Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
It is 42 deg. outside and sunny.... Awesome! That is the good side.
Unfortunately this meltdown is happening at a time when the roads
are bare and water melting from the banks can seep through the
cracks in the pavement and freeze at night. major potholes can
be created overnight when this happens. I still believe the pothole
was invented and improved though by Midas Muffler because
each pothole punctures mufflers and rips whole exhaust systems off.
The Jimmy's system is much higher than most potholes, which is good
because the piping appears to be stainless which is expensive to
replace.
In these days of bad publicity for Wal-mart, they just gave our fire
department a 5,000 dollar grant to buy new helmets. Thanks guys.
Enjoy the chips... buff
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rejected Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually
mean...)
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.
9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend
(who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).
5. I don't date men where I work.
(Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar
system', much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than
dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)
....and the number 1 rejection line given by women
1. Let's be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It's that male
perspective thing)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
personalized
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the truth
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what organ
http://www.thepostm
How To Get Rid Of A One-night Stand
http://sydesjokes.
How To Inflate A Tyre
http://sydesjokes.
How To Lose Your Job As A TV Interviewer
http://sydesjokes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aussie Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Aussie went into an empty bar in New Zealand and ordered a beer.
As he was
walking around, he saw a table about 6' x 4' with some lines
marked 6"-10" from one edge. Next to each line there are
initials.
The man asked the bartender, "What are all those marks on that
table?"
"It's a game the locals play, they pull out their dicks,
stretch them a far as they can and mark a line." Our Aussie hero was
hung like a horse and reckoned he can beat all the lines he'd
seen and asked if he could have a go. "Sure," was the reply.
As he pulled out his dick, a clear winner by about 3". He s
tarted to mark his line down when the bartender said, "No mate,
us Kiwis start from the other side!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Drunk Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk:
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk:
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate
Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk:
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street. j)
I
must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Johnny's teacher has had it with his behavior, so she goes to
the
principal and pleads for something to be done. The principle asks
for
Little Johnny to be sent to his office. When Little Johnny arrives
the
principle tries to play with his mind so he asks him something that
Little
Johnny will think is rude.
"Tell me Johnny, do you know how to put a hole into another hole?"
asks
the
principle.
"No sir I don't" replies Little Johnny.
"I'm giving you to the end of the month to come back with the answer
to
this
question," says the principle.
The whole month passes and Little Johnny is quiet as a mouse,
thinking
about
the question, which he thinks must have a rude answer, day and
night.
After
a month Little Johnny starts with his bad behavior again and the
teacher
pleads to the principle again, so Little Johnny is called in.
"Tell me Johnny, did you figure out how to put a hole into another
hole?"
asked the principle.
"No sir I didn't, but do you know how to put 8 holes in to another
hole?"
asked Little Johnny.
"No" was the answer from the now dizzy principle.
"Well" said Little Johnny with a smile, "Come home with me after
school
today and I'll show you. You see my dad has this flute with 8 holes
in
it
and if I shove it up your fucking ass, you'll see how it's done."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Beauty Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
They know how to grow up 'em in Maryland, as evidenced by
their 2008 Miss Outdoors winner. This is not some vapid
beauty contest for bubble-headed teenagers. No, Maryland's
Miss Outdoors has to display some real talents, like muskrat
skinning.
The key to successful muskrat skinning is a very sharp knife
the outgoing Miss Outdoors, Dakota Abbott, said. 17-year-old
Dakota, who won the Miss Outdoors title in 2008, earned $100
and a set of muskrat traps by winning the women's junior
championship trophy in a muskrat-skinning contest last week-
end.
The tradition of Miss Outdoors competitions and muskrat
skinning began in 2003 when contestant Tiffany Brittingham
donned a sharp knife, along with jewelry and makeup to show
off her skinning skills. There is an image for you.
This year's competition even included a contestant who
scalded a large chicken before plucking the feathers from
the bird.
But once the judges' votes were tallied in this year's Miss
Outdoors event, Abbigail Tyler was victorious -- thanks to
her singing performance of "Red High Heels."
Emcee Buddy Foxwell had one unusual pageant request for all
contestants, "All contestants are reminded to take your
carcasses home with you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fix It is a fast scratch remover that safely removes scratches,
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Each package also includes the finishing kit, with a hand-held power
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Additional Ordering Details:
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Anniversary Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the
beaches in Gold Coast Australia. Their domestic tranquility had long
been the talk of the town. People would say, 'What a peaceful &
loving couple.' The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the
secret of their long and happy marriage.
The husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in
America '. We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip
down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far
when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife
looked down at the horse and quietly said, 'That's once.' 'We
proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again.. Again my
wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when
the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a
revolver from her Purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, 'What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot
the poor animal like that, are you $%#@! crazy?' She looked at ME,
and quietly said, 'That's once.'
And from that moment on.... We have lived happily ever after.'
Harveythefrogprince
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Why pay supermarket prices when you can grow delicious peppers on
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Buy 3 Rainbow Pepper plants and get 3 Big Bertha plants on us.
Learn More
http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Into Your Presence
http://silverandgol
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
http://ministry-
carolyn w/ When I'm Old
http://carolynsprec
Carol w/Make Me Believe
http://www.carolspo
Wave Photography Art
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Now It's Your Turn To SCOOP UP some cash.
Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation Via Dianne
http://www.grammarb
Spring Forward
http://www.my-
The Human Body, A Dissection
http://www.oddee.
Chevy Selling It
http://www.shangral
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....
Press here to get your copy:
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
The Perfect Linux Firewall Part I -- IPCop
http://www.howtofor
Web Buikding Tutorials Via Wesley
http://www.w3school
Spellchecker.
http://www.spellche
*+*+*+*+*+*+
Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
man! NO ONE BUT YOURSELF TO BLAME!!!
Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.kidsandd
Kitty Korner
http://alleycatphot
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*+*+*+*+*+*+
Movie Links
Fanfare
http://www.buffalos
Final Call
http://www.buffalos
Flashlights
http://www.buffalos
Girls
http://www.buffalos
Giving Change Adult
http://www.buffalos
Kitty Is In Love
http://www.buffalos
Kiwi Bacon Mmmm!
http://www.buffalos
Loafing
http://www.buffalos
Looking For My Wallet And Car Keys
http://www.buffalos
Lundi
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There was a young lady named Mable
Who liked to sprawl out on the table
Then cry to her man,
"Stuff in all you can -
Get your ballocks in, too, if you're able."
____________
There was a young fellow named Keith,
who liked to be fondled beneath.
When she used her lips,
He wiggled his hips,
But not when the bitch used her teeth.
____________
There was a young lady named Hicks
Who delighted to play with men's pricks,
Which she would embellish
With evident relish,
And make them stand up and do tricks.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
butthole express
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butt muff1
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butt muff2
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buttons2
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bye bye
http://www.buffalos
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
OOps Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oops! is a word
That I don't care
To hear as someone
Cuts my hair.
Another time
It's not a thrill
Is when the dentist
Holds a drill.
An Oops! escaped
From pilot's lips
Can do me in
On airplane trips.
But nothing's worse
Than Oopses! spoken
When one finds out
The rubber's broken.
Patricia
For Stan Kegel...
Why did the owl make everyone laugh?
Because he was a hoot.
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I took a Cadillac Escalade out for a test drive -- just to drive
that sucker before they become extinct.
The salesman sat in the back seat describing the car and all its
wonderful options.
The seats were of particular interest.
He explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the
winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat....
I stated the car must be a Republican car.
Looking a bit angry, he asked why I thought it was a Republican car.
I explained that if it were a Democrat car, the seats would blow
smoke up your ass year-round.
I had to walk back to the dealership..
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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http://buffaloschip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I knew my husband was messing around on me. But I just never could
catch him in the act. But I still had suspicions. One day, I cut my
leg with the razor while I was shaving. I looked in his shaving kit
for that little styptic pencil to stop the bleeding. I found K-Y
Jelly! I knew WE never used it. "Ah Hah!" I said to myself. "He's
been messin' around on me on the side!" Well, well, well! I decided
to get a syringe and I filled it with Tabasco sauce. Then, I
injected it into the K-Y Jelly tube. What a blistered dick he had! I
can only hope! I'm wondering if she got a little feel of it, too!!
Kinye say "Montezuma's Revenge?" (Ross Bowen)
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1537
Ode To a Blank Page
Rudy: What are you doing Sandi?
Sandi: I am thinking about writing something Rudy...but before I
write
something on this page...I am thinking about this thought
Ode To a Blank Page
As I stare at this page I wonder...shall I write about Love,
about
drama, about the high crimes of life? Shall I write about a fantasy
world
yet unknown to exist? Shall I write about a time yet to be, or a
time
far in the past? Shall I write something historical or pour out
something
from my soul? Oh this page is not unlike a sponge, it will absorb
places,
feelings, events. On this page I can emulate the Creator in a
minute
fashion.
I just need to determine my goal...do I want to entertain, to
make
people laugh, to make them cry, to educate them to make them think?
Do I need to purge something from my inner self, to express
something
that is hidden deep within my id?
I look at the blank page for the last time...the blank page,
virgin in
appearance, then I write...
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
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To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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