Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
The predictions for today were 49 degrees and rain. Outside the
sun is shining and it is 58 degrees. A year ago Buffy and I went out
to buy the Explorer and it was a blizzard outside with 55 mph winds
and people off the road in the ditch everywhere. I haven't even had
the Jimmy in 4WD since early last month.
I am getting a lot of spam right now from the Russian Bride
industry.
Some of them are quite amusing but one this morning was actually
interesting as it started with, Hello, My name is peace yak. Now I
can understand her interest in getting together and raising a herd
of Yakalos but frankly I am not into hairy girls and a yak has long
hair on their back and all four armpits. If they didn't have big
horns
like a Texan Longhorn, you wouldn't be able to tell whether they
were coming or going. Oh well Sandy said I couldn't have a yak
so no sense worrying about it.
It seem the USS Constitution has won one more battle. Some of her
neighbors complained because they had the audacity to shoot a cannon
twice a day during colors and play the National Anthem. This has
been a tradition since 1798 and they were told there was no desire
to change that tradition. They did however change the direction of
the cannon fire. They showed excellent restraint in my mind by not
lobbing an 8 lb cannon ball into their Mercedes. I really expect
things
like that from the liberals of San Francisco, not from the
birthplace
of this country's freedom. I guess there are no patriots left there
outside of the football team.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I work at a hospital in labor and delivery. We had a patient whose
last name was Seaman. The patient was discharged, but the ward
clerk was not informed. Later in the day, admissions called and
wanted to know if the patient had been discharged. The ward clerk
put admissions on hold and yelled out, "Who discharged Seaman?"
After a long pause, we all burst out laughing.
Have you heard about the masochist who had to break a date because
he was going to be tied up all night?
"How did your evening with your new boyfriend go?" "It was a
disaster.
We were nude in bed in heavy foreplay and he had a premature
ejaculation.
was the loveliest girl he had ever come across."
There's no business like show business, but there's no job like a
blowjob.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
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the first day
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I Love You
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I Will Always Love Noodles
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Ice Sculpture
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Prison Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Four convicts were eating in the chow hall one day.
One says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No." "Pfffffffffffffff"
A second guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No." "Pffffffffffffff"
A third guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No." "Pffffffffffffff"
The fourth guy says, "You guys mind if I fart?"
"No." "BRRRRRAAAAAPPP!
The other three guys look astonished. "Wow!! A virgin!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lab Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they
struck up a conversation.
The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, 'So why are you
here?'
The brown Lab replied, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything.. ..the
Sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last
night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.'
The black Lab said, 'So what is the vet going to do?'
'Gonna cut my balls off,' came the reply from the chocolate Lab.
'They reckon it'll calm me down.'
The black Lab then turned to the yellow lab and asked, 'Why are you
here?'
The yellow Lab said, 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I
dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug
a great big hole in my owner's couch.'
'So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquired.
'Looks like I'm losing my balls too', the dejected yellow Lab said.
The yellow Lab then turned to the black Lab and asked, 'Why are you
here?'
'I'm a humper,' the black Lab said. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump
the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump
everything I see.Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower
and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help
myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away'.
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, 'So,
balls off for you too, huh?'
The black Lab said.... 'No, I'm here to get my nails clipped!'
Heather
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bank Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans. "We loaned you a
million to revive your old wells, and they went dry." says the
banker.
"Coulda been worse."
"Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells, and they were
dry."
"Coulda been worse."
"Then we loaned you another million for new drilling equipment, and
it broke down."
"Coulda been worse."
"I'm getting tired of hearing that!" snaps the banker. "How could it
have been worse?"
"Coulda been my money," says the oilman.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill: Do you know the difference between a man and an umbrella?
Lee: Uh, uh.
Jill: Well Lee, you better find out before you get under one.
I was playing golf yesterday and this one friend of mine was
suffering from his usual allergies, sneezing and blowing his nose
etc....
One of my other friends comes out with this line. "You know you're
getting old when you have to depend on Allegra by day, and Viagra by
night"
Jill: I knew I never should have visited that porn site last night.
Mary: Why? What's wrong?
Jill: When I turned on my computer this morning, it said, "You've
got
blackmail."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parrot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Joe buys a parrot, and the first night he has it, he brings home a
girl, and the parrot screeches, "He's gonna try to fuck you! He's
gonna try to fuck you!"
After he takes her home, he says to the parrot, "You pull that shit
again, I'll slash your throat and throw you in the toilet."
The next night, he brings home a girl, and the parrot screeches,
"He's gonna try to fuck you! He's gonna try to fuck you!"
Joe grabs the parrot, slashes his throat, and throws him in the
toilet.
He goes back to the girl and it turns out she's having her period,
so she excuses herself to go yank out her tampon.
She's sitting on the bowl after she yanks it out, when she hears,
I'm gonna live! I'm gonna live!"
She says, "What do you mean, 'You're gonna live'?"
The parrot points to her bloody snatch and says, "If you can live
with a gash like THAT, I can live with a gash like This!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/American Family
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
St.Patrick's Day
http://www.bcoff43.
Never Give Up
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Surfin Surfari Via Wesley
Some of the World's Most Venomous and Dangerous Spiders
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WilliamShatner.
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Animated Anatomy Of A Black Hole
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Perfect Portions
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Girl Scout Cookies
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
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As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Open Any File Extension
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BSOD Screensaver
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Koalas In A Heatwave 2
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Movie Links
Nipple Bitten Off
http://www.buffalos
Camel Toe Video
http://www.buffalos
Hand Up
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Mini Gun Highlights
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Good Husband
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Gunfighter
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Guterbike
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Love
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Hair Piece
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Hang Onto That Pole
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nipple Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
RING!
