Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
More on the Lousy Problem from the Archives
Thanks Yellow Rose for the additional comments.
While you have written eloquently of the trials of parent who
received the deadly hair lice letters, I still remember all too well,
what the kid went through. It was bad enough if your mom got to the
problem when only one kid in the class had the dreaded infestation,
but oh, the humiliation and horror and discomfort when you presented
yourself with an infestation of the little devils. Head checks at
school were bad enough, but when the report was positive, look out.
You took the letter home, but you didn't read it. The danged thing
was sealed!! And no way to get to steam on the way home from school.
You were given the letter as you went out the door so you had fewer
chances to lose it. Then there was the horror and disgust and long-
suffering on your parent's face as they read the letter. Then there
was the "parental inspection" ; you know, just in case the school
nurse or teacher had made a mistake. But on three occasions, there
they were at the nape of the neck. Those little shiny white "pearls"
stuck to your hair. Your mother sighed heavily. Bad enough, you
say? Wait, there's more and even worse. The trip to the drugstore.
I have in my mature days wondered why there wasn't a supply purchased
in late summer and kept for school. Surely, we knew we were going to
need it. Anyway, back home with all the stuff needed for the
eradication, you were shampooed thoroughly with foul smelling
shampoo, and then some really smelly stuff combed through your hair.
Just in case you don't remember this as a kid, there's worse to
come. You sat with a towel wrapped around your head, (a kindness
because it kept in some of the fumes) I suppose to kill all the
little dudes who had heretofore been cavorting on your head. I still
get queasy when I remember the next part. After what seemed an
interminable amount of time, the towel was removed, you mother picked
up the lice comb, sat down in a chair, pointed to the floor, and
after you sat and bent that infested head over a piece of newspaper,
she began the process of combing out any remaining bodies which
hadn't washed
out already and the nits. I can still hear those plops of dead lice
on the
newspaper. The nits had to be carefully discarded because the
medicine didn't kill them, only those responsible for the nits. You
can write all day long about the parents and their suffering, but for
us kids, it was even worse. I shudder to think of it.
Now, I am happy to say, there are solutions which claim to kill the
nits as well as the bugs.
I blithely assumed that in about 1996, head lice were a thing of the
past. Imagine my surprise when we were ordered to do weekly head
checks in a residential MHM facility where I worked. I suppose they
ain't no way going away. The little buggers are here to stay.
YellowRose in Texas
Enjoy the Chips ....buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Secret is out we are Hollywood's hottest natural sleep-aid.
Find out why!
Get the best sleep of your life guaranteed.
The #1 natural sleep-aid in the world - Dormanex SR
Try it today and get a beautiful $100 sleep kit gift
Supplies are limited act now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A handsome man decided he had the God-given
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could
produce children beyond comparison. With that as his
mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the
East coast, he started to head west. Shortly
thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath
away.
So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to
marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get
married, so you came to the right place. Look them
over and select the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the
farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the
man, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... but
pigeon-toed.
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one
of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not
that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's
perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby
was born. When the man visited the nursery, he was
horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic
human you can imagine.
He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing
could happen considering the parents.
"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee
bit, not that you could hardly tell ..... pregnant when
you met her."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
My Vibrator
http://www.buffalos
Shoot Shoot!!!!
http://www.buffalos
Remove me
http://www.buffalos
Mother load...
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One
summer
day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister
Sophie in
tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his
experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job was to write
down the
results of the experiment.
Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and
prodded the
frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The
frog
jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet...write that down,
Sophie," he said.
Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the
frog's
right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!"
The
frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.
Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and
again
"Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet...write it down."
The next time, Sidney removed the large right back leg. "Jump, frog!"
Then,
he shouted "Jump, frog!" and prodded the frog. "The frog jumped 8
inches...write it down, Sophie."
Finally, Sidney removed the frog's remaining back left leg, put it
down and
prodded the frog with the twig shouting, "Jump, frog! Jump, frog!
JUMP
FROG!! JUMP JUMP FROG!!!"
The frog didn't jump. Sophie looked at Sidney, and said, "So what
should I
write down?"
Sidney thought a moment, then told Sophie to write, "When you remove
all the
legs from a frog, it turns deaf."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert any vehicle to electric power.
Step by Step How To Convert a Car To Electric.
