Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
We have reached the end of another month here. I take it
that everyone is enjoying themselves and summer because
my mailbox has been pretty quiet for the past month. We
have plenty of jokes but it makes the Scuttlebutt pretty
short.
We were talking about ads awhile back and I was watching
an ad from one of the yellow pages companies where they
claim that some people in the community deserve shields by
their name because they are heroes for doing their jobs well.
That is a great idea but then they go to the commercial which
shows a sports field at night dark and the hero appears
wearing a costume and cape and climbs to the top of one
of the lighting towers and works for a second and all the
lights come on. That is great for an ad but in truth no one would
wire a baseball field in series like a bunch of Christmas tree
lights
and HID lighting ( High Intensity Discharge) that you would use for
a sports field does not start immediately when you flip the switch
on, it starts with a flicker that increases to full light during a 5
minute
period I guess it looked good on a storyboard and they figured
no one notice.
I don't know what Geico 's ad budget is but they have set the mark
for the largest number of good ads and different ways of presenting
them. But it's a rough world out there in insurance advertising
and there have been a whole string of excellent Flo ads that
promise cheaper insurance than the Gecko can give you. Their
name your own price ad was popular so a competitor runs an ad
that shows a big branch falling on your car and tells you if
you had a name your own price policy, you would be responsible
for the repairs. I get my insurance from the "people doing the
right
things " company. I may pay enough extra to buy Flo a fancy nametag
but my company has accident forgiveness, which you need when
you have a Kamikaze daughter. They took care of it when Buffy
ran the old Jimmy into a van and didn't raise my premiums. I bet
Flo and the Gecko would have cancelled my policy.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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Cigar Chips
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A man went to his doctor seeking help for his terrible addiction to
cigars. The doctor was quite familiar with his very compulsive
patient, so recommended an unusual and quite drastic form of
aversion therapy.
"When you go to bed tonight, take one of your cigars, unwrap it, and
stick it completely up your asshole. Then remove it, rewrap it, and
place it back with all the others in such a fasion as you can't tell
which one it is. The aversion is obvious: you won't dare smoke any
of them, not knowing which is the treated cigar." "Thanks doc, I'll
try it." And he did. But three weeks later he came back and saw the
doctor again. "What? My recommendation didn't work? It was
supposed to be effective even in the most addictive of cases, such
as yours is!"
"Well, it kind of worked, doc. At least I was able to transfer my
addiction,"
said the patient. "What in the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, I don't smoke cigars anymore, but now I can't go to sleep at
night unless I have a cigar shoved up my ass..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
its stuck
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low fat
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caged
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Blonde Chips
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New prefix
If blondes and bimbos were the same thing, the prefix 'bim' could be
used to create new words that describe them:
Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other
clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of
males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost
blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the
most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend
ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to
anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde
Bimbore - a blonde who uses "like" more than 10 times in a sentence
Bimbozo - another name for a blonde
Bimboron - a blonde even less intelligent than most other blondes
Bimbrownie - a well-tanned blonde
Bimbrunette - a blonde who dyes her hair brunette, usually to appear
smarter than she actually is
Bimburden - blonde carrying too many bags at the mall
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Breast Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The minister of a small congregation was about to start his sermon
when he noticed a young woman in the front row, wearing a tight
dress with her boobs almost hanging out. He couldn't concentrate on
his message to the flock, so he dismissed the service and asked to
speak to the woman after everyone else left the church. When they
were alone, the reverend said in his sternest lecturing voice.
"Just what do you mean, coming to church dressed like that?"
"Why reverend." the young thing replied. All of my boyfriends tell
me that
they can hear the angels sing when they put their heads on my
breasts."
"Hmm. Well let me check," said the man of the cloth, placing his
head between her tits. After several minutes, he raised his head
and said. "I don't hear any angels singing!" "Of course not
reverend." she said. "You're not plugged in yet."
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Pick-up Chips
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Pick-up Lines
Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I
thought you knew...
Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken leg? No???
Well, let's go on a picnic and find out!
