Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Nancy is a grandma. She posted last night,
"Khloe Nichole Mae Cantafio has arrived! 12:24 a.m. March
27th. 6lbs 9 oz.. Joe is totally in awe and in love! Mommy is doing
well.."
As for me I had my planned day interrupted by a shopping trip
and then when I got home Buffy wanted me to run get diaper
wipes. I told her to go get them herself and was finally able to
get started on the newsletters.
Eva used her Potty Chair twice today after it sitting there for
18 months mainly because she wanted to start wearing Dora
panties that she had got for her birthday. I am not an I told you
so kind of buffalo but I had suggested that over a year ago. If
my words go unheeded it doesn't bother me, I don't change
or buy diapers heh heh.
Waiting anxiously for baseball season as the Tigers are playing
well right now, in fact the Red Wings are playing great, Michigan
State is doing well in the Final Four, and even the lions are
undefeated
this year.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Quote Chips
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Not everyone has a way with a saying......
"Do you think I've been sitting here twiddling my arse?"
"At no time do I ever condone you making changes to improve things
in
the office."
"Snakes on a Plane - what's that about?"
"Go jump off a lake."
"He's not the sharpest canister in the ocean."
"Keep a stiff upper chin."
"The squeaky wheel gets the spoke."
"I can lead you to horsewater, but I can't make you drink."
"He'd give you the arm off his back."
Announcement in store: "We have a customer by the balls in toys
needing assistance." (It repeats.)
"You play ball with me, and I'll scratch yours."
"It's half of one, six dozen of another..."
"We do not have a smoking cow at this point."
"Is there 264 days in the year? Or is it 265?"
"My daughter is as smart as a tack."
"I've got a higher IQ than your little pinky finger."
"If Dad were here right now, he'd be rolling over in his grave."
"Well, it may be the wrong tool for the job, but it is the right
tool
for the business."
"It's our golden goose. We better figure out how to make her purr."
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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Isn't Spring Great
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It Looked Like A Parking Space
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Fart Chips
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ART FART
It's such a beauty you want to immortalize it on canvas.
ARROGANT FART
When you think your farts don't stink.
ASSAULT FART
A sudden attack that shoots virtual flames out your arse.
TIRE FART
You can't control the blow out.
BEER FARTS
These come out of every 'can' and smell like warm beer.
JAIL FART
Been doing time inside you for quite awhile, and finally makes its
great escape.
DONKEY FART
Your ass is the only one that can do it.
GHOST FART
You can't hear it, you can't see it, and you can't smell it.
HOME ALONE FART
When you're home alone and a great one is wasted on no one.
SHOE FART
When you bend over to tie your shoe laces and one escapes.
TANK FART
When you refer to your farts as 'gas'.
OLD FART
You know how old it is by how bad it smells.
BRAIN FART
You need to fart, but nothing comes out.
ALZHEIMER FART
A confused fart that heads the wrong way, and becomes a burp.
NOT-ME FART
When you drop a bomb in a crowded elevator, turn around to the
person
behind you and give a disgusted look and whisper "PIG!"
U.F.O. FART
When someone farts in crowded room, label it as a "Unidentified Foul
Odor".
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Short Chips
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In 2006 in an effort to reduce its overhead and increase its
profitability "for the well-being of our members," North Carolina's
Medicaid program had cut circumcision from its coverage. Not to
leave
anyone without choice, the North Carolina Mohel's Association
reportedly stepped in and offered to take care of any loose ends.
"When my husband finally gave in and began to clean out his dresser
drawers, he discovered a bunch of socks that didn't match. As I
looked at them, I noted that most of them had holes in them. "Land's
sakes, man !" I exclaimed. "How long have you had these things?"
"Since before we were married," he admitted. "I guess you could say
that I had a lot of premarital socks!"
