[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun

Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

More on the Lousy Problem from the Archives

Thanks Yellow Rose for the additional comments.

While you have written eloquently of the trials of parent who
received the deadly hair lice letters, I still remember all too well,
what the kid went through. It was bad enough if your mom got to the
problem when only one kid in the class had the dreaded infestation,
but oh, the humiliation and horror and discomfort when you presented
yourself with an infestation of the little devils. Head checks at
school were bad enough, but when the report was positive, look out.
You took the letter home, but you didn't read it. The danged thing
was sealed!! And no way to get to steam on the way home from school.
You were given the letter as you went out the door so you had fewer
chances to lose it. Then there was the horror and disgust and long-
suffering on your parent's face as they read the letter. Then there
was the "parental inspection" ; you know, just in case the school
nurse or teacher had made a mistake. But on three occasions, there
they were at the nape of the neck. Those little shiny white "pearls"
stuck to your hair. Your mother sighed heavily. Bad enough, you
say? Wait, there's more and even worse. The trip to the drugstore.
I have in my mature days wondered why there wasn't a supply purchased
in late summer and kept for school. Surely, we knew we were going to
need it. Anyway, back home with all the stuff needed for the
eradication, you were shampooed thoroughly with foul smelling
shampoo, and then some really smelly stuff combed through your hair.
Just in case you don't remember this as a kid, there's worse to
come. You sat with a towel wrapped around your head, (a kindness
because it kept in some of the fumes) I suppose to kill all the
little dudes who had heretofore been cavorting on your head. I still
get queasy when I remember the next part. After what seemed an
interminable amount of time, the towel was removed, you mother picked
up the lice comb, sat down in a chair, pointed to the floor, and
after you sat and bent that infested head over a piece of newspaper,
she began the process of combing out any remaining bodies which
hadn't washed
out already and the nits. I can still hear those plops of dead lice
on the
newspaper. The nits had to be carefully discarded because the
medicine didn't kill them, only those responsible for the nits. You
can write all day long about the parents and their suffering, but for
us kids, it was even worse. I shudder to think of it.

Now, I am happy to say, there are solutions which claim to kill the
nits as well as the bugs.

I blithely assumed that in about 1996, head lice were a thing of the
past. Imagine my surprise when we were ordered to do weekly head
checks in a residential MHM facility where I worked. I suppose they
ain't no way going away. The little buggers are here to stay.

YellowRose in Texas

Enjoy the Chips ....buffalo

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Marriage Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A handsome man decided he had the God-given
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could
produce children beyond comparison. With that as his
mission he began searching for the perfect woman.

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the
East coast, he started to head west. Shortly
thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath
away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to
marry one of them.

The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get
married, so you came to the right place. Look them
over and select the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the
farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the
man, "She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice... but
pigeon-toed."

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one
of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not
that you can hardly tell... cross-eyed."

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's
perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby
was born. When the man visited the nursery, he was
horrified, the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic
human you can imagine.

He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing
could happen considering the parents.

"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee
bit, not that you could hardly tell ..... pregnant when
you met her."

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

My Vibrator
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Shoot Shoot!!!!
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Remove me
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Mother load...
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Frog Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sidney was a 14-year-old boy with an interest in the sciences. One
summer
day he started his own investigations. With his 12-year-old sister
Sophie in
tow, he caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started his
experiment with the amphibian, and told Sophie her job was to write
down the
results of the experiment.

Sidney drew a line in the sand, placed the frog on the line, and
prodded the
frog with a small twig from the rear and shouted, "Jump, frog!" The
frog
jumped, and Sidney measured the distance. "12 feet...write that down,
Sophie," he said.

Next, he brought the frog back to the starting point and removed the
frog's
right front leg. Again he prodded the frog and shouted, "Jump, frog!"
The
frog jumped 10 feet, and on instruction, Sophie wrote it down.

Again the frog was brought back, the left front leg was removed, and
again
"Jump, frog!" Sidney reported, "Six feet...write it down."