How to Cut Fuel Costs to Nearly Zero
How To Clean Up The Environment
How To Get Massive IRS Refunds
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clinton Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bill and Hillary are now married 40 years. When they first got
married, Bill
said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to
look in
it." In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
However, on
the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of
her, and
she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer
cans and
$1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
Now
that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.
That
evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary
could no
longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and said "I am so
sorry. For
all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under
our
bed. However, today the temptation was too much, and I gave in. But
now I
need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?" Bill thought
for a
while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know
the
truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in
the box
under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was
shocked, but
said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all
those
years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess
that a
few times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and
made their
peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all
that
money in the box?" Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty
cans,
I cashed them in."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try New Just for Men TOUCH OF GRAY for free:
http://buffaloschip
Receive 26 issues of Forbes Magazine for just $29.99
plus receive a free watch! Save 77% on retail.
http://buffaloschip
Win Apple Cinnamon Potpourri, Cherry Lotion, Face Cream,
& Kiwi Body Cream! A new winner 09/04/08!!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Email Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning
or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson =
mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the
problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of
people to choose from. Add to that a large database of
company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses.
Probably not funny to the individual involved, however: TOP TEN
Actual E-mail Addresses...
10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.
9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.
8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -
blowmegd@dropdrawer
7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) -
dickinme@iup.
6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - kissinfk@lvu.
5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) -
beeranbj@myplace.
4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker@pu.
3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin@bsu.
2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,
Overton
Canada) - btkisser@bendover.
1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock@tru.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The ShamWow is a revolutionary, multi-use cleaning cloth that holds
over 20 times its' weight in liquids. It's like a towel, chamois
and a sponge all in one!
Learn more.
The ShamWow:
- Cleans up spills fast
- Will not scratch or damage any surfaces
- Machine washable
- Perfect for house, boat, car and pets
- Guaranteed to last for 10 years
Act now and we'll double your order. You'll get 8 ShamWow towels for
only $19.95+s/h!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Movie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck Movie clips
16. "Luke, I am your father... and your uncle... and your first and
second cousin, your nephew..."
15. "Houston, we have a 'possum."
14. "What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in
warm chicken fried steak with gravy."
13. "You had me at 'Sooooey!'"
12."We'll always have Wal-Mart."
11. "You're trying to seduce me, aren't you, Uncle Ed?"
10. "I... see... Black people."
9. "Are you crying? There's no crying in Nascar!"
8. "Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull
her '68 Rambler into mine."
7. "I feel the need... the need for sheep."
6. "Use the horse, Luke!"
5. "I ate his ribs... with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack
Daniel's."
4. "Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor
pull, kid."
3. "I know what you're thinking... did he fire six shots or only
five? Well, hell if I know! You know I cain't count no higher'n three
since the chainsaw accident!"
2. "My daddy always said, 'Life is like a ten-dollar hooker - you
never know what you're gonna' get.'"
And The Number 1 Famous Quote from a Redneck Movie...
1. "You want a tooth?! You can't handle a tooth!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Build Your Own Wind and Solar Power Generator
You are about to get instant access to all the plans and instructions
you need to create electricity in your own backyard.
Your membership will allow you to reduce or even completely eliminate
your electricity bill. All for a tiny one time fee of $49.97.
Our plans and instructions are in downloadable PDF format which means
there is no need to wait for shipping. You can begin working on your
own renewable energy solution in just minutes from now.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They say a smile is a gift, which is free to the giver and precious
to the recipient.
But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and
sincere.
John finally got Jill into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.
"Slow down, Baby." Jill said. "Foreplay is an art."
"You better get your canvas ready soon," John panted, "because I'm
about to spill my paint!"
Car companies like Jeep, Hummer and Honda are now marketing their own
line of footwear.
Huh? Car companies selling shoes?
Doesn't say much about the reliability of their cars, does it? "Here
are some shoes. You're going to need them!"
In Utah a judge found that it is illegal to grab your crotch in
public. In a related story, Major League Baseball has decided not to
put any teams in the state of Utah.
It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees
are wobbling, he's a wreck. He's skin and bones, with big circles
under his eyes.
His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were
supposed to?"
He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A special Offer to save on HALLMARK Magazine!
Save 62% off Newstand
HALLMARK Magazine offers creative ideas to make our lives simpler,
better and more satisfying
Your subscription includes
" 62% savings off the cover price
" Quick crafts for people on the go!