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Short Chips
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Cathy and I went to the Mardi Gras festivals to New Orleans for our
35th Anniversary. They had a nice room in a hotel just outside of
Bourbon Street. I couldn't sleep and decided to take a walk at 1 AM
the first night there. As I was cruising down Bourbon Street, I saw
a
skimpily dressed woman on a balcony above me. "Would you like to
sleep with me for $100," she called down to me. I told her, "Making
love at my age is always a real effort. But I could sure use the
money."
Hard to believe, but many of our customers at the bank
still don't know how to swipe their card through the ATM
card reader. Because of this, my fellow tellers and I
often find ourselves having to explain how it's done. One
teller complained that she kept getting odd looks every
time she explained it. I found out why when I overheard
her tell one man, "Strip down facing me."
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Cat Chips
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A well-known professor of music was accustomed to receive letters
from amateur musicians asking for auditions and from would-be
composers asking him to look at their work. He always ignored them.
But one old lady was particularly persistent. Over and over again
she
wrote to him to ask him to visit her home to hear her cat play the
piano.
At last he gave in. He had agreed to act as a judge at a music
festival not far from the old lady's home and he decided that it
might be amusing to call on her. So he telephoned her and
arrangements were made for him to have tea at her home the following
Thursday.
He arrived at the appointed hour to find that his hostess was a very
pleasant and cultured elderly lady and not at all the sort of crank
he had been half fearing. They sat down to tea and after a little
while a cat sidled into the room, jumped up onto the piano stool and
mewed. His mistress stood up, walked across the room and gently
lifted the piano lid, giving the cat's head an affectionate caress
as
she did so.
The cat sat up, his paws hovered for fully half a minute above the
keys, as though he were trying to come to a decision and then he
started to play, a little hesitantly at first - because it was quite
evidently the first occasion that he had performed for anyone other
than his mistress - but then with growing confidence when he saw
that
the stranger's rapt attention.
He played the "Moonlight Sonata" very competently, two Chopin
polonaises with passion and delicacy, and then a piece of Scarlatti
with a flair approaching brilliance. Finally, he played a long piece
which the professor failed to recognize.
The professor applauded heartily and turning to his hostess he asked
who was the composer of the last piece. "Oh!", she said, "Didn't I
say? He composes as well, you know. He wrote that last piece
himself."
The professor replied "Now that is truly amazing. You should have it
orchestrated.
The cat turned round, looking startled and dismayed, jumped down
from
the stool, ran across the room and out of the window, never to be
seen again. (By Alan Long)
Stan Kegel
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Cooking Chips
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The Top 10 Thought Patterns of Historic Culinary
Pioneers
10. Jell-O: "You know, imbibing this distilled fermented grain
straight is fun, but it lacks the offbeat wackiness of doing so in a
mold of congealed boiled horses' hooves."
9. McBurger: "Damn, industrial waste management is too expensive. I
wonder if I could just trick somebody into eating it."
8. Thanksgiving Turkey: "I better hide the good stuff in this bird,
so nobody eats it before me."
7. Little Caesar's: "Hey, there's no such thing as bad pizza,
right?"
6. Cinnamon: "While Zoog was humping the knothole, he accidentally
licked the tree bark, and he says it was tasty. I got us some to try
- from higher up on the tree."
5. Honey: "Look! A hollow tree boiling over with thousands of
aggressive, swarming, stinging insects! I shall now stick my hand in
there and shove whatever I pull out into my mouth."
4. Raisins: "Well, we all know how great fruit tastes when it goes
bad... plus, these dried out grapes look like rabbit turds! Bonus!"
3. Smoked sausage: "So, you took all the parts we normally leave for
the vultures, crushed them up with some strong-smelling weeds, then
stuffed it all inside a long, slippery tube that used to be full of
pigshit, and hung it over a smoky fire? That sounds fabulous!"
2. Kimchee: "Honey, where's that spicy salad I made last summer?
You
BURIED it?"
and the Number 1 Thought Pattern of an Historic Culinary
Pioneer...
