Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I recently switched from AVG to Avast as my free anti-virus even
though I had never really had a major problem with AVG and I
have been getting used to some of the new features, one of which is
that Avast makes several updates a day and announces in a loud voice
that it has updated the program. I found it amusing and I have been
saying," Thank You." each time it does it. Sandy noticed what I was
doing and asked why. I told her if they were nice enough to update
your software and tell you they
deserved a thanks. Sandy knows nothing about computers but
has seen Buffy and I conversing and must have believed that
I was actually talking to someone at Avast. A couple of days
later I had rebooted the computer and crawled back into bed while
everything loaded up and I heard the computer say, " Your anti-virus
has been updated." and about 2 seconds later Sandy say, " Thank
You." and they said she wasn't trainable when I
married her.
I haven't figured out why but two stations wanted 4.18 a gallon
tonight and two wanted 4.08. I suspect Ike is behind it but I think
we are still getting gouged.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Calorie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Calories Burned During Sex
REMOVING HER CLOTHES:
With her consent.....
Without her consent.....
OPENING HER BRA:
With both hands.......
With one hand........
With your teeth.......
PUTTING ON A CONDOM:
With an erection....
Without an erection....
POSITIONS:
Missionary..
69 lying down........
69 standing up..........
Wheelbarrow.
Doggy Style.......
Italian chandelier..
ORGASMS:
Real........
Faked ............
POST ORGASM:
Lying in bed hugging.....
Getting up immediately.
Explaining why you got out of bed immediately.
816 Calories
GETTING A SECOND ERECTION: If you are:
20-29 years.......
30-39 years.......
40-49 years.......
50-59 years.......
60-69 years.......
70 and over........
Calories
DRESSING AFTER SEX
Calmly......
In a hurry.......
With her father knocking at the door........
5,218 Calories
With your wife knocking at the door........
13,521 Calories
Results may vary ...
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Only A Mile Away
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before and After Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top.
Peahen
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dexter had just returned from two weeks of vacation. He asked his
boss for two more weeks off to get married.
"What!" shouted the boss? "I can't give you more time now. Why
didn't you get married while you were off?"
"Are you nuts?" replied Dexter. "That would have ruined my whole
vacation."
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two
girlfriends.
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room.
"Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes
into labor!"
The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to
complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.
Jill: John says the cutest things!
Mary: Really? Like what?
Jill: Like "C'mere, Honey, and sit on my face."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doug went to a psychiatrist and said, "Doc, I'm really
worried about my wife. Yesterday she posed for a nude
picture."
The psychiatrist said, "Well I wouldn't worry about
that. It's probably just an expression of her
interest in art. What was the nude picture for?"
Doug said, "Her driver's license."
~~~~~
Have you ever noticed the mannequins in the store have the bra-less
look?
They have a sweater on with little points.
Why would I buy a sweater that can't even keep a mannequin warm?
~~~~~~
Girl: "I know you really look like Napoleon Bonaparte."
Boy: "Great, isn't it?"
Girl: "Yes, but you differ in one aspect from him."
Boy: "And that is?"
Girl: "You have to put your hand in your own blouse."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny and his best buddy Billy wanted to go fishing, so they
got into their boat and headed out into the ocean. After traveling
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small
boat. As soon as they got into the water and started to swim a large
shark came by and chewed both of Billy's arms off.
Billy yelled at Little Johnny, "I can't swim, a shark bit my arms
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And Billy said, "I'm sorry, but that was the only way I could hang
on."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Speech Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two life-long friends were enjoying a few pints down at the local
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"What do you mean her speech impediment?" inquired the first fellow.
"My wife doesn't have a speech impediment!"
"Well," replied his friend, "you must be the only guy who hasn't
noticed that she can't say 'NO!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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World's Most Haunted Places
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Never Trust a Woman
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virgin Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and
he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation.
"Brothers, sisters," he said solemnly, "it has come to my attention
that there are tales to the effect that immorality is rampant in our
fair town. To be specific, it is being said that there is not one
virgin left here. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order
to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise."
Not a woman stirred.
The priest said, "I understand the modesty that would make a young
lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly, but it is
necessary to do so. Young women, I conjure those to rise who are
truly virgins."
And still not a woman stirred.
Wrath now moved the priest. "Will you, for the fear of experiencing
a small shame, incur a great one? This is an order from the
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And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the
rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.
The preacher stared with astonishment at the baby, then said, "Young
woman, I'm asking the virgins to stand."
And the young lady answered indignantly, "Well, father, do you
expect this six-month-old girl to stand by herself...?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Seen On TV
SlimShots triggers the body's natural appetite control mechanism,
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One More Chance
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Mr. Faggot
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My wife Myrtle's womb has a habit
Of expanding whenever I stab it.
What's more, my wife Myrtle
Is so wonderously fertile,
That she's giving me kids like a rabbit.
~~~
There was a young girl of East Anglia
Whose loins were a tangle of ganglia.
Her mind was a webbing
Of Freud and Kraft-Ebing
And all sorts of other mew-fanglia.
~~~~~~
There was a young man from Hong Kong
Who had a trifurcated prong:
A small one for sucking,
A large one for fucking,
And a honey for beating a gong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~