Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Without much fanfare contracts were released last week for
Northrop Grumman to begin construction on the first of a new class
of carrier, the Gerald R. Ford CVN-78. What do you get for 5.1
billion dollars? The Nimitz class carriers have had
so many upgrades added above the waterlines over the past
thirty years that it has made them top heavy almost to the point of
losing their stability. They are still the best carriers the world
has ever seen and the three carriers being built for England and
France and the six being built by the soviets have no where near
their capabilities but there are still new innovations that have
been talked about for years that will be incorporated into the
Ford class.
Starting down at the hull there will be two new reactors, the most
advanced ever put on a naval vessel that will require a third of the
personnel to operate and maintain. They will be smaller
physically but still produce the same amount of shaft horsepower and
three times as much electrical power or around 60 mega watts, enough
for a very large town.
The flight deck has been redesigned and enlarged to make planes
easier to move and launch. The steam catapults which have been
around for 50 years are being changed over to a magnetic rail that
will launch planes like the Battlestar Gallactica launches star
fighters. New handling systems will bring bombs and missiles up from
magazines in the bowels of the ship chopping rearming times in half
cutting down the amount of time a plane is on the deck.
These carriers will be designed to carry the planes of the future,
unmanned aircraft, capable of performing turns and acceleration that
would turn a pilot to jelly. They will not be just remote controlled
but someday soon will have enough intelligence to protect
themselves from attack.
What do you get for 5.1 billion? Perhaps Peace.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bar Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man making the bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he
went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to
serve him and told him he should go home.
Man: My wife will kill me.
Bartender: Take her some candy.
Man: She is on a diet.
Bartender: Take her some flowers.
Man: She has allergies.
Bartender: Tell her a poem.
Man: She loves poems... But I don't know any.
Bartender: Here is one for you. It's by Shakespeare:
YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE
Man: I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting
to himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find
his keys. So he knocks on the door.
Wife: You better not have been drinking!
Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!
Wife: It had better be good.
The man starts to recite the poem...
YOU BABYLONIAN BITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE.
Charlie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Jewish girl
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Distance
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Gravity
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that girl
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did you see the new invention?
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Computer Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RED CARD - "Yes, I was once a techie for PC
World. This was my favourite insane customer:
*BANG*. Banging fists on desk is never a good
start... "COME HERE IMMEDIATELY!
" I look up
to see a man, very short, about 50, balding,
beardy - they're the worst. He's got his PC on
a trolley, with the monitor, cables and the
Sale of Goods Act printed out and highlighted.
"What seems to be the trouble, sir?" "THIS PC
YOU SOLD ME IS FAULTY!! I SPENT OVER 500 BUCKS
ON THIS!" (which made it probably the cheapest
one we sold at the time) "I HAVE DRIVEN 6 MILES
TO BRING THIS FUCKING SHIT IN!" "Please don't
swear at me sir, I will help you but I won't
be sworn at." "I'LL SAY WHATEVER I DAMN WELL
PLEASE." A small crowd had started to gather.
Security was down off his podium and ready to
press the panic buttons. I was shitting myself.
"Could you tell me the prob..." "THE RED CARDS
WON'T STAY ON THE RED CARDS." "Excuse me?"
"THE RED CARDS WON'T STAY ON THE BLOODY RED
CARDS!" Yes, he had printed out the entire
Sale of Goods act, unplugged his PC, put it in
his car, driven all the way, all because he didn't
know how to play fucking Solitaire. He was
still shouting when he left the store having
had the rules of Microsoft Solitaire explained
to him, and left the car park with his tires
screeching." FROM (Hedonist)
Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Family Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minister dies and the congregation decides, after
some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small
village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although
very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar,
she accepts.
After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking
a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my
mother always said that before the beginning of the
weekend it was a blessing to have sex."
They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my
father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the
Sabbath.
There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep
he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should
always have sex on Sabbath night."
Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he
tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the
Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."
Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets
a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"
"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a
wonderful family
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Seasonal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lena and Sven got married in St. Paul. They planned to honeymoon in
Lena's aunt's cabin in Duluth. They caught a bus that was filled
with deer hunters. About 30 minutes out of St. Paul the bus broke
down right next to a nice hotel. Sven said to Lena, "Lena, there's a
comfortable hotel right here. How about consummating our marriage?"
Lena replied, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The repaired bus took off. Fifty miles down the road, it broke down
again. This time it was next to a good looking motel.
Sven turned to Lena and asked, "Look Lena. There's a nice motel. Can
ve consummate our marriage?"
Lena said, "No. I vant to wait till ve get to Duluth."
