Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I know from emails that I have received that many of you have
enjoyed the series and specials that have been produced about
life on an aircraft carrier by PBS, Discovery Channel, History
Channel, and NGEO. One of the interesting ideas that has been around
for a long time, that you may remember is the Ouija Board. The Ouija
Board is a mock-up of the carrier flight deck that uses miniature
airplanes, stick pins, and nuts and washer to signify every piece of
equipment, every plane, and every munitions that is topside. It is
low cost, low tech and not prone to problems from loss of power or
computer glitches. It does work as is evidenced
by pictures you have seen of carriers at sea, with planes parked
precisely, ready to turn from a parking lot in minutes to an attack
force in the air.
The job of arranging planes goes to the ship's plane handler and
his crew of men that move the planes around on the Ouija Board. The
board is sacred you don't move a plane, set a nut or washer, or stick
a pin without being told to and woe beyond the person who places a
cup of coffee or an elbow on the board. In the new
carriers a digital management system also sends information to
various points on the ship so the plane captains and the tow truck
drivers can place the planes in duplicate to what is on the Ouija
Board and then the refuelers and weapons crews fuel and arm the
planes using the same digital system. On older ships like the
Enterprise, a man held up a signboard in front of a camera and it
went out over a cctv channel to everyone concerned.
Next year the Abraham Lincoln will install a new six million dollar
system and remove the Ouija Board and soon every carrier will
follow suit. This new system will free up the thirty people that move
the models around. As you can imagine it is meeting some resistance
from the old time aviators and welcomed by the high tech generation.
As for me I wonder if any of the Ouija
boards will be sold as surplus. I could throw out a couch and set it
up behind me in my office heh heh .
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
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Short Chips
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~~~~
A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where
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~~~~
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Zorba Chips
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Upon arriving in Greece, a couple decided not to see the country the
traditional touristy way but to hire a guide from one of the small
villages. After finding a guide, the guide took them on a boat ride
showing them the sights of Greece. After a while, they past a grove
of fig trees. After the tourists commented on the beauty of the
trees, the guide says, "See all those trees? I planted every one of
those trees. I nurtured every one of those trees. But do they call me
Zorba the tree-planter? NOOOOO." The couple looked a little confused
at his outrage but kept quiet. After about 15 minutes, they past a
nice village on the bank of the river. The tourists comment on the
beauty of the village. Again, the guide goes off. "See all those
houses? I built every one of those houses. With these two hands
alone, I built those houses. But do they call me Zorba the house-
builder? NOOOOOO." The couple again looked confused and worried about
the guide's outrage. They didn't want to annoy him again. After about
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With these two hands, I built every boat and not a one has sunk. But
do they call me Zorba the boat-builder? NOOOOOO!!" The tourists stay
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at them and says, "Oh, but you f*ck one donkey..."
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Short Chips
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One day, an young girl is walking through a park when she hears a
faint "help me, help me". She looks around and follows the quiet
voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a
little green frog trapped under a log. The girl moves the log and
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Prince." So the girl takes the frog home and puts him on the pillow
and there in the morning is a handsome prince. You don't believe
that? Neither did her mother!
~~~
Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands'
performance as a lover. The first woman says, "My Husband works as a
marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we
make love. I like that." The second woman says, "My husband is a
motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around
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and says, "My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge
of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
~~~~~
Sam, from the garment center in New York, went to Miami Beach for a
winter vacation. While walking down Collins Avenue, he was approached
by a luscious blonde, who whispered into his ear, "I'm selling - are
you buying?" Sam said, "Sure, I'm buying." So they went to a hotel
room and made love all night. A week or so later, when Sam went back
to New York, he came down with syphilis. After weeks and weeks of
painful treatment, Sam was released by the hospital. As he was
walking along Fifth Avenue, the same blonde came over to him and
whispered, "I'm selling, mister - are you buying?" Sam looked her
straight in the eye and asked, "So what are you selling now, cancer?"
~~~
The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and possession of
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chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a pizza."
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Sex Chips
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~~~~~~
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2. Sure....I've done this thousands of times...
3. Are you sure it's on there?
~~~~~~~
Top 3 things to say after sex:
1. Are you sure this was you're first time?
2. Gotta cigarette?
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~~~~~~
Top 3 things NOT to say after sex:
1. That was IT??
2. I think I hear my mom calling me ---- see ya
3. OOPS, the condom broke!
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Toad Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a yellow frog and all the other frogs used to tease
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change him to green.
The witch said she could and she said the magic words. The frog was
green!
But when the frog looked down he said, "Witch, my private parts are
still yellow!"
The witch said, "I don't do private parts; you'll have to go to my
sister down the road." And so off the frog went.
Later that day a blue deer came to ask the witch to change him to
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The witch said, "Oh that's easy, just follow the yellow dicked toad!"
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Toon Chips
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Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next time you meet Millie Day,
And she lures you to bed for a lay,
Remember, you simp,
I'm her bona fide pimp,
And get half the cash that you pay!
I once had a ladyfriend, Rose,
Double-jointed she was I suppose.
And I watched fascinated,
As Rose masturbated;
Herself with the tip of her nose
With the police still hot on his trail.
He was tempted by fanny for sale.
So the crook went to bed,
With a price on his head,
And a girl with a price on her tail!
(Michael Rogers)
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Parting Chips
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A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a costume
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She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."
She says, "Listen, Bucko, why don't you just throw it over
your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?
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Bonus Chip
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One day Danny was doing his homework. He was up to spelling and he
needed to spell harassment. His teacher told him to have a parent
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his mother and says, "Mom, how do you spell harassment?"
His mother replies, "You know I can't tell you. Just sound it out."
With that Danny wrote down on the paper. The next day
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his face and looks down at number 10. "Her ass meant so much to me."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1416
Friday Night Lights (continued)
Rudy jumps through the hoop that is on fire...and comes through
without any problem.
Katie is dancing with the pom-pom girls, the crowd is revved up.
The band comes onto the field and plays the schools fight song. The
children and young adults line the field from the goal line to mid
field by a huge inflatable football helmet where the team will make
their entrance...
Diana: Look they are making smoke of some kind... like in the movies.
BJ: Kind of dry ice smoke I think. Here comes the Team!
The band plays, everyone is on their feet, the crowd on the field is
funneling the players as balloons are released into the air!!! It is
time for football!
The players run through the gauntlet and salute the sold-out crowd.
The crowd on the field head for the stands and the color guard
marches
onto the field and the band prepare to play the National Anthem.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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