1. Haggis: "Cheat on me, Patrick Fitsimmons? Let's see how you like
my sheep-lips-and-
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/My Jesus
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carolyn w/ Why ~Frankie Avalon
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Woman - Darkest Before Dawn
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When Artists Get Bored
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Hot Rods Via Wesley
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Memorial Day Air Show from Jones Beach, NY
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Movie Links
Topper
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Trained Puppies
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Tread Mill
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Tree Sex
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Trick Boobies
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Verrassing
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Water Power
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Way Cool Toy
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Wekker Problem
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Welcome Home
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Westfall Horse Video
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We Wish You A Merry Christmas
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Alien Chips
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Shortly after his spaceship landed on the moon, the astronaut
debarked and began exploring the strange new terrain. He had walked
for only fifteen minutes when he came upon a lovely young moon girl,
who was busily stirring the contents of a meteoroid pot.
"Hi," he said, introducing himself. "I'm an astronaut, here to
discover everything I can about life on the moon."
The moon girl stopped stirring long enough to throw him a smile.
"How
interesting it is that you are formed just like our moon men," she
observed, looking him up and down. Pointing to her own, quite naked
body, she asked, "And am I structured as are earth women?"
"Yes, you are," answered the astronaut. "But tell me, why do you
stir
that pot?"
"I'm making a baby," she said. And sure enough, a few minutes later,
a baby appeared in the pot.
"Would you like to see how we make babies on earth?" asked the
astronaut, by now considerably aroused. The girl said she would, so
the astronaut proceeded with a passionate demonstration.
"That was enjoyable," she said afterward, "but where is the baby?"
"Oh, that takes nine months," explained the astronaut.
"Nine months?" she asked. "Then why did you stop stirring?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Toon Chips
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Chicken bj
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chili night
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chinese
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chinese2
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choir
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Limerick Chips
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There once was a girl named Madonna
To all the boys she asked, "Do ya wanna?"
Warren Beatty said no,
And called her a "Ho"
Now she cries and smokes marijuana.
There once was a man from Las Lever
Who had intercourse with a beaver;
The result of the fuck
was a canvas-back duck,
Two canoes and a golden retriever!
There was a young woman named Vicki
Who said, "I don't want to be picky.
If, in five hours or so
As you say, you must go,
At least we'll have time for a quickie."
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Parting Chips
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Q: How are martinis like tits?
A: One's not enough, and three's too many.
Q: What should you do if a pretty girl sits down on your hand?
A: Try to get her off!
Q: What do you call a female turtle?
A: A Clitortous.
Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
A: Odor eaters.
Q: Why don't they allow a man to marry 2 women in the U. S.?
A: No man deserves that kind of punishment!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon taking a seat at the bar, the exec noticed that each stool had
a
number painted on it. Sitting next to him was a rather depressed-
looking gentleman and an attractive young woman who was obviously
enjoying herself.
The newcomer turned toward the unhappy fellow and asked if he knew
the purpose of the numbers.
"Sure," the guy said. "Every half hour, the bartender spins a wheel
and whoever has the winning seat gets to go upstairs for the wild
sex
orgy they have up there."
"That's terrific!" exclaimed the surprised customer. "Have you won?"
"Not yet," the man said, miserably, "but my date has, four times in
a
row!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1553
The Dining Experience Cont.
Tami: What do you mean domestic or foreign water?
Waiter: Just that, we do have both.
Tami: Oh give me domestic.
The waiter then unfurls a two foot long list of different types of
water and presents them to Tami: Please choose which one?
Tami: Ack!!! I don't care...Ozarka would be fine.
Waiter: Would you like it room temperature, chilled, or iced?
Tami: With ice.
Waiter: Would you like the ice, cubed or crushed.
Tami: This is wearing me down...cubed.
Waiter: Fine, I will have your water directly.
Tami: I am exhausted.
Ring Ring:
Tami: Hello!
Rob: I will be late...go ahead and order dinner.
Tami: Okay.
Waiter: Here is your water Ma'am.
Tami: I think I will order now.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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