Adult Adult
Welcome to Buffalosjokes and Thank You for joining us. My
name is Buffalo and I have the watch.
I was headed to the TOPS meeting the other night when I drove
past an auto collision repair place. I looked at the sign as I drove
by
and it said, Save Money, Try Our Pantiless Auto Repair. I was
pondering
how whether wearing panties or not could have any effect on the
cost of a fender bender, so a couple of blocks down the street, I
hung a couple of lefts and drove by the place again. Seems the
sign actually said Paintless Auto Repair which is a lot different.
Now I am wondering whether I need my eyes checked or my brain.
Mark writes
Me too, but there were many, we had one guy in the squadron on his
hands and knees looking thru the holes in the box, get whacked in
the butt, go back to the box and get whacked again, finally he said
you guys want to stop hitting me in the ass I want to see the bird.
This is the same guy I sent over to the A-1 Skyraider squadron to
get me a bucket of prop wash to clean my A-4 Skyhawk, they sent him
all over the ship and was finally told it would be on the next days
COD.
buffalo says That is one thing that never ceased to amaze me was
that you could send someone from one end of the ship to the other
on a wild goose chase and people you never met before would
send the person on to another unlikely place to find something
that never existed. Perhaps it was the fact that almost everyone
got fooled at least once and this was just their chance to get
even.
Enjoy the chips... buffalo
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School Chips
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One day, a teacher in a high school class was administering a test,
and she noticed that four pupils were missing.
The first one came in.
"Why are you so late?" the teacher said to him.
"Sorry, miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the second pupil came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Then the third one came in.
"Why are you so late?" she said to him.
"Sorry miss," he said. "I've been up Penny Lane."
She told him to go sit down.
Finally, the fourth pupil, a girl, came in.
"I suppose you've been up Penny Lane, too, then?"
"No, miss," she said to the teacher. "I am Penny Lane"
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D u m e r o l
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
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F l i p i t o r
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
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A n t i b o y o t i c s
When administered to teenage girls, is
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freeing up phone lines, and reducing
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M e n i c i l l i n
Potent anti boyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as,
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B u y a g r a
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Increases potency and duration of spending
spree.
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Assignment Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of
it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell
their
stories.
There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies
saved.
But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie
was
left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me
a
story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and
her
plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all
she
had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break,
and
then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
troops.
She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets,
killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she
killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.
'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy
tell
you was the moral to this horrible story?
"Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking."
Gordon
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Hair Chips
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Squirrel Bait meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe,
let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks."
She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll
let you LOOK at it."
They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets
down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too
dark, so he gets out his lighter.
He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair...
it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL."
She says, "Thank you."
He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?"
She says, "Go ahead."
He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?"
She says, "Of course."
He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire.
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Alcohol Chips
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Dear Alcohol, First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan
of yours. My friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The
perfect post-work cocktail, a beer with the game, & you're even
around in the holidays hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when
we're stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings. Yet lately
I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to believe
that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence
has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below for your review.
1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is
important, I question the suggestion that any conversation of
substance or necessity takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make
me call those ex-boyfriends / girlfriends when I know for a fact
they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours
of the night?
2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal but why do you suggest
that I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie
& some stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off
with a Kit Kat all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)?
Eclectic eater I am, but I think you went too far this time.
3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need
to do more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the
issue home by causing me to fall down, it's completely unnecessary.
The black & blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next
day is beyond me. Similarly, it should never take me more than 45
seconds to get the front door key into the lock.
4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often
clarify the last point below, but the following costumes are banned
from ever being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs,
sombreros, bows, ties, boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon
animals, traffic cones, or bras. Also, what is with you making me
take pictures with people I clearly don't like when I'm sober. Yet
they suddenly become my best friends when a flash is presented?
5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I
most likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if
in fact,I do actually know that person. The phrase "Let's Fu*k" is
illegal from now on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate
the brain-to-mouth-block that would stop this thought from becoming
a statement, especially in public. Please stop me from talking to
the guy/girl with the crooked teeth; acned-up face; bad breath, beer
belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to me while I'm with you &
why are they so disgusting to me the next morning after you have
worn off??