The bus was repaired and off they went. Ten miles down the road, the
bus broke down. This time they were our in the woods. However, there
was a little clearing out of the sight of the bus.
Lena turned to Sven, "I tink ve should go back into the voods and do
it."
Later when they returned the bus, Sven asked Lena, "Earlier ve vere
next to a nice hotel and you said "No". Then, ve vere by a motel and
you said "No". But, here ve vent out into the grassy voods and did
it. Why?"
Lena said, "I vas listening to the hunters. They said if the bus
broke down again, the fucking season vould be over."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
How about letting me have one of your women for a little while a
pilgrim asked an Indian chief. "That depends," the chief said. How
much money do you have?" "I don't have a wooden nickel." the pilgrim
said. "All I have is a bag of corn." The chief accepted the corn and
led the pilgrim into a teepee, where he found an Indian woman who
offered him her backside. Flustered. the pilgrim asked for her
vagina.
"No," she replied. That's my money hole. You get my corn hole."
A little girl walked into the bathroom, saw her father in the
shower,
and ran to her mother screaming, "Mommy, Mommy! Daddy has a big worm
hanging out of his wee-wee!" "That isn't a worm, sweetheart," said
her
mother reassuringly. "That's part of your daddy's body, and a very
important part. If your daddy didn't have one of those, you wouldn't
be here." Pausing thoughtfully, the woman added, "And come to think
of
it... neither would I."
The week she started a new job, her husband was out of town. On the
day he was to return, she thought it would be fun if he picked her
up
at work and they could go out to dinner. Just before she left for
work, she put a note on their dining-room table with her new number
and the following message: "For a good time, call 555-1234." When
her
husband failed to call her, she took the bus home. "Where were you?"
she asked. "Didn't you get my note?" "Oh," he replied with a
sheepish
grin, "I wasn't sure who wrote it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vibrator Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vibrator Versus Men
A vibrator doesn't have an orgasm first and then just stop
"vibrating."
Vibrators are never too busy watching the game on TV
Batteries are cheaper than pick up trucks!!
When we're done with them we can stuff them back in the drawer and
not hear from them until we're ready.
It's happy to keep going until we're satisfied.
We can get a bigger one or one that has better options whenever we
want without being called a slut.
Position is your choice, not his.
It always is hard.
It doesn't leave a mess behind.
You don't have to wear an ill fitting teddy to excite it.
It doesn't care that you gained 10 lbs.
It doesn't fall asleep and snore in your ear afterwards.
You don't have to clean up the apartment before bringing it home.
Vibrators are better then men because ...
They don't get tired after the first time
They never poke you in the back in the morning to see if you are in
the mood.
Vibrators are better then men because in the morning you don't have
to fix it breakfast.
Safe sex without a rubber
A couple batteries and you don't have to put up with the shit, just
turn it off when you get done with it !
As long as you have a new pack of energizers the vibrator can keep
going and going and going! (while you keep coming and coming!)
Vibrators are portable so you can do it anytime, anywhere you want!!
They don't burp, fart, belch or fall asleep on you.
You don't have to dress up for your vibrator.
You can show it off to your friends.
They never wake up at 4 a.m. asking for another one
It doesn't leave a wet spot. It can be stashed away in a drawer.
It doesn't have a mother!!
It doesn't require "a little lip action" to get hard.
You know exactly where it's been.
Vibrators don't care if you get crumbs in the bed.
They never come before you do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Dreamin' http://silverandgol
Giggles Via Carol
http://www.spiritis
TRUE REPENTANCE http://www.wtv-
Judy w/ Vegetables
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Surfin Surfari
Ike
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Ike Video Via Tom http://abclocal.
Recall Warnings and Alerts
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The Official Betty Boop Web Site
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Gizmoz
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Does your computer seem to be running slower than usual?
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Pitstop AntiVirus Center: Virus Scan
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Writers Block Help
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Sun's Finest Unseen Moments
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movies
Beer Diet
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Beer
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Beer By the Pool
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How To Put On a Bra
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Knife Guy
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Westfall Horse Video
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We Wish You A Merry Christmas
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What A Wonderful World
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What Old People Do For Fun
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What The West Would Have Been Like With Shetland Ponies
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The man says to his hair stylist, "My hair is falling out. What can
I use to keep it in?" The stylist replies, "Might I suggest a
shoebox?"
Two eagles are soaring along when suddenly a passenger jet screams
past them. One eagle says to the other, "Wow, did you see how fast
that thing was moving?" The other replies, "Yeah. You'd move fast
too if you had three assholes and they were all on fire!"
You know you've had a good blow job when...
