Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Did I ever tell you I hate Mondays? I got up this morning to take
Buffy to work and get my now weekly blood tests out of the way.
Dropped Buffy off and found a nice parking spot across from the
entrance to the hospital. The hospital has just started a valet
parking service but I prefer not to bother them if I can find a spot
close to the door. Admitting was almost empty and I had my paperwork
and headed down to the lab and it was empty too, so within 5 minutes
I was out of the lab. I ran into a high school buddy and his wife and
chatted with him for a half hour or so in the lobby and then
grabbed my car and headed for home. I had just started to dig through
the mail when the phone rang. It was the hospital and they had a
problem with my blood sample, it had hydrolyzed when they tested it.
I had a quick vision of the scene from the Thing where they are
testing the blood and they stick a hot wire in the sample and it
screams and flies at the person. It wasn't that diabolical though, it
was just a bad test so they asked me to come back.
Now things started going from bad to worse. It took three pokes to
get a blood sample and my doctor's appointment was only an hour
away. When the tech was being apologetic for missing the vein I
mentioned the only thing that bothered me was I'd have to wait for
the results in the doctor's office. They pushed the test through and
the information was there when I got to my doctor's appointment an
hour later still not having got anything done on the lists. I went to
the doctor's office and my potassium is improving, but the doctor
wanted to take a few minutes to discuss my records and in the
process the doctor decided he wanted some pictures of my upper back
which is the only part of my body the hasn't been scanned, rayed,
magnetized or hummed at so back over to the hospital for the third
time that day for 3 x-rays that turned into six. I walked in the door
and Buffy was on the phone wanting me to pick her up a couple
of hours early so I jumped in the car and picked her up along with
tobacco and garbage tags.
Finally it is four in the afternoon and I haven't even got started on
the
lists so I took an hour nap before supper. It only took me four hours
after I got up to get the lists out and so now I sit here with only
the
scuttlebutt to send and cigarettes to roll and then it is bedtime.
Hope
your Monday was better..... buffalo
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Chief Chips
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The old sub-sailor, Harold was a Retired Navy Chief Engineman. He
was sick and was in the VA hospital. Anyway, there was this one
young nurse that just drove him crazy. Every time she came in, she
would talk to him like he was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, "And how are we doing
this morning, or are we ready for our bath, or are we hungry?"
Harold had had enough of this particular nurse. One day, Harold had
received breakfast, and pulled the apple juice off his breakfast
tray, and put it on his bed side stand. He had just been given a
urine bottle to fill for testing. So.....you know where the juice
went.
Well, the nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine
bottle. She looks at it. "My, but it seems we are a little cloudy
today....." At this, the Chief snatched the bottle out of her hand,
pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, "Well, I'll run it
through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time."
The nurse fainted.....
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Speeding Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy was stopped by a policeman for speeding, and does a lot of
begging. Finally, the policeman says: "O.k. I'll ask you a question.
If you answer correctly, I'll forget about the ticket!"
"Go ahead!", answers the speeder.
"You're driving at night, and two lights appear in front of you. What
is it?"
"That's easy! It's a car!"
"Sure! But, what kind of car? Is it a Ford? Is it a Chevy? Is it a
VW?", replies the policeman, and proceeds to write the ticket.
"Wait! Give me another chance!", begs the guy.
"Ok. But, this is your last chance! You fail to answer - you get the
ticket!"
"Fair enough".
"You're driving at night, and a light appears in front of you. What
is it?"
"That's easy! It's a bike!"
"Sure! But, what kind of bike? Is it a Honda? Is it a Suzuki? Is it a
Harley Davidson? Sorry, you're getting the ticket!"
"Yeah, ok.. but let me ask you a question too!"
"Go ahead", answers the policeman.
"You see a bare breasted woman standing at the curve, bargaining with
clients, what is it?" asks the guy.
"Oh, that's a hooker!" replies the policeman.
"Sure! But, what kind of hooker? Is it your mother? Is it your
sister? Is it your daughter?"
Ted
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Gay Chips
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2) Superstition suggests that, for good luck, the
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something trashy, something dirty.
3) It's customary, at gay and lesbian nuptials, for
the parents to have an open bar during the entire
ceremony.
4) Gay wedding tradition dictates that both grooms
refrain from eating any of the wedding cake because
it's all carbs and sugar.
