Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
Our Governor quickly backpedaled on her bid for a meatless Saturday
when all of the agricultural businesses asked for her her head on a
platter. With manufacturing jobs headed for other states and
countries because of favorable taxes and wages agriculture is the
only market showing an increase over the past few years. This could
grow even better with bio-fuels wanting to concentrate on fast
growing grasses and wood chips as a source instead of corn.
From the Governor's Office
Michigan dairy products provide a $5.1 billion impact on the state's
economy, placing the state ninth nationally in milk production.
With an annual economic impact of $394 million, Michigan cattle
production ranks 30th in the nation. The Michigan poultry industry
produces 2.7 billion eggs each year, adding up to an annual value of
$211.5 million.
Michigan field crops like corn, dried beans, soybeans, sugar beets,
hay and wheat contribute another $1.3 billion to Michigan's economy
each year. "Whether Michiganians celebrate Michigan Agriculture Day
with a cheeseburger made with Michigan beef and dairy or a soup made
with Michigan beans, I hope people throughout the state take a
moment to enjoy Michigan's agricultural bounty on Saturday,"
Granholm concluded. With the issuance of dueling proclamation, it
appears as though Michigan residents are free to eat whatever they
darn well please on Saturday.
I am worried about Martin the Postman, he hasn't replied to my
offer of a huge meat feast to defy the governor. Seems to be a lot
of people coming down with the flu and pneumonia when the weather is
getting
nice.
Have a great weekend... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Survivor Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids
each for six weeks.
Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance
classes.
There is no fast food.
Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house
clean, correct all homework, and complete science projects, cook, do
laundry, and pay a list of 'pretend' bills with not enough money.
In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries
each week.
Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and
relatives, and send cards out on time--no emailing.
Each man must also take each child to a doctor's appointment, a
dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.
He must make one un scheduled and inconvenient visit per child to
the Urgent Care.
He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.
Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house,
planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.
The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep
and all chores are done.
The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, adorn themselves
with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep fingernails
polished and eyebrows groomed.
During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe
abdominal cramps, backaches, and have extreme, unexplained mood
swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.
They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at
least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.
They will need to read a book to the kids each night and in the
morning, feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their
hair by 7:00 am.
A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father
will be required to know all of the following information: each
child's birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and
doctor's name. Also the child's weight at birth, length, time of
birth, and length of labor, each child's favorite color, middle
name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy,
biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.
The kids vote them off the island based on performance. The last man
wins only if... he still has enough energy to be intimate with his
spouse at a moment's notice.
If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and
over again for the next 18-25 years eventually earning the right to
be called Mother!
After you get done laughing, send this to as many female s as you
think will get a kick out of it and as many men as you think can
handle it. Just don't send it back to me.... I'm going to bed!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
Bomberman Game
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Donkey Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try telling this one after a few drinks.
What do you call a donkey with one leg?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye makin' love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye and bonking while
farting?
A stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye bonking while
farting,
wearing blue suede shoes?
A honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye bonking while
farting,
wearing blue suede shoes and playing piano?
A plinky plonky honky tonky stinky bonky winky wonky donkey
What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye bonking while
farting,
wearing blue suede shoes, playing piano and driving a truck?
F**king talented!
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display
in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye.
"Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed
to the lacy pyjamas with matching robe.
"No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would never
wear that!"
"Would you like to hear my sexual philosophy?" the boss asked the
new coder.
"Why yes sir, I think that would be interesting,
"It's really quite simple," he said. "Get it Up... Get in In...
Get it Off... and Get it Home."
"Hmmmmmmm," she mused. "Sounds like the Four-Get-It system to me!"
SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY IS NUTS
10. Neighbors describing him as "a quiet loner."
9. Removed from a department store last December after screaming at
Santa, "You're going to die up there, fat man!"
8. Can't stop washing his paws.
7. Colorful eggs now filled with Prozac.
6. Apartment walls covered with photos of Sharon Stone.
5. Met with Dr. Kevorkian about the possibility of a "suicide
egg."
4. Rotting corpse of Energizer bunny recently discovered in his
crawl space.
3.. Won't come out of his compound in Waco, Texas.
