Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
From The Archives
If you ask an Admiral what the military runs on
he will give you a detailed description of command
structure beginning with the recruits and moving
all the way up to the Secretary of Defense. He is
right of course but any Chief Petty Officer will
give you a one-word answer to the same question
and that is coffee. Even though sailors do have
other beverages available to them Coke and Bug
Juice don't do you a lot of good on the 0400-0800
watch when you have only had 5 hours of sleep a
night for the past week.
The average sailor develops a permanent curvature in
the index finger of his dominant hand within several
years of joining the navy from holding a coffee cup.
A 30 cup coffee maker is suitable for a four man watch
section over a four hour watch but a 15 man watch section like we
frequently had in the propulsion spaces would wipe out a 100 cup
coffee maker a watch and during working hours you when everyone was
in the space you were lucky to get a first cup of coffee from it. We
had a coffee card that let us draw two 20 pound cans of coffee a
week from mess supply and sugar and creamer. Any leftover coffee
went into a 15 gallon barrel that had a removable top and was saved
for trading purposes.
Let's face it, the military did not exactly buy gourmet
coffee and people made it a bit on the strong side. After
your first cup your hair stood up straight on your head although
after the tenth cup on a watch you could go to bed with no problem.
When I did some time as a training petty officer outside of the
space, I had to walk back to the messdecks to get my coffee which
was brewing 24 hours a day. After wearing out a set of shoes walking
back and forth to the messdecks I broke out a one liter beer stein
that a girlfriend had made for me and used that instead of the
standard 8 oz. china cups.
I want to mention one fact here about coffee cups today.
A sailor's coffee cup is a personal possession. Unless
there are previous arrangements made it should never be
touched even to rinse it out and woe be on the person who
took it upon themselves to remove the accumulation of tar
from a broken in coffee cup. Lots of time that tar is the
only thing holding the coffee cup together and the only
thing worse than washing a sailor's cup is breaking it.
You might as well jump ship and swim for shore.
Enjoy the chips and have a cup of coffee.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Priest Chips
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Father O'Mally has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so
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on the plane bound for Nevada. He arrives in the Airport in Las
Vegas.
As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him
and exclaims, "Elvis! Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't
dead Elvis! How have you been?" Father looks at her and says, "Get
outta me face. Can't you see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing
like Elvis."
The father moves on to his cab waiting outside. He hops in his cab
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God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I'm your number one
fan! It's so great to see you!" "Shut up, you imbecile. I'm not
Elvis! Now turn around and drive!" So, the cabby speeds up to the
hotel. Father O'Malley gets his things and walks up to the hotel
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Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk and says, "Thank you.
Thank you very much!"
Karl
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some
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"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it
was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is
hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after
going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the
bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.
"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons
and began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws,
it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand
trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the
hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighed and said,
"YOU MISSED THE FUCKING PUTT, DIDN'T YOU?"
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Vagina Chips
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5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
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4. Go to the gyno and ask to have the examination recorded on video.
3. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.
2. Actually catch a buzz off 1 wine cooler.
And the # 1 thing a man would do is:
1. Finally find that damn G-spot.
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Penis Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 things a woman would do if she woke up in the morning with a
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And the # 1 thing a woman would do is:
1. Repeat # 9.
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Truman Capote was drinking one evening with friends in a Key West
bar.
At a nearby table sat an inebriated couple. When the woman
recognized
Capote, she approached him and asked for an autograph. The woman's
husband, in a display of drunken jealousy, staggered over to
Capote's
table, unzipped his trousers, and in Capote's own words, "hauled out
his equipment." As the man did this, he bellowed, "Since you're
autographing things, why don't you autograph this?" A hush fell over
the room, allowing everybody in the bar to hear Capote's soft, high
pitched voice reply, "I don't know if I can autograph it, but
perhaps
I can initial it."
Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this," she
said. "There's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap
his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." "Hmmm," her husband
said, not looking up from his magazine. Teasing him, Sarah said,
"Would you swap me for a season ticket?" "Absolutely not," he said.
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." "Season's more than half
over," he said.
The wealthy financier was sitting in his study when his eldest son
came to him. "Dad," the boy stammered, "I got a girl in trouble and
she wants two thousand dollars to keep quiet about it." The father
reluctantly wrote a check for the amount; but just as he finished
signing it, his second son burst in with the same bad news, only
this
time the amount requested was three thousand dollars. While he was
writing the second check, his youngest daughter appeared at the door
of the study, weeping. "Daddy," she sobbed uncontrollably, "I think
I'm pregnant." "Aha," the financier exclaimed gratefully. "Now we
collect!"
