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Make milk and cookies an even tastier treat with scrumptious Nabisco CHIPS AHOY cookies - NOW in 6 delicious varieties for you to sample for FREE*! http://www.thepostm Life is like baseball, You step up to the plate each day and take your swings. Sometimes you strike out. Sometimes you walk. Sometimes you're served up a plump batting-practice fastball right over the plate and you knock that baby right out of the park.Other times you're thrown a curveball that breaks crazily. You take a mighty cut at it but miss, and you're left on your behind, sitting in the dirt around home plate, feeling foolish. We do hope you enjoy today's issue! Cordially Martin aka the postman THE COMICS politics explained http://www.thepostm why do you dress like that? http://www.thepostm thats an emergency http://www.thepostm the snowman http://www.thepostm look at that http://www.thepostm victoria's secret http://www.thepostm gasoline alternatives http://www.thepostm  LETS GO TO THE MOVIES squashed http://www.thepostm never try to swim in a frozen pond http://www.thepostm funny moments http://www.thepostm Daffy Duck-how to retrieve a duck http://www.thepostm Happy tree friends http://www.thepostm  COOL STUFF buy a dog-power point display http://www.thepostm life-power point display http://www.thepostm story of a sign-movie video http://www.thepostm Bill Engvall-wave file http://www.thepostm An Irishman applied for a job on a construction site, but the foreman wouldn't hire him until he passed a simple maths test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers, represent the number 9..' 'Without numbers?' The Irishman says, 'Dat is easy,' and proceeded to draw three trees. 'What's this?' the boss asked. 'Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' said the Irishman. 'Fair enough,' said the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99.' The Irishman stared into space for a while, then picked up the picture that he has just drawn and made a smudge on each tree. 'Ere you go' The boss scratched his head and said, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?' 'Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99.' The boss was getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he said, 'All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.' The Irishman stared into space some more, then he picked up the picture again and made a little mark at the base of each tree and says, 'Ere you go. One hundred.' The boss looked at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!' The Irishman leaned forward and pointed to the marks at the base of each tree and said, 'A little dog came along and crapped by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred.' ____________ "Ways To Drive A Woman Crazy" 1. Call her by the dog's name and then deny it. 2. Answer all her questions with a question, preferably one on a totally different subject. 3. Superglue the commode seat in the up position. 4. Shrink her jeans and when she overreacts because she thinks that she's gaining weight, give her a condescending smile and say that you prefer her with some meat on her bones. 5. Firmly refuse to ever ask for directions even if you find yourself in Georgia when your original destination was California. 6. Call her by your mother's name and then deny it. 7. Start a conversation with the dog in the middle of one with her. 8. Buy her power tools for Valentine's Day. 9. Never give her a straight answer. 10. Take up yodelling and practice a lot. ____________ Patrick and Mary, being good Irish Catholics, had so many children that they didn't know what to do. Patrick says to Mary, "I think we need to get some advice from the parish priest. We can't keep on with any more children." So they went to see the priest and the priest says to them, "You know the church only allows two ways to limit the little ones. One is to abstain altogether and the other is the rhythm method." Patrick scratches his head and says, "Well, now, Father, how in the hell am I going to find a band at 4:00 o'clock in the morning?" ___________ A sheep farmer made his monthly journey into town to buy supplies. While loading up his pickup, he spotted one of the girls who worked at the bordello watching him. "Say, honey," he asked, "what's the going rate these days?" "Hundred bucks," she replied. "If every man raised sheep, we wouldn't need you women," he exclaimed with disgust. "Yeah," she said, "and if vibrators could cut the grass, we wouldn't need you men, either." ____________ A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: - 'Excuse me sir, but do you know mrs. Appleblossom?' the man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: - 'just a moment sir', after which he takes out a little black notebook. 'A, A, A... [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know mrs. Appleblossom' the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: - 'Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with mrs. Appleblossom?' The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: - 'B, B, B... ahh, yes, I have been to bed with mrs. Appleblossom' He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: - 'Excuse me sir, but I am mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed' - 'D, D, D... ahh... yes sir, so was I!' ____________ A football player named Smith was an avid hunter and it was the last day of deer season but also the last game of the season. He tells his wife, "I've been just sitting on the bench all season so would you put on my uniform and take my place while I go hunting?" The wife agrees and he goes hunting while she goes to the game. In the last three minutes of the game the coach yells, "Smith you're in!" She can't say anything because her husband would lose his contract and probably get sued. She thinks what can happen in just three minutes? as she runs into the game. The next thing she knows she has the ball and all these guys are jumping on her. She passes out. When she comes to she finds she's in the locker room naked from the waist down. The coach sees her coming around and says, "Don't worry Smith! They say as soon as we get your balls back down where they belong, your pecker will pop out Buffalo Bill Sleep fro http://www.buffalos Snake Prank http://www.buffalos Speech Interrupted http://www.buffalos THAT'S ALL FOLKS! Have a nice day FROM: Martin aka the postman |
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