Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
When I was writing about being a checkman the other day
I remembered another story that I couldn't remember if
I had told before so here it is. The check wheel itself is
a valve wheel over two feet in diameter. It is connected to
a precision valve that takes about thirty turns to close. For
that reason you never open it completely as with a loss
of air pressure the automatic valve fails wide open and
will quickly fill the boiler with water and then into the steam
system. When you have turbines turning up to 20,000
rpm's, they don't take well to being hit with a slug of water.
I was standing checkman watch and one of my buddies had
come up and was poking me with a paint scraper, which is
like a pry bar with sharp edges on each end. I was trying to
backhand him without taking my eyes off of the gage glass
and smacked the paint scraper putting a good cut in the
back of my hand. I put a bandage on it and when I got off
watch I went up to sick bay and they cleaned the cut up and
bandaged it and said they would get me some antibiotics.
I waited for a half hour for the guy to come back and said to heck
with it and went back to get some sleep.
The next day my hand was a little swollen so I went to sick
bay again and still no antibiotics but they put my hand in a sling
and
pinned it to my shoulder and told me as long as I didn't use my hand
I could stand a watch. There isn't much you can do in engineering
with one hand but we were short handed and if everything ran in
auto,
I wouldn't need to use either hand. You seldom lost air pressure as
we
had two 1250 cfm compressors that could run a small factory and
a small 50 cfm compressor for emergencies so you might have one
watch a cruise when you would have a problem.
I was on watch about an hour when we got a warning that we were
losing air pressure. The control box for the little compressor was
right behind me and I pushed the start button and nothing happened.
I reported that back to the control booth and started to close the
check
wheels for both boiler. One closed easily but the second one
wouldn't
budge with one hand so I pulled the other hand out and started
closing
it. Remember how I said people would use pipe wrenches on the valve
wheels to close them and leave a sharp knurl on the wheel? It looked
like I had ran both hands across a cheese grater. Air pressure is
restored and back to normal by the end of my shift but when I wake
up the next morning my hand is the size of a softball.
I went back to sick bay where they told me they were going to
write me up for using my hand at which time I went ballistic and
told them it was their fault for not treating the wound properly
in the first place and telling them things about their ancestors
that they didn't know to want to hear. I captured the attention of
the Master Chief Corpsman who was a shellback two years
before Pearl Harbor and he agreed with me. I spent three days
on a ward with my hand above my head and got my antibiotics
IM because they had trouble finding a vein. After three days
of that I was stiff sore and couldn't sit down for a couple of days.
So that's the story, enjoy the chips..... buffalo
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Condom Chips
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When Bobby turned 16, his big brother Luke decided to turn him into
a `Real Man´.Luke took Bobby down to the local whorehouse and
explained to Bobby: "Yer gonna be a `Real Man´ now... No more
chasen yer sister, or hide´n in the barn. Thair´s real wi-men in
thair, now go git one."
and sent him inside. Once inside, Bobby explained to the madam that
he needed a`Real Woman´ so he could become a `Real Man´. The madam
smiled at him: "Don´t worry, my boy, we´ll get a nice lass ta take
care of ya"
she promised. "Ya just do your part and make sure ya wear one of
these."
at that, the madam took a condom out of a drawer, unwrapped it, and
showed him how to put it on, by rolling it down over her thumb.
Bobby, properly armed, parted with the money his brother gave him,
and dashed up the stairs to Room Twelve, where a cheerful farmgirl
quickly showed him the ropes. After he'd come, a frown passed over
her face. "The #$^% rubber must have torn," she muttered. "I'm as
soaked as a swamp..."
"Oh no it didn't M'am" Bobby offered heartily, holding up his thumb
as evidence. "It's as good as new..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
havin fun
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an apple
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submarines
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Break For Animals
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Break Glass
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Break Laws
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Short Chips
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A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the
maid.
She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told
the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's
room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped
into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a
figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her.
After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the
lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the
chauffeur.
One day, shortly after having her 9th baby, the good Irish lady ran
into her parish priest. He congratulated her on the new offspring
then said, "Isn't h aving nine babies a little much?" "Well," she
said, "I don't know why I get pregnant so often, it must be
something in the air."
"Yes," said the priest, "your legs!"
Bill staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he
entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife.
