Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Hope everyone is weathering the storms well and that you
have power back along with the internet. Is it something new for the
effects of a hurricane to be felt all the way to the Canadian
border and so quickly after land fall ? Friday and Saturday I
watched as sporting events in Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis were
canceled because of heavy rains blamed on Ike. It probably
would have helped if it had continued into Sunday as all the teams I
was rooting for met with disaster. Detroit Lions played Green Bay
and they came back from a 21-0 start to a 24-25 lead in the fourth
quarter and then our quarterback got intercepted three times in 4
minutes for three touchdown. He had more passing yards for Green Bay
than their own quarterback did. Then the Chargers lost another close
game in the last few seconds of the game. On the good side Ohio
State got trampled which I always enjoy watching.
The other night Sandy Buffy and I were all in separate rooms and Eva
was running back and forth from the kitchen to Sandy's room. I
wasn't worried because I figured she wasn't in any place long
enough to get into trouble until Sandy started yelling. Eva had
gotten into a brand new flat of eggs and had smashed over a
dozen through the house, on rugs, in toys, in shoes, and in Sandy's
closet, in fact sandy was still finding them several days later.
Duct taping the refrigerator shut is not enough and I guess I am
going to have to add a bungee cord.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Halloween Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A middle class gentleman decided one week before Halloween to have a
party on Halloween night.
The theme of the party was that you must have a costume that
represents an emotion.
The word spread quickly, and since anybody was welcome, it was sure
to be a big party.
On the night of the party, the house was filled with people, a brown
costume for the shitty mood, a multicolored costume for premenstrual
syndrome, and many others both interesting as well as funny.
The man continuously received knocks on the door, and always let the
person in, regardless of their taste in costume.
Once again, a knock rapped on his door, and he opened it.
A beautiful woman stepped in, wearing a red dress with ruffled
sleeves. "You look beautiful tonight Miss, what is your emotion?,"
the man asked.
"I'm red with anger.," said the woman.
The man smiled and let her in to join the others in the party.
Five minutes later another knock on the door came, and he opened it,
to have another beautiful woman in a green dress step in. "What are
you supposed to be, my pretty?," the man asked.
"I'm green,...green with envy.," said the woman.
"Quite clever!" said the man. He stepped aside to allow her to
enter.
Two minutes later, another tapping on the door came.
He opened it, and in front of him stood a 6'6", naked, smelly, hairy
man. On the end of his erected penis stood a pear.
"I hears you got yourself a party.," said the stranger.
"That is correct,...,
are you supposed to be?"
"The naked stranger looked down on the man and, in a booming voice,
replied, "I'm fucking despair!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Dermatologist
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Cookies
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Bitching And Moaning
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the process of evolution
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autumn leaf
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heart breaking
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moses and Jesus are part of a threesome playing golf one day. Moses
pulls up to the tee and drives a long one. The ball lands on the
fairway, but rolls directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses
raises his club, the water parts, and the ball rolls to the other
side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly
toward the same water trap. It lands right in the center of the
pond and kind of hovers over the water. Jesus casually walks out on
the pond and chips the ball right up onto the green.
Then the third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It
heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby
street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there,
it bounces onto the roof of a shack close by and rolls down into the
gutter, down the drain spout, out onto the fairway and straight
toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball
hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily
pad, where it comes quietly to rest. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog
jumps up on the lily pad and snatches the ball into his mouth. Just
then, an eagle swoops down and grabs the frog and flies away. As
they pass over the green, the frog squeals with fright and drops the
ball, which bounces right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses leans over toward Jesus and whispers, "I HATE playing with
your Dad."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Driving to a new restaurant, a woman took several wrong turns. When
she finally found the right road, she asked her husband, "Why didn't
you tell me I was lost?"
"I thought you knew where you were going," he replied.
"You always know where you're going when I'm driving!"
~~~~~
My sister-in-law, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for
protection.
As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He
doesn't like men."
"Perfect," my sister-in-law thought and took the dog.
Then one day she was approached by two men in a parking lot, and she
watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding.
As the men got closer, the dog ran under the nearest car.
~~~~~~
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the
company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for
weeks on end.
Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, the
title means nothing! Why, they even have a Vice President of peas at
the grocery store, for crying out loud!"
"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to
call the grocery store to see if his wife was just joking and making
fun of his new title.
A clerk answered the phone and Tom said, "Can I please talk to the
Vice President of peas?"
The clerk replied, "Canned or frozen?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Golf Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot
Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake
of martial harmony.