Stan Kegel
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Judge Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A judge of some thirty years passed away unexpectedly. Upon his
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Arriving at the pearly gates, and with much eyebrow raising by the
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heaven swung open for him, "just one thing, I'm tired of being
around attorneys. I've been around them all of my life. Are there
any inside? Because if there are, the deal's off and you can just
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reassured, the judge pressed on and through the pearly gates into
heaven. The judge found heaven very enjoyable until one day when all
of a sudden a very elderly gentleman with a long white beard,
wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase in one hand and a handful of
papers in the other pushed past him mumbling something about be late
for court. Enraged, the judge stormed back to St. Peter. "Hey! St.
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judge. "Oh my," St. Peter said laughingly, "That's not an attorney!
-- That's God. He just thinks he's an attorney!"
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Playmate Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SIGNS YOUR NEIGHBOR IS A PLAYBOY PLAYMATE
You get an angry phone call at 2 AM. describing
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Every bush in her yard is trimmed in the shape of
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Your wife forbids you to do yard work.
Cops break up loud parties at her place just like
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Your son: "C'mon dad, PLEASE let me camp out in
the backyard!" You: "Son, go home before your
wife and kids start to wonder where you are."
The Neighborhood Watch program takes on a
whole new meaning, thanks to a bunch of lonely
guys with binoculars.
Her lawn is kept completely bare on the edges
and trimmed neatly down the middle.
There's always a traffic jam on your street when she
is mowing the lawn, and you live on a cul-de-sac.
You've spoken with her hundreds of times but still
have no idea what color her eyes are -- or if she
even *has* any.
Attendance at your neighborhood barbecue sky
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After helping her trim her trees, your husband
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There are so many 13-year-olds mowing her
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Toon Chips
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Nun Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Father Harris was motoring along a country lane in his
parish on a spring afternoon when all of a sudden he got
a flat tire. Exasperated, the priest stopped his car, got
out, and assessed the damage. Luckily a four-wheel-
drive jeep rounded the bend and pulled to a stop behind
the crippled vehicle.
The door to the jeep opened and out stepped a powerful
hunk of a man. "Good afternoon, Father," greeted the
stranger. "Can I give you a hand?"
"Heaven be praised," rejoiced the priest. "As you can see, my son, I
have a flat tire, and I must admit I've never changed one before."
"Don't worry about it, Father. I'll take care of it." And without
skipping a beat, the bruiser picked up the front of the car with one
hand and removed the lug nuts from the base of the flat tire with
the
other. "Why don't you get the spare from the trunk?"
"Why, ahh, yes, of course, my son," stuttered the amazed Father
Harris. The priest rolled the spare around to the strong- man who
casually lifted it up with his free hand, maneuvered it into place,
and
proceeded to tighten the lug nuts.
"Do you need the wrench?" the Father queried.
"That's OK," the fellow told him. "These nuts are as tight as a
nun's snatch."
"Hmmmm..." mused Father Harris. "I'd better get the wrench."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
City officials just announced the Houston hurricane evacuation plan
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Hispanics use I-10 West to San Antonio.
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Rose
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three women were returning to their Hungarian village when they
spotted a man, obviously very inebriated, walking ahead of them. As
they watched him stumbling, he fell face down into a mud puddle.
When they walked up to him, one woman turned him over to see if she
recognized him. However, his face was so covered with mud that she
bent over and unzipped his pants. She remarked, "Well, he's not my
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The second woman peering over her shoulder agreed, "Your right, he's
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The third woman, somewhat older than the other two, bent over to
look and said, "He's not from our village."
Jim Tenn
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1419
Things Best Left Alone
Katie: I am bored.
Rudy: Oh no, this could be a problem.
Katie: I have it... to the lab!
Sandi: You are correct Rudy, this is a problem.
In the lab...
Katie: Look at all those wonderful Robo-Katies.
found
out yet what they do... I wonder what number 16 does?
Rudy: Ack! Let me out of here!
Sandi: A little discretion might be warranted here Katherine.
Katie: Hrumpt! What could go wrong?
Katie goes over and turns on the Robo number 16...
It hums and it's lights comes on.... it just sits there.
Katie: It acts just like Rudy.. It makes some noise, but does
nothing.
Rudy: Growl.
Robo 16: Hungry....want food.
Katie: I take it back. It is like Sandi.
Sandi and Rudy are looking at each other than at Katie..then they
grab
Katie and unceremoniously dump her in the trash...
Sandi: Rudy, shall we go upstairs and watch Lassie?
Rudy: I say, a grand idea.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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