6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting
ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's
debauchery may be in order, but the 3 p.m -hangover immobility is
completely unacceptable. My entire day is shot. I ask that, if the
proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin B, bread products,
aspirin)
prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with
a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way
interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that
matter)
activities.
Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would
like to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the
invoker of great stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the
needed companion when I just don't know what to do with the extra
money in my pockets. In order to continue this friendship, I ask
that you carefully review my grievances above & address them
immediately. I will look for an answer no later than Thursday
3pm(pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully we can
continue this fruitful partnership.
Thank you from your biggest fan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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LynnLynn's Links
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If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
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Subscribers and Friends
Melva/Press On http://silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp3/PressOn.html
John w/ Come On In (And Make Yourself At Home)
http://heavensgates.us/patsy/comeonin/
Brother Bob's Poems Of The Week:
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House Dust Art
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Surfin Surfari
house on the rock Via Wesley
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THE WASHINGTON BANANA MUSEUM
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Movie Links
2 Roosters
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36 Hour Cialis
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3 Condoms Please
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Pigeon
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fall Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor
condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing.
"Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to
die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught
her in his arms. While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude,
he asked, "Do you swallow?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her. As she passed the 12th floor, another man
reached out and caught her.
"Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself. He
dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would
have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor.
"I swallow! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"Slut!" he said, and dropped her.
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Toon Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Limerick Chips
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A sailor went off on the sea
To escape from a Bride-wanna-be;
But she jumped in her dingy
'Cause she missed his thingy -
She caught him and then there were three!
I held back my shit for a week,
Then cut me a slathering freak.
That glorious flatus;
That cheesy mutatus!
The neighbours now frown and don't speak.
It's really not the size of your tool
That makes girls i know swoon and drool
I will not deny it
It's how you apply it
Inside of my own precious jewel
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Parting Chips
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A woman walks into her gynecologist and the doctor says, "Miss why
do you have "F" on your stomach?"
The woman replies, "I went to bed last night with Fred and he
refused to take off his belt."
A couple of weeks later, she goes to her gynecologist again and the
doctor says, "Miss, why do you have "C" imprinted on your stomach?"
The woman replies, "I went to bed with Chris last night and he
refused to take his belt off."
A couple of months pass, the woman goes to her gynecologist again,
and this time the woman has "F and C" imprinted on her stomach. The
doctor says, "Miss, now I know you didn't go to bed with Fred and
Chris last night."
The woman replies, "No, I went to bed last night with the Fire Chief
and he refused to take off his helmet."
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Katie's Komfort Kolumn - Written By BJ Cassady
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie's Komfort Kolumn
Vol 1813
Training
Sandi: Tami, let me introduce you to your team. Val will be in
charge
of fluids. Rudy is in charge of food and Katie is in charge of your
strength and conditioning.
Tami: Why Katie?
Sandi: Can you think of anyone who can run faster or longer?
Tami: Sigh, I guess not. Will Val sabotage me?
Val: No, not during the marathon, afterwards.... perhaps.
Rudy: I will watch her.
Tami: Okay when do we start?
Sandi checking her watch: We start now. How about a quick five
mile
jog?
Tami: I can do five miles easy.
Katie: Come on then let's go!
Zoom!!!!
Tami: She is so fast. She will not last five miles.
Later.... five miles later... Tami finishes her five miles. Katie
is cooking
tofu burgers over a cooker wearing an apron and drinking an iced
tea.
Tami: Huff huff, how long have you been here?
Katie: A while, I fed, Val, Rudy, Sandi, Dad, Diana and myself.
Now I
am fixing you some tofu burgers and unsweeten tea.
Tami: Ack!
To be continued
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adult Adult Adult
Remember 9/11/01
Regarding any problems unsubscribing this mailing list
In accordance with the 2004 Can-Spam act you can contact me at:
William Brabant
711 Pine Street Apt.1
Sault Ste Marie Michigan 49783
To unsubscribe send a blank e-mail to Buffalos-adult-jokes-unsubscribe@egroups.com
Compilation and narrative copyright 2002 by william Brabant
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