Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
OK back to head lice heh heh. The first time you go through this you
follow the instructions to the letter. You start by inspecting the
child's hair and any dirty dandruff must be one of the critters and a
candy in her hair must be an egg sac so you move to stage two which
is the complete de-contamination of house and family. I guess they
used to use a DDT based cream for that but we moved up to sprays and
creams made from pyrethins which are still popular today and malthion
for the really tough critters. So you shampoo everyone, foul stuff,
has to stay on for an hour, and cause allergic reactions in some
people. You wash every bit of clothing and bedding in the house,
spray the furniture, and light off a few bug bombs for good measure.
No nits no crawlers and school is happy and your child can return to
class. Safer method is to home school your child till they are ready
for college and then make them move out or to adopt a family of
monkeys because they are able to find lice and actually find them
quite tasty. Each time this happens you are going to find your sense
of humor stretched to its limits and the beasties are getting harder
to kill. So someone came up with some really sadistic ways to get rid
of them that are hilarious and work. They all involve smothering the
lice using greasy substances like mayonnaise, hair styling gel, or
Vaseline. This is probably the reason lice weren't as much of a
problem when kids put enough grease in their hair to hold it still in
a nuclear blast. But anyhow once the hair is covered you wrap plastic
wrap over it and let it set overnight and after some heavy degreasing
they are gone. There is one last method involving shaving one half of
the persons head and setting the other half on fire and then smacking
the bugs as they run out with a rubber mallet. I was unable to find
any mention of that method but the rest are listed at:
http://www.keepkids
And from the herd nurse:
Reading about the Lice Month. As a nurse we had to deal with the
problem all the time YUCK! All you have to do is mention them and
everyone is itching. The pharmacist told us he can have an outbreak
of anything on God's green earth but nothing brings people to his
door like lice outbreak. Every nurse and aide and anyone else with
patient contact is at his door when he gets there in the AM wanting
NIX or something for them. Powerful little buggers aren't they? Ms
Nurse
Enjoy the Chips and the Weekend... buffalo
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Obama Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
One sunny day in 2008, an old man approached the White House
from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he'd been sitting on a park
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to go in and meet with President Obama.'
The Marine replied, 'Sir, Mr. Obama is not President and doesn't
reside here.'
The old man said, 'Okay,' and walked away. The following day,
the same man approached the White House and said to the same
Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.'
The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr.
Obama is not President and doesn't reside here.'
The man thanked him and again walked away . . . .
The third day, the same man approached the White House and
spoke to the very same Marine guard, saying 'I would like to go in
and meet with President Obama.'
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man
and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here
asking
to speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already several times that Mr.
Obama is not the President and doesn't reside here. Don't you
understand?'
The old man answered, 'Oh, I understand you fine, I just love hearing
your answer!'
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow
Sir."
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Resignation Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers,
USA, to
her boss, who apparently resigned very soon afterwards!
Dear Mr. Baker,
As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic
expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an
intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your
consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the
commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the
few
true genetic wastes of our time.
Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a
waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I
know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired
to
provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly
attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time.
You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple
as
binary still gives you too many options. You will also never
understand why
people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even
though I
am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is.
Your
shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault
in
others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have
worked
for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility,
you pawn
it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your
glaring
ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-
green algae
that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad
proof of
the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change
without
you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender
my
resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.
1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you
to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me
is "I
prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
the next
couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be
unable to do
it on your own.
2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I
know every
password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get
cute, I
am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved
when
you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms
like
"Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.
3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's
birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of
yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such
odd
acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been
copied and
kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of
recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to
correct
your mistakes.)
Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my
desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of
your
little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never
mess
with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do
with all
that free time!
Wishing you a grand and glorious day,
Sally
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Spider Chips
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Rescue Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sheila the Aussie housewife got out of the shower and slipped over on
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under her," replied Cobba.
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play with her tits."
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for that mate."
"No," Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we
can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Viagra Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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This old man in his nineties got up and was putting on his coat. His
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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not a damn thing
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Milk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A not necessarily well-prepared student
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1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam
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frowned. He scowled, then sighed again.
Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his
pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his
definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers
of varying sizes.
Lori
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A lissom psychotic named Jane
Once kissed every man on a train;
Said she, "Please don't panic!
I'm just nymphomanic.
It wouldn't be fun were I sane."
Ginger was feeling quite gruff
'Til he placed his head in her muff .
Then she purred like a kitty
When his tongue hit her clitty
Saying, "I just cannot get enough!"
A chancre-pocked, bedridden whore
Developed a putrid cunt-sore.
Her sheets and her cooze
Got crispy with ooze
And stalagmites they formed on the floor.
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for a holiday dinner.
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On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the Gentile man was
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"That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts of the
matzoh?"
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lorraine was driving through a town in Montana
and stopped Little Johnny, to ask where she
could find a taxidermist.
Little Johnny said he did not think there was
any there. She said, "Are you sure?"
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word meant. Therefore, she explained that a
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sheepherders!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1412
The Kollectors
BJ: Okay so what is up with the boxes?
Diana: The dogs have decided to collect things.
BJ: What?
Diana: They are copying us I guess. You collect things and I collect
things, so they thing they have to collect things.
BJ: Did you explain that I collect specific items like western art,
ancient
coins and old books, first edition and such.
Diana: Yes, I did.
BJ: Okay, it will be interesting to see what are up to.
Going to the dog house.....
BJ: So Katie what are you collecting?
Katie: I am collecting China Tea Cups, hand painted of course,
preferably
18th century.
BJ: They are lovely, might I ask why this one says made in Mexico?
Katie: What? That rip off artist. Why I will never buy from him on
Ebay
again. He swore it was 200 years old....
BJ: Remember the old adage, "Let the buyer beware."
Katie: Grrrrrr.
BJ: How about you Rudy, what are you collecting?
Rudy: Cans, beer cans. I have about 100 different brands so far.
BJ: Amazing, you have quite a collection.
Rudy: I even have a Billy Beer, it is very rare.
BJ: It says on the side made in 2007.
Rudy: What? It is supposed to be 20 years old...
BJ: Just be careful guys, you might want to get me involved first.
BJ: Sandi what have you collected?
Sandi: Nothing. I am saving my money.
BJ: Maybe the smartest thing to do.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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