Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today was supposed to be the Health Dept. Flu Shot Clinic.
I went out in the rain at 47 deg and stopped at two of the
locations and they had both run through their allotted doses
in a couple of hours. Guess I'll have to go to Walgreen's and
pay full price heh heh, but I could have done that a month ago.
As you can probably guess I sat here all afternoon and watched
the last game between the Twins and the Tigers. It went 12
innings of intense play but in the end the Twins won. It is
fitting that they will get to host the playoffs in their last season
in
the Metrodome but maybe next year the Tigers won't blow
the season in the last weeks.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Gorilla Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small Kentucky Wild Animal Park acquired a very rare species of
gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the gorilla, who was a female, became very
difficult
to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the
problem.
The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male
gorilla available.
Reflecting on their problem, the park administrator thought of Eddie
Standen, a large redneck part-time intern, who was responsible for
cleaning the animal's cages.
Eddie, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample
ability
to satisfy a female of any species.
The park administrator thought they might have a solution.
Eddie was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate
with the gorilla for $500.00? Eddie showed some interest, but
said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following
day,
Eddie announced that he would accept their offer, but only under the
following four conditions:
(1). "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her on the
lips."
The park administrator quickly agreed to this condition.
(2). "Second," Eddie said, "you must never tell anyone about this."
The park administrator again readily agreed to this condition.
(3). "Third," Eddie said, "I want all the offspring to be raised
Southern Baptist."
Once again the administrator agreed.
(4).... And last of all Eddie stated: "You've got to give me another
week to come up with the $500.00
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
10 minutes
http://www.thepostm
umbrella
http://www.thepostm
school for the blind
http://www.thepostm
Difficult Decisions
http://www.sydesjok
Dilbert Flexispace
http://www.sydesjok
Dilbert On Microsoft
http://www.sydesjok
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In my dream, I was at an internet cafe when my server went down on
me.
During a lull in the rehearsal the groom and best man, two long time
friends and playboys, began to compare conquests. The groom, looking
out over the crowd, said to his best man, "You know Bill, except for
my wife to be, my two sisters and my mother, I've made love to every
woman in this room." To which his friend responded, "Well then,
between the two of us we've had them all!"
Prostitute: "I'm not selling sex! Policeman: "Then what are you
doing?" Prostitute: "I'm selling condoms and offering a free demo.
I had a steady girlfriend back in college, many years ago, and while
we had great sex, we soon became rather bored with the same old, so
we
agreed to experiment, individually, with same-sex escapades. While
this yielded some novel new aspects, with multiple new partners,
after
a short time we both began to feel bad about all this, and so we
reunited, carnally. ever after. We described this episode as a "bi-
cycle guilt for two."
Have you heard about Kellogg's foray into the medical field? They
have
a new cereal specifically for men with erectile dysfunction. It's
called "Nuttin' Raisin Honey"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rain Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night,
when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major
argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then,
they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.
"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade
Alfred whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade
Alfred, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's fuckin' raining, of course you stupid idiots!!" he
screamed, and walked on.
But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied: "Rude Alf the Red knows rain, dear!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chinese words for pussy: Tongue chow
Chinese words for bad pussy: Tongue chow yuck
My husband complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when
you get out of bed, with a hangover, it's feet first!
This sounds like Bill Mahar (sp?) or one of the other *dry* comics.
But there was no credit listed. I got this from the GrinReaper list.
If you're ever being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a
tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of
fire.
They're trained for that shit.
"This week the U.S. Navy launched a nuclear submarine named after
Jimmy Carter. Experts say the sub will be ineffective for four
years,
but tremendously respected once it's retired."
- Conan O'Brien
A man comes in with a duck under his arm and says:
"Here's the pig I've been fucking".
His wife says: "That's not a pig, it's a duck".
He replies: "It's the duck I'm talking to".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Divorce Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of
a
marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up
their
quarrel, but they were adamant. "So," said the counsellor, "you know
the
consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide
your
property equally."
The wife flared up. "You mean the $4,000 I have saved up? I must
give
him
half? My money?"
"Yes," said the counsellor. "He gets $2,000. You get $2,000."
"What about my furniture? I paid for that."
"Same thing," answered the counsellor. "Your husband gets the
bedroom
and
the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen."
There was a challenging gleam in the wife's eye. "What about our
three
children?" That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then
he came
up with a Solomonic answer. "Go back and live together until your
fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes
two."
The wife shook her head. "No, I'm sure that wouldn't work out. If I
depended
on him, I wouldn't have the three I got."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Turbo Snake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Affair Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.
One
Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it
was
samller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it
did
not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he
did
not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and
again
he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said
"get in the confessional" which Joe did. Then the priest asked him
did
you take any of the offering and this time he said "I can't hear
you".
Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the offering?" Again
Joe
answered "I can't hear you". This time the priest yelled "JOE DID
YOU
TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". By
this
time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the
confessional and satd "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a
question." So they traded places and Joe asked " I hear that you and
my
wife are having an affair, is that true?" To which the priest
answered
"By Golly you can't hear in here".
