Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I live in a large duplex on the first floor with an identical
apartment
above me and a full basement below. The basement has nothing
in it except two furnaces, two hot water heaters, and a lot of
spiders.
Sunday morning about 0400 I started hearing a beeping sound,
sort of muffled probably coming from the basement. There are
three smoke detectors down there, one near each furnace, and
the other at the top of the stairway and although I knew the
batteries
were fresh in mine, I had no idea about the one for upstairs. I
headed down into the basement and immediately found the lights
were all burned out or turned off on both sides. I checked out my
side in the dark and smelled no smoke, so I checked out the other
side but didn't go very far in because I couldn't see a thing and
I didn't want to trip over anything in the dark. I couldn't find any
smoke or flames but it still bothered me that the detector was
beeping continuously and not occasionally like a low battery. I also
went outside and took a look at the building as the people upstairs
are on vacation and saw nothing wrong there.
By then I was wide awake and even with the TV on I could still
hear that beeping so I worked on the computer till the sun was up
and went back down into the basement with a fresh battery and
a light bulb. With the light from the casement windows I was able
to get past the heater and find the pull cord from the light for
that
area and turn it on and the smoke detector was gone. The mounting
ring was still on the wall but I had to look for the alarm and found
it
laying in a puddle of water. I put it back on the wall and it
stopped
beeping for a minute and then started again so I tried changing the
battery and that didn't help so I suppose water isn't good for smoke
detectors. Probably will never find out why it fell off of the wall,
it was
a First Alert and I have never had that problem before and maybe
they are even designed to beep when they are drowning. The good
thing is that all it cost was a new detector to fix the problem.
Enjoy the chips buffalo
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Women Chips
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As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all. Here are just a
few reasons why:
A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and
ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit
around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and
it's usually more interesting.
Women over 50 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with
you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of
course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they
think they can get away with it..
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know
what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins
to a woman over 50.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier
than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if
you are a jerk, or if you are acting like one. You don't ever have
to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 50 for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal.
For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 50, there is
a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with
some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the
milk for free?Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are
against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying
an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Randy
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Toon Chips For Those Who Can't Wait
the leper colony
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c027.html
I don't know
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c028.html
Brenda
http://www.thepostmanscorner.net/c029.html
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Biker Chips
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You might be a biker if...
Your best friends are named after animals...
Your best shoes have steel toes...
Every left shoe you own has a black spot on it from the shift
lever...
You owned three different bikes before you ever owned a car...
You think Easy Rider has held up pretty well after all these
years...
When you refer to Captain America...you mean the bike and not the
comic book hero...
You know that Marlon Brando rode a Triumph in The Wild One and not a
Harley-Davidson...
You also know that it was Lee Marvin who rode the Harley in The Wild
One...
You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher...
Your idea of jewelry is chains and barbed wire...
You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste...
You're only sunburned on the back of your hands and neck...
You carry around a crushed beer can in case you have to park your
bike on hot asphalt...
You pull your bike into the motel room and use a bath towel to wipe
it off...
Your significant other (Longleg) has to climb over your bike to do
the laundry in the basement...
You don't know how to do laundry...but you have four different kinds
of cleaners for your bike...
You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet...
You wave at bikers even when you're in your car...
Your other vehicle is a truck equipped with a motorcycle ramp...
Your three piece suit consists of leather chaps...a leather
vest...and a leather jacket...
Your other suit is a rain suit...
You wake up next to your Loingleg and your first thought is if your
bike will start...
You know where Sturgis is...
You take your kids for a ride on your bike before they can walk...
You can't remember your kids' names or birthdays...but you can
remember that Harley-Davidson made the
Knucklehead...Panhead...Shovelhead...Evolution...and Twin Cam 88...
You are currently wearing two or more articles of clothing that have
a Harley-Davidson label in them...
Folks at the Harley store know you by name...
You have your own coffee cup at the Harley store...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Short Chips
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I was talking to my dad yesterday. he's getting a little older and
complaining about joint pain. I said. "Is it your hip?" He said
no, "I burned my lip smoking pot."
Q: Why do women have two sets of lips?
A: One set to bitch at you with, and the other to apologize with.
Alternate answer: So they can piss and moan at the same time.
In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic
delivered grave news: "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just
be blunt - prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a
violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, the lady
being given the reading stared at the mystic's lined face, then at
the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a
few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She
met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked:
"Will I be acquitted?"
When we moved into our new home, the first one we owned rather than
rented, two of my husband's friends gave him a bottle of champagne.
In the hustle and bustle of getting settled, the gift was tucked
away and temporarily forgotten. Three months later we held a
Christening party for our third child. Champagne flowed in
celebration until, running short, we remembered our housewarming
gift. In front of our guests, I opened the attached card and read
it aloud, 'Squirrel, take good care of this one--it's yours!'
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bean Chips
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One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous
beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came
running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BB's
in the other. He tripped and the BB's, naturally, went right into
the pot of beans.
Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he
should risk punishment, so he said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the
favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called
Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as
usual, but what did you put in them this time?"
Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?"
"Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and I
shot the canary!"
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fart Chips
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Two gay guys, called Cyril and Cecil naturally, are in a train
compartment with just one other passenger, a City type reading his
New York Times.
"Cecil?" asks Cyril. "Do you mind if I fart?"
Cecil replies, "Of course not, luvvy! Go ahead!"
And with that Cyril emits a "Pffffffffff!" like an emission of
steam, barely audible.
A few minutes later Cecil asks, "Cyril? Do you mind I have a little
farty poo?"
