Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
A Navy story from the archives.
A U.S. Naval history story provided by the Naval Order of the United
States.
On April 5th, 1943, the U.S. Navy's Destroyer Squadron 21 was
returning from a night of shelling Japanese shore installations deep
in the New Georgia area of the Solomon Islands. Our destroyer, the
USS O'Bannon, as part of this force, picked up a radar contact that
turned out to be a large Japanese submarine cruising on the surface
and apparently unaware of our presence. The Japanese lookouts
undoubtedly were fast asleep.
We approached rapidly and were preparing to ram the sub. Our
captain and other officers on the bridge were trying to identify the
type of sub and decided, at the last minute, that it could be a mine
layer. Not wanting to blow up ourselves along with the sub, the
decision was made that ramming was not a wise move. At the last
moment, the rudder was swung hard to avoid a collision and we found
ourselves in a rather embarrassing situation as we sailed along side
of the Japanese submarine.
On board the sub, Japanese sailors, wearing dark shorts and dinky
blue hats, were sleeping out on deck. In what could be considered a
rude awaking, they sat up to see an American destroyer sailing along
side. Our ship however, was far too close to permit our guns
lowered enough to fire and since no one on deck carried a gun, not
a shot was heard. Ditto on the Japanese sub, no one there had a gun
either. In this situation, no one seemed sure of the proper course
of action and it probably would not have been covered in the manual
anyway. Therefore everyone just stared more or less spellbound.
The submarine was equipped with a 3 inch deck gun and the sub's
captain finally decided that now was probably a good time to make
use of it. As the Japanese sailors ran toward their gun, our deck
parties reached into storage bins that were located nearby, picked
out some potatoes and threw them at the sailors on the deck of the
sub. A potato battle ensued. Apparently the Japanese sailors
thought the potatoes were hand grenades. This kept them very busy
as they try to get rid of them by throwing them back at the O'Bannon
or over the side of the sub. Thus occupied, they were too busy to
man their deck gun which gave us sufficient time to put a little
distance between our ship and the sub.
Finally we were far enough away to bring our guns to bear and firing
commenced. One of our shells managed to hit the sub's conning tower
but the sub managed to submerge anyway. At that time our ship was
able to pass directly over the sub for a depth charge attack. Later
information showed that the sub did sink. When the Association of
Potato Growers of Maine heard of this strange episode, they sent a
plaque to commemorate the event. The plaque was mounted in an
appropriate place near the crews mess hall for the crew to see.
Well, it was the crew's battle.
The story was picked up by the papers back in the States and,
shortly thereafter, a full blown account of the event was covered by
a story in the READERS DIGEST. Conversations with a crew member
that served years later revealed that, while the plaque was still
located in the crew's mess hall, no one seemed to pay much attention
to it nor knew much about it. I guess the crew was interested in
making history but not particularly interested studying it.
Enjoy the chips.... buffalo
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Foot Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
That 70s Show:
The Red Forman Method of Dealing With Things
Eric: "Possesion is 9 tenths of the law."
Red: "How would you like my foot to be 9 tenths the way up your
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Eric: "I don't know, I think the ignition is broken."
Red: "How about I ignite my foot up your ass?"
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Kitty: "If you wanted to be in somebody's shoes, whose would it be?"
Donna: "Well, I wouldn't be in Red's shoes, because I would go up
somebody's ass just about now."
(these are all Red)
"I'm gonna put my foot so far up your ass your nose will bleed."
"How about I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?"
"You should read this book my foot wrote... it's called 'On The Road
To In Your Ass'!"
"You morons just hung a vacancy sign on your asses and my foot's
looking for a room."
"I wish I had 2000 feet, so I can stick 500 of them in each of your
asses."
"My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass."
"You're lucky this table is between my foot and your ass!"
"You know what's hot? My foot when it's in your ass."
"I have a prank, too, one where my foot doesn't go in your ass...
Let's hope it doesn't go terribly wrong."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Little Johnny Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
There once was a third grader named Little Johnny. Every time the
teacher would say something, Little Johnny would say, "How about
that!"
One day, the teacher said, "And then George Washington crossed the
Delaware."
Little Johnny said, "How about that!"
The teacher told Little Johnny, "If you say that one more time, you
are
going out into the hall, mister!"
To that, Little Johnny replied, "Well, how about that!"
Taking him by the arm, the teacher marched Little Johnny into the
hall
and said, "While you're out here, I want you to write a poem to tell
the class."
Twenty minutes later, the teacher came out to get Little Johnny and
said, "Before we go back in, I want to hear your poem."
