THE POSTMAN'S CORNER!
The safest way to double your money is to fold
it over once and put it in your pocket.
~Kin Hubbard
GOOD MORNING POSTMAN FANS!
FROM: THE INVESTIGATIVE REPORTS BUREAU OF
THE POSTMAN'S CORNER...
Bulletin... you heard it here first!
British Petroleum announced today that they will
no longer hire Cajuns to help in the cleanup.
Thiobodeaux, Boudreaux and Fontenot were told to clean
as many brown pelicans as they could....
So far, Thibodeaux has cleaned and gutted over 56
birds while Boudreaux made the roux and
Fontenot cooked the rice.
==============
Yesterday was a difficult day. Some days, living with
emphasyma is easy and you hardly notice it. Other days,
it can be a real challenge. I don't know, I do not
think it was the weather. Some folks who suffer from
the affliction say its the humidity that makes things
worse. But yesterday was on the cool side. Anyways, to
make a long story short, later in the evening after supper,
the war department finally started checking out my
oxygen making machine. I use bottles of oxy when outside
the house, but inside is different. I have a machine
that makes it and I have a fifty foot hose that attaches
me to the machine. That allows me to manouver around the
house. She discovered finally that the filter on the
machine was real bad plugged with dirt. Washed it out,
and guess what? Difference of night and day.!!! Wow it
felt so much better. Funny thing, its a good thing to
breath!
We do hope you enjoy today's issue!
Cordially
Martin aka the postman
_______________
THE COMICS
swollen
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e030.html
seeing eye dog
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e031.html
historic note
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e032.html
he will be ok
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e033.html
secretary
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e034.html
raises and promotions
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e035.html
bad timing
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e036.html
its stuck
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e037.html
low fat
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e038.html
caged
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/e039.html
___________
LETS GO TO THE MOVIES
Never Annoy Your Sister
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9857.html
Why Seniors Break Their Hips
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9858.html
scary on the beach
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9859.html
the dog and the chicken
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9860.html
I let my son see my pay slip....
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9861.html
Gilligan's Island
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/da/movies9862.html
_______________
POWER POINT DISPLAYS
winter wonderland
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd201.html
welcome to bro's place
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd202.html
waterworld
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd203.html
oh, thats no good
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/fpe/ppd204.html
Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night
getting good and lit when one turned to the other and
said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn
sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks,
but on those three-month trips at sea they start
getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking off
going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and
it's making a mess all over the ship. I don't know what to do!"
The other captain smiles knowingly at his companion.
"Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide
them into two teams, then you buy about 50 barrels and
put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the team
that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."
"Well that's a great way to keep the ship clean, but then
I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"
"Not so," replied the other captain. "After you get back
to port, take all the barrels together and sell them
to the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy
profit every time."The captain pondered this and the next
day, he took his friend's advice and divided the crew,
bought a bunch of barrels, and set off to sea. Before long,
the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after barrel.
When they finally reached port, the captain sold the
barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the
captain, 'before long, I'll be able to buy a new boat!'
This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one day, the ship
happened back to that very first port. Coming down the
gangplank, the captain was surprised to see the cops
waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him, the
captain cried out "What's the meaning of this?!"
"You sick bastard," replied the cop. "Remember all those
barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed through town?"
"Sure," said the captain. "What about 'em?!"
"Well, they made them into candles, sold them to the convent,
and now all the nuns are pregnant!"
_____________
An Irish farmer named Seamus had an accident with a lorry ,
and was sueing the lorry company,
In court their hot-shot solicitor was questioning Seamus..
Solicitor
'Now didn't you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?' .
Seamus
'Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my
favorite cow, Bessie, into the...'
Solicitor
'I didn't ask for any details','Just answer the question.
Did you not tell the police officer, at the scene of the
accident, 'I'm fine!'?'
Seamus
'Well, I had just got Bessie into the sidecar and I was
driving down the road....'
The solicitor interrupted again and said,
'Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at
the scene of the accident, this man told the police on the
scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident,
he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Seamus's
answer and said to the solicitor:
'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow, Bessie'.
Seamus thanked the Judge and proceeded.
'Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite
cow, into the sidecar and was driving her down the road when
this huge lorry and trailer came through a stop sign and hit
me right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie
was thrown into the other. I was hurt very bad like, and
didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning
and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his
gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in
hand, looked me up and down, and said,
How badly are you hurt?'
'Now what the &*#% would you have said'?
___________
If it is true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers,
it is understandable why mothers cry at weddings.
What's the best way to get into a sleeping bag?
Wake her up first!
_____________
Grandma and Grandpa were sitting in their porch rockers watching
the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days".
Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember
when we first started dating and you used to just casually
reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled
and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile,
Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after
we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me
on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her
a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek.
Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how,
after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?"
Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house.
Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?"
Grandpa replied, "To get my teeth!"
_____________
Things to do When Your Internet Goes Down ...
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over
the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
8. Sleep (and dream about surfing the Internet)!
______________
A notable gynecologist once said: "The best engine in the
world is the vagina." "It can be started with one finger."
"It is self-lubricating." "It takes any size piston, and it
changes its own oil every four weeks." "It is only a pity that
the management system is so fucking temperamental."
BUFFALO BILL
Depression Medication
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjgf.htm
Hand Up
http://www.buffaloschips.com/adfre.htm
Disappointment
http://www.buffaloschips.com/aghytg.htm
__________
FUB PAGES
Tetris Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=41562&s=n
M&M Empire
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=38557&s=n
Depressed Moon
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3456&pid=42102&s=n
THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
Have a nice day
FROM:
Martin aka the postman
__._,_.___
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