Southeast Treatment Plant, this is Dave...
"Is this the water department?"
Yes Ma'am, for most of this area...
"Good. I have some very technical questions to ask you about the
water"
I'll try and help...
"Why are my nipples getting so hard?"
You're not really serious...
"I AM SO!! My nipples... they're hard and they have this white
coating
on them!"
Uhhhh, huh... hard, uhhh, nipples with white, uhh... stuff...
"Not only that, they're getting warped!"
I see...
"They used to be soft, pink and round!"
I'm sure they were...
"Now they really look disgusting!"
I'm sure they do...
"So I want to know what you're going to do about this!"
I really don't think I can help you. Have you discussed this with
your
personal physician?
"Yes I have! He said I should call you because he thought it was
from
the water!"
I see... uhhhh, just why and how does he think the water is causing
this?
"He said cleaning them in boiling water sometimes does that."
Sounds painful... can't you just sponge them off?
"Painful?! THE BABY BOTTLE NIPPLES ARE THE ONES I'M TALKING ABOUT!"
Now I understand..
"Are you going to buy me new ones?"
Why would we do that?
"Because your water ruined these. My baby won't suck them anymore.
He's
been sick and I think it's from the white stuff... he used to really
suck..."
May I ask how old your baby is?
"He's six, going on seven"
Six... and he refuses the bottle? Maybe he's getting a little old
for
the bottle...
"DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY CHILD!"
I wasn't. How long have you been using these nipples?
"Since he was born"
Hmmmmm. My guess is the white film is from the calcium carbonate in
the
water... kind of like bathtub ring of the nipple... and they are
hard
and warped because of being boiled and bitten for six years...
"So! You are refusing to pay!"
Well, that's not for me to decide. I was only trying to suggest they
might just be plain worn out.
"THEY WOULDN'T BE WORN OUT IF YOUR WATER WAS ANY GOOD!"
There is really nothing more I can do for you...
"JUST HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY MONEY?"
Well, why don't you just run down to our main office. There you can
file
an insurance claim...
"What good would that do? Will they give me the money?"
They will investigate and make a judgement whether to settle or
not...
"Well, you sure haven't been any help! How do I get them to pay more
attention than you have?"
Just show them your nipples!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
cans
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captain1
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captain down
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car quiz
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car wash
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Soft rubber eye cups
Comfort neck strap
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Only $29.95+s/h. Plus you'll receive the bonus Spy Scope & carrying
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a girl from Nantucket.
Her boyfriend was about to up-chuck it.
She said with a grin,
"Wipe that cum from your chin.
I told you it's my job to suck it!"
-----
There was a young rector of Kings
Whose mind was on heavenly things,
But his heart was on fire
For a boy in the choir
Whose ass was like jelly on springs.
-----
There was a young lady of Wheeling
Who professed to lack sexual feeling.
But a cynic named Boris
Just touched her clitoris,
And she had to be scraped off the ceiling.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rainbow Peppers - Grow 5 Different Colored Peppers on 1 Plant
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Why pay supermarket prices when you can grow delicious peppers on
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Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
Learn More
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A stripper in a hurry to get home leaves the club with nothing
on but a loose coat. As she crosses the street a drunk driver
skids around the corner and hits her. She goes flying into the air
, and lands unconscious on her back with her charms
exposed to the world.
As a crowd gathers, a gentleman places his hat upon the stripper's
crotch in order to minimize her exposure. In the meantime the
drunk driver hardly aware he just hit someone, staggers over
to see what all the fuss is about.
Noticing the near naked woman lying exposed on the street,
he points to the strategically placed hat and slurs in a loud
voice,
"Well, the firthst ting we gotta do is get dat guy outta there!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help
him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their
journey to find the herd.
After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear
to the ground and says "Hmm, buffalo come."
The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees
nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see
anything. How do you know buffalo come"?
The Indian replies, "Ear sticky."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1542
March Madness
Katie: Sandi, why is father standing against the wall and hitting
his
head against it?
Sandi: We need to ask.
Rudy: Pops, what' s up?
BJ: Well, as you know Diana and I went to the Big 12 Tournament and
watched two of my favorite teams lose... Kansas and Kansas State. I
was just thinking back to my playing days and thinking....
Sandi: Tell us about the ancient days daddy. Did they use leather
balls
back then?
Rudy: Did they use the old peach baskets?
BJ: Grrr.. No it was basketball, but before the three point line.
I never
played in high school even though I was good enough. I was just too
shy
to try out. I played with the team on weekends and after school and
was
good as any of them and they knew it.
Sandi: So what happened?
BJ: The Air Force happened. I met a man who was an All American
from
the Big 10, he taught me a lot, and improved my game, but he did not
work
on my shyness. The next base I met a friend, a dear friend who
worked
on my shyness and the thing is .. he was a better basketball player
than the
all-American.
basketball
player I ever played with or against in my life.
Katie: Wow! What made him so special?
BJ: He could shoot equally well with either hand from long range
and he
was exceptionally quick, deceptivelly, quick. He shot free throws
at about
ninety percent and he rarely turned the ball over, an outstanding
ball
handler and defender, he had all the skills. He and I would go to
the gym
every day and work one on one.. he would kill me at first, then
later he
would just beat me.
Sandi: I see, you were getting used to his quickness and talent and
that
in turn, made you quicker and more talented.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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