You have to pull the sheets out of your butt when she is done. Your
pecker has the dry heaves for three days afterward.
Q. What is the definition of a smart ass?
A. Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavor
it
The meaning of lots of phrases depend on your location.
A "Safe Cracker" in New York is a person who opens a safe without
knowing the combination; in Georgia it's an AIDS-free white girl on
the pill.
When NASA puts 20 head of cattle into outer space, it will
be the first herd shot around the world.
Yo momma so poor she goes into Macdonald's and puts a small fry on
layaway.
"I discovered that I scream the same way, whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white, or if a piece of seaweed touches my
foot."
- Axl Rose
At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running
for mayor, "Your former secretary said publicly that you have a
small penis. . . .Would you please comment on this?" "The truth
really is," replied the politician, "That she has a big mouth."
Frustration: Being 23d in line for a gangbang and finding out it is
your sister.
Q. Why are there two Senators for each state?
A. Somebody's got to be the designated driver.
What's the definition of real disappointment?
Just when you get the rocks piled up, the cow walks off.
"In Texas, for the second time in a month, a man was arrested for
publicly masturbating. Not surprisingly, the man doesn't want a
lawyer because he claims he can get himself off." --Conan O'Brien
"In Germany, paramedics rescued this 40 year-old man who
got his manhood stuck in the vacuum cleaner. The man told
authorities his relationship with his vacuum cleaner was purely
sexual - he didn't want any attachments.
People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever
know anybody who rested to death?
Q: Why won't cannibals eat divorced women?
A: They're always bitter.
A man asked the little boy, "Do you want a cocker
spaniel?"
The little boy thought for a moment and said, "I think
I'll take the spaniel."
A hippy was seen crawling down some railway tracks.
When asked if there was a problem, he said, "yeah man,
can you help me off this ladder!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maths Of Life
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Toons
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25 years
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3 dollar bill
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Royal
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You are here
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"> Here!</a>
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In one little whorehouse I've been
I sampled the charms of Maureen
Affection I sought
But something I caught
Was turning my gonads to green
There was a young lady of Twickenham
Who thought men had not enough prick in 'em.
On her knees every day
To god she would pray
To lengthen and stregthen and thicken 'em.
With scars on his wrinkly skin,
Wide gaps in his slobbery grin
And three warts on his nose,
But with good taste in clothes,
He models apparel for men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy was traveling through Mexico on vacation when, lo and behold,
he lost his wallet and all of his identification.
Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home, but was
stopped by the Customs Agent at the Tijuana border.
"May I see your ID, por favor, senor?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I seem to have lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Si, amigo, I hear that every day. No ID, no crossing the border,"
said the agent.
"But I can prove that I'm an American!" he exclaimed.
"I have a picture of Bill Clinton tattooed on one butt cheek and a
picture of
Hillary Clinton tattooed on the other."
"This I gotta see, senor," replied the agent.
With that, Joe dropped his pants and bent over in front of the
agent.
"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have fun in
Chicago ."
"Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"
The agent replied, "I recognized Barack Obama in the middle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Convert any vehicle to electric power.
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How To Clean Up The Environment
How To Get Massive IRS Refunds
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Decker wasn't the brightest guy in the world, and his coworkers were
continually ribbing him at the factory. One in particular, Gus,
would greet him each morning and precipitate this exchange:
"Say, Decker, you seen Ben?"
"Ben, who?"
"Ben' down and kiss my ass!"
Tired of falling for the same joke day after day, Decker confided in
his more worldly brother, who said, "Listen. Next time you see this
guy, ask him if he's seen Eileen. He'll ask, 'Eileen who?' and you
say, 'I lean over and you kiss my butt!'"
Memorizing his lines, Decker went to the work early to wait for Gus.
As soon as the bully arrived, Decker ran over.
"Hey Gus, you seen Eileen?"
"No," Gus answered, "she ran off with Ben."
Decker frowned. "Ben who?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1423
Debutante Fever
Ring ring ring!
Diana: Hello. Oh I had forgotten. Yes, we can do that...sure.
okay.
Bye... Click. BJ!
BJ: Yes, honey.
Diana: We are going to be in the movies.
BJ: Okay what movie do you want to see?
Diana: No, you remember we filled out a deal to be extras for a
movie
a while back. Then they took our photos and said they would call?
BJ: Yeah?
Diana: They called.
Thud!
Rudy: I will get the smelling salts.
Sandi: Daddy, wake up!
Katie: Oh dear, I wonder if they have a part for me?
I simply must get my hair done and my nails.
Rudy: Katie, you father is passed out on the floor.
Katie: Oh, right. Get him a donut.
to be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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