THE POSTMAN'S CORNER
Dogs look up to you; cats look down at you;
only a pig looks at you as an equal.
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
Well I finally did it. Our little corner
of West Michigan has been blessed in recent
days with overly warm, balmy, and a
summerlike warm weather front that just
is absolutely fantastic. And, being the
biker that I am, I finally got the iron
horse out to take advantage of it. Unfortunately
the battery had run dead as I neglected to
take care of it properly last winter. You
either have to pull the battery out of the
bike, or you should charge it up once a month
to keep it from going bad on you. I did niether,
so the first thing on the agenda was to have it
hauled up to the local motorcycle dealer. And,
naturally, being nice weather, they were "swamped"
with work and it was a couple days before they
got around to getting things done. Finally, got it
home yesterday around 4pm, and spent a good short
romp for a couple hours. Felt so good being out
on the road again. Assuming the weather man is
correct in his promise of a 70 degree day today,
who knows, it may be a day or so before I decide
to get off and take time to publish again:)
It will be a great first ride of the season!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
suicide hotline
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t020.html
be nice
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t021.html
second warning
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t022.html
moving tip
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t023.html
why mommy
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t024.html
birthday cake
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t025.html
be patient Norman
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t026.html
sorry ma'am
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/t027.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
sounds of Mt. Dew
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9355.html
down the road
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9356.html
up in the air
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9357.html
alcohol
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9358.html
tractor pull-xxx
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9359.html
I want milk
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9360.html
_____________
TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR COMPANY HAS CHANGED TO THE
GOVERNMENT'S NEW PROPOSED HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include
"Take a left when you enter the trailer park."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
(6) The only item listed under Preventive Care Coverage is
"an apple a day...."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants
you gave to Goodwill last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network
charges," is not a typographical error..
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED THE GOVERNMENT'S
NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra and they give you a Popsicle stick and Duct Tape.
_____________
A patient walks into a doctor's office with two carrots
up his nose, a radish in one ear and a French fry in the other ear.
"Doctor, I don't feel well."
"That's because you're not eating right."
_____________
There is a new proposal to allow taxi passengers in New York City to
share cab rides. Advocates claim it will save fuel, pollution and
money. Opponents say New Yorkers can't get along and simply won't
share cabs.That's just not true. The other day, I saw two New Yorkers --
complete strangers -- sharing a cab.One took the tires and the
radio, and the other guy got the engine and the bumpers.
_____________
Martha recently lost her husband.
She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him
out on the patio table.. Then, while tracing her
fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him....
You know that dishwasher you promised me? I bought
it with the insurance money!" She paused for a
minute tracing her fingers in the ashes then said,
"Remember that car you promised me? Well, I also
bought it with the insurance money!"
Again, she paused for a few minutes and while
tracing her fingers in the ashes she said,
"Remember that diamond ring you promised me?
Bought it too, with the insurance money!"
Finally, still tracing her fingers in the ashes,
She said, "Remember that blow job I promised you?"
"Here it comes."
____________
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at
Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest.
At confession one day, a football player told the
priest that he had acted in an unsportsmanlike manner
at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said
some bad words to one of my opponents."
"Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad
to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of
chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat.
"That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one
of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest
said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got
out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players
in the ... in a sensitive area."
"Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more
chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we
playin' when you did these awful things?"
"Southern Methodist."
"Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve,
"boys will be boys."
____________
It was cold and flu season. The Rabbi was not happy
with the constant coughing disturbing his sermons
so he decided to call on old Abe to help him solve
the problem. Comes the next Saturday morning, the
Rabbi gave old Abe a bowl of cough drops and
instructions to give to a cough drop to any
congregation member who was coughing.
So following his Rabbi's orders, every time
a member coughed, old
Abe walked over and gave them a cough drop.
The Rabbi noticed that each time he did this,
the member then stood up left the sermon.
At the end of the service, half of
the members were gone.
After services the Rabbi calls old Abe at home
and asked what he said to the members that made
them leave the hall.
Old Abe says, "So vat did I say ? ...
All that I said wuz,
'the Rabbi said for cough!'"
______________
Q. What do you call the nipple on a Jewish
wife's breast?
A. The tip of the iceberg.
Q. How is being at a singles bar different
than being at the circus?
A. At the circus, the clowns don't talk.
Q. How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A. She has a headache with the postman.
Q. What do you call a cave-dwelling virgin?
A. Never Bin Laidon
_________
FUN PAGES!
Two (Too) Funny Motivationals
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40946&s=n
Online Bow Hunting Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41501&s=n
Balloon Eater
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38556&s=n
Beautiful Satin Negligee
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=5272&s=n
_________
BUFFALO BILL
The Chronicles Of The Oba Messiah
http://www.buffaloschips.com/acccdd.htm
Then God Made Woman
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axxss.htm
The Potato Heads
http://www.buffaloschips.com/axxsszz.htm
__________
SydesJokes Video Clips
Jeff Dunham - Classic Hertz Commericial
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000843.html
Jeff Dunham - Dead Terroist
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000844.html
Jeff Dunham - Road Kill Christmas
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000845.html
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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