The next time, Sidney removed the large right back leg. "Jump, frog!"
Then,
he shouted "Jump, frog!" and prodded the frog. "The frog jumped 8
inches...write it down, Sophie."

Finally, Sidney removed the frog's remaining back left leg, put it
down and
prodded the frog with the twig shouting, "Jump, frog! Jump, frog!
JUMP
FROG!! JUMP JUMP FROG!!!"

The frog didn't jump. Sophie looked at Sidney, and said, "So what
should I
write down?"

Sidney thought a moment, then told Sophie to write, "When you remove
all the
legs from a frog, it turns deaf."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Clinton Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bill and Hillary are now married 40 years. When they first got
married, Bill
said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to
look in
it." In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked.
However, on
the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best of
her, and
she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer
cans and
$1,874.25 in cash. She closed the box and put it back under the bed.
Now
that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.
That
evening they were out for a special dinner. After dinner Hillary
could no
longer contain her curiosity and she confessed and said "I am so
sorry. For
all these years I kept my promise and never looked into the box under
our
bed. However, today the temptation was too much, and I gave in. But
now I
need to know why do you keep the empty cans in the box?" Bill thought
for a
while and said, "I guess after all these years you deserve to know
the
truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer can in
the box
under the bed to remind myself not to do it again." Hillary was
shocked, but
said, "I am very disappointed and saddened, but I guess after all
those
years away from home on the road, temptation does happen and I guess
that a
few times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and
made their
peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "Why do you have all
that
money in the box?" Bill answered, "Whenever the box filled with empty
cans,
I cashed them in."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Email Chips
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Many colleges and business's tend to strip the last name down to 6
characters and add the first and last initial to either the beginning
or end to make up an E-Mail address. For example, Mary L. Ferguson =
mlfergus or fergusml. They are just now beginning to realize the
problems that may happen when you have a large and diverse pool of
people to choose from. Add to that a large database of
company/college acronyms and you have some very funny addresses.
Probably not funny to the individual involved, however: TOP TEN
Actual E-mail Addresses...Jokingly ===============================

10. Hellen Thomas Eatons (Duke University) - eatonsht@dku.edu

9. Martha Elizibeth Cummins (Fresno University) - cumminme@fu.edu

8. George David Blowmer (Drop Front Drawers & Cabinets Inc.) -
blowmegd@dropdrawers.com

7. Mary Ellen Dickinson (Indiana University of Pennsylvania) -
dickinme@iup.edu

6. Francis Kevin Kissinger (Las Verdes University) - kissinfk@lvu.edu

5. Barbara Joan Beeranger (Myplace Home Decorating) -
beeranbj@myplace.com

4. Amanda Sue Pickering (Purdue University) - aspicker@pu.edu

3. Ida Beatrice Ballinger (Ball State University) - ibballin@bsu.edu

2. Bradley Thomas Kissering (Brady Electrical, Northern Division,
Overton
Canada) - btkisser@bendover.com

1. Isabelle Haydon Adcock (Toys "R" Us) - ihadcock@tru.com

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Movie Chips
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Redneck Movie clips

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14. "What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in
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13. "You had me at 'Sooooey!'"

12."We'll always have Wal-Mart."

11. "You're trying to seduce me, aren't you, Uncle Ed?"

10. "I... see... Black people."

9. "Are you crying? There's no crying in Nascar!"

8. "Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull
her '68 Rambler into mine."

7. "I feel the need... the need for sheep."

6. "Use the horse, Luke!"

5. "I ate his ribs... with some pinto beans and a shot o' Jack
Daniel's."

4. "Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor
pull, kid."

3. "I know what you're thinking... did he fire six shots or only
five? Well, hell if I know! You know I cain't count no higher'n three
since the chainsaw accident!"

2. "My daddy always said, 'Life is like a ten-dollar hooker - you
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And The Number 1 Famous Quote from a Redneck Movie...

1. "You want a tooth?! You can't handle a tooth!!"

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Short Chips
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They say a smile is a gift, which is free to the giver and precious
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But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and
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John finally got Jill into bed, and things were going hot and heavy.

