[buffalos-adult-chips] Chips For Sun



Adult Adult

Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.

My brain is on vacation this weekend, I have a headache and
it's either sinuses or Sandy has been hitting me with a frying
pan again but generally I can remember a sound like the bells on
the old Methodist Church when that happens. Anyhow here is
another one from the archives.

WE WERE CONDUCTING flight operations aboard the USS
Independence off Jacksonville, Fla. The topside safety
petty officer on the No. 3 catapult was accidentally
blown over the side by the exhaust of a turning F-4
Phantom jet. All those who witnessed the incident thought
for sure the man was lost, because the flight deck was
65 feet above the ocean. Fortunately, he was rescued
by the ship's helicopter. Later that day, I visited
him in sick bay. "Were you scared?" I asked. "Scared?"
he said. "I yelled 'Man overboard!' three times before
I hit the water!"
by John Carl

Not sure where this one came from, probably from an old
issue of the Reader's Digest but actually it was not an uncommon
occurrence for people to be blown off the flight
deck and be safely recovered. It usually happened several
times a cruise that one of the flight deck crew working
in their 12 hour shifts would come up on deck from their
work spaces half awake and step behind a plane turning
up and they never even touch the deck again. What saves
them is the fact no one is allowed on deck without their
safety gear which includes a inflatable life vest,
a helmet of sorts with built-in hearing protection,
and a strobe light that the rescue chopper can home in,
and even if the man is unconscious, drop rescue swimmers
into the water. The airman usually a little sore from
his high dive gets the rest of the day off to rest up
and then some increased safety training so he doesn't
make a habit out of it. On a carrier flight deck every
day is a Monday so they have to be careful seven days a
week.

Enjoy the chips ... buffalo

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Little Johnny Chips
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Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office.....but she
belonged to someone else...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said
I'll give you a $100 if you let me have you....but the girl said NO.

Johnny said I'll be fast, I'll throw the money on the floor, you
bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. She
thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.
Her boyfriend says ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he
won't even be able to get his pants down.

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by and the
boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45
minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened......

She said "The bastard used coins"

Management Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's
entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait

Fishing
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21249.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21249.htm "> Here!</a>

Fat Girls
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21248.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21248.htm "> Here!</a>

Ruined Eyesight
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21247.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21247.htm "> Here!</a>

Why ME
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280621.htm

Hunting
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280622.htm

Don't Feed The Animals
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280623.htm

Talaban Personals
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/02280624.htm

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Gator Chips
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A rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party
and
invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy,
the only
redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was
having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ
and
flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating
gator
in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the
nerve to
jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash
and
everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! Leroy was
fighting the
gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes
with his
thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the
gator on
the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of
Judo
Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the
gator
were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator
and let
it float to the top like a dime store goldfish. Leroy then slowly
climbed
out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the host
says,
"Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it," said Leroy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the
bet. How
about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was
amazing.
How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Leroy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the sumbitch who pushed me in the
pool!"

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Rejection Chips
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Rejection Letter Form

The Mr. Right Rejection Letter Form

Dear [____rejectee's name here_____],

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further
contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition
was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such
as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep
your name on file should an opening become available. So that you
may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please
allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from
the competition:

[Check all those that apply]

___ Your breasts are bigger than mine.

___ Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it,
hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

___ The fact that our finest dining experience to date has been at
McDonald's reveals a thriftiness that I find unappealing.

___ Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms bythetruckload"
indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than
my personality.

___ You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions
about yourself before you asked me one.

___ Your legs are skinnier than mine. If you can FIT into my pants,
then you can't GET into my pants.

___ Your "Putting on a few, aren't you babe?" comment, given the
9-months pregnant size of your beer gut, was inappropriate.

___ You failed the credit check.

___ I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

___ The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an
inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

___ The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in
conversation.

___ You still live with your parents.

___ You mention your ex-girlfriend's name more than you mention
mine.

___ Three words: Size does matter.

Sincerely,

[Your name here]

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Lab Chips
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A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he
had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing
of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the
dawn breaking for the first time in his life. "Wow, this is great,"
he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after
squeezing under it he saw a wonderful
sight: lots of other bunny rabbits, all free, having fun and
nibbling at the lush grass.

Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and
I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"

"Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over
to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good, unlike his
tasteless food he grew up with. "What else do you wild rabbits do?"
he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's
got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This he
couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent
carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he asked them again, "What else
do you do?"

"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat
them as well." The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a
while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?"
he asked. One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and
spoke softly. "There's one other thing you must try. You see those
rabbits there," he said, pointing to the far corner of the field.
"They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it." Well, our friend spent
the rest of the morning screwing his little heart out until,
completely knackered, he staggered back over to the guys. "That was
fantastic," he panted. "So are you going to live with us then?" one
of them asked. "I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't." The wild
rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you
liked it here."

"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory.
I'm dying for a cigarette."

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Married Chips
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I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the
man
goes on top and the woman underneath'.

For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds

Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding
ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?" He
replied, "It cuts off my circulation."

She answered back, "It's supposed to!"

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf.....Of
course, the
wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest
house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to
go up
there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive
is
going
to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice
said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass
was all
over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the
broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke
my
window?"

"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. A ctually I want to thank you... You
see, I'm
a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now
that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll
give
you
each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for
myself."

"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and
blurted out,
"I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can
do. And I
ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady,
what do
you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
country in
the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be
safe from
fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with
a
woman
in more tha n a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we
both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're
right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what
about
you,
honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same
for you!

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest
of
the
afternoon enjoying each other. After about three hours of non-stop
sex, the
genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How
old are
you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she res ponded breathlessly.

