Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
You know you are a bad cook when ....
(author unknown)
You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one
piece.
Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.
Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.
When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third
stands ready
by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they
hear a fire
truck siren.
The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard
symbols.
Your microwave display reads "TILT!"
Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner
guests can't
tell which is which.
Your pie-filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of
the oven
You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a
crowbar,
and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.
Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.
You make tuna noodle surprise and the surprise is that it glows in
the dark and
melts the silverware.
Your family prays AFTER they eat!
You know as you read through this that a few of these are worse
case scenarios but if you are the average cook you have probably
seen
some of these or variations on the theme. Not everyone has the
benefit of attending cooking school or even Home Economics so most
people
start out with a dozen or so dishes that they can prepare and
over the course of a lifetime you learn to cook more or you spend a
lot at
restaurants. Sandy and I were that way in which that we each had
dishes
that mom taught us how to make and we learned from each other and
went from there. We have both gotten to the point where we can
duplicate
dishes just by watching them made. Mine taste a little better and
Sandy
has a better presentation so if I cook them and Sandy serves them
they come out pretty good. Ok I'm being boring today so here's the
chips.
buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please visit our Sponsor
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Your Blood Glucose Meter at no cost
Answer a few questions to see if you qualify for the glucose meter
and other great offers.
Qualify Now - Copy and paste the link below into your browser's
address bar:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indian Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Indian joins the army. As he can't speak English, his friend
joins
with him to act as translator. After training they are sent to war
and
soon find themselves in the heat of battle. After a short skirmish
they
are separated.
The non-English speaking Indian ends up in a fox hole with three
huge
marines.
The first marine says to the rest, "I'm not waiting here to be
killed
I'm gonna try to make it back to the rest of the troops."
He then jumps out of the foxhole and starts to run across the field.
He
gets about fifty yards before he is cut in half by machine gun fire.
The second marine says, "I agree with him. I'm gonna try to make it
back."
He jumps out of the hole and starts to run. Twenty yards out he
steps on
a mine and is blown to bits.
The third and largest marine says, "The hell with this I'm gonna
wait
here for the troops to save us."
After trying to talk to the Indian he soon realizes he doesn't speak
English. Thinking Indians know sign language he again tries to
communicate.
Walking his fingers across his hand he asks the Indian, "Are you in
the
infantry?"
The Indian just looks at him.
Then putting two fingers together and bringing down in an arc he
asks,
"Are you with the paratroopers?
Still no response.
This time he puts one finger between two on the other hand and says,
"Boom, boom, are you with artillery?"
Again no response.
The marine says, "I know", putting his hands over his eyes to mimic
using binoculars he says, "you're with reconnaissance, right?"
With this the Indian jumps out of the hole and runs like hell, he
zigzags back and forth through the field using any cover he can find
till finally he makes it back to his squad.
There he finds his English speaking friend.
His friend asks, "Are you crazy you could have been killed?"
The Indian replies, "My chances better in field than another
foxhole!!!
In the last foxhole, a big marine tell me, 'When troops go home and
moon
go down him f**k me up ass till eyes bug out!!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
new batteries
http://www.thepostm
sex
http://www.thepostm
cash
http://www.thepostm
IKEA Pig Farmer
http://sydesjokes.
IKEA Spaghetti
http://sydesjokes.
Ikea Switch
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wine Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to the famous Lucas Carton restaurant in Paris with his
girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.
The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount
in
the glass for tasting.
The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down
on
the table with a thud.
"This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assures him it is, and soon there are another twenty
people
surrounding the table, including the chef and the manager trying to
convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.
Finally, someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928
Mouton.
"My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine."
Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured
the Clerc Milon 1928.
"I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You
know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton. You pick the
grapes at the same time. The same cepage, You crush in the same way,
You put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, You
even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the
same, except for a small matter of geographic location."
Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, "When
you
return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear.
Put
one finger in one opening, another finger in the other. Then, smell
both the fingers. You will understand what difference a small
distance
in geographic location makes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hanging StrawberryT is the Amazing All-Season Indoor and Outdoor
Hanging Strawberry Garden. Pot in soil or any other potting medium
and you'll have sweet, delicious strawberries in just 60 days. Now
you can enjoy strawberries all year long. It also makes a great
decorative hanging basket.
The package includes:
. 8 1/2 inch Hanging Basket
. 3 Tri-Star Strawberry Plants
. Our Easy Care Instructions
. Secret Jam Recipe
Buy 1 Get 1 Free Now for only $10 PLUS bonus gifts!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shakespeare Pick Up Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Of course, 'Romeo and Gertrude' is just a working title. I might be
persuaded to change it for you, M'Lady."
"Shall I compare thee to a brick outhouse?"
"If I whispered in thine ear that thou hadst a body of beauty
unknown
but to the heavens, wouldst thou hold it against me?"
"Wouldst thou care to join me in forming the beast with two backs?"
"My heart, it pines, as my trousers tent."
"Without thine companionship, dear lady, I fearest I'd spend the
evening with pen in hand, if thou knows what I mean."
"Hey, Baby, can Ophelia up?"