"No darling!" says Cecil.
And Cyril duly replies with a "Psssssssss!", a mere whisper in the
air.
The City gent puts down his newspaper and says "I couldn't help
overhearing you fellows, but would you mind awfully if I had a
fart?"
Cyril and Cecil reply "Don't be shy on our part, ducky!"
And with that the City gent lets out a"HRRRRRMPPPPPHHHHHHFFFFFFFF!",
window-rattling, ear splitting, air fouling, pickled eggs and draft
beer fart.
With that, Cyril turns to Cecil and says, "You can always tell a
virgin!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Apple Butter Memories
http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Anns/Ann_AB.html
Best Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/bestfriends.html
Kids Being Kids!
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Lost No More
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Wireless companies have accidentally stumbled and "opened up" an
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And here's everything they don't want you to know...
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Surfin Surfari
another timeline of the Gulf oil spill via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/2e4g8ox
Big Bang Cannons Via Wesley
http://davescooltoys.com/bigbangcannons/
Volvo Lego Car!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/legocar.html
Cookie Tin
http://www.thecookietin.com/
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Okay, everyone is telling me that I'm an insane millionaire who must
have gone absolutely crazy for doing this today and tomorrow,
especially on Thankgiving of all days, but I don't care anymore
because I think it's just the right thing to do.
Okay, let me catch my breathe while I type this because you're not
going to believe this...First off, thank you so much for taking a
minute to read this, my name is Justin Blake, and I'm a millionaire
that was dared to do something insane tonight and tomorrow morning,
and if you're interested in knowing what it is then read below, but
you'll need to hurry because you may only have a few minutes to take
advantage of this:
As part of an insane marketing test, I'm giving away my Online
Business Kit, but I'm only giving it away this today and tomorrow
morning.....so you need to get your copy today if you want one.
Press here to get your copy:
http://buffaloschips.com/kit
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Tech Talk ( Computers and Web-tv)
windows 7 how to via Wesley
http://tinyurl.com/233w8os
Sync , Play & Send to BlackBerry , PSP , iPod , iPhone with
doubleTwist
http://www.doubletwist.com/dt/Home/Index.dt
Comparison of e-mail clients
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients
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Listen, you will have no one but yourself to blame if you don't go
on an intimate date this weekend with a beautiful single woman or
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Why will we blame you? Because we are giving away memberships to our
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PRESS HERE to meet single women or men this week for an intimate
date:
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Animal World
Doggie Zone
http://www.terrierclub.com/index.htm
Kitty Korner
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Movie Links
Streaker Goal
http://www.buffaloschips.com/skskwoi.htm
Sunrise Gold
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Super Gra
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdkjak.htm
Surprise During Meal
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jksjadj.htm
Surprise Her Mechanics
http://www.buffaloschips.com/jjquis.htm
Nextel Dance Party
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjpopo.htm
No Fear
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjoppo.htm
Bad Luck
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fasd.htm
Boogie Woogie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsdjlk.htm
Ford Police Chase
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdfds.htm
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Zipper Chips
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Top 10 Polite Ways To Say Your Zipper Is Down,
from David Letterman
10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and
tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the
upright and locked
position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no
introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los
Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars.....but I can see
something that rhymes with
Venus.
And the #1 way to tell someone his zipper is
unzipped.....
1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead
of "Hillary".
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Toon Chips
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Concrete Vibrator
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjsdfs.htm
Condom
http://www.buffaloschips.com/sldkas.htm
Condom Stogo
http://www.buffaloschips.com/l3k24jk2l3.htm
cave search
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cclub
http://www.buffaloschips.com/mvnkbgdfg.htm
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Limerick Chips
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There was a young lady named Flo.
Whose lover had pulled out too slow.
So they tried it all night
'Till he got it just right.
Well, practice makes pregnant, you know.
____________________________
There was a young nun from Siberia,
Endowed with a virgin interior,
Until an old monk,
Jumped into her bunk,
And now she's the Mother Superior
____________________________
There was a young man from Cape Horn
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been,
If his father has seen
That the tip of his condom was torn.
<Snagged by>
Ross
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Parting Chips
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A woman is driving into a small town and slams on the brakes as a
coyote runs across the road in front of her. Just as she regains
her wits and gets ready to proceed, a cowboy runs right in front of
her and catches the coyote by the hind legs and starts screwing it!
"Oh my God!" she exclaims and drives into town to find the local
law.
She sees the local sheriff"s car parked in front of the town bar.
"It figures," she says as she storms inside.
The first thing she notices is an old, old man with a long white
beard sitting in the corner jacking-off. She runs up to the sheriff
who's sitting at the bar with his drink.
"What kind of sick town are you running here?! I drive into town
and almost run over some cowboy sodomizing an animal, and then I
come in here, and see this old man in the corner jacking-off! Right
in public!"
"Well, ma'am," the sheriff slowly replies, "You don't expect him to
catch a coyote at his age, do ya?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1809
Games
BJ: Looks like you guys are going to play a game.
Rudy: Yeah, it is contact poker.
BJ: How do you play that?
Katie: Watch and see.
The four dogs pull up to a card table each have football helmets on
as
Katie deals the cards...
Soon the game changes and the bets pile up and fists fly and BJ
backs
up. A dust cloud covers the 'playing' area.
Diana: What are they doing?
BJ: Playing poker.
Diana: Who is getting poked?
BJ: Looks like Sandi is winning, Katie is avoiding many of the
blows
because she is fast. It is not who has the best hand, but who has
the
strongest hand.
The herd in Guthrie
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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