"No Kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still
believe
in genies?"

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Pick-up Chips
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1. Your name must be Daisy, because I have the incredible urge to
plant you right here!

2. Roses are red, violets are blue, I like spaghetti, let's go
screw.

3. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good.

4. Your body's name must be visa, because it's everywhere I want to
be.

5. Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

6. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.

7. I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one
talking to you.

8. My love for you is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going and
going....

9. That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd
be coming too.

10. Yo Baby, you be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you
treat me right, and I'll do it your way right away.

11. I'd like to screw your brains out, but it appears that someone
beat me to it.

12. I enjoy doing maintenance, you look like someone I would like
to "tinker" around with.

13. You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the Bomb -
diggity.

14. If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be
McGorgeous.

15. Is that Windex? Because I can see myself in your pants.

16. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed
Thrasher, have you seen one?

17. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Walmart, so I could ride
you all day long for a quarter.

18. Wanna Play House? You be the screen door and I'll slam you all
night long.

19. If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep
until
the afternoon.

20. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

21. If you were a car, I wax you and ride you all over town.

22. Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I've seem to have lost
mine.

23. I look good on you.

24. I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house.

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Melva/The Fathers Will
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Best Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html

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Surfin Surfari

Slang Dictionary
http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~wrader/slang/index.html

Grain Harvesting 1931
http://www.vaes.vt.edu/steeles/mccormick/harvest.html

Working With Shadows
http://yawoot.com/post/1466

Universal Decision Maker Via Patricia
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)

1961 Juke Box
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Halloween With Emma
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Image Magick
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Animal World

Doggie Zone
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract and
bed
such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering trying to
establish a relationship instead of just a one night stand. But he
couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already in one. "I can't
help
feeling that we've met before". he said. "Yeah, I know". sighed the
girl
stretching. "It happens to me a lot. I think they call this 'deja
screw'.

~~~~~~

A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation
center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?" Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate
some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it." Man: "Hmm, that's
interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The
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woman
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Woman: (shaking her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."

~~~~~

A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the
fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the
first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!" "I'm screwed, too!" says the
other guy, slapping his forehead. "Guys, I am about to be fucked
beyond
all recognition by this audit!" exclaims the third guy in anguish.
Just
then, one of the guys notices the woman who has been standing there
listening. She now has a very thoughtful look on her face. "Are you
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asks the guy. "Yes," replies the woman, "but I was wondering... How
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Happy Hooker
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22401.htm
<a href=" http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22401.htm "> Here!</a>

Love Hurts
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/22401.htm
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Blonde
http://www.buffalosjokes.com/21250.htm
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Can You Hear Me Now?
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2230511.htm
Complaints
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With key in ignition, I'm thwarted
My Die Hard, I fear, has departed
For it would appear
I have no amp here
Dead battery? Don't get me started!
(Gary Hallock)
____________________________________

There once was a lady called Pam
Who took a trip on a tram
The fucking conductor
Took out his constructor
And now she's wheeling a pram.
____________________________________

There was a zookeeper named Brian
Who smiled as he rode on a lion
They came back from the ride
But with Brian inside
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The middle-aged woman sought help from her doctor. "All my husband
does is
complain that I never want to have sex with him. And he's right too.
I have
no desire at all."

The doctor gave her a prescription and told her to return for a
visit in two
weeks.

After the two weeks were up, she bounced smiling into his office.
"Those
pills were great Doc, I'm doin' it twice a night now."

"That's wonderful." said the doctor. "What does your husband say
now?"

"How should I know?" she replied. "I ain't been home yet."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Slim Clip is the amazing new double-sided money clip that holds up
to
30 bills on one side and up to six credit cards on the other.

Slim Clip is engineered from durable stainless steel, so now matter
how much or what the abuse, you'll have a lifetime of use,
guaranteed.

It even comes with a lifetime replacement warranty.
If it ever breaks or bends, we'll send you a brand new one for Free,

no questions asked.

Additional Ordering Details:

http://buffaloschips.com/slim

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man went to the doctor's office to get a double dose of viagra.
The doctor
told him that he couldn't allow him a double dose. "Why not?" asked
the man.

Because it's not safe," replied the doctor.

"But I need it really bad," said the man.

"Well, why do you need it so badly?" asked the doctor.

The man said, "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday; my
ex-wife will
be here on Saturday; and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you
see? I
must have a double dose."

The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you, but
you have
to come in on Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there
are any
side effects."

On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling.

The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"

The man said, "No one showed up!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is BIG: You can save up to 60% on gas each year
by using a simple home made hydrogen generator and
... tap water!!

"Is it possible?", I get asked a lot...
"Hell Yeah", is the answer.

But then why do so few people know about this?

I mean, think about it... If you owned a trillion dollar Fortune 500
oil company, would you want people to think it's possible?

Of course not. You'd probably pump billions in advertising
and media so people would dismiss this possibility right
from the start and even laugh at it.

They are using mind control techniques to brain wash you!
But, it IS possible and the proof is there.

I saved $1,256 last year. Want to see how?
Go to

http://buffaloschips.com/hydro

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you like playing the slot machines I have
just found the perfect thing for you...

Bill Stone - which some people call America's
*Professor* of Slot Machines - has just put
together a 10 part minicourse and a new book
on the topic...

It reveals valuable stuff like:

-> how to find "loose" slot machines that are
ready to burst and avoid the tight ones

-> how to double your bank-roll

-> how to take down high jackpots without
getting banned from the casinos

-> how to actually get the money OUT of
the casino and keep what you earned...

-> and many other things...

Check it out right now:

http://buffaloschips.com/slots

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adult Adult Adult

Remember 9/11/01

Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list

In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:

William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783

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Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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