He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive
300 yard down the middle of the fairway.
When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer),
"Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be
fine."
She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five
full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his
life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the
green.
Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is
knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off
the green and into a sand trap.
The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand
trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from
there.
Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and
calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's
ok. I think we can do better on the next hole."
She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5*
shots were mine!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Fruit Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother and daughter loved to play around. They
partied everyday and always ended up fucking
everybody around. Their holes were played until
they became seasoned and loose. One day, the
daughter met the man of her dreams and decided to
get married. Now, the man did not know about their
flicks and thought the daughter was still a virgin.
So he decided to leave any lovemaking until their
wedding night. The daughter began to worry about
the condition of her hole and consulted her mother,
"Mum, I'm worried, what will Peter do if he finds
out about my hole?!!"
Mother said, "Don't worry dear, I will teach you a
way to fool your husband-to-be. Here's what you do,
place an apple in your hole and it will be tight
and he won't even notice it." So the daughter did
what her mother taught her and everything went
well and the stupid husband didn't even notice.
This went on for a few months. Now, everytime
the daughter wanted to bathe, she would take out
the apple and place it on the wash basin and after
bathing, she would put it back in her hole. One
day, after bathing, she forgot to put it back and
left it on the wash basin. The husband came into
the washroom and saw the apple and thought that
her wife left the apple for him and he ate it,
"Honey, thanks for the apple. It tasted great!"
Shocked, the daughter dare not tell her husband
about it and went to consult her mother, "Mum, I'm
in deep shit now! I took out the apple while I was
bathing and I forgot to put it back and Peter found
the apple I left on the wash basin and ate it! What
sould I do? Will he be poisoned? I'm scared, mum."
Mother said, "Don't worry dear, a few years ago,
your father ate the WATERMELON I left in the
washroom and he lived!"
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
David went to the urologist complaining of
discharge dripping from his penis, the doctor
took one look and told him he had V.D.
"No way," said the shocked David, blushing
terribly. "It must be a cold."
"Call it what you like, David," said the
doctor. "But, until it sneezes, we'll have to
treat it for V.D."
Two Canadians are sitting in a bar, and getting bored. They decide
to
play 20 questions. The first Canadian tries to think of a word and
after a little pondering comes up with the word: "moosecock".
The second Canadian tries his first question, "Is it something good
to eat?"
The first guy thinks a moment, laughs and replies, "Sure, I suppose
you could eat it."
The second Canadian says, "Is it a moosecock?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
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Movies
When Not To Clean your Glasses
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Where
http://www.buffalos
Where Croissants Come From
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Why Men Have Bikes
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Why Sex Before Marriage is Essential
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Trunk Monkey Chaperone
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Tuck In Shirt
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Turkey
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Turkish Gillette
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Uncle Jay
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fat Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Along with all of the eye-candy summertime brings
(which of course we all spend a good chunk of the day monitoring),
you can also see some truly horrifying sights. The other day, I saw
a
woman whose entire 300 pound frame was clearly convinced that she
was
Britney Spears and dressed accordingly. I understand that much of it
has to do with the fashions of the day, but if you think that low-
rider jeans are equal opportunity then you are dumber than Jessica
Simpson.
I have compiled a list of terms that describe the types of fat found
on most big-boned, I-only-eat-salad-
of fat girls.
Fatty Tuna Rolls - The pinched fat on or around the hips
caused by low-rise pants in size 4 when you are really a size 12.
Skate Wings - The puckered fat hanging from the triceps, similar in
texture to the eponymous fish and revealed by teeny-weeny tank tops.
Pulled Pork - The red-tinted stretch marks on one's underbelly made
visible by a combination of low-rise pants and tiny tanks.
Sausage Links - The obvious similarity of obese fingers to the
summer
barbeque delicacy. Those afflicted should be required to wear
mittens
year round.
Tootsie Rolls - The somewhat utilitarian back fat often accentuated
by brassieres purchased 4 years and 50 pounds ago. I have seen these
large enough to provide temporary storage for things like remote
controls and chicken wings.
Bone-in Rib Eye (also known as the cankle) - This phenomenon
is seen in short-wearers whose calf connects directly to the foot.
No
ankle.
Passion Fruit Soufflé - Sometimes when the breasts outgrow
the bra they simply spill over it like a muffin top or a rising
soufflé. Too much of these is probably how you got into this whole
mess anyway.
Jelly Bellies - This one should be self-explanatory.
And it's disgusting.