2. He's hippity-hopped up on crack.
1. Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being
sworn in as American citizens.
"It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens
at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?"
"Yes, you filthy chauvinist pig," his wife, replied. "Tonight, you
cook the damn dinner and I get on top!"
Mary: Susan and Bill broke off their engagement.
Jill: Really? What happened?
Mary: After his bachelor party, both of them tried to "make it"
with Yvonne, the stripper from the party.
Bob was such a womanizer. Everywhere he went, he was always hitting
on women. True to his form, he was at a department store one
afternoon and was attracted to one of the saleswomen and proceeded
to see if she would go out with him that evening.
She snapped at him, "I know your type. You think you can take me for
drinks, and then try to get me back to your apartment, and then get
me in to your bed. I can read you like a book."
Bob just smiled and said, "Well then, don't miss Chapter 5, it's a
doozie."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why do women like wearing black panties? It's a way for them to say,
"In memory of those who were buried here"
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later,
the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and
notices there's a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling
frantically at the waitress, "Waitress, there's a hair in my
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him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take
the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, "That's
disgusting!" Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting
you should see him make donuts."
Did you hear the new and politically correct name for "lesbian"? A:
It has been changed to "vagitarian"
A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument
about who enjoyed sex more. The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex
more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting
laid?" "That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think
about this: when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and
wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better: your ear or
your finger?"
Stan Kegel
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had taken him several months, but the exec had finally persuaded
his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and
allow
him to have sex with her that way. "And just where have you been
until
this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally
arrived home. "Down at the office," he replied, "working like a
dog."
A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him
against
a charge of bestiality. "I know a great trial lawyer," the fellow
said, "but he's expensive and doesn't know how to pick a jury. I
know
another lawyer," he continued, "who's not a great trial lawyer, but
he's cheap and really knows how to pick a jury." The farmer settled
on
the cheap attorney, but immediately had second thoughts when the key
witness, a neighbor, began his testimony. "I saw Jed mount his goat
from behind," he said, "and when he was finished, I saw the goat
turn
around and lick Jed's pecker." The accused farmer was devastated and
had all but given up hope of acquittal when a juror in overalls
whispered to the fellow next to him, "You know, a good goat will do
that
Three old guys are sitting on a porch in Miami. Suddenly the first
sighs and says, "Gentlemen, isn't life horrible. Here I am at an age
that I can afford the best steaks and what? Bad teeth and gums. I
have
to eat ground or soft foods." The second answers, "Yeah, life is a
real bummer. Why here I am at an age where I can buy the finest
wines,
champagne but what? Ulcers, I have to drink milk." The third sighs
loudly and adds, "Gentlemen, I know exactly what you mean. Last
night
at 2 am I nudged my wife and asked her if she's interested. She
screams at me, "What is wrong with you dear? We just got finished
doing it for the second time tonight!" After a long pause the first
man says, "So what is your problem?" The third one grunts and says,
"Can't you see? My memory is going."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Thank You
http://silverandgol
Rick w/ If You Refuse (New Page)
http://www.wtv-
A Well Full of Wishes Via Peggy
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Magic Of Your Touch
http://www.carolspo
Maxine On Jesus
http://www.shangral
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Surfin Surfari
Earthquakes for Kids Via Dianne
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'DAVY CROCKETT' STAR FESS PARKER DIES
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International Slide Rule Museum Via Dianne
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Humorous Ads
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
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morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Kids Freeware - Free Software and Internet Services for Kids
http://www.kidsfree
Rolling back Drivers in XP
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PC Won't Start
http://pcsupport.
*+*+*+*+*+*+
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Streaker Goal
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Sunrise Gold
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Super Gra
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Surprise During Meal
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Surprise Her Mechanics
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Nextel Dance Party
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No Fear
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Bad Luck
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Boogie Woogie
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Ford Police Chase
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sandal Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were
touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and
such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside
they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say,
"You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop."
So the married couple walked in.
The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special
sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you
wild at sex like a great desert camel."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he
really didn't need them, being the sex hero he was. The
husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you
into a sex freak?"
The Pakistani man replied, "Why don't you try them on
and see for yourself?"