"Is this a dagger I see before me? Nay! I'm merely happy to cast
eyes upon thy beauty!"
"Wouldst thou away to yon Motel 6 with me?"
"Do me, or not do me. THAT is the question."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clean-n-Green Laundry Ball
Imagine never buying laundry detergent again. Replace detergent with
Laundry Ball and you'll not only save money, but you'll be saving
the planet too. Each ball lasts up to 1000 to 1200 uses, sometimes
longer. Laundry Ball uses natural cleaning power oppose to
chemical-laden, water-polluting ingredients like laundry detergent.
Get the benefits of Laundry Ball today.
View Website
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amish Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SIGNS YOUR AMISH YOUNGSTER IS IN TROUBLE
Sometimes stays in bed till after 5:00AM.
In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou Sucketh!"
His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap!"
You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't
listening."
Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage
cheese."
He's wearing his big black hat backwards!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Background Check Them-You have the Right to Know the Truth!
As the news continues to reminds us, it's pretty easy to pretend to
be someone your not in this day and age. For the first time ever,
you can find out real and truthful information about people through
America's #1 Background Check. So next time you just aren't 100%
certain of the truth, protect yourself with an instant Background
Check.
Our Comprehensive Background Reports will show:
-Criminal Records
-Current and Previous Addresses
-Age and Date of Birth
-Relatives
-Property Value
-Social Network Scans
-So Much More
For a 7-Day Free Trial of Unlimited Background Checks
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Court Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A New York man was forced to take a day off from
work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He
grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after
endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he
stood before the judge, only to hear that court would
be adjourned for the next day and he would have to
return the next day.
"What for?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp
query roared, "Twenty dollars contempt of court.
That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge
relented. "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I'm just seeing if I have enough
for two more words."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Amazing New Stretch-To-Fit Food Covers - Free Sample Pack Available
CoverMate stretch-to-fit food covers are the quick and easy way to
save food and keep it fresh.
The built in flex ban stretches over any dish, bowl or plate in
seconds for the perfect seal.
CovermMate food covers are reusable and dishwasher safe.
Limited time offer so act now.
Click the link below for more information:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My girlfriend is such a cheat and a liar. I've been going with her
almost a year now, and I never would have known she was married
until
my wife mentioned it just the other day.
A Lady Rector of a Ladies hostel was fond of using English language
though she was not good in English. She was also fond of using very
small sentenses to communicate. Always in hurry she used to creat
lots
if funny situations. Once the electricity of her ladies hostel went
off at midnight that too during the examination season. She
immediately contacted electricity board's complaints office over
phone
and placed instant demand saying. " Lights gone in our ladies
hostel.
Send Men immediately. Girls using candles."
Teacher: "Why did you bring your cat to school?" Pupil : "Because I
heard my sister's boyfriend say, Tonight I will eat your pussy.'"
A young couple is on their honeymoon. After having great sex, he
says,
"Now you won't see me for a while." "We're on our honeymoon!" she
exclaims. "Where the heck do YOU think you're going?" "Nowhere,
sweetheart," he says. "Turn over."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Get Strong, Sculpted Arms and Shoulders
The Shake Weight is the revolutionary new way to shape and tone your
arms, and it is designed specifically for women. Scientific studies
prove that the Shake Weight increases upper body muscle activity by
more than 300% compared to traditional weights.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Thank You
http://silverandgol
WORLD'S SHORTEST MAN, HE PINGPING, DIES IN ITALY
http://deathbeeper.
Sweet Little Pad
http://www.shangral
Amazing Stairways
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
impressive income opportunity to grab during the worst economy we've
seen in over 50 years.
And here's everything they don't want you to know...
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Surfin Surfari
All About Shamrocks and 4-Leaf Clover Via Dianne
http://www.lollysmi
Longevity Prediction
http://www.nmfn.
Buy,Buy American Pie Via day
http://www.youtube.
God bless My SUV
http://www.youtube.
Air Force Boneyard
http://www.dhc-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Free Software Directory
http://directory.
GlobalGuestBooks
http://www.globalgu
Computer Repair Utility Kit Via Wesley
http://www.readwrit
hp
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
ADULTS ONLY dating community this week....and you can get one right
now for no cost...but we will not be giving them away forever.
PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.akc.
Kitty Korner
http://www.infinite
*+*+*+*+*+*+
We understand that you may have accidentally deleted important
documents, pictures, or other various files from your computer that
you thought you could never get back.
Well, we wanted to let you know that you can easily get your deleted
pictures, documents, or files back today using a program called File
R/D.
You can easily try File R/D right now, for no cost, to run a -free-
analysis scan that will allow you to view deleted pictures, files,
documents, etc... Once you have complete the -free- analysis scan
you will be amazed by what you see! In fact, you will even see what
other people have deleted from your computer.
Once the scanning is complete you will have full control over which
files you want to recover.
Press here to run the -free- analysis scan:
http://buffaloschip
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Here is some more information about this new way to watch
television:
1) All of the programming is uncensored!
2) There are hundreds of channels from around the world to watch!
And new channels are added every day!