His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Bill had
been until two o'clock in he morning.
Bill looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who in the hell is
this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?"
The wife responded, "Don't go changing the subject!
Where in the hell have you been so late?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Note Chips
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Note Found on the Refrigerator One Morning:
My Dear Honey,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being
54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I
value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I
hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be
spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort
Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset, I shall be home before midnight. When the
man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being
54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you
that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at
our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read
this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my
students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young,
virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful
businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will
understand that we are in the same situation, although with one
small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes
into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Date Chips
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Jewish Mother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
Jewish Mother: "You're going out?"
Daughter: "Yes."
Jewish Mother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend."
Jewish Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a
good
man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me!"
Jewish Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with
anybodies and
nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?"
Jewish Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your
father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did and I don't."
Jewish Mother: "What are you hinting at?"
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over
tonight."
Jewish Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will
your
husband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered.From
the day he
left me, he probably never slept alone!"
Jewish Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's
place?"
Daughter: "He's not a loser."
Jewish Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with
children is a
loser and a parasite."
Daughter: "I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or
not?"
Jewish Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter: "Such a what?"
Jewish Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."
Daughter: "ENOUGH!!!"
Jewish Mother "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser
too!"
Daughter: "Now you're worried about the loser?"
Jewish Mother: "Ah, so you see, he IS a loser. I spotted him
immediately."
Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."
Jewish Mother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them
over?"
Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
Jewish Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet
anyone?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Rose Chips
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I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty,
but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old
daughter
and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the
little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So
here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see
what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is
getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.)
I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly,
"Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"
(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to
sit
down.)
I said, "they're for my girlfriend".
She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot
of
them, too! Man, you really must have fucked up!"
Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches,
except
Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Friendships
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Friendship2/Friendships.html
Carolyn with/It Is Not Secret
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/ItIsNoSecret.html
Never Give Up!
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The Red Hat
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Surfin Surfari
WEST VIRGINIA SENATOR ROBERT BYRD DEAD AT 92
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Most Interesting Man In The World
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Canada Day 2010
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wheelchair motorcycles & handicap trikes
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
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minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
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and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
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morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Design Software
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Free Typing Game
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Feature-Rich Screenshot Program.
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
Dog Logic
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Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Nandos Chips NAND
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Naughty Song From The Bible Belt
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Never Trust A Women
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New Zealand Anti Drinking Ad
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Oh Shit
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An Intellectual Blonde
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Asking For Directions
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Baby & Dog
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Baxter Black So Lucky To Be An American
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Beer Pong
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Elederly Chips
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Two elderly friends, Larry and Ken, met in the park every day to
feed the
pigeons,
watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Larry didn't
show
up.
Ken didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or
something.
But after Larry hadn't shown up for a week or so, Ken really got
worried.
However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park.
Ken didn't know where Larry lived, so he was unable to find out what
happened to him.
A month had passed, and Ken figured he had seen the last of Larry,
but one
day, Ken approached the park, and lo-and behold- there sat Larry!
Ken was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he
said,
"For crying out loud, Larry, what in the world happened to you?"
Larry replied, "I have been in jail."
"Jail?" cried Ken. "What in the world for?"
"Well," Larry said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where we sometimes go?"
"Yeah," said Ken, :|" remember her. What about her?"
"Well one day she filed rape charges against me, and, at 89 years
old,
I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded guilty.
The judge gave me 30 days for perjury.
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Toon Chips
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bugs and lola
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Limerick Chips
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There was a young man from Nantucket
Whose prick was so long he could suck it,
One day, in a glass,
He saw the hole of his ass,
And then broke his neck trying to fuck it.
______________________________
A soi-disant Mynheer Professor
Met a beat-up old whore from Odessa.
She applied all her arts
To his genital parts,
But they only grew lesser and lesser.
________________________________
A chap they all call Aloysius,
Of his wife and a guy grew suspysius.
And quicker than you'd think
He found them by the sink
But they were only doing the dysius.
Ross
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jenna, despite her good looks and charm, had still never
dated any boys at the age of 19. Today she was asking her
aunt Martha for advice with boys.
"Martha," she started, "I've just started French kissing
Tommy and I need to know where the spit should go. I don't want to
dribble on my boyfriend."
"Swallow." her aunt advised. "This will make you even more popular
later on."
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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