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Jesus is the Light
http://silverandgol
John w/ ELVIS!! All Shook Up
http://heavens-
Dream Lover
http://www.carolspo
He Is The Light
http://www.moonseek
*+*+*+*+*+*+
If anyone is interested in GETTING A HALLOWEEN COSTUME online I sell
for every ad on my site there's a bunch of costume stores I sell for
( I GET A LITTLE KICK BACK FROM THE SALES IT HELPS )we just put up a
whole bunch of links thanks from the help of my daughter for doing
the typing and work to get my site back up I couldn't use my right
hand now for a couple of months already .I just got a cast on my arm
yesterday so I'm typing with my left finger (SLOWLY) and that's
taking forever lol but I'm on here .Thankfully I have her to do the
fast stuff for me . Also there's a party in Tinley that Rosina is
having on Halloween email me and let me know if you would like to go
with us it's on Halloween at 8 pm.INFO BELOW
http://www.ghostsan
http://www.ghostsan
MELISSA
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Donkey Kong Jenga Via Wesley
http://tinyurl.
How to Throw Your Own Foam Party
http://www.mit.
There, I Fixed It: Epic Kludges + Jury Rigs Via Dianne
http://thereifixedi
Soap Box
http://www.snopes.
Updated KIDS For the Baby/Toddler/
http://www.Shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
PHP Calendar
http://www.easyphpc
SpellCheck.net - Free Online Spell Checker
http://spellcheck.
X-Rite: Get exactly the color you need, every time,
anywhere in the world. Via Wesley
http://xritephoto.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.dailypup
Kitty Korner
http://www.stuffonm
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Movies
Fin Potato Whore
http://www.buffalos
Fire hose Rodeo
http://www.buffalos
Fly
http://www.buffalos
Football As It Should Be
http://www.buffalos
For Men
http://www.buffalos
Finalized MTG Minutes
http://www.buffalos
First Day At The Rifle Range
http://www.buffalos
First IT Consultant
http://www.buffalos
Fishing Boat
http://www.buffalos
Fitness
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Law Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking
down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and
attractive
young lady walking ahead of them.
One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250.00 to
spend
the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young lady
overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up
on
that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so
after
bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady
to
her apartment.
The following morning, the man presented her with $125.00 as he
prepared
to leave. She demanded the rest of the money stating, "If you don't
give
me the other $125.00, I'll sue you for it." He laughed saying, "I'd
like
to see you get it on these grounds."
The next day, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering
his
presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his
lawyer
and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't
possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be
interesting to see how her case will be presented."
After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court
as
follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece
of
property--a garden spot--surrounded by a profuse growth of
shrubbery,
which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified
length of time for the sum of $250.00. The defendant took possession
of
the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was
rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125.00,
one-half
of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is
restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the
defendant to assure payment of the balance."
The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his
opponent
had presented the case. His defense, therefore, was somewhat
different
from the way he originally planned to present it. "Your honor," he
said,
"My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that
he
did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was
derived
from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the
property
around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a
pump,
all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements
to
the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that
the
plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said
property.
We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."
The young lady's lawyer answered thus: "Your honor, my client agrees
that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had
defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have
rented
the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant
removed
the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In
doing
so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but
left
the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the
property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that
judgment
be granted."
In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the
125.00 or
have the equipment detached and provided to the plaintiff for
damages."
The defendant wrote a check immediately.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Air Cutter
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cold nose
http://www.buffalos
college
http://www.buffalos
combo
http://www.buffalos
come in
http://www.buffalos
come to bed
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Safely Talk and Drive at the Same Time
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Order now and you'll get two Jupiter Jacks for the price of one.
View Website
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman who lived near Cape Fear
Would always most carefully steer
Past men whom she saw,
But was brought to the floor,
By a well-timed attack from the rear.
************
A sofa spud who now and then
Goes to see the sea but won't go in
Says 'Waves are unnervingI
Like channel surfing
My clicker can hang more than ten.'
************
When limerick writers convene,
Their reason for making the scene
Is to make tepid jokes,
Meant for church going folks,
Into verses perverse and obscene.
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to
wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a
lady
arrived without her head covering. The priest tells her that she
cannot
enter without it.
A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to
her
head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter
this
holy place without your wearing a blouse."
"But Father, I have a divine right," she says.
"Yes, I see," he says. And your left one isn't bad either, but you
still
must wear a blouse to enter this church!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
BANGS ARE HOT!
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Knowing that my fiancée's mother is an avid
bird-watcher, I planned an intimate
get-to-know-
Dream Canyon in Colorado. I'd heard a rumor that
nude sunbathers sometimes frequented the place,
but having been there twice and never seen one; I
tagged the location as safe.
Fifteen minutes into our picnic, our idyllic spot
was overrun with nude men. Aghast, we ate
quickly, and then I ushered my future
mother-in-law toward the exit. On our way out, I
spotted a native bird in a tree and said, "Look,
Mom, it's a Colorado downy woodpecker."
She replied, "Well, we've seen a lot of native
Colorado peckers today, haven't we?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have Diabetes?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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