5) It's considered bad luck for either of the grooms to
have dated the priest.
6) During the first dance, it's considered unlucky to
use glow sticks, flags, whistles or hand held lasers.
7) For good luck at the union of a drag queen, the
bouquet is always thrown in the face of a hated rival.
8) The reception hall must have a disco ball and at
least one go-go dancer.
9) The wedding singer is not allowed to play/sing
Let's Hear It For the Boy, It's Raining Men, or I Will
Survive.
10) The father of the Bottom has to pay for everything!
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Cure Chips
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Joe's wife was sick. Very sick. None of the doctors could figure out
what was wrong with her. He was about to go into her room and visit
her when her doctor approached him. The doctor said: "These might be
her last few days, so you should do whatever she asks of you, so that
she may die happy."
Well... Joe thought this over and decided that that was a
great idea. He went in and they talked for about 3 hours.
After awhile he asked her if there was anything that he
could do for her. She thought for a little bit and said,
"Make love to me. Eat my pussy.... Fuck me like you
never have before..." He thought this was a little much in
her condition, but since It might be one of the last times
he sees her he decided to comply.
The next day he came in, and her doctor said that she
was much better, and he should do whatever he did
yesterday. Well.. he walked in and they talked, and she requested
they make passionate love again, and again he complied.
After about 5 days of this she had fully recovered, and
was able to go home. She walked into the living room to
find that Joe was crying. She said, "What's the matter?
I'm fine now. You have nothing to worry about." He
replied, "I know, but all this time I can't stop thinking
that I could have saved Mom!"
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Facelift Chips
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A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends
$5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she
stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to
the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think
I am?"
"About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily..
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter
girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good
about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this
burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I
am 47, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same
question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going.
Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a
woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put
my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."
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best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead." He
slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins
to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes
of this, she says, "Okay, okay,...how old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and
says, "Madam, you are 47."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could
you tell?"
The old man replies, "Promise you won't get mad?"
"No", she says.
He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Troll Chips
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There once was a King and Queen who ruled a kingdom by the sea. One
day the King's brother, who ruled a kingdom in the mountains, took
ill and needed help ruling his land.
The first king volunteered to help and explained to the queen that
his brother's illness may last many months. They would see one
another each weekend. Every other weekend the king would journey, on
horseback, down from the mountains. On alternating weekends the queen
would journey, up from the seaside, the same way.
"There is one very important thing to remember" said the
king. "Halfway between the two lands is a bridge which crosses a deep
ravine. The bridge is guarded by a magic troll, who lives under the
bridge as most trolls are apt to do. He will ask you to pay a toll, a
four leaf clover, so you must promise me you will always remember to
bring one with you."
"I will" she replied thinking that would be easy since all castles in
those days were surrounded by fields of four leaf clovers, for good
luck.
So the time comes for the queen to make her first journey. She picks
the clover, puts it in the pocket of her dress and off she goes.
After a while she comes to the bridge and out crawls an ugly little
troll. "He certainly doesn't look very magical" she thinks to herself.
The troll begins to speak. "I am the troll who lives under the bridge
and YOU must pay a toll ... a four leaf clover if you please ... or
bend over on your knees."
And with that he dropped his pants revealing the biggest, thickest
cock the queen had ever seen. He then thrust his hips back and forth
three or four times to show exactly what he intended do with his
massive, 13 inch prick.
The queen, all flustered and embarrassed, quickly gave him the clover
and hurried on her way.
This went on for many months. The queen grew used to seeing the
trolls equipment and even began fantasizing about how it would be to
let the troll screw her. After all, the king was just of an average
size and he was all she had ever been with. It got to the point where
her panties would get damp at the thought of making the journey
across the bridge.
One fateful day, as she approached the bridge, she thought "What the
hell, you only live once" and threw her clover away.
When she reached the bridge the troll was waiting. "I am the troll
who lives under the bridge and YOU must pay a toll ... a four leaf
clover if you please ... or bend over on your knees."
"My god" said the queen looking in the pocket of her dress, "I seem
to have lost my four leaf clover. It looks like I will have to take
the second choice today."
