining
http://www.thepostm
Does It Look Bigger Now
http://www.sydesjok
Does The Window Face Right Or Left
http://www.sydesjok
Dog And Bone
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Relation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dennis Miller's Advice to Men About What Women Want
1 - Foreplay is not a privilege; it is a birthright.
2 - If you take her out to a fancy restaurant, don't try to subtly
steer her away from the lobster, Diamond Jim.
3 - Quit blowing smoke up women's asses about the sanctity and power
they possess as lifegivers and come up with some decent, affordable
childcare. That way, maybe poor single mothers can go to work and
get
off welfare and we won't have to listen to any more idiots in
Congress blathering about orphanages.
4 - Equal work for equal pay. Look around you at work, guys. Look
at ... say Carl, the brain-dead jack-off in the cubicle next to you.
You could kill Carl, couldn't you, because he's a slacking,
worthless, toady idiot. Now, imagine making 30 percent less than
Carl. Hellooo ...
5 - This is very important: during lovemaking, don't ask, "Who's
your
daddy?" Even as a joke. All right? It's not funny.
6 - When her mouth moves, pay attention, words could be coming out.
Words are kind of important.
7 - Pass a law that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rock
stars to have women their own age in their videos.
8 - Don't ask her if she came. You're a big boy now, Clouseau, you
should
*know* if she came.
9 - Don't tell her how to merge and she won't tell you to ask for
directions.
10 - When she catches you cheating on her and she cuts off your dick
in your sleep, take it like a man.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If your wife tells you sex is a 'pain in the ass', turn her over.
What bracha (Hebrew prayer) does one say before taking the Viagra
pill? There is a choice of 3 blessings:
1. Boruch Atah HaShem zokeif k'fuffim - bless you God for
straightening those who are bent*
2. Ya'aleh v'yavo - arise and come*
3. Boruch Atah HaShem mechayei hameitim - bless you God for
raising the dead.
The Scottish farmer thought he'd caught a nasty STD. But it turns
out
he was just allergic to wool.
A man walks into his doctors. The doctor asks the man why he is
there.
He replies, "It's my penis, I would like you to take a look at it."
The doctor says, "Very well then, if you get up onto the bed and get
it out I'll have a look for you." The man jumps up onto the bed and
produces a 12-incher from his underpants. After about five minutes
examining it, the bemused doctor says, "I have to say, I can't see
anything wrong with it." To which the man replies, "I know, it's a
fucking beauty, eh?!"
Men are like..... Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around,
then
you're riding it.
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Storm Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a terrible night, blowing cold and snow in a most
frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the local baker
was just about to close up shop when a little Jewish man slipped
through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and
was bundled in two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he
still looked wet, freezing, and bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf he said to the baker, "May I have two
poppy seed bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment, "Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered the little man. "One for me and one for
Sherry."
"Sherry is your wife?" Asked the baker.
"What do you think," snapped the little man, "my mother would
send me out on a night like this?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smoke Assist
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Law Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLORIDA Laws
It is illegal for single, divorced, or widowed women to parachute on
Sunday afternoons.
____________
MINNESOTA, Alexandria
It is illegal for a husband to make love to his wife if his breath
smells like garlic, onions, or sardines.
____________
UTAH Laws
A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by
his wife while she is in his presence.
Boxing matches that allow biting are not allowed.
It is against the law to fish from horseback
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
It is illegal not to drink milk.
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon. You can have them,
but you just can't detonate them.
Utah, Tremonton,
A law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while
riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman's
name will be published in the local newspaper. The man does not
receive any punishment.
____________
VERMO"NT Laws
At one time it was illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole.
Whistling underwater is illegal
You can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the
permission of a selectman.
Vermont, Barre Law
All residents shall bathe every Saturday night.
____________
VIRGINIA, Norfolk
No woman may go in public without wearing a corset.
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mary: I went shopping for bras this weekend. How depressing! I
wanted
one with good support.
Jill: Have you tried under wire?
Mary: Yes, Ma'am! Unfortunately, I have graduated to steel girders!
Wife: Okay, today's Friday. Where's your pay envelope?
Man: I already spent all my pay. I bought something for the house.
Wife: What? What could you buy for the house that cost $480?
Man: Eight rounds of drinks.
Mary: I knew right away he was a loser.
Jill: How did you know so fast?
Mary: He said he could give me "multiple organisms."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Soul of Man
http://silverandgol
Carolyn w/ Stuart Hamblin
http://carolynsprec
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
Today She Cried
http://www.carolspo
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
Wellcome Image Awards 2009 - A story beyond every picture Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
Are You On A Homeland Security Watch List
http://www.tsa.
Strange Tombstones!
http://www.shangral
Human Chameleon
http://www.Shangral
Weird Rainy Days
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, I wanted to let you know that I'm giving the whole damn thing
away today, and this is REALLY the LAST day that I'll be doing this!