" Great Ideas and protects to bring out your creative side
" Ways to connect with those who matter the most
" Recipes to satisfy your family and friends
" Easy tips for entertaining
Connect. Create. Celebrate.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-
mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Jimmy'
http://silverandgol
WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? http://www.wtv-
zone.com/Mary/
Carol w/Love's Desire
http://www.carolspo
Little Ones
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch! And
new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
Hurricane Ike, 2008 / Stormpulse Via Dianne
http://www.stormpul
Missing Children by State
http://www.fugitive
Cost Of A Child
http://www.shangral
Seniors
http://www.libertyh
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
Did you know that many people who are married or in a serious
relationship secretly download software applications that allow them
to monitor and see everything that their spouse or lover does on the
Internet.
Do you think that someone has done this to you? You can remove these
programs from your PC or laptop with a program called Spyware Nuker.
This program also removes any spyware or adware located on your PC or
laptop.
Right now you can scan your PC or laptop for no cost to see if there
are any "spying" programs on them.
Press Here to Begin Scan (YOU WILL NOT BE CHARGED FOR THIS):
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Bandwidth Speed test
http://speedtest.
Fractal Space
http://www.seanet.
Cassette to PC
http://ca.geocities
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Your PC may be suffering from serious file errors in your WINDOWS
registry which may be the reason why your PC is running so slow, or
crashing and freezing from time to time. Also, these can lead to
major system problems and possible memory leaks.
Below are instructions that will enable you to Increase Your
Computer's Speed, Power, Stability and Reliability in just a few
minutes.
If after completing the free Diagnostic Test it is brought to your
attention that your computer's registry does contain file "errors",
then it may be in your computer's best interest to fix the
potentially harmful file errors in your registry.
Press below to launch the Diagnostics Test download now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Real Eagle Story
http://www.shangral
Christian The Lion
http://videos.
Kitty Korner
http://www.meezer.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
You probably think I've lost my mind - and maybe I have - but just
visit this site right now and in 5 minutes you''ll have this awesome
$497 Internet business training kit as my gift to you. No kidding!
Why am I giving this away?
I finally got so sick and tired of watching fakers and bigmouths sell
wrong information about how to make a fortune online... that I've to
decided give away my awesome Internet Business Training System so I
can help people finally get the truth!
See... I've made a fortune online and I've helped over 100,000
customers to unlock the secrets to getting started online - the right
way.
Press here to Grab it quick - right now - before I change my mind...
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We wanted to let you know right away that you have been invited to
win a seat and play in our upcoming World Series of Poker*.
There is no cost involved for you to play: You DO NOT need to deposit
any money or give a credit card number to play...BUT YOU CAN WIN
CASH!
Don't miss this chance!
Press here to Start Playing Today!
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movies
Priest off
http://www.buffalos
Pump News
http://www.buffalos
Fragrance
http://www.buffalos
Crash Auto Route
http://www.buffalos
1-555-GET-A-
http://www.buffalos
Bungee
http://www.buffalos
Ben Stein
http://www.buffalos
10 Up, 10 In
http://www.buffalos
3rd World Bomb Squad
http://www.buffalos
Kind so Flucky
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
First Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
You seem to have a good imagination.
Try this: Pretend there are two dice on your computer keyboard.
Got the picture?
Good.
Now, pick up one of them and imagine you see the spots.
What number is it?
Did the number remind you of your first sexual experience?
No, probably not.
Now put down that die and pick up the other one and look at the spots.
How many do you see?
What's the number?
Did THAT make you think of your first sexual experience?
I suppose it didn't.
Now pick up both the dice and shake them in your hand.
Are you shaking them?
Good.
I bet THAT reminds you of your first sexual experience!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Are you ready to whiten your smile 5 shades in just days?
For your Free 15 day trial/terms apply/only pay shipping
Get your Free 15 day Trial of Advanced Bright Tooth Whitening!
- Easy to use at home kit
- 22% Dentist Strength Whitening Gel
- Dentist recommended and approved
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Damn Dog
http://www.buffalos
Another Priceless
http://www.buffalos
Blanket
http://www.buffalos
Windows
http://www.buffalos
the prenup says
http://www.thepostm
baggage at the airlines
http://www.thepostm
Lockhorns
http://www.thepostm
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Powerful Magnets
2008 Green Product of the Year! Cleans your clothes for free. Make
your detergent bills disappear. Wash clothes chemical free. By
Washing Without Toxic Chemicals, You'll Save $300 or More This Year,
Save Your Skin Health, and our Oceans... It's easy, get your system
today.
