Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Today is St. Patrick's Day and also the 14th anniversary of
my dad passing away. It is ironic that a man whose middle
name was Patrick and was called Pat most of his life should
die on this day but such is life. I hope all of you Irish ladies are
wearing something green because I do
believe in the tradition of a pinch if you are caught without.
Unfortunately Eva knew that also and found out I wasn't wearing
green and pinched my ribs. I heard Buffy snickering before
this so I suspect it was a conspiracy to pinch the buffalo when he
was too busy to go change into something green.
I read this in today's paper
Michigan residents should not eat meat this Saturday, according
to a recent proclamation issued by Gov. Jennifer Granholm.
The Michigan Meatout Day Proclamation encourages a wholesome
diet of vegetables, fruits and whole grains to promote good health
and reduces the risk of heart disease, stroke, cancer, diabetes and
other chronic diseases.
OK Jenny, here's what we are going to do since you have amused
us so much over the past two terms as you drove every manufacturing
job from the state. Just for you I am going to invite my buddy
Martin from Grand Rapids to hop on his bike and drive up here for a
Saturday Barbecue. We will take 0ne pound Angus patties and one
pound
buffalo burgers, a pound of bacon, 4 kinds of cheeses, and slap it
between two slabs of honey baked ham. When we get done with
those we are going to head down to the hospital and have a quadruple
bypass and we are going to send you the bill for encouraging our
unhealthy behavior by coming up with Meatout Day. You are a
Meathead.
Enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Surgery Chips
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A man wakes up in hospital after a harrowing operation. The surgeon
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Irish Chips
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These three English guys are out drinking one night and decide that
they want to have a fight. They stagger from pub to pub looking for
a likely victim to pick on when they come across a single Irishman
in this one bar. "Watch this." Says the first Englishman, heading
over toward the guy, "I hear that St Patrick was a shift lifter."
"Really." Says the Irishman, calmly continuing to drink. With that
the second English guy decides to join in, "Yeah, and here he was a
pervert too." "Is that so?" the still calm Irishman responds. "I
know how to rile this tosser." Says the third Englishman, staggering
toward the Irishman, "Hey, did you know St Patrick was really an
Englishman?" The Irish guy casually looks up and says, "Yeah, so
your mates were telling me."
Here's a good reason why Jesus was born in Jerusalem rather than
Dublin. In Dublin they couldn't find three wise men or one virgin.
A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so
decided to ask at a home for something to drink. The lady of the
house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire.
There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the
visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor
commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife
replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before
morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?"
says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big
spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!"
Stan Kegel
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Hunting Chips
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One Saturday morning a deer hunter gets up early, dresses quietly,
gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the gun and goes
to the garage to warm up his truck and head down to his favorite
hunting area.
He backs his truck out of the garage and discovers the rain
is really pouring down, It is like a torrential downpour.
There is also some snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind
is blowing 50 MPH. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to
the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day
long, so minutes later, he puts his truck in the garage, quietly
undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife's
back, now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather
out there is really terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can
you believe my stupid ass husband is out hunting in that shit?"
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Random Chips
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Did you hear about the Irish gay couple? Michael Fitzpatrick and
Patrick Fitzmichael
Maureen O'Murrah had taken a Manhattan taxi home from work, since
both of the ladies she usually carpooled with had taken sick. In the
confusion of the short-handed office staff, and hurrying downstairs
to meet the cab, she had left her purse behind. As the cab pulled up
to her apartment building, she was looking about the seat for her
purse when the driver told her the price of her ride. In great
embarrassment, she said, "Ach. I'm not believin' I did this, Sir,
but me purse isn't here. I must have left behind. I'm sorry, but I'm
not havin' the money to pay you just now." The driver was... well,
he was a Manhattan taxi driver. He said, "That's all right Missy,
I'll just pull down into that dark street ahead, and get back there
with you, and I'll just take your panties off." Maureen chuckled,
and said "Shure, an' it's the poor end of the trade that you'll be
gettin'. These panties only cost eighty-nine cents."
Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock."
She said, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!" He said, "I know,
that's why I want you home by eleven."
"Ya know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In
Glasgow, there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord
there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy
four drinks, he will buy the fifth drink for you.""Well" said the
Englishman, "at my local, The Red Lion, the barman there will buy
you your third drink after you buy the first two." "Ahhhhh, that's
nothing," said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's
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drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had
enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid.
All on the house." The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the
Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true. "Well," asked
the Englishman, "did this actually happen to you?""Not me meself,
personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to me
sister."