Little Johnny said, "As I stood in the hall, I saw a cockroach go up
the wall. How about that!"
The teacher said, "That's fine, Little Johnny, but I want you to
leave
the cock out."
She took him back into the classroom and announced that Little
Johnny
had a poem for the class.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "As I stood in the hall, I saw a
roach go up the wall with his cock out. How about that!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Card Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jill had been sick for quite a while with a sore throat and a cough.
Her doctor had told her that she could infect John, so there was to
be NO intimate contact between them until she was well. That was why
they had played cards every night for a couple of weeks. When she
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~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Obscene Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was a difficult case for the jurors. They had to decide whether
the owners of the Bottoms Up Club in NYC were guilty of obscenity.
The Judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to
the club and see the allegedly obscene act.
The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part
where a sexy couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic
scene of lovemaking on a bearskin rug. The jury was unable to decide
definitely whether it was obscene or not. So the jury members asked
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they still couldn't reach a decision. So this time they asked the
understudies to perform the same act one more time.
Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very
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According to the Detective: "It is a difficult matter. The police
have watched the show 75 times."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Vibrator Chips
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There was this couple that had been married for
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the kids."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ho, Ho, Ho" chuckled Santa as he crept out of the young
Cheerleader'
protested sleepily, "The football team are all bloody liars."
Calling on an attractive coed, the theology professor asked, "Who
was
the first man?" "If it's all the same to you, sir," replied the
embarrassed coed, "I'd rather not tell."
Little Johnny was talking to a friend, complaining about his mom.He
said "My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going
through her mental pause."
A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a
woman's blouse and said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The
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house, found that her parents weren't home from work yet, ripped off
her blouse; and then said, "I want what I want when I want it!" The
girl stared at him and cooly replied... "You'll get what I got when
I
get it!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Humpty Dumpty stood on the street corner
Touting for business with little Jack Horner
Along came Miss Muffet with only a dime
"What can I get if I tell you a rhyme?"
Little Jack Horner said, "Sorry Miss Muffet
We do not do ladies, we're not keen on tuffet.
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We can all have a foursome including her sheep."
I chase all the girls when I'm spunky--
A five-day-a-week sexual junky.
I tend not to stray
On Tues- or Wednesday--
On those nights I spank my own monkey.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Language Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A furrier from the United States went to Helsinki, Finland to
purchase furs.
The first night in Helsinki he met a gorgeous blonde named Sanna,
and
before long the two were alone in his hotel room.
The encounter turned physical and soon their lovemaking session was
complete.
After they were finished, then the man attempted to chat with Sanna
-- but it wasn't going well.
He said, "I'm afraid my Finnish isn't too good."
Sanna replied, "Your foreplay ain't all that hot either!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple had been married for a couple of
months, but the man was always after his wife to
quit smoking.
One afternoon, she lit up after some love making,
and he said, "You really ought to quit."
She, getting tired of his nagging, said, "I really
enjoy a good cigarette after sex."
He replied, "But they stunt your growth."
She asked if he ever smoked, and he replied he
never had.
Smiling and lifting her gaze to his groin, she said,
"So, what's your excuse?"
Randy
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Bonus Chip
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Su Wong marries Lee Wong.
The next year, the Wongs have a new baby.
The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a
Caucasian, WHITE baby boy.
'Congratulations,
'Well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?'
The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, 'Well, two
Wong's don't make a white,
so I think we will name him...
Sum Ting Wong
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wine and Dine Tami: Forget the desert, I will order a glass of wine.
I really need it.
Waiter: Good idea. Red or white wine?
Tami: Red.
Waiter: Dry or sweet?
Tami: Sweet.
Waiter: Domestic or imported?
Tami: Ack!!! Just bring me a glass in a hurry I am shaking.
Waiter: Do we have a drinking problem?
Tami notices her psychologist is really taking notes...
Tami: No, we do not.
Waiter: Why do you use the word 'we' when there is only one of you?
Tami: Just bring me a glass of wine and hurry. In fact, bring the
whole bottle.
Waiter: Very well ma'am.
Later..
Tami: Waiter.can I hab the bill pleash?
Waiter: Your bill ma'am.
Tami: What? I wash supposed to hab fifty percent off?
Waiter: Read the small print on the coupon, fifty percent off for
Rob.
Tami: Even which my grilled cheebe sandwhicb freeb, the billb is 95
dillirs.
Waiter: Yes ma'am. Will that be cash, or credit card?
Tami: Credit Card.
Waiter: Discover, Visa, or Master Card?
Tami: Here take this one and just get me out of here.
Waiter: This is a Texaco Credit Card ma'am.
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
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