Do you sleep on your stomach? [any answer] Can I?
Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?
Excuse me, have I fucked you yet?
Excuse me. Do you want to fuck or should I apologize?
Fancy a fuck?
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Fuck me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?
Fuck me if I am wrong, but you want to screw me, don't you?
Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
Go up to a girl at a bar or a dance and ask her: do you want a
fuck(wait for a second gauging her reaction)...ing drink?²
Have you ever kissed a rabbit between the ears? (Pull your pockets
inside out....) Would you like to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Random Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When the shrew learned her husband had taken a mistress, she
demanded, "Does this mean that you've had enough of me?"
"No, my dear," he coolly replied. "It means that I haven't had
enough of you."
Martin was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he
sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason
for his haste, he shivered and explained: "I'm afraid that if I
should ever fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess
me."
Thomas Gladstone, a stockbroker, received an urgent phone call one
afternoon. "My name is Walters," the caller announced. "About two
weeks ago, my wife got a crazy idea and started walking the street,
asking me to procure customers for her."
"Just a minute," Gladstone protested. "You want Dr. Gladstone the
psychiatrist. His name is right below mine in the phone book. Many
people dial me by mistake."
"No mistake," came the reply. "I want you to invest all the money
we're making."
" My wife is the most suspicious person in the world," complained
the harried husband to a sympathetic friend. "If I come home early,
she thinks I'm after something. And if I come home late, she thinks
I've already had it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/A Poets Heart
http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Misc/A_Poets_Heart.html
Ken's Poetry
http://www.poetrybyken.us/
Carolyn with/ I Saw The Light ~Vestal~
http://carolynspreciousmemories.com/Spiritual/ISawTheLight.html
Last Day
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/lastday.html
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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Surfin Surfari
The Original Farmer's Almanac Via Dianne
http://www.almanac.com/
Home Remedies
http://www.home-remedies-for-you.com/
Good Reads - Quotes
http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/4026.Pablo_Neruda
Daily With Our Troops 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/daily3.html
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
Startup CPL (Startup Control Panel)
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Big Buttons
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July 4th Animations
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Tigerfish
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html
Animal Rescue Site
http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/
Birth Of An Elk
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elk.html
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Movie Links
Crazy White Man
http://www.buffaloschips.com/okoil.htm
Crime Scene Technology
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Cubs Game
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Cucumber Sandwich
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Dancing With A Man
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Dog In Pool
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Dogs
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Don't Smoke here
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Drill Team For Retired Guys
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Earthquake
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Santa Chips
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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.
Santa
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Toon Chips
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coin
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col sanders
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cold
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cold as ice
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Poetry Chips
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I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bi/tch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
and when you ask why get all bitter and surly.
I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.
And I honestly think it's a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bi/tchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!
Randy
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The middle aged secretary had never been married and had had enough
of work, as well as the single life. It was no secret that she was
looking to get married.
As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag from the drug
store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks you've bought enough
birth control pills to last a year, lots of vaginal foam, flavored
douches, several diaphragms and Lord knows how many condoms.
And you don't even have a boyfriend. Whom are you trying to
seduce?"
She smiled slyly and replied, "The Druggist, silly."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1827
The Dogs First Trip to Caldwell
Diana: Everyone in my car!
Rudy: Where are we going?
BJ: You and all of us are going to our new home in Kansas.
Rudy: Am I coming back?
Diana: For visits only.
Rudy: A-rooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Diana: It's okay Rudy. Think about it. You will only have two
steps to climb
in Kansas.
Rudy: That part sounds okay.
Sandi: What is the bad part?
BJ: You will be staying with me Sandi.
Sandi: That is great news...oh ... Rudy and I will be seperated.
Sniff.
BJ: This is only for a short time. I am seperated from Diana and
it is difficult.
Sandi: And you need someone to comfort you... I can do that.
Katie: Me? What is my role?
Diana: You stay with father.
Katie: Kool!
Val: Me?
BJ: You and Rudy hang together.
Val: Yahoo!
Rudy: Groan...
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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