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Car companies like Jeep, Hummer and Honda are now marketing their own
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Huh? Car companies selling shoes?

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In Utah a judge found that it is illegal to grab your crotch in
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It's the spring, and the baby bear comes out of his cave. His knees
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under his eyes.

His mother says, "Junior! Did you hibernate all winter like you were
supposed to?"

He says, "Hibernate? Shit! I thought you said masturbate!

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Fragrance
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Crash Auto Route
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Ben Stein
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10 Up, 10 In
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3rd World Bomb Squad
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Kind so Flucky
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You seem to have a good imagination.
Try this: Pretend there are two dice on your computer keyboard.

Got the picture?

Good.

Now, pick up one of them and imagine you see the spots.

What number is it?

Did the number remind you of your first sexual experience?

No, probably not.

Now put down that die and pick up the other one and look at the spots.

How many do you see?

What's the number?

Did THAT make you think of your first sexual experience?

I suppose it didn't.

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Are you shaking them?

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I bet THAT reminds you of your first sexual experience!
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Toon Chips
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Damn Dog
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Another Priceless
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Blanket
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Windows
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the prenup says
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baggage at the airlines
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Lockhorns
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Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young schizophrenic named Struthers
When told of the death of his brother
Said, "Yes, it's too bad,
But I don't feel so sad
Remember, I still have each other."

There once was a chick on the net
Who decided to take a double dare bet
When she lifted her blouse
And clicked on her mouse
And found it was all soaking wet.

Said my Sally, out back of the shed,
"That's all of THIS, Johnny boy, 'till we're wed
'Cause what we just did
Could result in a kid,
And besides, I'd prefer it in bed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father thought it was about time to lecture his son, who was
somewhat scatter-brained and frivolous.

"Jim," he said, "You're getting to be a man now and you ought to take
life more seriously. Just think . . .if I died all of a sudden, where
would you be?"

"I'd be right here, dad," said Jim. "The question is, where would YOU
be?"

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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they
stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and
there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last
year." The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and
said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that
said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her
husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You
could learn a lot from him."

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in
capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so
excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's
once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was
with the same cow?"

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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1414

Friday Night Lights (pt 2)

BJ arrives home, the gang get into the van and off they go.
At the stadium, the crowd is a buzz. The contest features
last years undefeated Guthrie, class 5A champions vs 4A
and owners of a 28 game winning streak Bishop McGinness
winners of two straight over Guthrie.

Diana: I will get our seats, you go get us some burgers at
the tailgate party okay?

BJ: Okay, how many?

Diana: One each.

Sandi: Ahhh, just one?

Diana: Yes, you already had supper before we left the house.

Sandi: But that was a long time ago.

Diana: That was fifteen minutes ago.

Sandi: Well it seemed a long time ago.

BJ: Okay, well you guys get some good seats, the place is filling up
fast.

The local football stadium is called 'The Rock' because it is build
out of rock. Guthrie has a population of less than 10,000 and when
the high school
team plays the town pretty much shuts down. The streets are blocked
off by the police and everyone comes to the game. The stadium is
packed hours before the game. The place has a carnival like
atmosphere, it is truly a step back in time. People chat with people
they do not know and if burglars would, they could have a hey day
robbing the town, except they are at the game to.

Before the game starts, a ceremony occurs. A player died during the
off season due to an enlarged heart. He always wanted to fly in a
helicopter. So his father flies into the stadium wearing his football
jersey, a touching moment... silence... then a rousing applause for
the memory of the player. This is not your ordinary high school team,
they have a kicker who can
kick 50 yard field goals, a quarterback who can throw 50 yard tight
spirals, a team who tossed six shut outs last season, a team that
averaged more than fifty points a game and led the state in offense
and defense. This is a team that held more than one team to zero
first downs for a whole game. On the other side of the coin Bishop
McGuiness is a team that can recuit their players from the state and
has not lost a game in three years. How
will this play out?

To be continued.



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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Remember 9/11/01

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Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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