THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
A successful person is one who
can lay a firm foundation
with the bricks that
others throw at him.
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GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
IT'S NEVER OVER UNTIL YOU SAY IT'S OVER
The power to hold on in spite of everything,
to endure,this is the quality of a winner.
Your greatest glory is not in never failing,
but in rising every time you fail.
It's your constant and determined effort
that will eventually break down all resistance
and sweep all the barriers before you.
Persistence means taking pains
to overcome every obstacle,
to do all that's necessary to reach your goal.
All great achievements require time.
Endurance is the crowning quality of success.
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_____________
THE COMICS
Robin Hood
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q000.html
double screw
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q001.html
a national holiday
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q002.html
a practical joke
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q003.html
nervous
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q004.html
the capital
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q005.html
potential
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q006.html
complaint
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q007.html
another one
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q008.html
wake up
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/q009.html
____________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
just like all the others
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9244.html
The Sopran oooooooooooooos
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9243.html
Dear Mr Jesus
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9242.html
funny stuff
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9245.html
who invited her?
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9246.html
another wardrobe malfunction
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9247.html
_____________
At my recent assault trial, I offered a plea of
"Guilty with an explanation." The judge asked me what
my explanation was, so I told my story.
"Your Honor," I said, "I had a mammogram appointment,
which I actually kept. I was met with: 'Hi! I'm Belinda!'
This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear,
tilted her head to one side and crooned,'All I need
you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the
waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?' I'm thinking,
'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.' Belinda
skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the
right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the
left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes
and lean in a tad so we can get everything?' 'Fine', I
answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why
not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and
finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied
gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4 inch
pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete
darkness and the power went off! 'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet
they hit a snag.' Belinda said, and headed for the door. 'Excuse
me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I shouted.
Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'
Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared. And that's
exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire,
found me ... half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws
of Life, and the other part smashed between glass! After
exchanging a polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greeting, Bubba
(or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the
power was off. Trying to disguise
my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes
I did thanks.' 'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye
as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.
Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making
no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!'
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me,
I went to lunch. Are we upset?' And that, Your Honor, is
exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...."
The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said 'Case
Dismissed!!'..
_____________
A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met
a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was
amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much
that she fell in love with him right there,
but never asked for his number and could not find
him. A few days later she killed her sister.
Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?
[Give this some thought before you
answer, see answer below.]
Answer: She was hoping the guy would
appear at the funeral again.
If you answered this correctly, you
think like a psychopath. This was a test by a
famous American psychologist used to determine
if one has the same mentality as a killer.
Many arrested serial killers took part in the
test and answered the question correctly.
If you didn't answer the question correctly,
good for you. If you got the answer correct,
please let me know so I can take you off my
e-mail list!
______________
Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it
had seen better days. As they slid into a booth, Bill
wiped some crumbs from the seat. Then he took a napkin
and wiped some moisture from the table.
The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some
menus."No thanks," said Doug. "I'll just have a
cup of black coffee."
"I'll have black coffee, too," Bill said. "And please
make sure the cup is clean."
The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and
marched off into the kitchen.
Two minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of black coffee," she announced, sternly. "Which
one of you wanted the clean cup?"? ? ?
_______________
For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland
to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn.
He hired a guide and just as they neared the top,
the men were caught in a snow slide.
Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them,
a keg of brandy tied under his chin.
"Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!"
"Yeah," said the Irishman.
"An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it !"
_______________
When my wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen
and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the
washer and me on the couch, having done nothing but drink
beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch
yourself, mister, or you're going to make me do something
I don't want to do."
"Wow," I thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a blow
job out of this."
____________
Joan had a system for labeling leftover meals in the freezer .
She would carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or
"Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables" or "Chicken and Dumplings"
or "Beef Pot Pie."
Everyday when she asked her husband what he wanted for dinner,
he never asked for any of those meals. She decided to stock the
freezer with his various requests. What he really likes.
So now you'll see a whole new set of labels: "Whatever",
"Anything", "I Don't Know", "I Don't Care", "Something
Good", or "Food" .
No more frustration for Joan because no matter what her husband
replies when she asks him what he wants for dinner, it's there waiting.
_____________
A traveling salesman was passing through the country
side and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmers wife invited him to sit in the shade of
the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while when suddenly a hen
went running by with a rooster covered in a pair of
coveralls chasing her.
The salesman asked, "What in the devil was that?"
The old farmers wife told him "Well you see, some years
ago we had a tornado come through here and hit the
hen house. It killed all our chickens except for that
rooster, but it plucked every feather off of him. Well
I kind of felt sorry for him, seeing how as he did
survive a tornado and I knitted him a pair of coveralls."
The salesman said, "Well that is just about the funniest
thing I have ever seen."
To which the farmers wife replied, "You think that's
funny, you ought to see that rooster hold a hen down
with one leg and try to get those coveralls off with
the other."
_______________
FUN PAGES
Luxor 2
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41748&s=n
Two (Too) Funny Motivationals
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=40946&s=n
Madagascar Penguins
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38553&s=n
Six Finger Monkey
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41425&s=n
____________
BUFFALO BILL
Never Underestimate An Old Girl
http://www.buffaloschips.com/67t.htm
Obongo 08
http://www.buffaloschips.com/iuhj8.htm
Oeufs Poussins
http://www.buffaloschips.com/trfu.htm
___________
SYDESJOKES LIST
Human Can Opener
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000774.html
Human Domino
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000775.html
Hunters Dry Beer
http://sydesjokes.com/lnk/vid1/000776.html
_______________
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day!
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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