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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An Italian cab driver was telling a passenger that only real men
drive taxis in Rome.
"We use our left hand for signals and our right hand to wave at
women," he proclaimed.
The tourist asked, "But how do you steer?"
"I just told you," the cabbie replied, "that only *real* men drive
taxis in Rome."
When my neighbor proudly told me he was surprising his new wife with
a horse for Christmas, I asked what kind of horses she liked to
ride.
He said he wasn't sure, but she could probably ride about anything
since she had worked several years at the Mustang Ranch out in
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Two college coeds were having a beer. One said to the other, "Mandy
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"What on earth did she want?" her friend asked.
"Oh... she just said, "I can't believe I have a person inside me!"
I said, "So do I. Could I call ya back in an hour or so?"
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They're making a new XXX movie. It's about an anorexic Irish
prostitute who hops from bed to bed. Her name's Tramp O'Lean.
The tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the
night. "Please, you have to come right over," pleaded the distraught
young mother. "My child has swallowed a contraceptive.
physician dressed quickly; but before he could get out the door, the
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said with a sigh of relief. "My husband just found another one."
Paddy visited his parents the day after his wedding. His father took
him aside and asked, "How did it go last night, son?" Paddy winked
and elbowed his dad. "Gee, great. You know, the way she was acting,
I think I could have screwed her."
Did you hear about the Irish newleyweds who sat up all night waiting
for their sexual relations to arrive
My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting,
"Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and
yelled, "You did this to me, you bastard!" I casually replied, "If
you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ass but you said, 'That
would hurt too much'."
How did the Irish Jig get started? Too much to drink and not enough
restrooms!
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Irish Blessings
http://silverandgol
Unicorn Meadow
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Carol w/Meet Me in My Dreams
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Irish Songs
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ST PAT Shamrock Facts
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St. Patrick's Day Recipes, Menus, Beers
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Leprechaun
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Movie Links
Scottish Song
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Sexy Kapper
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Showing Her Boobs On A Catwalk
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Sling Shot
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Megan True Love
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Founder Chips
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His girl's proud father was leading a young suitor through the
voluminous pages of the old family album. After seeing scores of
members of the clan, the young man was finally shown the picture of
a solid-looking old gentleman.
"This," said the father proudly, "is the founder of the family."
"What did he do?" asked the young man.
"He founded the family," the older man said again.
"I mean, sir," the suitor floundered, "what did he do to distinguish
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"I understand that, sir," the suitor sighed. "I just wondered what
the old gent did in the day-time."
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Toon Chips
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a young holy roller,
Had a boy friend attempt to console her.
She'd gone down on his cock,
That was hard as a rock...
Chipped a tooth, plus she knocked out a molar.
____________
The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants
(Guy Ben-Moshe)
____________
There once was a vampire called Mabel
Who's menstrual cycle was stable
One weekend in four
She'd sit on the floor
And drink herself under the table.
<Snagged by>
Ross
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Parting Chips
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Linda fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks, and
pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in
the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, "Linda
honey, we've got to stop seeing each other. Your husband's bound to
get suspicious." "No way, sweetheart, he's dumb as a post," she
assured him. "Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he
doesn't suspect
a thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A gnome is riding a bus when a brunette steps on him. The first time
this happens, he decides not to say anything because it's been a
good day for him. However, once again the brunette steps on him, so
he turns to her and says, "Hey you blondie, watch where you're
going."
The brunette looks down and says, "I am not a blonde, I'm a
brunette!"
To which the gnome replies, "Not from where I'm standing, you're
not!"
A gang-member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in
kitchen fixing lunch.
The baby murmured "mother".
The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby
just said half a word!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1255
Spring Has Sprung
Sandi: Where is my Rudy?
Katie: I haven't seen him in some time. I have been busy myself.
Sandi: Doing what? All I see you do is run back and forth.
Katie: Well that is doing something.
Sandi: You are just spinning your wheels. I guess I will head down
to the creek bed and see if I can find my old man down there.
Later..
Sandi tops the hill and finds her Rudy... he is sprawled out on the
grass. Butterflies are flying around him and he is chewing on a
blade of grass.
Sandi: Well you sure looked relaxed.
Rudy: I am indeed. Feel the breeze? I am just soaking in the sun. It
is great to be alive and well. Spring is the time for new growth, to
feel alive. I am down here just thinking about the coming year,
about life in general.
Sandi: Oh, I married a serious thinker.
Rudy: No, just a dog that appreciates the day.
Sandi: Do you have room for another dog to lay beside you?
Rudy: There is always room for my Sandi.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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