Try it now:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young schizophrenic named Struthers
When told of the death of his brother
Said, "Yes, it's too bad,
But I don't feel so sad
Remember, I still have each other."
There once was a chick on the net
Who decided to take a double dare bet
When she lifted her blouse
And clicked on her mouse
And found it was all soaking wet.
Said my Sally, out back of the shed,
"That's all of THIS, Johnny boy, 'till we're wed
'Cause what we just did
Could result in a kid,
And besides, I'd prefer it in bed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is BIG: You can save up to 60% on gas each year
by using a simple home made hydrogen generator and
... tap water!!
"Is it possible?", I get asked a lot...
"Hell Yeah", is the answer.
But then why do so few people know about this?
I mean, think about it... If you owned a trillion dollar Fortune 500
oil company, would you want people to think it's possible?
Of course not. You'd probably pump billions in advertising
and media so people would dismiss this possibility right
from the start and even laugh at it.
They are using mind control techniques to brain wash you!
But, it IS possible and the proof is there.
I saved $1,256 last year. Want to see how?
Go to
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was
somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous.
"Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take
life more seriously. Just think . . .if I died all of a sudden, where
would you be?"
"I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU
be?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do You Have Muffin Top
Sport-Elec Body Control System
Want firm, toned abs? Try the Sport-Elec 30 day trial:
It's clinically demonstrated to tighten, tone and firm abs in just
minutes a day.
Sport-Elec targets the entire abdominal area, unlike traditional
crunches.
You'll see results in just 2 weeks - Act Now and get the Abs you
always wanted.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and
there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last
year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and
said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that
said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her
husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You
could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so
excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's
once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
with the same cow?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LIMITED-TIME OFFER. THIS MAY BE YOUR ONLY OPPORTUNITY.
Scroll down for more details on this special program from The Wall
Street Journal.
Get Both The Wall Street Journal in print and online
NOW ONLY $99 for one year a savings of over $450 off the newsstand
and online rate. To take advantage of this offer go to:
- It's Risk-Free
- Reply within 5 days
- Cancel Anytime
When it comes to getting critical business news, there's no
substitute for
The Wall Street Journal.
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1414
Friday Night Lights (pt 2)
BJ arrives home, the gang get into the van and off they go.
At the stadium, the crowd is a buzz. The contest features
last years undefeated Guthrie, class 5A champions vs 4A
and owners of a 28 game winning streak Bishop McGinness
winners of two straight over Guthrie.
Diana: I will get our seats, you go get us some burgers at
the tailgate party okay?
BJ: Okay, how many?
Diana: One each.
Sandi: Ahhh, just one?
Diana: Yes, you already had supper before we left the house.
Sandi: But that was a long time ago.
Diana: That was fifteen minutes ago.
Sandi: Well it seemed a long time ago.
BJ: Okay, well you guys get some good seats, the place is filling up
fast.
The local football stadium is called 'The Rock' because it is build
out of rock. Guthrie has a population of less than 10,000 and when
the high school
team plays the town pretty much shuts down. The streets are blocked
off by the police and everyone comes to the game. The stadium is
packed hours before the game. The place has a carnival like
atmosphere, it is truly a step back in time. People chat with people
they do not know and if burglars would, they could have a hey day
robbing the town, except they are at the game to.
Before the game starts, a ceremony occurs. A player died during the
off season due to an enlarged heart. He always wanted to fly in a
helicopter. So his father flies into the stadium wearing his football
jersey, a touching moment... silence... then a rousing applause for
the memory of the player. This is not your ordinary high school team,
they have a kicker who can
kick 50 yard field goals, a quarterback who can throw 50 yard tight
spirals, a team who tossed six shut outs last season, a team that
averaged more than fifty points a game and led the state in offense
and defense. This is a team that held more than one team to zero
first downs for a whole game. On the other side of the coin Bishop
McGuiness is a team that can recuit their players from the state and
has not lost a game in three years. How
will this play out?
To be continued.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch format to Traditional
Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
__,_._,___
No comments:
Post a Comment