So the troll helps the queen off her horse and leads her down under
the bridge where there is a beautiful bed of flowers. She lifts her
dress, slips off her silky royal panties, bends over and gets down on
her knees on the flowers. As soon as he enters her soaking wet pussy
she realizes why he is called a "magic troll".
The troll screws the queen like she has never been screwed before in
all her life. Echoes of the queens moans and gasps of pleasure bounce
off the ravine walls for the next couple of hours.
When they are finally done they lay exhausted in the flowers.
"I have to admit ..." said the queen,
"I'm kind of glad I lost my clover."
"Oh, I hear that one all the time" replies the troll.
"Do many ladies come by here who have lost their clover"
says the queen coyly.
"Oh no" replies the troll ...
"But your husband, the King, loses his every single time..."
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LynnLynn's Links
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Little Johnny is walking to school. On the way
he sees two dogs going at it on the side of the
road. This was something the boy had never
seen before.
Further down the road the boy sees two rabbits
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at what he is seeing.
Yet even further down the road the boy sees two
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He gets to school and as he is sitting in class
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The teacher looks around quickly to see who said it.
She doesn't see anyone misbehaving so she goes
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"GOD DAMN!"
This time the teacher sees Little Johnny say it
and asks why he is saying that in her classroom.
Little Johnny tells her what he saw on the way to
school that morning. "I saw 2 dogs going at it, and
2 rabbits going at it, and 2 horses going at it. Now if
I could screw like a rabbit and while doing it doggy style
and be hung like a horse......HOT DAMN!"
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Toon Chips
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Women Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the Night and
ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman Doesn't care what
you think.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A
Younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will
Cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after A cup
of herbal tea.
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day Without
looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam Jar. This is not
true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always wearing Sensible
shoes.
There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to an older Woman -
the last thing she needs in her life is another Clingy, whiny,
dependent man.
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you
That you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman Will
say nothing, just in case it means you might break up With her.
Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women
Can't help you when you need to start replacing your old Fillings.
An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you!
Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut
Take out.
An older woman will introduce you to all of her
Girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends
When she's with you, in case you get any ideas...
Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to
Having an affair, because somehow they always know.
Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie That they
have acquired from admirers over the years. Young Women often don't
wear underpants at all, thus practically Eliminating all possibility
of a strip-tease.
Older women know what Kegel exercises are.
An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for
A meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in
Front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.
Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a
Screaming match with you in the middle of the night
In a public park.
An older woman will always meet the minimum height
Requirement to go on an amusement ride.
An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best
Years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen Them
first.
And that's my friends is way I married an OLDER WOMAN.....LOL
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Though the youthful and lusty Miss Bount
Had struggled her fullest amount
Against Dracula's might,
At the end of her fight
I hear she went down for the Count
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jim paid $500 to a madam for a virgin whore.
He was sent to an upstairs room, where a fresh-faced 18-year-old
expertly sucked him to the brink of coming, then quickly finished him
off in her cunt.
The whole session lasted less than five minutes.
The john was not happy.
"They said I'm the first man you ever fucked," he complained.
The girl looked blankly at Jim.
"You might be," she smiled helpfully.
"Your face looks familiar."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1430
BJ's Dream
Babes, beautiful babes. A bevy of buxom beauts. Blondes, brunettes
and red-heads.
BJ: How did I get on this ship and I am the only guy on it?
Rudy: A-roo?
BJ: Well, the only human guy.
Rudy: What about toots?
BJ: Hey this is a dream, I can party here.
Rudy looking at BJ: Is that legal?
BJ: Sure watch this.
BJ: Hey honey, how about coming to my cabin for a movie?
Blonde: I think not you old crusty fart.
BJ: Hey, this is my dream, what is the deal?
Rudy: A-roo!
BJ: Let me try again...hey lady what is your sign?
Babe: Stop... Stop sign.
BJ: ^#$$@! This dream is not going as I had hoped.
Rudy: Well, keep on trying pops. It is your dream.
BJ: Which one of your ladies feel lucky tonight?
Girls: We all feel lucky, because we are not going to see you.
BJ: Okay, I have to ask, what is the deal with me girls?
Girls: Oh, you are okay enough. It is that this shipped is booked
for women who are not into men, if you catch my drift.
BJ: You mean you are all Lebanese?
Girls: Sorry Charlie, you should have not ate that chili last night.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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