Well, the husband, after much badgering from his wife,
finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped
them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes;
something his wife hadn't seen in many years - raw
sexual power.
In a blink of an eye, the husband rushed the Pakistani
man, threw him on a table and started tearing at the
guy's pants.
All the time the Pakistani man was screaming, "YOU
HAVE THEM ON THE WRONG FEET! YOU HAVE THEM
ON THE WRONG FEET!"
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Concrete Vibrator
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Condom
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Condom Stogo
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cave search
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Odd Nephew Of Hildy Von Ringen
Was Convicted On Easter Of Singin'
Bawdy Songs During Mass
And Of Baring His Ass
While The Bells In The Sanctus Were Ringin'.
A Flatulent Nun From Hawaii,
One Easter Eve Supped On Papaya;
Then Honored The Passover,
By Turning Her Ass Over,
And Obliging With Handel's Messiah.
There was an old man called Reg
Who decided to trim his hedge
He'd had a few beers
Slipped with his shears
And cut off his meat and two veg
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided
to try a new doctor who had just moved into town.
After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with
a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.
"Oh, that sounds bad. How can I get rid of it?" asked the man.
"Come in tomorrow and bring with you a hard boiled egg and a
lemon cookie," said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross
the man's face, he said, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the
lemon cookie. "Drop your pants, and bend over," says the doctor.
"What?" says the man.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor
shoves the egg up his rear.
"Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!" screams the man.
"Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.
"Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with a hard boiled
egg and a lemon cookie," says the doctor.
As the infuriated man starts to protest the doctor says, "Trust
me. I'm the doctor."
So, the man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled
egg and the lemon cookie. "Drop your pants and bend over," says
the doctor.
"This again?" yells the man.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor
shoves the egg up his rear.
"Oh! I can't believe I'm doing this!" says the man.
"Hold still now and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.
"Now pull up your pants and come back tomorrow with another hard
boiled egg and another lemon cookie," says the doctor.
As the man starts to shake his head the doctor says, "Trust me.
I'm the doctor."
So, this goes on all week until one day, after the man pulls up
his pants, the doctor says, "Now come in tomorrow and bring a
hard boiled egg and a hammer." As the man turns pale the doctor
says, "Trust me. I'm the doctor."
The man gets no sleep that night worried to death about what the
hammer is going to feel like when it gets shoved up his ass. He
almost stays home, but he still feels sick. So far the treatments
haven't helped and he's afraid he'll have to start over if he
goes to a new doctor.
The man comes in the next day and he brings the hard boiled egg
and the hammer. "Drop your pants and bend over," says the doctor.
"But, why do we need a hammer?" asks the man nervously.
"Trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
The man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves
the egg up his rear.
"Please!" says the man, terrified of what is to come next.
"Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor," says the doctor.
About a minute later, the man is about to pass out from terror
and he is involuntarily clenching his rear as tight as he can.
But nothing happens. Several more minutes pass and he starts to
relax. The man is about to straighten up and ask the doctor what
happened when the tapeworm sticks its head out his rear end and
yells, "Where's my lemon cookie?!"
...and WHAM! Down comes the hammer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ode to Alcohol
------------
Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell you are I think,
I'm not under what they call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,
I'm just a little slort of sheep.
Tee martoonis make a guy
Fool so feelish, don't know why
Rally don't know who's me yet
The drunker I stay the longer I get
So just one more to full my cup,
I've all day sober to Sunday up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1547
Professional Basketball at it's Worst...Werst.
Diana: Everyone in the van.
Katie: Where are we going?
BJ: I got free tickets to see the OKC Thunder game.
Rudy: I don't like thunder, it scares me.
Diana: This is not a storm, but a basketball game.
Sandi: We are confused.
BJ: The Thunder is the name of the team.
Rudy: A-Roo. I understand.
Downtown...at the Ford Center...
Rudy: There are a zillion people here.
Diana: The building holds 17,000+ people and it is always a
sellout.
Katie: Can we play?
BJ: No, we must stay in our seats and watch the game.
Katie: Waah!
Inside .... Three flights up the escalators..
Rudy: I am scared...what if we fall, do we get a parachute?
To be continued..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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