Amuse Course - Ever get a HUGE plate with an itsy bit of fancy food?
Just like a face adrift in multiple chin and cheek fat.
Double Burger - Sometimes when the stomach extends forward
past the breasts, it can provide adequate support without requiring
a
bra. I bet this looks really funny upside down.
If you have any of the items on this list then get off your fat,
lazy
ass and get to the gym. In the meanwhile, try to shop someplace more
appropriate. Like Lane Bryant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A taxi cab whore out at Ivor
Did the round trip for a fiver
Quite reasonable too
For a sightsee and screw
With a fifty pence tip to the driver.
A young steeplejack named Gauer,
Needed relief high atop of a tower.
A co-worker said, "Friend,"
Don't piss into the wind,
Or we'll receive an unwelcome shower."
Yer Hillbilly friend in TN...
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a bar and winks at a pretty girl at the other end
"bartender", he says, "I'd like to buy that lady a drink." "Don't do
it," the bartender says, "She's a lesbian." "You're crazy," he said,
"She's beautiful and she winked back." So the bartender gives her
the drink.
A minute later she moves down and thanks the gentleman. "Bartender,"
he says, "Give the lady another drink." "I'm warning you," the
bartender says as he hands her the drink. After she finishes this
drink she asks if he would like to see her breast.
"YES!!!" he says and the woman lifts her blouse. After the next
drink, and another warning from the bartender, she takes his hand
and asks, "Would you like to touch my ass?" The gentleman replies
"OH, YES!!!, DEFINITELY!! !" So he sits with his hand on her bottom
and asks for another drink. The bartender, thoroughly impressed by
now and convinced he was wrong in his judgement obliges.
After this she asks " Are you ready to taste a hot, wet, sweet
pussy?" "THANK YOU GOD!!!", the man exclaims, and then "YES!!!!!!!"
At this the attractive lady grabs him by his tie pulls him close,
kisses him and says, "Hope you enjoyed!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q: What is the definition of Gross?
A1: Kissing your grandmother and she slips you the tongue.
A2: Biting into a hot dog and it has veins.
A3: When you throw your undies at the wall, and they stick.
A4: You're sitting on you grandfather's lap and he pop a boner.
A5: Your little brother has lost his scab collection and you're
eating his corn flakes.
A6: Finding a string in your bloody mary.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1422
Time and Time Again
Rudy: What do you think Pops can we huh huh?
Katie: Come on father it has been ages.
Sandi: Let's have a go daddy.
BJ: Okay, it has been a while since we cranked up the UFO/Time
Machine.
Grab Diana and see if she wants to go, pack up some food and drinks
and
let's go have some fun.
Katie: Ya-hoo!
Rudy: A-Roo!
Sandi: Yeah for Daddy!
A little while later....
Diana: Why don't you guys go ahead and I will stay behind and catch
up some housework. Don't overthrow any governments. Okay?
BJ: Okay.
Diana: And do not bring home any dinosauers!
Katie: Awwww!
The dogs and BJ climb into the UFO/Time Machine and lights flash and
bells
ring....
On the way the dogs and BJ look at each other..
BJ: Are you guys thinking what I am thinking?
Sandi: Yeah..let's go visiting.
Later...they land in Katieworld..
Rudy: A-Rooo!
Sandi: Where's Ginger?
Katie: I think I see her over in the meadow.
BJ: Reunion time!
They all rush to each other and have a big hug...
Ginger: You guys haven't been gone very long,,an hour tops.
BJ: No little girl, it is close to a year.
Ginger: You are kidding?
BJ: No it has been almost a year.
Ginger: Ah whatever, it is nice to see my family. Where's mom?
Rudy: She didn't know we were coming here, else she would be here.
Katie: Who is that guy over there?
Ginger: Oh, he is a nice guy. Jim McQ.
BJ: Hey, Jim come here, I have a present from Don Snipe for you.
Jim: Really what is it?
BJ: A t-shirt.
Jim unfolds it... it says Obama on the front...He puts it on...:
Tell him
thanks. I never thought he would do something like this.
BJ: Well you never know about Don.
Jim turns around and on the back it says "Don vote for the person on
the front,,, Vote McCain!"
BJ/Rudy/Katie/
head
back, we cannot stay here long.
Just then GCC from Charlotte walks in the group and says: Hi guys.
BJ: I do have some new stories for you and a couple of years of
Kolumns.
Here you go.
GCC: Thanks, I will read them.
BJ: We have to go.
GCC: Bye
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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