3) Hundreds of Radio stations to listen to anytime, all of the time!
And new stations are added daily!
4) All of these channels are available 24 hours per day right from
your PC and laptop!
5) No additional hardware is needed!
6) You won't have to pay a cable or satellite bill any longer!
Press Here For More Information and To Download Now:
http://buffalosjoke
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Saddam The Unseen Video
http://www.buffalos
Santa Shopping
http://www.buffalos
Saudi
http://www.buffalos
Schweaty Balls
http://www.buffalos
Scotsman's Song
http://www.buffalos
If my nose was running money
http://www.buffalos
Important Message
http://www.buffalos
Impossible
http://www.buffalos
Jet Engine
http://www.buffalos
John McCain
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blonde Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry
her
right away. She said, "But we don't know anything about each other."
He
said, "That's all right, we will learn about each other as we go
along.
she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a
very
nice resort.
One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his
towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half
tuck
gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jack-knife
position,
where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a
few
more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said," That was incredible!" He said, "I used to be an Olympic
diving champion. You see, I told you we would learn more about
ourselves
as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After
about
thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly
out of
breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance
swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Detroit and Windsor and I worked
both
sides of the River.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Swivel and sweep in any direction
The Swivel Sweeper G2 is the new and improved floor and carpet
sweeper that lets you clean dirt and messes faster and easier than
ordinary cordless sweepers. The cordless G2 sweeper features a 360
degree swiveling head and quad brush technology. With a magnetic
storage latch the G2 folds up to take less room than a broom.
Additional Ordering Details:
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
bad cat
http://www.buffalos
cat batteries
http://www.buffalos
cat carrier
http://www.buffalos
cat doggy style
http://www.buffalos
cat enlarger
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Windshield Wonder is the easy reach microfiber window cleaner that
eliminates straining and stretching. It uses a 16" handle to help
reach all the way down to the dash and base of your rear window.
Windshield Wonder is also perfect for moisture and fog removal.
Get two for the price of one when you order today.
Order now
View Web Version
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I met this fine lady on the Cape
Who had a wee bit to much grape
An thought sex might just be fine
Til she took the measure of mine
An was left with her mouth agape
I know that you'll think me quite dotty,
But please, no caffeine in the latte!
One simple espresso - - -
I put on a dress, oh,
And really start acting quite naughty!
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.
There once was a whore on the dock
From dusk until dawn she sucked cock
'Til one day it's said
She gave so much head
She exploded and whitewashed the block
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Peppers - Grow 5 Different Colored Peppers on 1 Plant
You can enjoy Rainbow Peppers at any stage and experience all the
incredible sweet tastes of all the individual flavors. Make colorful
and flavorful meals with black, violet, yellow, orange and red
peppers.
Why pay supermarket prices when you can grow delicious peppers on
your own. Each plant can produce up to 30 peppers.
Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the
States
to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his
mind
off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she
could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books.
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door.
"Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you...
let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all
night. I've missed your lovin' so much !"
The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover.
First,
let's hear you play that harmonica."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Shop for Personalized Letter from the Easter Bunny.
Hand delivered by a plush 9" Easter Bunny with bendable ears, arms
and hands. Personalized with child''s first name, home address,
city and state, and a friend or family members name.
Only $19.95
Shop Now!
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It happened at a summer resort, as do many things. The young
executive was sitting at the bar, quietly drinking himself into a
stupor, when an attractive redhead sat down beside him and ordered
Scotch and water.
They got into a harmless conversation, and as the evening wore on
they became progressively more friendly. After the umpteenth
round, he leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Let's get a bottle
and go up to my room."
She focused her glassy stare on him. "I'll have you know I'm a
lady," she slurred.
"I realize that. If I wanted a man, I'd send home for my brother!"
Patricia
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1545
Zounds!
Rudy: Pops sure has had some bad luck this week. We should be quiet
today.
Katie: Yeah, let's pretend we are asleep.
Sandi: Here he comes home from work. Shhh!
BJ: I'm home!!!! Everybody come here! It is party time!!
Rudy: I think he is feeling better. A-roo!!!
Sandi: What's up daddy?
Diana: Hi honey.
Katie: Hello father.
BJ: I have a surprise you all. Close your eyes... You too cats.
A minute later..
BJ: Okay open your eyes!
Diana: Okay, what are we supposed to see?
BJ: This...
BJ hands over a piece of paper to Diana.
Thud!
Katie: Medic!!!
Sandi: Smelling salts Rudy!
Rudy: I have them. Here Toots.
Diana: You got your bonus check today...Wow! I did not expect you to
get one with the economy the way it is.
BJ: I have done well with my company, created a department that has
saved a lot of money and here is my reward. I am not a boss or
anything
but they rewarded me for my ideas and creative thinking.
Diana: We could buy a new car or...
BJ: Put it in the bank..but tonight all of us eat well.
Rudy: A-roooo!!!
The herd in Guthrie
(I have no interest in playing politics..my company knows that, but
I will
take the money and run)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG.
Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 269.23.21/1456 - Release Date:
5/20/2008 6:45 AM
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
No comments:
Post a Comment