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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time....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv) Via Lisa
Total Commander
http://www.ghisler.
Spybot
http://www.safer-
Webshots
http://www.webshots
*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
whole bunch of links thanks from the help of my daughter for doing
the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.flixxy.
Kitty Korner
http://www.petsincl
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Movie Links
Italian Chewing Gum
http://www.buffalos
Dead or Alive Holly Vance
http://www.buffalos
James David Manning
http://www.buffalos
Jeff Dunham Achmed the Dead
http://www.buffalos
Jeff Dunham & Bubba
http://www.buffalos
High Power Worker
http://www.buffalos
High Speed Web Cam
http://www.buffalos
Hillary Wasn't Lying Bosnia Gunfire Footage
http://www.buffalos
Home Alone
http://www.buffalos
Home Security
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tight Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One time when I was visiting Toronto I asked a chap where I could
find
a good house of ill repute. He gave me an address and said to ask
for
Sally. I went to the address and requested Sally. She took me to a
room, stripped down and said, "Go ahead, but let me know how it is."
After a few minutes I said, "It's not bad but a bit loose." She
said,
"Get off for a moment." I did that and she reached down and fiddled
about with her privates. "Try it now." she said. I did and found it
better but still a bit loose, so I told her so. She repeated her
actions and when I tried it again it was perfect. When we were
finished and I was paying her I asked, "How do you manage to adjust
it's size to fit anyone?" "Well," she said, "I've been in this
business for some time and have developed warts on one side and
wormholes on the other. I just button them up."
Stan kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
Simply glide Turbo Snake down the drain, twirl, then pull out Turbo
SnakeT specially designed head grabs & locks onto hair clogs to
remove and free the drain instantly! What's best, its flexible
design easily maneuvers down the drain to seek out clogs without
having to remove the drain stopper. For bathroom sinks, showers &
tubs. Each set includes the Large Turbo Snake for Showers and Tubs,
Small Turbo Snake for Sinks, and Peel and Stick Storage Hook. Now
only $10.00 plus S&H or double the offer for an extra P&H.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amish gas sign
http://www.buffalos
Amish Mechanic
http://www.buffalos
Amish Viagra
http://www.buffalos
An Alien on the moon
http://www.buffalos
Anal sex
http://www.buffalos
Analist
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Air Cutter
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a man named Roy
Who screwed a hot gal named Joy.
When he came, he did stop,
And while lying on top
Said, "I'm over come with Joy."
(Kirk Miller)
A Certain Sweet Girl From Key West
Was Uncommonly Large In The Chest
Any Man's Close Attention
To Her Outside Dimension
Brought His Own Measurement To Its Best
Priscilla, her breasts bouncing gaily,
Liked to screw with a friendly Israeli.
Just the thought of his schmuck
Got her ready to fuck,
Which they did six or seven times daily.
<snaged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Morris returns from a long business trip and finds out that his wife
has been unfaithful during his time away.
Who was it!!!? he yells. "That alta kakker Goldstein?"
"No," replied his wife. "It wasn't Goldstein."
"Was it Feldman, that dirty old gonif?" "No, not him."
"Aha! Then it must have been that idiot Rabinovich!"
"No, it wasn't Rabinovich either..."
Morris was now fuming.
"What's the matter Sadie!??!" he cried. "None of my friends are good
enough for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister
Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they
know and what they are used for.
*
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?' 'Very good! And what is it used
for?' 'It is used for a headache.'
*
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.' 'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine.
'And what it is used for?' 'To help you sleep', replied the student.
*
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.' 'And what is it used
for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister catherine. 'It is used for
diarrhea.' 'And who told you this, Johnny?' 'Nobody, but every
evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that
thing will get harder.''
*
Sister Catherine fainted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1702
Passing the Torch
BJ: Gather around guys.
The dogs gather at his feet.
BJ: My last name is Cassady. My mother's maiden name was Parmer.
Her mother's maiden name was Dockendorff. I have to go to a funeral
this Saturday for Leo Dockendorff and cousin of mine who was 85
years old. He was a good man. I just wanted you to know the link
he had to me.
Sandi: We kind of understand names. They are like Collies, and
Irish Setters and such, right?
BJ: Right, like tribes.
Rudy: Did you know him well?
BJ: I knew him well enough, but not as well as I would like to
have.
He lived a long was away. He had a great sense of humor, loved me
and loved my mother.
Katie: Sounds like a decent person.
BJ: Yeah, that is why I am going. Also, to see his sister, Mary
Ann
Weigel.
Rudy: You folks have some crazy names.
BJ: Did I ever tell you my father's real name?
Sandi: It was Bob right?
BJ: He changed it. His birth name was Favrid Arvid.
Thud!
Rudy: No wonder he changed it.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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